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| | rape/molestation victims and dating.....Page 4 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | I was raped by a stranger in July. My boyfriend knows, but we've never really talked about it, and it does seem to make him uncomfortable. It does affect our sex life just in that I'm hypersensitive to any signs that I'm being taken advantage of, sometimes feel really empty and depressed afterwards, and basically have to be held and coddled afterwards to feel "okay". It has only been four months so I don't know if it's even "sunk in" yet, as I rarely think about it except in my sleep (nightmares). I do think people shy away from people with this issue and I would only tell someone I really trust.
As far as which is worse, family member or stranger, I can't really say because I have never been molested by a family member. A stranger was scary in that I didn't know if he was going to kill me or not too, but incest comes with a whole other set of serious messed up problems. | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/28/2009 5:24:46 AM |
As far as which is worse, family member or stranger, I can't really say because I have never been molested by a family member. A stranger was scary in that I didn't know if he was going to kill me or not too, but incest comes with a whole other set of serious messed up problems.
First I am truly and honestly horrified for you. I used to worry all the time when I worked downtown until late nights of the very same thing happening to me. I think paranoia is just built into me from all the abuse I went through. As far as incest vs strangers? I don't really think it matters if it was a one time or ongoing deal. The results are always going to be the same. SUPER MESSED UP!!!
I also see someone was raped in daylight in a "safe" area and my heart goes out to you too.
There are so many ways/situations it can happen. I think the end result is that there will be a ton to repair in ANY case.
Not damaged goods but just messed up. It took A LOT of therapy and meds and years of me getting into my own way to really "get over it" If you read my deal, I was not only a product of incest but a couple of strangers even tried to molest me. I really think I had a vibe sent off of me that I was clearly "damaged" and already f'd up so I made easier prey for others. Super sad and disgusting I know.
I hope for your sake that you have found an outlet in some kind of counseling or therapy to help you get back and lead a "normal" life.
My friends father is a Lutheran Pastor and he says you have NO IDEA how much molestation and rape go on and families just brush it under a rug like a big dirty secret. I am all for families having to take on more responsibility for the actions that happened.
I did not disclose this before but there was a time when I was like 4? It came out that my Grandpa was also molesting a cousin of mine. I was confronted with the info and was asked if it was happening to me. I totally lied and was so afraid I was going to get in trouble. He had ingrained that into me by then. But I finally said yeah and you know what happened to him? NOT A F*CKING THING! The whole family just tried to take "pre-cautions" from it happening again and my brother(6yrs older than me) was supposed to be around anytime I was with grandpa. Same went for my cousin.
No charges pressed, no cutting him out of our lives. So you see, it kept happening anyway because that just re-validated to me that it was probably my fault at that point. Especially if I let it go on until I was 14. Remember my bro is 6 yrs older than me so he was already graduated and out of the house in the Marines by the time I was in 5th grade. It's still a subject that I clearly get the vibe it is not okay for me to disclose with other family members. NO ONE ON MY MONS SIDE HAS A CLUE!!!
I don't want to ever bring it up to my parents out of anger. That is why I choose to wait to let them know how they played a part in it from going on. I will someday but for now, until I truly have a grasp on it and how to tell them, I will lead my life. Because I have so much compassion and empathy. WTF would I do if someone told me MY DAD was molesting someone? I have no clue how I would react. I would like to say I will cut him out of my life and so forth, but I can't say that I would.
So while I have gotten over most of it and am truly doing more wonderful than I have ever in my whole life. I still have that weighing on me.
I am trying to write a book, I am trying to write to Oprah, And when ever it does come out. I ain't gonna be sorry for it and if anyone in my family has a problem with it, they know where to go. Outta my face!!!
I am not sorry for it now, and I am not to the point where it needs to be brought up with any family members yet. Beside my immediate that already know,
My grandparents both died last year about 19 days apart. My cousin from my moms side sent me a deal that said how sweet just like Johnny and June! He has no clue and I did not bother to tell him. But PUKE-O-RAMA!!!!!!
I never even went to Grandpa's funeral. I did not need anything from it and I honestly did not want to deal with anyone trying to console me for him dying. I fear I would have let anyone have it and that was no forum for me coming out to the world about the abuse. I do not feel the need to create some drama filled world but at some point, the world will know about me and my life.
You can bet, I am not going to be anything but awesome for it either!!! I now long to get involved into some advocacy for others like me and you and the millions of others that have had this happen to them.
If I still come off wounded in these posts, well of course I am. This is a constant day to day deal. I have to constantly recognize certain behaviors and actions. I have to constantly watch my money(I was paid to get molested so I have spending issues and used to look for buying sprees to fix me emotionally), I have to constantly check my emotions and where they are driven from. I just have to constantly stay mindful. It's tougher some days, but I get better and better with each day that goes by. I have to watch my addictions. I just finally decided that alcohol and pot(even in moderation) do nothing for me in the long run. Food is also a constant battle.
Would I change my life? Nope, because if I sit around and do all the "if this" or "had I done" then I am not living. I want to live. I want to succeed. I can am doing that everyday! | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/28/2009 9:20:10 PM | How common is it? Often cited statistics are around 1 in 4 women, and 1 in 6 men. Most of those occur before the age of 18.
Of course, I think people who have never had it happen to them, and have never known a survivor personally, are less likely to be sympathetic or understanding or patient about the whole thing. They're also more likely to believe generalities about the way a survivor will or should act, and less likely to understand that every individual has their own healing process.
My 2 cents? Emotionally scarring tragedies come in many shapes in life, and people who've had to deal with them are often a little less happy-go-lucky, but also more mature and understanding of other people. We live in a society that values youth and easyness, so some might not like the idea of dating someone who won't be happy and gung-ho for everything sexually all the time. But really? I think the people who ARE totally sexually open are few and far between, and most who seem that way are faking it on some level. Same thing with people who seem happy all the time.
My father is a survivor. He never sought counseling. He does, I think, have some deep-seated issues, which I wish he'd seek help for. The boy I really like is not a survivor of sexual abuse (that I know of) but he did live through some pretty traumatic events in his childhood. He's also one of the most mature, wise, and affectionate boys I know his age. I think there's some correlation there. He's not affectionate because he led a drama-free easy life that made it easy for him to be that way, he's that way because he understands life has some really ugly components, but he's intelligent and he made up in his own mind how he wanted to be. I respect and value that, because I think it makes him a deeper person -I feel like I can talk about anything with him, including my own bad experiences, and he won't automatically judge me negatively the way some would -and it also makes me feel like he'll be able to persist through future hardship.
The happy-go-lucky girls and boys who've lived soft lives, and so resent or shy away from people who have darker elements to their personalities that reflect past experiences? Well, one day the shit may hit the fan for them as well, and who know what they'll do then...
Of course, by the time someone gets to be 30 or 40, I'm betting everyone has been damaged by some bad personal experiences, and has some quirks or some trust issues that could bug a potential partner. So blanket statements about not dating a survivor because they're "damaged" strike me as probably being somewhat hypocritical -I would worry about people who say such things being pretty self-centered, and thinking that they shouldn't have to deal with any difficulty in a partner all the while being unaware of their own shortcomings. | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/28/2009 9:30:03 PM | Dig...I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's something you and your beau should talk about. If not...it will drive you both apart. This kind of horrific act can and will destroy a relationship if both parties don't at least try to talk it through.
I've been raped twice and my dad molested me. The part about being abused by a family member is you have to see that person over and over again. Even when it stops, it doesn't really ever stop. | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/29/2009 4:20:08 AM |
Of course, by the time someone gets to be 30 or 40, I'm betting everyone has been damaged by some bad personal experiences, and has some quirks or some trust issues that could bug a potential partner. So blanket statements about not dating a survivor because they're "damaged" strike me as probably being somewhat hypocritical -I would worry about people who say such things being pretty self-centered, and thinking that they shouldn't have to deal with any difficulty in a partner all the while being unaware of their own shortcomings.
Thanks for reiterating my point! | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/29/2009 5:26:16 AM | It has been my experience with certain individuals, that habitually use the rape/molestation/abuse card, for their behavior patterns and messed up lives...that many of these people have not been raped/molested/abused at all. In fact, you will find that there are a certain amount of these individuals, who are the ones who are the real antagonists, bullies and abusers of another individual's rights.
Then there are certain individuals, who have had some unfortunate experiences, and yet, I suspect that these individuals, would very likely have been difficult individuals to deal with, even if the the rape, molestation or abuse had not happened. Unfortunately, now these people believe that they can pull out the "I have been abused" card for every bad decison or misfortune that comes their way. The biggest problem with this mind set, is that the card becomes rather old, when it is over played. Perhaps an individual in this situation, should come up with a better set of playing cards. For example, being honest and true to yourself.
Kohavah | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/29/2009 5:53:46 AM | | Sadly this is a huge fireball issue and a very personal one! To comment on anybody elses experience and to lump them into someones statistics would be remiss. The way you handle anything difficult that has touch your life is so deeply seeded in our own psyche that it is totaly up to you how you move on into relationships. There is a whole stigma on how others precieve you and your experience that it has been the choice for many to keep it secret. This violation is so prevalent that you are sure to know someone or date someone who has been violated. All anyone can really do is be a support and to give understanding that there may indeed be some issues - but there are also some very strong and well adjusted individuals whom you would never suspect they were violated. Just listen - be there and don't judge - even in your comments here! | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/29/2009 6:24:13 PM | As a victim on two separate accounts, I can say it has caused problems in my relationship.
Sometimes, I just... remember... something from the past in a flash form and I can't continue the intimacy that was just happening. My partner knows and understands, and the normal responses I get from my male partners who have found out is 'I'll kill the guy" and other such nonsense.
I can cause some serious issues if the victim hasn't sought help or come to terms with what happened. It also depends on the age of the victim when violated and also the severity, amount, and the violence level of the attacks.
From my own personal experience, having a partner you love and trust, and whom loves and trusts you is key. Talking to them openly and honestly, and letting them know that if you say no suddenly or seemingly illogical, it's not their fault and they need to back off and just give you space, or hold you, whatever you need at that moment.
As the victim, you need to be willing to communicate, and if someone drops you because you're 'damaged goods' then **** em, you don't need that person around anyways. | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/29/2009 6:29:41 PM | No one can prevent from becoming a victim, but can choose to remain one, or become a survivor.
There are better sites for info on this stuff, one in particular that's good for survivors and their partners is SandF.org (Survivors-and-Friends) | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/29/2009 8:45:03 PM | | My ex was a molestation victim and that made her choose someone that absolutely did not look like her father which is contrary to the popular census because most women prefer mates that look like daddy, though not exactly like him because that would be creepy. Lo and behold I did not look like her dad nor was I in the same racial category so she chose me but I could not get past her eating problem. She ate because she wanted to look unattractive so guys would not choose her as a mate but come on dude, she's just making herself sterile. | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/29/2009 8:47:17 PM |
because most women prefer mates that look like daddy,
Gross.
None of the women I know/have known have EVER tried to date someone who looked or acted like their dad. | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/29/2009 8:52:19 PM |
Then there are certain individuals, who have had some unfortunate experiences, and yet, I suspect that these individuals, would very likely have been difficult individuals to deal with, even if the the rape, molestation or abuse had not happened. Unfortunately, now these people believe that they can pull out the "I have been abused" card for every bad decison or misfortune that comes their way. The biggest problem with this mind set, is that the card becomes rather old, when it is over played. Perhaps an individual in this situation, should come up with a better set of playing cards. For example, being honest and true to yourself.
Kohavah
This really got me fired up. I definitely understand that some people are chronic victims and blame all their actions on being so wronged by the world. HOWEVER, to say that most people that get raped are individuals that would have been "difficult individuals to deal with" anyway is really curious to me. What do you mean by that? In what way are they "difficult individuals"? That's classic blame-the-victim judgment and I find it quite unwarranted and insensitive. I do understand what you mean about people who play the victim card. I never pull out "I was raped" as an excuse for anything. I know how uncomfortable that would make people feel and it doesn't really affect most of my behavior now anyway, I don't think.
To other people who have been through this, I have noticed that the only thing that has changed about my personality since that happened is that I have nightmares and I am just more needy in a relationship. I feel like I need more reassurance and feel kind of empty after sex unless we spoon for a decade. Does anyone else deal with that? I feel like talking to my partner about it would be pretty awkward - "hey, I was raped so I get sad after sex sometimes. Will you spoon me for longer?" Probably he would say okay, but be secretly weirded out. Understandable. | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/29/2009 9:38:03 PM | One of my pastime girls told me about 2 months into a relationship, it explained allot, and it wasn't exactly a rape, but a molestation in her childhood... of course I was taken by surprise and didn't know what to say, but when she explained that she just wanted to get it off her chest as though it was some sort of dirty secret I understood that she didn't really do it for me, but for herself and that made me feel better about us.
It sounds like you do blame yourself, or at least that you feel like a victim, which I think you are entitled to... but its also a good sign that you appreciate that in some ways you are fortunate
Also, just let it go that you feel over-defensive, you're entitled, if someone can't understand, especially when you've explained it, thats a crappy response imo... because it doesn't take a whole lot of understanding | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 11/29/2009 9:48:05 PM |
To other people who have been through this, I have noticed that the only thing that has changed about my personality since that happened is that I have nightmares and I am just more needy in a relationship. I feel like I need more reassurance and feel kind of empty after sex unless we spoon for a decade. Does anyone else deal with that? I feel like talking to my partner about it would be pretty awkward - "hey, I was raped so I get sad after sex sometimes. Will you spoon me for longer?" Probably he would say okay, but be secretly weirded out. Understandable.
Of course you feel that way. This happened to you only four mos ago. Of course you feel the need for closeness and bonding because you certainly were not getting that from being raped. Beside talking to your partner, I would encourage you to seek help wherever you can find comfort. Be it through your church, therapist, DBT Therapy, family/friends. And that site the dad guy posted or any other like site. Whatever makes you comfortable to do.
I felt empty after sex for ages. Up until about 5 yrs ago. Especially after oral since that was most of my physical abuse part. On me, not him. I finally found peace and comfort through this wonderful counselor and her DBT Therapy. She has taken the original theory/therapy and adapted it to fit her beliefs as well. Basically not so black/white. There is actually a huge stigma on DBT because often times bi-polar people are "forced" to do this therapy and forcing anyone into anything is just that. I mean some ladies had to get these notes signed every time we were in therapy to prove they were there. I can;t imagine how that makes them feel. Bit the therapy itself has really opened my mind, heart and soul.
It took away a lot of my religious stigmas I had as well.
And I can't tell you what to do about your partner. I don't know you well enough to give real advice. But I will put my dollar in here anyway. If it was me, I would want to have the talk with him. Not all conversations get to be light and fluffy or I don't think we could have real relationships. From what you have posted, I get the feeling this guy sincerely loves you and would only want you to heal and be able to move on. So YOU can live. So you BOTH can live and go forward. I don't think he can be your only source of comfort right now though. I still encourage what I have listed above.
And maybe at some point, he can or will want to be involved in the healing process. I am sure there are groups for not only victims but family/friends/lovers as well. Exactly like that one the Dad guy posted previous to this.
With empathy, love, and strength around you and within you, anything is possible and attainable.
If you have any private or more questions for me, feel free to contact me on here. My situation is nowhere near the same as yours but if you would like, I am always willing to listen(read) and try to give sincere and objective feedback if wanted.
This is going to sound weird to a lot, but I feel like being raped like that is a way more scarier deal than what I went through. Of course I was conditioned to be different from the get go. But I can not imagine going through life and living and doing my thing, only to be taken down to nothing by someone else's one time act of power and rape. My heart truly goes out to you.
May you find the comfort in the places that you make you safe again.
Maleta
(ma-lee-ta) | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 12/1/2009 7:33:52 AM |
Sadly this is a huge fireball issue and a very personal one! To comment on anybody elses experience and to lump them into someones statistics would be remiss. The way you handle anything difficult that has touch your life is so deeply seeded in our own psyche that it is totaly up to you how you move on into relationships. There is a whole stigma on how others precieve you and your experience that it has been the choice for many to keep it secret. This violation is so prevalent that you are sure to know someone or date someone who has been violated. All anyone can really do is be a support and to give understanding that there may indeed be some issues - but there are also some very strong and well adjusted individuals whom you would never suspect they were violated.
Just listen - be there and don't judge - even in your comments here!
Little late for that.....but I for one...appreciate this post immensely.Thank you!
I went for decades without realizing I was 'text book' in terms of short and long term effects.It took facing myself and my unhealthy choices and realizing where they stemmed from before I took what had happened to me seriously.No one enjoys facing that they were victimized.The second the last violation occurs is the second we become SURVIVORS of sexual abuse.But the effects are lasting and people want to minimize them so they don't have to deal with the brutal reality that this occurs and it HURTS men and woman at the core whether they know it or not....thier paths are SET.
No one enjoys being labeled or blamed or shamed or invalidated when they mention thier trama's.And no one who hasn't been thru this should sit in judgement of someone who has because they have no CLUE what it's like to be forced to contend with this as your CORE Foundation as a child.
The OT was if women had been raped/molested should they inform thier prospective Partners/Dates?
Seems to me....if all that people are going to say is....
WHAT? Does it DEFINE YOU?It doesn't define ME!
Are you going to keep pulling out the "Victim Card"?
Whaa.....so your granddad is why you are over weight?
Do you really need to tell..it's in the past!
Then probably keeping it to yourself is most self protective so you aren't re-victimized by other peoples insensitivities and invalidation of something that happen TO you thru no fault of your own...and you deal with it the BEST you can.
I never told anyone what had happened to me after I risked telling my mother and she blamed me for 'asking for it". Some people are simply WAY too unevolved to know how to handle the truth and will only tell you to change how you deal with it.
http://eqi.org/invalid.htm
I have heard it all.....and take NONE of it personally anymore.
The best advice I ever got in therapy...when it came to people judging me...was
CONSIDER THE SOURCE! If you can't inform someone you are considering dating that something this major happened in your life without being judged...then maybe they aren't the person for you anyways! | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 12/1/2009 5:43:30 PM |
I'm a little concerned over the number of men disclosing the abuse of their ex'es on here. I understand that you are discussing the issue but it's possible to do it in such a way that would not so obviously point to who it is you know that's been through this. It's her story to tell and she trusted you with that information. She trusted that you'd keep that information to yourself, not share it publicly. I hope you consider your wording carefully in the future - it's a sensitive subject and needs to be treated with sensitivity.
why is it wrong to add our experiences..even though they may be second hand ..to the discussion ... I did however ask permission before I disclosed my wife's abuse to the forum..because she reads the forums also from time to time... out of courtesy... but no one on these forums know me or her ... so I am in no way betraying her confidence when I discuss events in our life ..... what happened to her happened to us ...on POF I am deerdog1 ...in real life I am another person altogether ... If I disclose private information on here there are only two people who will read it who know who it is about ...She and I....yes she trusted me with this info but an anonymous forum discussion does not betray that trust ...my wife understands that ...why dont other people that chastise guys for adding second person information about their wives and exes understand it ???? | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:19:08 PM | | I was raped years ago. I don't even bring it up because it is a non-issue. If one has to talk about it, it is unresolved baggage.....perhaps that is why people steer clear. | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 12/1/2009 9:15:54 PM | | I was a victim of rape. My exhusband kidnapped me and my daughter that was 2 1/2 yrs old. He raped me and beat me in front of my daughter while she screamed. I am a strong willed woman. This changed our lives in ways no one could ever imagine. I was with someone for 2 years after this happened. When having a relationship with someone that has been victimized they need someone that can be patient and understanding. I met my exboyfriend on here that was and is a dear friend. I do have flashbacks and nightmares and my daughter freaks out if my bedroom door is shut. I found I and if you find someone that cares deeply or is in love with you the patience and understanding will come natural to them. In some ways I think it's worse if its a family member because you wouldn't expect someone related to you to do something so horrific. You never overcome the certain sounds, smells and noises that you grasp when you are attacked but you learn what triggers memories and flashbacks to reduce the anxiety and fear that you had once experienced. | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 12/1/2009 10:07:09 PM |
If one has to talk about it, it is unresolved baggage.....perhaps that is why people steer clear.
I think that statement does a disservice to those people who have made the effort to heal the trauma and move forward with their lives. If you have to talk about what happened it means you are trying to process a really horrific event or time in your life and need some compassion and understanding, not that you have 'unresolved baggage' like some luggage forgotten at the airport. Talking is the only way to resolve the emotions that accompany being victimized by someone; to not talk about it is to let it fester like a sliver that's set in too deep to reach and has to rot it's way out. Either way the experience will come to the surface, just like a sliver does. You can take control of the process or you can let it rot it's way out. | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 12/2/2009 6:36:32 AM |
I was raped years ago. I don't even bring it up because it is a non-issue. If one has to talk about it, it is unresolved baggage.....perhaps that is why people steer clear.
If that works for you, fine. Seems as though you are seriously missing the empathy emotion from above statement.
I treated as non-issue until I was 28 yrs old. This is the worst thing any survivor could do for themselves. Unresolved baggage. WOW!
If one has to minimize my experiences and traumas when I speak of them when relevant, then it says more about them than me.
The ole' sweep it under the rug mentality bought me an extra 10 yrs of sexual abuse. Everyone did treat it as a non issue essentially. So it worked out really well for me. (rolls eyes)
Yeah, don't ever bring it up. Constantly care what others think of you. (rolls eyes and you being general)
Bottom line, if one can't handle my past experiences and stories, they are not for me.
What about all the "normal" sh*t from people's past? We should never bring those up either?
We should only discuss today and tomorrow with those we meet?
I am 32 and never been married. I am guessing my future SO is going to have a ton of stories. I want to know them. I like to know how people have dealt and processed the past.
I am proud of myself and continue to be a better person to myself and those around me. I used to be really toxic before I dealt with my past. I did not like who I was. I still don't regret it. I am just happy I found what helped me to really move on in life.
You are seriously kidding yourself if you think all past experiences do not shape you into what you are today. Good or bad. | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 12/2/2009 9:19:31 AM | In relations to dating rape/molestation victims and targets. It has been pointed out on this very thread, that rape/molestation are far more common than many individuals once realized. If this is true, then the majority of those whom you will date have in fact been raped/molested. Therefore, the rape/molestation card is the new norm, and to play the card, would simply state that you are nothing new...nothing special. Personally I believe that those who slam down this card in the deck of dating, simply want special attention and special excuses for why they do the wierd things that they do. I have found that those who have been the most traumatized by violence...are the least to expose to strangers and possible dating partners that these things have taken place...so soon in a relationship, if ever. These individuals are of a higher intellect and recognize that violence has wrongly occured to many individuals. They are more interested in divine justice and proper justification for all individuals, then worthless sympathy and vain excuses for their various behavior patterns.
Kohavah | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 12/2/2009 10:49:26 AM | | I would never get involved in that stuation. Too much drama and baggage. A good chance the woman might freak out on you if you tried to kiss, hold hands, cuddle, or even attempt a sexual relationship. I would not want to take a chance of having a woman falsing accuse me of rape or molesting. | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 12/2/2009 11:32:16 AM |
I would never get involved in that stuation. Too much drama and baggage.
Statistics put this anywhere from 1 in 3 to as high as 3 in 5 that have experienced it.
How do you think you'll be able to discern who is and who isn't? Although some share common traits, they don't come with a decal on their forehead & I don't know of anyone would disclose this sort of information at a first dinner date. It's up to the survivor whether or not they ever disclose it to you or anyone.
The ultimate goal of healing is forgiveness, for until the victim forgives, ergo becoming a survivor, the abuser still holds power over them. | |
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| rape/molestation victims and dating.....
Posted: 12/2/2009 2:51:08 PM | That's because who wants a partner with all sorts of issues and drama? Seriously...
I used to be very forgiving about these problems but at the end of the day. It's my life and I want to be happy. Why torture myself dealing with someone elses problems? | |
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