Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > The other side of WTF was he thinking?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Ulster born
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 26
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Can't explain it. I don't have ESP and neither do you apparently. :-) Chalk it up to experience and keep !
 Arpeggia
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 27
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 12:14:51 PM
Toots? Did you just call her Toots? Unreal...

Arp
 1kindMan4U
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 28
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 12:23:51 PM
Ya know dude.. you're ruining it for all of us other guys.

SURE you should have read her mind. Even if what you read turned up to be vaucous and filled with US magazine crapola.. You would have seen her undressing you in her mind.

I mean.. what's the matter with you.. the ONLY reason she went out with you in the first place was to get laid.. That's all women want. If they are on the internet, they are hungry like a hippo for sex.

You've NOW set the bar at a totally different level.. Internet men are now going to HAVE to show manners and respect and not just date for sex. NOW we have to also date for FRIENDSHIP. We're gonna have to spend time and money pursuing women we want nothing to do with... JUST because of your rejection of this woman.

Thanks pal.

You broke the "Man Code" by picking your sex-on-the-brain knuckles up from dragging and tried to look like a nice guy. Look what it got you.. a woman scorned

NOW you've put one MORE angry-at-men-for-NOT-wanting-sex-on-the-1st-date woman out in the dating pool for the rest of us men.

Thanks buddy.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 29
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 12:38:18 PM

Hmmm...yes, I know there is something "wrong" with this lady, but her response, it seems to me, is a hyperbolized version of a more typical female response which is the expectation that if the guy does not "get it," he is some sort of witless buffoon or a monster.
Just because you interpret her response as a "hyperbolized version of a more typical female response" dosn't make it true. Typically most of us don't act like your date did..


Don't get me wrong, had SHE sent the right signals, sure. . . I'd have had her in the sack poste haste! But the expectation that I am supposed to read her mind (even Karnak cannot read a blank page!)
This begs the question: How did you end the date? Did you hug her, give her a kiss, shake her hand, or just say something along the lines of thanks, nice to meet you?" Did you show her that you were attracted to her?

You say with disdain that she expected you to be some hypersensitive "Karnak" and pick up that she wanted you without any clues.. yet, you in your thinking are expecting exactly that from her. (excuse me if I missed where it says you gave her lots of signals that you wanted her) If you didn't give her a clue that you were interested, then possibly she emailed you to be the first one who rejected rather than be rejected by you. *shrugs*

In any event ~ Men need to realize that many, many women are reluctant to be the first to initiate sexual interest simply because many, many men look upon women who do that as "less than relationship material." So.. You're own gender has set the presidence.. and now you have to deal with women who play a game in order to (in their minds) up the odds on getting a commitment
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 30
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 12:38:45 PM
Well OP, there are plenty of us out there that don't appreciate jumping in the sack on a first date, so I commend you for being a gentleman.

This woman sounds like she's used to going to bed with men on first dates and probably took it as an insult that she didn't end up in your bed at the end of the night. I can't even imagine acting like this, but apparently, this is normal behavior for her.

You say older women have "made their beds" but please don't include me in that group. I have no desire to meet someone and jump in bed with them 2 hours later - and certainly don't find it insulting if a man acts like a gentleman on our first date. I expect it and anything less on his part would be met with a slap across the kisser.

So please do NOT assume we all secretly want to jump in bed on a first date but don't have the guts to tell you.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 31
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 12:52:24 PM

So please do NOT assume we all secretly want to jump in bed on a first date but don't have the guts to tell you.
Oh hogwash! Most women, when the are attracted and there's a connection want to jump into bed right away.. those that are in tune with their sexuality anyway.. Some hold off in hopes of giving the guy a better impression of them.. (Madonna/Whore complex is alive and thriving) they feel it will give them a better chance at a relationship.
Some women don't wait (or pretend) because they have enough self-esteem and they realize that having sex won't guarantee them a relationship..however; they're smart enough to own their own actions, causes and effects and won't jump off the first bridge they come to if the guy doesn't marry her.

Secretly we all want to jump into bed right away with who we have a connection and chemistry with and who has a connection and chemistry with us.. Lets face it.. the type of connection/chemistry I'm talking about doesn't come around all too often which makes me virtuous by default.. One can be decerning and have first date sex.. Not all women who have first date sex will jump into bed with every first date they go on you know..
If we're not attracted/no connection.. then it's much easier to reject.
 Vicshe
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 32
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 1:18:44 PM

This is exactly the sort of response I expected...reading comprehension is a WONDERFUL thing...and you know what they say happens when you a s s u m e?

She TOLD me, in an email that she was MAD at me for EXACTLY this reason...she said that it "hurt" her that I did not make a move. Duh. Sounds like she was not "not into me." Here is what also happens to men: we say things like my OP, and some woman comes along and skims it in a shuddering fury and then pounds off some vitriolic response like yours.

Wow! That was nasty! Reading comprehension? Newberrys responded reasonably to the insufficient information YOU provided.

In posts subsequent to the OP, you reveal yourself as a bitter woman-hater. And I agree with Artemis.
 dawn1114
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 33
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 1:45:06 PM

Reading comprehension? Newberrys responded reasonably to the insufficient information YOU provided.

Yes, reading comprehension. I'm not going to get involved in the fight about whether the OP is being rude to posters, but his original post clearly stated that the woman in question was upset that he didn't make a pass at her. Obviously, there's always the other side of the story to keep in the back of our minds, but if we decide to respond to the facts, as given, it only makes sense to at least pay attention to what was said.
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 34
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 1:52:58 PM
This is exactly the sort of response I expected...reading comprehension is a WONDERFUL thing...and you know what they say happens when you a s s u m e?

What option do YOU leave people, but to speculate, when you LEAVE out pertinent details???

Duh

You took the words right out of my mouth...

She TOLD me, in an email that she was MAD at me for EXACTLY this reason...she said that it "hurt" her that I did not make a move.

No you didn't.

You originally said:
Seems I should have taken her home for sex. It was her BIRTHDAY, after all!

Which only leaves us with YOUR supposition, to build a theory on.


Here is what also happens to men: we say things like my OP, and some woman comes along and skims it in a shuddering fury and then pounds off some vitriolic response like yours.

Nobody skimmed your OP.

You left out the most important bits, Watson.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 35
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 2:03:21 PM
^^absolutely correct, Verity!
Op: does not let us know exactly what his date's email said until post #5.. So, reading comprehension is spot on to those who only read the Opening post.

OT: OP.. I'm tending to think that you didn't give her any indication that you were interested in another date and so she pre-emptively struck and rejected you before you could reject her.. after all you do say when you first met her
Turns out she is not exactly what I am looking for, but attractive enough.
Perhaps the fact that she wasn't "exactly what you were looking for" was quite obvious to her (???) ..
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 36
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 2:07:37 PM
I don't imagine that is why she isn't interested..


Just checking your history it's clear to see you had a bad weekend.
Sorry to hear.
Maybe this week will be better?


We can only hope

Gals half your age ..hmmm I can't see it, but whatever you say op

You are da man..
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 37
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 3:49:46 PM

Why would she want him to make a move if there were no sparks for her?



Your confusing wanting to get laid with wanting to have a romantic relationship with someone.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 38
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 3:50:38 PM
Shame on you for failing to read her mind like that.

I think I'd be happy a wackjob like that is not interested.
 rad0618
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 39
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 3:57:04 PM
You know, verity, sometimes I want to strangle you when you're playing devil's advocate and then other times, like this one, I want to fist-bump you for being so reasonable.
 Super_Eve
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 40
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 4:09:19 PM

Secretly we all want to jump into bed right away with who we have a connection and chemistry with and who has a connection and chemistry with us.. Lets face it.. the type of connection/chemistry I'm talking about doesn't come around all too often which makes me virtuous by default.. One can be decerning and have first date sex.. Not all women who have first date sex will jump into bed with every first date they go on you know..
If we're not attracted/no connection.. then it's much easier to reject.


Mon Dieu, this is so fcuking brilliant, I am going to re-quote it...


Secretly we all want to jump into bed right away with who we have a connection and chemistry with and who has a connection and chemistry with us.. Lets face it.. the type of connection/chemistry I'm talking about doesn't come around all too often which makes me virtuous by default.. One can be decerning and have first date sex.. Not all women who have first date sex will jump into bed with every first date they go on you know..
If we're not attracted/no connection.. then it's much easier to reject.


THANK YOU, WISHES!!!!!!
 indefatigabilis
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 41
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 4:15:20 PM
That chemistry is nearly universal because it is based in your anatomy. The pesky habits of conceit are what inhibit the magic. When you are unable to spontaneously lunge at whomever stands before you it is because some idea blocks the way. Ideas are the scourge of romance, while beer is its salvation.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 42
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 4:55:30 PM
I have never expected the man I'm with to be a mind reader. If I'm interested in having sex, I make that perfectly clear to him. Why any woman would automatically expect a man to take her home for sex after a first meeting is beyond me. While I have no problem with sex on a first date, it usually centers around incredible chemistry on both sides and no doubts as to what you both want.

To determine that most women in their 40's will behave in a manner that is coy and unclear is a generalization. As you said, this was your 1st internet date. Don't use this as your rationale for dating much younger women. You are dating younger women because you prefer them. End of story.
 Energymaster
Joined: 10/4/2009
Msg: 43
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 6:02:51 PM
LOL...like walking by the chicken house and giving it a good shake just for the helluvit!

Anyway...Yeah, I guess in retrospect (some of you may need to look that word up) I could've added more data...had no idea whether this thing limits w/c tho, being a newbie.

Who the hell would look into my "history" and what would it tell you? The woman in question, I met at ANOTHER dating site!

For some reason a few of you seemed able to comprehend what I was saying outside the very limiting prism of howling hyper-feminism. And Dawn? You haver really nice legs!

To my bruthas: sorry for spilling the beans! Very funny stuff, BTW. To at least one other bro: they aren't going to lay you, no matter how "sympathetic" you try to seem. Get a cat.

BTW: to let you ahem, "ladies" on here know: I was contacted privately by two women, one my age the other quite young, both of whom were uninterested in being savaged in public by um...well, you...but who expressed understanding for what I was saying and, not a little bit of embarassment for being of the same gender as A). The "date" in question, and II. Some of you.

The event is as I stated, no matter what you Tootsies want to read into it--by-the-by: I am fully "liberated." When some broad slams me, I slam back. No quarter given, none expected. To/by either gender. I am an equal-opportunity offender; you can't have your Bella Abzug and eat her too!
 VesselOfCin
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 44
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 6:09:28 PM
Well, I think it's a moot point, as you say in your original post that she wasn't what you were looking for, just chalk it up to the dating experience; we usually have to date several people before we find one we "click" with, and since you knew you weren't into her, as a gentleman, you wouldn't have taken her home anyway. Right? ;)
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 45
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 6:28:23 PM

To my bruthas: sorry for spilling the beans! Very funny stuff, BTW. To at least one other bro: they aren't going to lay you, no matter how "sympathetic" you try to seem. Get a cat.
How catty, Op; Funny how you tell a man that agreeing with the gals won't get him laid.. and then in the same breath you take this as being gospel

I was contacted privately by two women, one my age the other quite young, both of whom were uninterested in being savaged in public by um...well, you...but who expressed understanding for what I was saying
. "get a cat" indeed!
 Energymaster
Joined: 10/4/2009
Msg: 46
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 6:35:30 PM
Riiiiigggghhhhhttt........
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 47
view profile
History
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 6:49:22 PM
Oh boy..this thread is fun!! But..where to begin? Hmm..well, let me say that I too gleaned from the O.P that the lady in question bluntly stated in her email the following day that she wanted to do the Opie and was disappointed cuz he dropped the ball..but, I am very good at reading between the lines.

I also noticed this:


Turns out she is not exactly what I am looking for, but attractive enough.


And this:


Don't get me wrong, had SHE sent the right signals, sure. . . I'd have had her in the sack poste haste!


Again, this:


Turns out she is not exactly what I am looking for , but attractive enough.


*shakes head

Opie, opie, opie, you realize this negates your gentlemanly act..you openly admit that even though she wasn't what you were looking for , you would have had her in the sack poste haste . What's up with that?

And this:


I've found something very odd: younger women (and I mean women HALF my age) don't seem to act like this. If they want to get laid, they pretty much let you know it up front. If that's ALL they want, they let you know THAT, too!

Which is great. So, after a few similar experiences with "women" my own age that are just too damned strange for my tastes, and while I feel a little funny about dating women not much older than my kids, oh, well.


*I* interpret this as you trying to justify wanting to date girls half your age. (I use the term "date" loosely). Hey, if that's what you want, and they are willing, go for it. No justification needed.

I am 40-years-old. I am approached by young men all the time, half my age. When I ask them why they are interested in older women, they all say it's because older women are both more comfortable with their sexuality, and don't beat around the bush or play games; if they want to get laid, they are upfront about it. Interesting, you say the exact same thing, but you are switching the age groups.

This gives me pause for thought..I am not saying you are lying; certainly this could very well be your experience.

Now, I must say Opie, that you are coming across as being quite bitter and angry towards women in your age group. This is not the first time I have seen men bash older women..but I do wonder why. Stereotyping a whole group based on one or two is always a mistake. And unfair. And name calling..well, that's just juvenile.

JMO
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 48
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 7:33:48 PM
Well, from how you described your story, I think she was mad that you weren't interested, not -necessarily- that it was because you didn't make a move.

If you really dug her, she would have been less upset or not upset at all. Obviously making a move shows interest, but that's not the ONLY way.

But of course, if she said "okay, well I guess I'd better be going" -- then I think what she referred to is that you weren't trying to progress the night, talk about meeting again, etc.

Obviously asking her to go back to your place would suffice, but again, I don't think it'd necessarily REQUIRE that.

As you described, you weren't that game about her, but she was "attractive enough" to go out. She read your vibe that you were "ehh" about her, but were just fine hanging out, and that vibe does not bode well if you don't make a move -- it's obvious you weren't into her. :)
 central_scrutinizer
Joined: 10/11/2009
Msg: 49
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 7:45:43 PM

I was somehow just supposed to know that she wanted me to rip her clothes off and take her like the hero of a cheap romance novel, right there in the bushes?

I know how you feel. I've had this EXACT same thing happen to me many times. Except I am always the one getting frustrated and disappointed that she didn't rip my clothes off in the bushes. Oh well.

I can totally relate. Sort of.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 50
The other side of WTF was he thinking?
Posted: 11/16/2009 8:52:39 PM
Congratulations OP. You have some self respect. Apparently your date has a different value system than yours.

No match this time.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > The other side of WTF was he thinking?