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| | CheatingPage 2 of 2 (1, 2) |
Do you think it's easier to cheat now days with all of the technology we have than back in the old days?
Not a very good question, no offense. It's rather rhetorical isn't it? Of course it is.
I disagree completely--I think it would be much harder in some ways. Cell phones, for instance, have virtually eliminated circumstances under which it is expected that one spouse would be entirely out of touch/unable to be reached. Once upon a time a simple story about having to run somewhere for work or having a flat tire or any number of other hold-ups would have provided a plausible explanation for a missing time period, but today it's quite easy to contact help for the flat tire, call in while on that drive for work (which is, in addition, less likely to be necessary with fax machines and email attachments and such). Technology may provide more contact possibilities for a cheater, but it also makes it harder to be AWOL without raising red flags. | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 11/22/2009 11:05:20 PM |
Why do people cheat?
Because people are lazy. Don't believe me? This topic has been done so many times god's thinking about a second coming simply to address this topic. And you'd know that if you did a thread search. So you cheated on the forums.
Instead of sticking to what you had available, you went and started something new, with someone new.
Because the emotions of the new are far more exciting, feel better, and serve solipsistic purpose greater than maintaining, refreshing, or working on the old.
What do you consider cheating?
Whatever is hidden from someone I am committed to. Even if they don't know or understand my commitment.
Is watching porn considered cheating?
Only if I hid it from her. But in general to me no. But my SO might consider it cheating, and I would talk with her about it. To determine why she feels that way, and to see if our values on the subject are complementary or diametrically opposed.
Is going to a strip club considered cheating?
Only if I hid it from her. But in general to me no. But my SO might consider it cheating, and I would talk with her about it. To determine why she feels that way, and to see if our values on the subject are complementary or diametrically opposed.
Do you think it's easier to cheat now days with all of the technology we have than back in the old days?
No. I don't think it's easier. I think it's cheaper. I think whatever advantages technology has made to facilitate cheating have also facilitated discovery. Not to mention more insecurity with it that seems to be inherent or ingrained.
If cheated on, would you stay w/ the person who cheated on you? why or why not?
Depends.
I'd stay if they were honest and I believed them. I would not stay if I just didn't know, or didn't believe them. Mostly because I know I would make their life hell with my distrust.
If you are the one that cheated, do you ever feel guilty about what you have done?
Did you ever consider that might be one reason a person actually cheats? In order to feel the guilt, as it might be a new and strong emotion they are searching for? Or searching for a way to sabotage the relationship to feel guilt and shame and all the bad things because they fear they are a bad person, or believe they already are, so look to validate that belief?
do you feel a sense of accomplishment because you pulled it off?
You imply they are mutually exclusive?
Maybe a little chicken and the egg?
Successfully pulling off a dual life or several facades leads to a sense of achievement (just like taking a giant bowel movement, or completing homework), rather than seeking out a sense of achievement and that's the way that's chosen? | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 11/22/2009 11:10:09 PM | [ Is watching porn considered cheating?"]
No more than watching a Murder Mystery, and saying that the viewer is NOT a murderer. And of course, we're talking about someone who's LEGALLy entitled to watch either : )
To a healthy mind, either are ENTERTAINMENT.
We aren't talking about making Porno into someone's REALITY, addiction, or an avoidance to replace intimacy in a relationship, or potential relationship. | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 11/23/2009 2:13:02 AM | What do I consider cheating?
- Something that has to be done behind my back.
Why do people cheat?
- Careless, mindless and so on. Using other organs than their brain for thinking.
- Unmeat desires/needs/expectations, but preferring to avoid the issue rather than resolving it.
Is watching porn considered cheating?
- Only if I'm against it and he knows it, and he told me that he's not into that.
Is going to strip club considered cheating?
- Again, only if I'm against it and it has to be done behind my back.
Do I think it's easier to cheat with technology?
- No, the "technology" for cheating was always there. Technology helps communications, but it goes both ways. Cell phones can be used for texting multiple people. They can also be used in "Howcome you didn't pick up your damn phone when I kept calling you?"
If cheated on would you stay with the person...?
- Depends on many things. Did he go to a strip club last Saturday but told me he's visiting his mom, or did he have a mistress for the whole duration of our relationship? | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:25:47 AM | Take this a step farther.
When the wife of a cheater divorces the Cheating Husband, and the Cheating Husband turns around and marries the mistress lover....what is the opinion for the outcome of that 2nd marriage?
Personally- I believe a relationship needs some foundation in dating while both parties are non-married. If any one of the parties were married during the entire time of dating, then that party was not fully available to give of themselves to the relationship leading to that 2nd marriage.
It's doomed to fail because the foundation is built on fantasy of sneaking around and meeting. Any person could appear exciting in that light. The 2 people will only get to know each other in the new marriage since they could not during the dating and foundation-building period.
So..what do you all say? | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:34:23 AM | My thoughts ...
Why do people cheat? -- Because something is missing in the current relationship. To say otherwise is just delusional.
What do you consider cheating? -- engaging in any activity -- a conversation, messaging, physical relationship, even a lunch date -- that you try to hide from your partner.
Is watching porn considered cheating? -- See above. If you hide it from your partner, it's a cheat.
Is going to a strip club considered cheating? -- Ditto.
Do you think it's easier to cheat now days with all of the technology we have than back in the old days? -- Different venue, same old game. Infidelity is one day younger than fidelity, and both go back to the dawn of humanity. People didn't need the advent of the Internet or smart phones to help them screw around!
If cheated on, would you stay w/ the person who cheated on you? why or why not? -- Personal decision that everyone has to make. But one must always consider: If it's happened once ...
If you are the one that cheated, do you ever feel guilty about what you have done? or do you feel a sense of accomplishment because you pulled it off? -- I can't imagine anyone ever feels 100% good about being associated with the word "cheat." | |
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Posted: 11/23/2009 3:34:41 AM | Why do people cheat?
Lack of strong emotional bond between one or both of the partners.
What do you consider cheating?
When you act on or put someone other before the emotional bond you have with your SO
Behavior, intention or acting on being with anyone other than your SO.
Is watching porn considered cheating?
Porn is a fantisy, what is going on inside someones head could be grounds for cheating if there fantisy is being with someone else on the film. I think that is a form of cheating.
Is going to a strip club considered cheating?
If going to strip clubs gets a "rise" out of ya, your setting yourself up. But no, in general its not cheating, its just fantisy.
Do you think it's easier to cheat now days with all of the technology we have than back in the old days?
I think its more convient with the advent of the computer in everyones home. There are services allowing you contact "call girls". That makes it easier.
If cheated on, would you stay w/ the person who cheated on you? why or why not?
I have been cheated on and no I havent and wouldnt stay with the person who cheated on me except if I was married and had children. Then I would want to have therapy and or marrage couciling for the innapropriate behavior.
If you are the one that cheated, do you ever feel guilty about what you have done? or do you feel a sense of accomplishment because you pulled it off?
Yes I cheated once, when I was around twenty, I had been cheated on by this person and made the mistake of not breaking off the relationship before starting a new one. I had a unrealistic view of what occured in the relationship. I thought there might of been hope to salvage it, but didnt have the emotional tools to accomplish it. There is no sense of accomplishment when one cheats, actually the other, failure and betrayal. | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:46:03 AM | Well I do not think that there is any one true answer to most of your questions but I will give my opinion.
Why do people cheat?
I think that if you asked a person that cheats this question they would give you a multitude of answers, but to me it really seems to be an ego thing. To many that fact that someone is willing to have sex with them proves how attractive they are, or how good at seduction they are. To them it is not about love or a relationship, or even the other person, it is all about them feeling good about themselves.
What do you consider cheating?
Cheating is when a person breaks their vowls of commitment to the other person. This may seem a bit vague to you at first, but I think it answers all your following questions about what is and isn't cheating. If you don't have a problem with your SO watching porn, or going to a strip club, or talking/dancing with other people then it isn't cheating, but if on the other hand you do see it as wrong and ask for and get a promise from your SO not to do those things, then if they do they have cheated.
Do you think it's easier to cheat now days with all of the technology we have than back in the old days?
If cheated on, would you stay w/ the person who cheated on you? why or why not?
Cheating has been around for as long as there has been people on this earth and it is no easier today than it was 200 years ago. The only real difference is that there are more people to choose from when one decides to cheat.
I have been cheated on and I did take her back because I really loved her and I wanted to make it work. When she cheated the second time I realized that while I loved her she did not share that same love for me, so we parted ways.
I don't cheat, my word is my word and when I make a commitment I standby it no matter what. | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 11/23/2009 9:09:45 AM |
Why do people cheat?
1. Because they weren't ready to be monagamous and plenty of other people interest them sexually
2. Because they are lacking something in the relationship
What do you consider cheating?
Anal, oral, and penetrative sex.
Emotional cheating - sharing an highly emotionally-charged bond with someone other than your SO and spending a significant amount of time with that other person.
Undecided about hand jobs, fingering, and mutual partner toy play with no anal, oral, or penentrative sex involved.
Is watching porn considered cheating?
No. But it can be an addiction which make your SO feel like you are cheating.
Is going to a strip club considered cheating?
No. But it can be an addiction which make your SO feel like you are cheating.
Do you think it's easier to cheat now days with all of the technology we have than back in the old days? . No. I don't consider playing with technology cheating, but it can be addictive. What technology has done however, is make it easier for you to get caught cheating.
If cheated on, would you stay w/ the person who cheated on you? why or why not? Possibly so, possibly not. Depends on other elements of the relationship and the person.
If you are the one that cheated, do you ever feel guilty about what you have done? or do you feel a sense of accomplishment because you pulled it off? No sense of accomplishment of guilt. | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 11/23/2009 1:57:48 PM | Why do people cheat?
Ppl cheat for a number of reasons. He/she didn't pay attention to me, they changed, they don't take me out as much, they didn't take care of my needs. That seems to be the main gist of it, from what I see.
What do you consider cheating?
I consider cheating, when someone your with goes behind your back, without telling you, and dates/sleeps around with someone else.
Is watching porn considered cheating?
No, porn is NOT considered cheating. You aren't having sex with the person on screen. Just because you fantasize about another person, isn't cheating. If that was the case, then everyone in the world is guilty of cheating.
Is going to a strip club considered cheating?
No, unless your doing other things than getting a lap dance.
Do you think it's easier to cheat now days with all of the technology we have than back in the old days?
Yes and no. It really depends on the people involved and the effort they put to keep people from finding out.
If cheated on, would you stay w/ the person who cheated on you? why or why not?
No I wouldn't. If they cheated once, what's stopping them from cheating again? Rather than talk to me about the problem, you go behind my back and see someone else. Sorry your gone.
If you are the one that cheated, do you ever feel guilty about what you have done? or do you feel a sense of accomplishment because you pulled it off?
I can't answer this as I've never cheated and never will. Heck in middle school I was voted "Least likely to cheat on their girlfriend". | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 11/24/2009 4:08:40 PM | You know what doesn't make sense?
When a person says 'if they cheated once, what's to stop them from cheating again.'
How about this - if they never cheated, what's to stop them from from starting? | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 11/24/2009 4:25:31 PM | Why do people cheat? Two reasons. Either they are unsatisfied at home in their relationship and are seeking comfort sexually or emotionally elsewhere because it is denied them in their primary relationship, or because they have a wanderlust that makes it impossible to remain faithful by nature.
What do you consider cheating?Any type of sexual play, kissing with a sexual connotation, petting, intercourse, or even im's with sexual intentions.
Is watching porn considered cheating? No
Is going to a strip club considered cheating? No
Do you think it's easier to cheat now days with all of the technology we have than back in the old days? No, there are more unusual means, but there is probably the same amount going on as there was 500 years ago. Look at the Tudors, they screwed everything that moved, and they didn't have cell phones.
If cheated on, would you stay w/ the person who cheated on you? why or why not? It would depend on the reason they cheated. If they cheated because I had withdrawn my affection and love, then yes, I would forgive them because that is a cruel thing to do and I would be partially to blame for setting that wheel in motion. But if I was being truly loving and giving, and there were no forseeable problems in the relationship and he just was cheating for amusement, then no, the relationship would be over.
If you are the one that cheated, do you ever feel guilty about what you have done? or do you feel a sense of accomplishment because you pulled it off? Any moral person who cheats feels a sense of guilt if they step outside of their primary relationship...to feel no guilt would make you inhuman. Perhaps there is some sort of sense of accomplishment in 'getting away' with cheating, but it is fleeting, and is always replaced by guilt and unhappiness. No matter how you try to justify it, when you cheat you know in your heart it is wrong and if discovered you will hurt the one you love.
Those are my opinions. No more, no less.
Beth | |
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Posted: 11/25/2009 1:53:04 PM | Why do people cheat?
People cheat for so many reason. Emotionally, mistakes,meeting their sexual needs that is not been met in the relationship, not ready for committed relationship, or its all about themselves etc.
What is considered cheat?
Well to me anything you do sexual or anything you will do, knowing your partner won't approve of.
Is watching porn cheating?
To me its not cheating. Now I have heard people saying its emotional cheating. All because you start to fantasize about other people when u watch porn and masturbating to it. I will rather have my gf masturbate to a porn,fantasize about others than sleep with them. But also possibility is if she fantasize about this people when the opportunity present its self she is more likely to sleep with them.. do u see where I am taking things now about reason some say its emotional cheating?
Going to a strip club?
Wow. If I am not with you it is not happening.lol jk.
if you watching the strippers that's cool. Once they start getting any form of sexual contact. That's cheating indirectly. Its like saying I make out with a woman without pernatration or anything. The stripper is been dancing seductive, and when you are been seduce is sexual. So depends on what's going on at the club. Once again no woman or man will like her/his partner been touch sexually. Regardless. Maybe on a special occassion but when this happen the man or woman still have this lil thing in him/her that trigger some sort of feelings of jealousy or I don't like it feelings.
Yes its so easy to cheat now adays with all this tech stuff. Now check this out. About 75% of men are scared to approach women to break the ice and talk to them. But with this internet thing. Men can shoot you a line just plain"when you gonna let me hit it" and guess what some percentage of women want only sex so they fall for it and go from there. Online dating sites have made men to be punks and cowards to approach women. I don't care what people say.
Cell phones another medium that is use for cheating. About a lot of communication to other people they cheat with is done thru cell phones. | |
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The Mr
| | Joined: 11/16/2009
Msg: 37 | |
| Cheating
Posted: 11/25/2009 2:15:20 PM | Why do people cheat?
One thing I did not see mentioned, is they always want something new and exciting. and their feeling for their spouse is long gone.
Is going to a strip bar cheating?
Why would someone want to go see naked women/guys? Is their spouse not good enough anymore? I can see if the gang wanted to have a night out and ended up there, but to make a habit of it, is cheating in a way.
I personally would feel really uncomfortable going to one knowing I had a loved one at home. I prolly would say my goodbyes and go home before it happened. | |
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Posted: 11/25/2009 2:15:44 PM | Cheating is kinda cowardly. It's a temp way of having cake, and eating it too. It's a damoging thing to relatinship, it is never worth it.Both parties are hurt ultimately. | |
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Posted: 11/25/2009 2:21:56 PM | I think anyone one of those options has been covered so many times. Do thread search.
Why cos they wana. | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 11/25/2009 2:35:54 PM |
Why do people cheat?
The age old question. They do it for so many reasons as to be meaningless. And nearly all of the reasons end up being self rationalization to justify what they know is wrong. In essence I think that it ends up starting from them feeling like they are missing something. I personally think if people were more careful getting into relationships they would spend less time goofing off outside them, but that's just MHO.
What do you consider cheating?
I think this has been answered pretty well. I might draw the line at flirting though, I think some people flirt harmlessly. The problem is that some people use flirting as a fishing lure to see if another person is interested, so there is a grey area there.
Is watching porn considered cheating?
Is going to a strip club considered cheating?
In my opinion, neither of these are necessarily bad. Some couples are very secure and equally enjoy these entertainments either together or seperately. I think the deciding factor is whether there is full knowledge and consent of both parties. They can be very damaging when they distract from your focus on the other or when they are done to the exclusion of the other.
Do you think it's easier to cheat now days with all of the technology we have than back in the old days?
Yes and know. Clearly there are more avenues to find a way to stray, but there is also an increased risk of discovery too.
If cheated on, would you stay w/ the person who cheated on you? why or why not?
Another tough question. I believe that each case and each couple need to decide this for themselves based on the situation. I think sometimes there can be reconciliation and redemption. Some cheaters stray once and never again.
Odds are however that that old dog will keep doing the same trick. Again, IMHO. | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 11/25/2009 4:18:34 PM | Anything done behind the back of your lover or significant other, that involves the intention to seduce or be seduced... Where you have to hide what your doing is cheating!
If it's sexually inviting or could lead to sex with someone other than your partner its cheating. If he or she can't find out or read/ watch or do it with you or it's secretive than its cheating!
You either have moral standards or you don't. Being happy or not has nothing to do with a cheater and his/her actions to cheat.
You're either a low life or you're not. | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 11/25/2009 7:39:15 PM |
Why do people cheat?
Because people are lazy. Don't believe me? This topic has been done so many times god's thinking about a second coming simply to address this topic. And you'd know that if you did a thread search. So you cheated on the forums.
Instead of sticking to what you had available, you went and started something new, with someone new.
Because the emotions of the new are far more exciting, feel better, and serve solipsistic purpose greater than maintaining, refreshing, or working on the old.
That was a very original/insightful little analogy there! | |
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