cinsav
| | Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 51 | |
| | marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?Page 3 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | Marriage is not a business agreement nor does it really matter who brings what to the table.
The underlying problem with the marriage crisis lies in the average person's inability to pick the right partner. When it comes to love and relationships - the average person is utterly inept. Looks, money and status rank at the top of what most people are looking for; not equality in terms of communication skills, emotional compatibility and so forth.
The average person (who by way probably can't tell the capital of their own state) doesn't know the difference between love and infatuation. They think they do, because they all think they're "smart" but truth be known, collectively their combined IQ's fall somewhere between vegetable and mineral. | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/25/2009 5:06:04 PM |
Marriage is not a business agreement nor does it really matter who brings what to the table.
I have to disagree with this statement, because the goal of a business partnership and a marriage are the same.........just the terminology of the contracts are different.
If the partners in a business arrangement can't get along, the business is disolved.
If the partners in a marriage can't get along, the marriage is disolved. | |
|
| |
Mammy
| | Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 54 | |
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/26/2009 2:08:57 AM | marriages arent on the way out in australia.
in fact the divorce rate has declined in australia over the past 5 years.
why? it's too expensive to move out,
housing is too unaffordable,
materialistic creatures - we would rather be unhappy than poor. | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/26/2009 4:27:10 AM | | Good fair and healthy "institutions" are history. Unless you make them yourself. Here in the US they have passed so many laws that social interactions of any type are hazardous. . . . if you gay or a woman they are to your benefit . . if you straight, male, and have any money then your the target of the laws. Marriage should be between you and her . . .but it is a 3 way marriage . . you, her, and the government. You will be monitored by the govt and if you mistreat her then she gets to call her "Daddy" and have you pay or be arrested. If you avoid marriage and live with her for 6 months then your automatically married (common law marriage) and she gets to claim 50% of all your goodies. What do you get out of it ? nothing but a few memories . . . . . hopefully . . . . if you have kids with her than it gets about 3 times worse. | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/26/2009 4:29:38 AM | | Why are there so many divorces ? women dont profit from being married . . . they only profit from divorce. Nothing worse than having a husband you have to answer to . . better to be free and have his credit card then move on to other boy toys. | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/26/2009 5:43:30 AM | People have Insta Support Now !!!
So many people can instantly try to get you on side with their veiws these days online or in the mass media ... a society of dont stand for second best , reach for the stars you can do it ... buy this perfume and these shoes ... get this new sharper than the last 100 hundred sharp razors or your stupid.
So much pressure is put on people to buy things they dont even need or they are made to feel inadequate by a constant advertised product selling world .
It may seem shallow to think that you may find your partner dosnt conform to the amazing looking partners in mass media , placed there to tell you that you can have all this , for £9.98 , and you dont need to tolerate anything less , would you tolerate anything else if you do your stupid !!!!!
Its not like years ago , traditional values , we work to survive , struggle , we came from well structured family hierachy MAn of the house , mum wants to provide and run the house hold ... years of evolution ingrained into a woman to get things sorted out whilst men just come back with a huge boar and provide.
Woman can get there own things now instatntly to your door from lots of online retailers.
A man can bring gifts and run to the shop but its not the same as dad coming back with a massive fridge on his back . Its only a small thing but all these little subtlty's mount up in the background . Some people cant adjust quick enough or cope with the insta society that has developed .
Insta Marriage : I will try anything once Hmmmmmmmmmm...
Why Should we tolerate each others short comings when we live in an insta gratification society .. Look at all my new insta advice friends whom have googled the solution to be on your side becuase there your friends and your ex partner is bad.
The marriage council advice by friends is obviously a bit biased but moves faster than reason .
I dont think iver heard anyone encourage people to stay togeather to be honest , it's always been oh they are a bstd , I read it in a magazine . dont tolerate it ... you can get another delivered to your door tommorow free delivery .... tweeked to your liking .
WHat does marriage mean to you?
A symbol of unity and trust ?
becuase your supposed to be married at least once in your life?
We are all just spoiled with luxery beyond reason and marriage is another Insta luxury.
 | |
|
| |
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/26/2009 8:37:51 AM | I don't care what the percentage rate for divorce is, you can always fall to the other side the fence and stick it out. However... I do think that marriage is on its way out. You can have the exact same thing by "living together" as you do marriage. They both have a 50/50 chance of making it or not. Marriage is for the young that still believe they need that fairytale wedding and those that are religious and want to take vows that including a commitment to God. For some reason they believe God MUST be in the picture or you're not really married and fully commited. All it means is you have a little piece of paper and a ring on your finger. It doesn't mean your going to last better then the common law partners, but try tell them that.
Marriage is going bec most people see no need for it when you can live with them and have the same thing. We didn't just go with the flow of society, we actual all took a part in the decision making of what value there was on being married. We can't blame lawyers and ex for why we don't want to marry.
You wanted your freedom? You got it! If you want marriage to last forever? You work for it! Regardless of what's out there bashing marriage or helping it self destruct, you can always decide to stand against the crowd, should you so choose to do so.
| |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/26/2009 9:05:12 AM |
Apparently 3% of animals are monogamous and mate for life.
Im happy to hopefully be in the elite rather than glory or make excuses why Im in the bottom 97%.
Minority and elite are not mutually exclusive terms. The converse might also be true and the minority an anomaly. It simply depends on one's perspective. Humans, from the existing research results and depending on the findings of further research on the subject have the capacity for monogamy and some do not have the capacity for monogamy. Preliminary studies suggest that there is a genetic difference between those that have that capacity and those who do not. It's too early to draw any reliable conclusions.
Best,
ACP | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/26/2009 9:08:03 AM |
Unfortunately.
If you have the right person, marriage becomes a formality. Not a necessity !
Getting married is two people saying I want you and no one else for the rest of my life. The right person would make that choice and commit. It's more than a necessity.
You all think getting rid of marriage altogether is going to help relationships? It's not. Just because the divorce rate is high doesn't mean marriage made it that way. People don't know what commitment is. They also don't think carefully through important decisions before they make them, nor do many make them for the right (unselfish) reasons. As long as people keep going into marriage with this notion that there will always be a way out, then yeah, people are going to get divorced. People have become fair weather about marriage and divorce at the drop of a frickin hat these days. The problem with marriage isn't marriage itself, it's the people who think it's nothing more than a ring and that the grass is greener on the other side that make up these statistics.
And this idea of 5, 10, 20 year contract marriage crap is stupid. You might as well not even marry if that's the case. It sounds to me like people are wanting all the benefits of a marriage without the marriage itself. It's nothing but a bunch of Me-ism and people leaving themselves a way out when there's turbulence. That's pretty effin weak. | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/26/2009 4:53:27 PM | I am cheating here. I'm recycling something I wrote on another thread, but I think that it is really more suitable to the question of is marriage on the way out, and why are there so many divorces, than the other thread.....I apologize for the re-cycle....
I am thinking about relationships in terms of ideal of commitment and the emotional aspect of love. I am ruminating these days that the commitment to the ideal of a relationship and the expressed love within a relationship are two unique facets and values that don't necessarily co-exist in the same time and space in the context of the material relationship.
I think because love, in its emotional aspect, can be changeable ( a crappy day may make us act in hateful ways) that the degree of commitment to the ideal of relationship that each individual has, is paramount to the success of the material relationship and supercedes the degree of emotional love within it at any one time.
I think that in today's society with its disposable i-pods, cell phones and juice boxes, it is very easy to walk away from the ideal of commitment to a relationship because "my needs aren't being met" and/or "I am entitled" or "I cant' cope (with my job, your mother, the kids, the debt)", "instant gratification" and "I want it now". Because I see commitment to the ideal of relationship losing ground, I think that the willingness to explore love-life issues to find a suitable resolution just isn't there anymore. It's just too easy to say a relationship isn't working because what we've tried in the last five minutes hasn't made us feel any better.
Having said this, I do think that there are, indeed, times when parties can no longer ascribe to the ideal of relationship and after consideration, choose to move on. What I am saying is, that perhaps we choose to move on too quickly because we base our idea of relationship on love rather than commitment.
I think that people who are committed to the ideal of relationship tend to take longer to get to the end of a material relationship (and, indeed, may never get there) because they look for more options to explore than people who are committed to the idea of love. Sometimes we don't love that other person that we decided to partner during the blush of spontaneous love (or considered choice) back in the day; but we can choose to love that person during the time we don't adore them, if we are realistic and acknowledge that people are who they are and consciously, in most cases, are not out to hurt each other. We also need to accept that love between two individuals is a renewable resource and unless we have been grievously affronted or wounded (and even if we have) we will, in time, come to continue to love the other, if we so choose.
During this time of "choosing to love" (and thereby working to resolve whatever issue/s that is distracting and hurtful) it may be that the commitment to the ideal of relationship is the only thing that holds the bond of the material intact.
This is a disclaimer: I haven't actually finished thinking about this because when I do think that today, there is not much commitment to the ideal of relationship, I feel a little dismayed and not too hopeful of finding a long term commitment with a partner. I don't like feeling dismayed or having my optimism trifled with, so I am still thinking..... | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:44:32 PM | | Real marriage is already gone for most of North America. It is was too easy to get a divorce and way to easy to marry. A lot of people i know get married with the thought, on day one, why not if it doesn't work we'll just split up. It should be a bigger decision and there should be NO No fault divorce or common law rules. You should have to be married to get benefits and there should have to be fault to have a divorce. | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:49:58 PM | Message 11 - Page one -
You're only 27 and you've never been married yet you somehow think you know it all.
You state that alot of divorces are occuring due to silly little things. Is that right? And you know this for a fact?
OMG I really wish you well with your perfect plan.
I did think long and hard about getting married and I wasn't one to just jump in for the sake of it yet my marriage broke up anyway.
I am not about to spill all the details here for it would take way too long but until you have been in a marriage my friend please do not presume to know and please do not judge.
Oh and your "the grass is always greener" comment does not always apply either. In my case there was no cheating by either party.
So do everyone a favour and don't make comments until you actually understand exactly what you're talking about when it comes to something as serious as this subject. Otherwise what you are doing is making assumptions. | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/2/2009 12:29:32 AM |
You state that alot of divorces are occuring due to silly little things. Is that right? And you know this for a fact?
It is true. People get divorced at the drop of a hat these days. Outside of cheating and abuse, there's no other good reasons to get divorced. You don't have to be married to have a good understanding of how marriages work. My parents are divorced and it still affects me to this day; you wouldn't think so being 26. While I may not know what all a marriage should be, I know what it shouldn't be by learning from others experiences. I do not have to experience marriage myself to learn. | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/2/2009 4:30:01 AM | ^^^^^^^^
Outside of cheating and abuse, there's no other good reasons to get divorced.
i could turn this equation around entirely and say that outside of the intent to
produce children, there's no other good reason to get married.
and yet, people get married anyway. without ever having children. deliberately.
and people get divorced anyway. for other reasons besides cheating or abuse.
sometimes, they even stay married despite cheating or abuse.
huh.
it's easy for you to sit there and say what "should be" from the comfort and safety of your couch, but it's an entirely different sort of reality to be in a marriage that has become completely intolerable.... regardless of whether or not you approve of the reasons for it. maybe it's time for you to deal with the fact that your parents had their own reasons that you may not have understood at the time and probably still do not understand to this day. and maybe it's time for you to just get over it already. at the bare minimum, you should recognize that your "still being affected" by your parents' divorce is a cognitive choice that YOU have made... and that YOU continue to hold onto.... again by choice... because nobody is holding a gun to your head and demanding that you remain affected by your parents' divorce. only YOU can change the way you feel about it. you can't demand that other people change their behavior or their relationships so that you can feel better about life or whatever it is that's "affecting" you. (well... you can... but it ain't gonna happen. lol.)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
back to the OP's question, i don't think marriage is on the way out. it's just a whole lot easier to get a divorce these days. and thank god for that. and the truth is that -- independent of whatever socio-legal arrangements you want to make -- the basic dynamics of two people being together and their ability to totally fuck up a relationship will NEVER change. lol. | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/2/2009 4:52:13 AM | does this mean that marriage ( by this i mean forever) is on the way out
^ Some believe in marriage but won't entertain the idea or likelihood, anymore. It's a personal value / decision.. works for some, not so much for others.
I gather, more are incline to entertain a LTR without the need to sign a license or contract. Makes sense if you're not a devout Christian. No marriage contract = bliss!
You decide. | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/2/2009 5:37:02 AM | i could turn this equation around entirely and say that outside of the intent to
produce children, there's no other good reason to get married.
Hell, some people don't even do that...
and people get divorced anyway. for other reasons besides cheating and abuse.
huh.
Doesn't mean it's right.
it's easy for you to sit there and say what "should be" from the comfort and safety of your couch, but it's an entirely different sort of reality to be in a marriage that has become completely intolerable....
I do what I can in the span of my control, such as knowing what is I want or could not accept in a relationship before making that sort of long term commitment, and that I'm very careful about. I also do not and will not compromise my standards. I also understand that marriage is something you have to work at, and am I willing to work? Absolutely, and anything short of being unfaithful, I believe, is an unjustifiable grounds for divorce.
maybe it's time for you to deal with the fact that your parents had their own reasons that you may not have understood at the time and probably still do not understand to this day...
I'm quite familiar with the reasons my parents got a divorce. I hear about it all the fu.ckin time. Apparently, you don't know how hard it is to stay neutral in arguments between your mother and father, trying your best to have an equal relationship with both and still have one get pissed at you because you came home on leave to see one longer than the other, knowing damn well you only get so much time off a year.. or getting into arguments with your mother on your R&R time over "your dad was never there for you, so why does he get equal amount of your time?" How about being told your mother is a narcissist, a liar and only using you against me?" Cognitive my azz..
and maybe it's time for you to just get over it already.
Is this a test? Because if it is, I'm about to fu.ckin fail.
at the bare minimum, you should recognize that your "still being affected" by your parents' divorce is a cognitive choice that YOU have made... and that YOU continue to hold onto.... again by choice... because nobody is holding a gun to your head and demanding that you remain affected by your parents' divorce.
Yeah you're right. It'd be nothing for me to drop 'em both. I'm half a world away, I could easily not give a shit and sever any and all ties. Hell, I haven't spoken to my dad in 6 months... I'm already half-way there. Thanks for the advice, prick.
you can't demand that other people change their behavior or their relationships so that you can feel better about life or whatever it is that's "affecting" you.
Yeah, I demand my parents STFU so I can feel better about my life. Just because I have to deal with the circumstances of their divorce doesn't mean have to deal with yours, as.shole. Good thing you didn't have kids. | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/2/2009 10:37:56 AM | "Doing things like taking vacations together etc...just apparently sex is not part of the package...an'd they can go out on dates with others"
Let me help you understand: After 25 years of being together and struggling with many yssues, we have settled into a living situation that, although not ideal, we can live with. The problems come from the rest of society and is aptly demonstrated by many of the posters on POF. As a married couple, there are expectations of us: It is assumed that we are connected at the hip, that we enjoy the same things, and have a satisfactory sex life. When one of us does not meet those expectations, society passes judgement on us.
Discrimination against married people who do things without their spouse is rampant. Married men and women who go out without their spouse are assumed to be looking only for sex. If I ask a woman to dinner as a single man, she will judge based on me; if I ask her as a married man, she will judge based on my status. If my wife goes out bar hopping with her single girlfriends, she is looking for a hookup. If I'm seen talking to or dancing with a group of women by one of my wife's friends, her friend thinks they need to stick their nose in.
Sometimes it would be easier to get divorced just to get society out of the middle of our relationship. We could then decide what living arrangement worked for us - and then we would have people like you even more confused. Maybe societal pressure is part of the reason for divorce? | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/2/2009 4:21:19 PM | You said;
"The underlying problem with the marriage crisis lies in the average person's inability to pick the right partner. When it comes to love and relationships - the average person is utterly inept. Looks, money and status rank at the top of what most people are looking for; not equality in terms of communication skills, emotional compatibility and so forth.
The average person (who by way probably can't tell the capital of their own state) doesn't know the difference between love and infatuation. They think they do, because they all think they're "smart" but truth be known, collectively their combined IQ's fall somewhere between vegetable and mineral."
I say;
"Yep".
:)-(it's sad but I would have to say pretty much for the most part , ah, yes, true). Definately.
And it's in "instant" society and an "out with the old in with the new" . So, yes - people are blinded by all of those things.
Also people sometimes just have no respect for themselves, or others, or you , or your marriage/relationship. So...sometimes people try to undermine other people's situations (yes your friends included) and it's unfortunate but you have to watch out for those 'types'.
It isn't easy . Both parties in the relationship also have to realize that it is a pointed decision to be committed, it does take work, sexual attraction to one another may wane at times, but then make a comeback - it's natural. People panic at things like that sometimes and think then that the relationship is over - but it is normal.
As well - I read another post a gentlemen was saying how at a Thanksgiving gathering, his brother's wife and him always chat it up , really enjoy each other's company - did he think there was possibly a carnal thing underneath? Sure, it's possible- but to ACT on that, ruin his relationship with his brother etc., was hardly worth it.
You can have maybe urges , but you don't HAVE to act on them. You know? | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/2/2009 7:05:33 PM | | wives who want to leave corrupt judges and attorneys steal children so mama can have it all and their new boyfriend while going to church defiling their religion.... deal with monroe mi fellas and the foc takes it all then they disable you for life and file false restraining orders and stalking charges and hide what their doing to extort good people their law is their own little alqeada system.....i possibly cant tell you the whole truth in one paragraph... lets just say the muck mucks won....... | |
|
| marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:41:14 PM | The concept of marriage is not on it's way out, because more people are choosing to live common-law than marriage, but they still are having relationships. Statistically marriage is down in numbers, but C/L is up in numbers.
Marriage is NOT the problem............the 2 people in the marriage is the problem. If both or even 1 of them is not mature and responsible enough for the other, the relationship will fail whether they are married, living C/L, or just dating.
Marriage/love is conditional on each other being mature enough to handle the responsibilites for their lives collectively and/or any children collectively. | |
|
Home
login 
