She IS waiting for marriage as am I.

It's a personal choice and to wait for marriage to cross that threshold is wise in my opinion. It's a level of intimacy designed for marriage and marriage alone

I know she's never been anything but honest with me

Sweetie: she *lied* about coming to town, and seeing you on the side; she *lied* about seeing you to do you a favor. And that's just the opening post.

You are in for a world of hurt.

About two weeks ago I get an email from her saying she's coming into town for thanksgiving and she wants to see me... just to sort of provide closure for me and blah blah blah. I wrote back to her and told her I waswn't really interested in seeing her if it was under the pretext of being some kind of favor to me, as I didn't see it as beneficial to feel like a charity case. She said that it would be a favor, and I said I had no interest in seeing her in that case.

About a week ago I get ANOTHER email saying she really wants to see me and that she was sorry for implying that it was merely as a favor and that she only said that because she was sort of in defense mode... but she really wants to see me. I agreed, reluctantly, and so yesterday we spent the day together.

About two weeks ago I get an email from her saying she's coming into town for thanksgiving and she wants to see me... just to sort of provide closure for me and blah blah blah. I wrote back to her and told her I wasn't really interested in seeing her if it was under the pretext of being some kind of favor to me, as I didn't see it as beneficial to feel like a charity case. She said that it would be a favor, and I said I had no interest in seeing her in that case..

Do you really think a woman can stay in love with that little affection? - let's put it this way, it's not likely. Long distance relationships rarely work... people fall out of love without dates every couple weeks. It's not going to work. You are living in a dream world, Neo.

It depends on how committed to each other they are as I've been personal witness at such relationships working..and we're not talking 3 hours drive away but across the other side of the world..it's done by regular emails, phone calls, IM's, sending pics back n forth..lover's tokens like poetry etc.

As for the OP, they know each very well..been together a year previously..expressed love to each other. It's NOT absolutely necessary for face-to-face contact. Luckily for them perhaps that they HAVEN'T had sex so it lessens the urgency. At this rate, it seems a weak attempt by her at commital. Is what she said about taking it slow true? Possibly. It crossed my mind that he's back-up in case guys that she's potentially dating don't work out. I read a bit of the OP's history. If it is to be believed that it's his past and her father's concern that troubles her rather than who he is now, if she can overcome that, the signs might be good.

What I would strongly suggest is to date other women as quickly as you can and find a replacement, it will ease the pain, and, well... replace her. All she is doing is weaning herself off of you, using you at her convenience to soothe her loveless heart... and all at your expense.
When the love plane goes down, there is only one parachute... he who rejects and leaps first hurts less.. especially if you can land on another plane, another girl!

That's advocating that he find a rebound girl, totally unfair to use a new girl to get over it and ignore his need to grow from it. If it were to happen, the loss must be faced up to, allowed it's time to pass, for the person to come to terms with it, learn the lessons, right themselves, heal and move on.

In all honesty... the likelihood that she and I will end up married and living happily ever after are about asgood as the chances that I will marry anyone else and live happily ever after, and that is a very narrow statisticl margin. I might end up with nothing but a broken heart, a sad song I gt to write, and a story to tell the guys at the bar as I cry into my beer... but if I don't try there is no doubt about what I will end up with... and that is nothing. Nada. Zilch. Kaput.

- The facts are, for every one of those relationships that works out, hundreds of others did not. It's very rare. If you like those odds, quit your job and play Vegas.. But you will starve.

Want proof? - look at the rash of divorces and wife killings in the last decade of military husbands coming home after extended stays overseas. Luckily, the government has hired good psycologists.... do you know what they did to try to curb it? They started issuing honeymoon/vacation fliers for military couples. That's right... they sent them on dates so they could reconnect and keep the love flowing. Do you smell what I'm cooking?! Look it up, research it if you don't believe me.

Very dangerous to go for much more than a month without kissing and affection. Women need it to stay in love like a flower needs the rain.

Today we can telephone, e-mail, text, video conference, and expedite mail like never before.[7] Sending flowers to your partner in Beijing can be done at the click of a button from London, and all you need in order to see their reaction is a computer and webcam. These technological advancements have meant that we can readily communicate with the people we love, and sustain better, healthier relationships despite the physical separation – they have helped to bridge the distance like never before.

With the world’s population growing, increasing pressure is being placed on local education systems and job markets, forcing some to relocate as required. This has changed the dynamic of our relationships, and challenged conventions of what we actually need in order to sustain a relationship with someone. The key to many successful LDRs is ultimately not proximity, but a true compatibility with one another. It is also important to note that the frequency of break ups in LDRs is not greater than that of relationships were the partners are in proximity to one another[8], suggesting that our needs from romantic relationships are more emotional and psychological than physical.

The Centre for the Study of Long Distance Relationships provides the following statistics for the comparison of Proximal Relationships (PRs) and Distance Dating (percentages below relate to the percentage of break ups during a particular time in the relationship):

· 30% PRs vs. 27% LDRs during the first month

· 21% PRs vs. 37% LDRs during the first 3 months

· 35% PRs vs. 42% LDRs during the first 6 months

· 23% PRs vs. 11% LDRs during the first 8 months

· 25% PRs vs. 8% LDRs during the first year


These figures demonstrate that couples in LDRs are not necessarily at a disadvantage, or at risk of committing to a relationship which can not last. People are conditioned to believe that the lives of their parents should be a grounding point for what they themselves should seek in a relationship; however, we must remember that our parents’ generation was the first to experience skyrocketing divorce rates. Whilst the idea of remaining by our partner’s side at all times is a wonderful one, it is not always possible in our current environment of change and expanding opportunities.

http://www.waiit.com/Long_Distance_Relationships_Statistics

- The truth is, it's good therapy for the person on the rebound, but the rebound woman stands a high chance of rejection, it's not good for her. I'm totally aware of this. But, who ever told you life was fair? dating is war. Don't like it? - Then learn about relationships, date wisely and efficiently, drop them quick so that it hurts them and you less, find a great mate and then live happily ever after... in other words, stop making lame excuses and get out of the dating pool. Problem solved.

Whilst the idea of remaining by our partner’s side at all times is a wonderful one, it is notalways possible in our current environment of change and expanding opportunities.

Still in support of unhealthy "therapy". So that should mean you're willing to be the
rebound guy for a girl bringing her issues into a relationship with you coz she's entitled to use you to get through it. Unfairness out of one's control is one thing but perpetuating it's existence for your own benefit is quite another. Seems it's a case of drop them before they drop you..

The bottom line is, if people were all doing the right things and not getting into poor relationships

I'm amazed at how negative people are towards this girl they don't know much about. What happened to the belief in unconditional love?

I appreciate the constructive comments people have made and the like... but a lot of the crude things individuals have said about her on her are very, very offensive to me. She is a very nice person. When she moved away we were both caught between a rock and a hard place as to what ought be done. She decided long distance wouldn't work... its easy as that. She never cheated or lied. She was very honest with me. Sometimes time apart makes people realize what they had. Im not going to turn my nose up at anything. Man... the negativity... come on.