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| | Hooked on having a FWB?Page 3 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | | I actually believe that fwb can be a healthy thing, for many, and at particular times in their lives, but I have to tall ya, BigDaddy, your post smacks of someone who engages in such relationships out of fear, not healthy at all! Avoiding a relationship for fear that it may end is simply classic, and has little to with a thoughtful decision that one may be in a particular place in life where they are not willing to commit to a "real" relationship. Open eyes seems the key to me. Decisions made based on self knowledge are not gender based, nor need they be affected by past experience. btw, equality is not "across the board", it is give & take, each when warranted, not merely convenient. | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/3/2010 8:44:28 PM | | Bottom line is that all relationships start as "FWB's" if they have sex before marraige(which is most us unless am in a coma & this is still the nineteen thirties through early fifties). Anyone "hooked" on FWB's is just really hooked on being single. It's simple if ya think about it! Real Talk | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/3/2010 8:53:52 PM |
If any woman does a FWB she is an idiot. Once in a while I can understand.
But to be doing that regularly as a free prostitute? She would have to be mentally
challenged to be doing that.
This statement would only make sense to someone who thinks a woman can't enjoy sex and friendship for the sake of sex and friendship. Someone who thinks a woman requires or deserves "payment" of some form for sex. "Free prostitute?" Please. Literacy trumps Ophra-cy. | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/3/2010 9:00:14 PM | | Dunno. I want a REAL relationship. That's just counterproductive. | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/3/2010 9:49:12 PM |
I have a manfriend who has had FBs/FWBs over the last few years. Basically he did not date or have sex with others, but he did make it very clear to his 'special' friends that his feelings did not run to love, rather he felt friendship for ladies he was involved with.
I know this man very well, and he has expressed to me many times his deep desire to find the 'one' the woman he can love.
But the rub is that because he engages in these really easy "relationships", he doesn't have the biological urge/need to form a union in a better relationship. His basic needs are being satisfied: he gets sex, he gets female energy, he gets a friendly face in a place that smells nice, someone to talk to, AND has permission to leave if it gets "heavy" and he just doesn't feel like dealing with it. All without guilt or responsibility! If she gets her feelings hurt, well, that's too bad, she knew the rules--he doesn't have to care! Rarely do the men look within themselves and notice what's missing--a true connection to something bigger than "just here and now". Men are geniuses at escaping responsibilities of the heart by just ignoring their feelings. | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/3/2010 10:02:17 PM | Honestly as humans aren't we all looking for "friends with benefits"?
Friend=someone we can trust, be open and honest with, let our hair down with, be our worst and best with, lean on and be leaned one. Laungh and cry. Some one we love and who loves us for ourselves(platonic or otherwise).
Benefits=intimacy, honesty, sexual compatibility, fun, humor.
So whether we call the other person a FWB or a GF/BF or wife/husband. We want someone we can have it all with. Unfortunately, there are different kinds of/levels of love. We love different people in different ways. Just because we label someone a FWB doesn't always mean there aren't feelings involved. It is probably why so many get hurt in these situations.
Getting hooked on an FWB? I think we are chasing after the ultimate FWB. The friend we have great sexual compatibility with that we can spend a life time with. The life long friendship that involves the romantic love we want. | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/3/2010 10:08:03 PM |
but I have to tall ya, BigDaddy, your post smacks of someone who engages in such relationships out of fear, not healthy at all! Avoiding a relationship for fear that it may end is simply classic, and has little to with a thoughtful decision that one may be in a particular place in life where they are not willing to commit to a "real" relationship.
Um...yea. 
Yanno, why is is every single time a man implies that he ain't interested in the "real" relationship, it's suddenly "fear based"?
That's making me ill already. So very ill indeed.
Look...you don't know me from Adam. You never will. We'll never meet. But I'll tell you that "fear" has sweet f*ck all to do with my decision to engage in FWB and leave it there. What you call "fear", I call "not wanting the f*cking drama and nonsense that women bring to the table".
See. There's a difference.
A "real" relationship offers me N O T H I N G that I can't get from a FWB. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. So where's my motivation? What's my compulsion to stop the FWB thing and get into a "real" relationship? I'll repeat it for you...
N O T H I N G.
I get everything I need with a FWB, and NONE of the drama and horseshit that a "real" relationship brings. I don't have to tolerate the toothpaste cap/toilet seat drama. Don't have to tolerate the "we never go anywhere" drama. Don't have to tolerate the "you don't appreciate me" drama. Don't have to tolerate the silent treatments. Don't have to tolerate the sexual "cut offs" ('cause let's face it - she ain't givin' it up, I can find someone who will quite willingly too). Don't have to date. Don't have to court. And special mention to the notion that I'm afraid it'll end some day -- I don't have to worry about that either. If it ever ended, I'd be no more worse for wear than I am right here, right now. A "real" relationship ends, and the drama that follows is stupid to say the least. A FWB ends...it's just another day tomorrow.
So like I said, there is nothing that a "real" relationship can offer me that I can't get just as easy with a FWB. There's no motivation for this man to go beyond a FWB ever again. Just SOOOOOOOOOOO not worth it.
btw, equality is not "across the board", it is give & take, each when warranted, not merely convenient.
Uh huh. And unicorns really so exist too...
Equality means EQUAL. 50/50. Straight across the board. Give AND take. In (say it with me) E Q U A L doses. None of this "man's work"/"women's work" crap. Nope. Equality is what I want and expect. Right down the middle. I know it's possible because I've LIVED IT. If I ever find someone like that again, I'd be impressed first and foremost. If she wanted "more" than just a FWB...I'd at least consider it, rather than dismissing it out of hand. I know women like them exist...I was WITH one. If I met one like that again, she'd have a shot at a "real" relationship. Everyone else just gets FWB - take it or leave it.
But if that's how YOU live your life...using the "when warranted" gambit...knock yourself out. I wouldn't stand for it.
JMO | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/3/2010 11:25:29 PM | I would disagree with your assertion that FWB are "non-monogamous".
How many guys do you know that are OK with sharing a woman with other men?
I definitely wouldn't. I look down on men who share a woman with other guys. It's not something a dominant guy would ever do.
The majority of my relationships have been LTR, only had one FWB.
I am about to consider a monogamous FWB and yes, I do think they are definitely less hassle than a LTR. It's like having all the benefits of a LTR without some of the negatives. Limited time available means a limited relationship and often the majority of the time together is spent having sex which is definitely a plus. It's monogamous because there is an understanding between us that STD's will not be an issue and as long as the relationship runs smooth there's no reason to look elsewhere.
There's not a whole lot of difference between a FWB and a LTR, at least for me.
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:59:01 AM |
If any woman does a FWB she is an idiot. Once in a while I can understand.
But to be doing that regularly as a free prostitute? She would have to be mentally
challenged to be doing that.
I can't imagine saying to some guy "you can use my body for your sexual needs
whenever you want because we are friends". It sounds so sad and degrading
for the woman. Why wouldn't she just find a boyfriend, and have the
benefits of a man caring and sharing and giving her affection and exclusivity?
whenwillthiswork26 msg 44
Your comments suggest that you don't feel women get anything out of the sexual relationship of a fwb, and that the fwb arrangement simply amounts to the woman agreeing to being 'used for the man's sexual needs'. So, you're saying that women don't have any value for sex for it's own sake and pleasure- and thust having sex with a man is seen by a woman largely as a fee, or at the least a part of the package deal to exchange for a relationship? | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:53:56 PM |
If any woman does a FWB she is an idiot. Once in a while I can understand. But to be doing that regularly as a free prostitute? She would have to be mentally challenged to be doing that. I can't imagine saying to some guy "you can use my body for your sexual needs whenever you want because we are friends". It sounds so sad and degrading for the woman. Why wouldn't she just find a boyfriend, and have the benefits of a man caring and sharing and giving her affection and exclusivity? whenwillthiswork26 msg 44
Your comments suggest that you don't feel women get anything out of the sexual relationship of a fwb, and that the fwb arrangement simply amounts to the woman agreeing to being 'used for the man's sexual needs'. So, you're saying that women don't have any value for sex for it's own sake and pleasure- and thust having sex with a man is seen by a woman largely as a fee, or at the least a part of the package deal to exchange for a relationship?
Yea I would think the same thing. How laughable is it that it's always perceived that the woman gets "nothing" from the FWB relationship? What...women don't like sex now?
And really, quite honestly, just because one is in the boyfriend/girlfriend category doesn't imply or reserve any caring, sharing, affection or exclusivity. They are freely available in a FWB just the same. Funny how women seem to think that without the boyfriend/girlfriend thing that there can't ever be caring, sharing, affection or exclusivity. And to go so far as to suggest that in a FWB the woman is simply being "used" for sexual gratification. Takes TWO people to have sex. At least it did last time *I* checked.
It's like those that claim that they can only get commitment and benefits through a ring and then marriage...utter tripe. "Marriage Inc/Relationship Inc" do not own exclusive rights to those benefits. Sad that so many seem to think otherwise...
JMO | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:58:51 PM | If any woman does a FWB she is an idiot. Once in a while I can understand.
But to be doing that regularly as a free prostitute? She would have to be mentally
challenged to be doing that.
Well, perhaps you overestimate a woman's sexual worth, in comparison to a man's, and don't understand that sex is
- Quid pro Quo
- Even Steven
- Zero sum game
- What's good for the goose, is good for the gander
Maybe you're accustomed to getting ripped off...
Or simply don't understand that many women love sex, and love having it with men, as opposed to other alternatives.
And that many women get multiple orgasms. Sometimes many, many more than men.
Seems that sex between men and women is a great experience for women.
I don't know why you see it differently.
But, I digress....
I do have some questions with your claims. Which seem quite outrageous to me.
My questions are:
You mean she's only an idiot if she does it (has sex without getting a commitment) occasionally?
An idiot for having sex?
Or having sex with a man, and not being compensated?
Or not being compensated, occasionally?
Or do you mean she's an idiot if she's not compensated for sex, sometimes, but not other times?
Or is it, in order to not be mentally challenged, she would have to be compensated for having sex, every time.
Your post is convoluted, and ambiguous.
Can you clarify when a woman would not be considered (in your own words) "doing that regularly as a free prostitute?"
Which seems to imply that they should be 'charging' for having sex, in lieu of getting a commitment first.
Which seems to mean that you feel that women should be bartering/trading sex, in exchange for a relationship (shouldn't that be called a sexchange then? ) .
Should a man not offer a relationship, he is in breach of the sexchange, and the woman should be with holding sex. Otherwise her mental capacity should be in question?
Is that about right?
Better send out a memo.
Or a 'menu'.
Just so there are no misunderstandings, there should be some kind of currency, if indeed it's bartering/trading.
How do we assign a 'value' to certain sexual 'acts'?
How do we assign a 'value' when a woman orgasms (does the woman issue a credit)?
What if the the 'act' is substandard?
Is there a refund policy?
How is one reimbursed for lousy sex? How much is one reimbursed?
Can we trade up to a better model without a penalty?
I can't imagine saying to some guy "you can use my body for your sexual needs
whenever you want because we are friends".
Why would you be offering something that you didn't want to do, and weren't desiring to do with him, in the first place?
Are you talking about being charitable?
It sounds so sad and degrading
for the woman.
I don't know any women who do that...
Why wouldn't she just find a boyfriend, and have the
benefits of a man caring and sharing and giving her affection and exclusivity?
I know the answer to that.
Because they don't all want boyfriends, in the same way they all want sex.
But, all the women I know want, sex.
The desire for sex is the same...
Sex, is sex.
You shouldn't exchange sex, for anything other than sex. Otherwise, it's prostitution.
Virtually everyone, frowns on prostitution. | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:59:56 PM | Last I checked, many men want romantic relationships, not just sexual.
My last FWB is now in a serious relationship--he had one FWB after me, then found the girl he's now dating and will be moving in with this summer. So he definitely didn't. | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:08:15 PM | Not a man...however...I would think it would be the opposite.....
I think many men do want a solid exclusive with that special woman...many want to find love too....portraying men as only wanting sex is a myth....
I think a man would eventually end FWB and leave that person if he has found the right woman for him. | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:31:39 PM | | If anything, I would think someone would look for the opposite of something that didn't work out? | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:34:18 PM | So like I said, there is nothing that a "real" relationship can offer me that I can't get just as easy with a FWB. There's no motivation for this man to go beyond a FWB ever again. Just SOOOOOOOOOOO not worth it.
Alrighty then.......
Equality is what I want and expect. Right down the middle. I know it's possible because I've LIVED IT. If I ever find someone like that again, I'd be impressed first and foremost. If she wanted "more" than just a FWB...I'd at least consider it, rather than dismissing it out of hand. I know women like them exist...I was WITH one. If I met one like that again, she'd have a shot at a "real" relationship. Everyone else just gets FWB - take it or leave it.
Hey! Did anybody else pick up on what was just said??!!
Ah ha....so underneath that tough suit of armour there does hide a gentleman who is willing to offer more than FWB.....he just hasn't found her yet. Aweeeeeee...too cute.
~that's okay...your secret's safe with me~ | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:34:34 PM | | FWB is horrible. All you're having is sex, sex and more sex. I don't know how you can live like that. Try to be mature OP and find a long term relationship already. | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:04:59 PM |
Hey! Did anybody else pick up on what was just said??!!
Ah ha....so underneath that tough suit of armour there does hide a gentleman who is willing to offer more than FWB.....he just hasn't found her yet. Aweeeeeee...too cute.
~that's okay...your secret's safe with me~
Um...lol?
Actually, I DID find her. I had her. She was mine. She just ain't no more.
But even I know the odds of me finding another like her is next to impossible. I'd have better luck winning the lotto in 2 consecutive draws that to find another like her that understood what equality really means. And honestly, in order to "find" someone or something, this generally is accepted knowledge that one has to be "looking" or seeking...which I ain't. Unless she falls from the sky and lands in my lap, there won't be a FWB that I'd offer "more" to because she had the one quality I admire so much.
Unless lightning strikes 3 times for me, and the one I know has it came back...the odds of finding another like her are slim indeed seeing as how the "looking" part is missing from the "lost and found" game. In order for me to find her I'd have to look...
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:28:36 PM |
Actually, I DID find her. I had her. She was mine. She just ain't no more.
So now you're going to play the "love martyr"???
Geez....and here I thought you were one of the few men on this site that had their shyt together.
You know what I think FWB's are?
"Stepping Stones" that guide us along the way...until we find home.
~JMO~ | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:32:01 PM |
Well, then... why did you let her get away??
It doesn't mean they're perfect.
Just without parallel.
"Close, but no ceegar."
That's why.... | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:40:57 PM |
FWB is horrible. All you're having is sex, sex and more sex.
Not always true. Sometimes you are FRIENDS. I'll agree that some people use the term "friend with benefits" instead of "fvck buddy", but there is a BIG difference.
A sexual intercourse buddy(AKA fvck buddy) is the relationship you described. Just sex. Like a "pen pal" is just letters. Speaking from a sexual health stand point: fvck buddy is MUCH healthier than just going out and getting some skank when you want sex.
A friend with benefits is a FRIEND with whom you are capable of engaging in sexual intercourse. I'm not going to list examples of what friends do, but you help a friend move and invite his/her aunt to your Christmas party if she happens to be intown for just that weekend. You don't help a penis pal move and you didn't invite the penis pal to the party anyway, much less his Aunt.
He gets the sex, requiring no committment and no responsibility
Not the same commit level as LTR date, fiance or spouse, but I have some committment to my friends.
No responsibility? Pffft. That relationship sounds interesting. Someone not taking respnsibility and someone not having responsibility is different and unrelated to the label you've given a relationship.
As far as very little drama, that's just about the people you chose. Pick better dates if that is the only thing that makes a person hide in the FWB category instead of "dating."
I have friends at all points in the spectrum, I picked each and every one of them. When I don't feel like dealing with drama, I don't spend time with the drama queens. When I don't mind it, sure I'll go cheer up a friend up who in crying because her fvck buddy said he doesn't want to move their relationship up to boyfriend. | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:49:25 PM | I remember mentioning this-fwb- to a guy once for a laugh, to see what he would say and he went ballistic on me.Not very man wants this kind of relationship.He said a relationship or nothing.I was impressed.I dated him for 2 years.
I date all the time, casual dating , friends really but I would never do the FWB thing.I would not sleep with a casual date or a friend.Its just wrong.
Before I get called a dating whore, I go dutch less hassle that way.I do not want any expectations arising from a casual date of any kind and yes I do play fair.
There is such a thing as self control until you meet the right person.
I think people put up walls because of past hurts and forget though the walls protect them and keep people out, they also lock them in.
IMO a lot of people get into fwbs especially women, hoping it will lead to more,a costly delusion.
Re BJD Unless lightning strikes 3 times for me, and the one I know has it came back...the odds of finding another like her are slim indeed seeing as how the "looking" part is missing from the "lost and found" game. In order for me to find her I'd have to look...
Why that sound like a country song
I have got an FWB but I want my Mary Lou back
It been four years since my baby left my heart on a rack
I feel so blueee , I feel in pain and duress,
Each woman I meet is an entitled princesss
I got the Fwb blues and I,m feeling raw.
No woman can make this hard heart thaw.
I got my walls all up, and I am glad
No woman can make me mad or sad.
Each I go out, I tell them its Dutch
I got a lot of fails to pass, and rules and such
You better reach my standard or its the curb.
Keeping walking girl, this man ,yea be perturbed.
I got a heart thats frozen up, cold as ice
T hose chicks got me once or maybe twice
But my amours on now and I,ve wised up
You wont get anything from me, but an empty cup.
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:51:59 PM | I know personally for me there is no way I could do a FWB. I would be one of them woman wanting more. I know I attach myself emotionally through sex. After some time I would be more attached and have to come here and start one of "those" threads LOL
For those people who can do it, I see nothing wrong with it at all. Woman do like sex, I know amazing eh, but ya we do. So as long as they connect on that level then I do not understand why anyone would say woman are idiots for having a FWB.
For some it works and for some us it does not. I know quite a few men who could not do the FWB thing either so I don't think this is he vs she thing it is simply a can or can't thing for individual people. | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:52:13 PM |
Yanno, why is is every single time a man implies that he ain't interested in the "real" relationship, it's suddenly "fear based"?
Just to clarify, it wasn't your disinterest in pursuing a relationship, it was your allusion to the breakup that hinted at fear. I do not seek to judge you one bit, I would much prefer that one be honest enough to admit that they are not interested in finding a "real" relationship. Just as I don't know you, neither do you know me. I certainly do not equate an aversion to drama with fear.
There is nothing wrong with anyone who doesn't need a relationship. There is also nothing wrong with seeking one. To each his own. I was merely making an observation, and while your tone implies bitterness, I'll not take it to heart. I will continue to live my life, giving more when those about whom I care need me to do so, and taking more when I am in need from those who care about me; equal doses, with those whom I see fit to do so, and I will continue to sleep well. May you do the same. | |
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| Hooked on having a FWB?
Posted: 2/4/2010 5:05:46 PM | this is confusing. what is the difference between a mutually exclusive relationship and fwb?
a romantic type relationship
dates
love notes
trips together
family dinners at thanksgiving, christmas
man doing all the heavy lifting (like one poster said...i think most all men like doing the typical "man" stuff dont they?)
but no future plans
is the no future plans the catch here/
does that make it a fwb situation
is that a fwb?
just very curious as to what you all think | |
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