| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/28/2004 8:16:22 PM | | I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I would hope that something like that would never happen to me, but who knows? For one thing, I would never invite someone into my home at first meeting. No matter how many phone conversations. I don't mean to be critical, I am just very careful. I was married over 20 years, and single now for almost 4 years. I find that many men not only want, but expect, sex on the first date. That is not me. I would never say never, but, I prefer to know that I'm in an exclusive relationship before I give that much of myself. I am special. My sharing of myself is special. If a man does not care to get to know me a couple two or three dates minimum, then he is not usually worth my attentions. I understand this is one woman's opinion, but, I have a whole lot to offer, and not just anyone is going to be receiving it. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/29/2004 7:16:08 AM | | Cheryl, I agree totally. I've been single for 16 years now, ten of which I wasn't dating because I was grieving my husband who died. Then I spent another 4 years learning who I am, what I want out of life, where I"m going, what I'm willing and not willing to put up with in my life, and to live happily on my own. I think we all need to learn to do this. We can't invited someone into our lives simply because we are lonely people and expect someone else to bring the spark back inside us. That is so unfair to weight a new partner with that responsibility. I haven't had sex, willingly, in 16 years, as I've been saving that for the man I'll love. Some will shake their heads at this, but trust me, I'm no ice queen. Sex to me is highly spiritual with the right person, and very cheap with the wrong person. I'd rather wait the rest of my life and not find him than have a list an arm long and nothing but bad feelings toward myself for what I've become. That's my choice, and I'm sticking to it. | |
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dae
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Joined: 6/2/2004
Msg: 54 | |
| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/29/2004 9:41:35 AM | | To me, sex on the first date isn't right, most say what they are looking for, and if you want long term, getting to know each other is important, sex is better if you really know and care about the person you are with. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/29/2004 11:11:48 AM | | I agree Dae, but I'm not here to judge those who think differently, despite the hate mail I'm receiving privately because of this thread. To each his/her own. And I disagree with the last private emailer who basicly said I was a loser because I refuse to have sex on the first date. I have class and good morals and a sound character. Just because I disagree with sex on the first date doesn't mean I have to tolerate being slammed and rudely put down--referred to as a rotten piece of steak! My god! What has society become when we can't have a pleasant chat without trying to hurt others when doing it? | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/29/2004 5:32:55 PM | | I have personally had sex on many first dates, i don't see anything wrong with it, it helps speed up the process of wanting to get to know the person, because sex is intimate...I think it is up to the two to decide sex or not, i like se xon the first date but don't activelt try and get it, if the vibe is sex than it is, if two people are comfortable with it, then there is nothing wrong with it.... | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/29/2004 6:51:13 PM | Don't get angry on my account, I'm doing fine. It only makes me sad to know there are so many wounded people out there that have to, or feel they have to attack another person to have a great day. We've all been hurt, some more than others, but to take it out on a totally innocent person just isn't right.
I keep hoping, and keep looking, and will never give up--because some where out there is a really classy, humourous, outdoorsman with a big enough heart for the two of us in it. He doesn't have to be rich or famous, or even have a great job. I'm not into materialism. He doesn't have to have a college degree or a fancy house or car. He doesn't even have to be a ten on the outside because it's what's inside that counts over the long run. If he likes laying on a blanket counting stars together that's a bonus. Camping, fishing, gardening, making things grow with our hearts and hands, side by side, is all I'm looking for. You see I'll know him when he comes along because he'll have dealt with his hurts and will be emotionally availiable and able to love freely and give all he has without fear it will be abused. He is a one woman man, and I'll be his princess.
And when that happens the rest of my life will be more complete because the other half of me will be full. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/30/2004 12:29:26 PM | if a lady gets the impression that's what you want, you'll die a lonely man.
oh, for sure, you'll score but eventually you'll meet someone who you only know by her nickname on POF.
however, if you give the impression you're Mr.Commitment, women on here will be booking appointments for interviews as their Mr.Right. | |
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| Well.....
Posted: 10/30/2004 1:37:31 PM | Most people don't take this sacred as perhaps the generations before me have. I'd Also go on to say that it would be rather old fashion to not have sex on the first date. There is no sence of delayed gratification nor will there ever been again, to be quite the Sadist why wait? There is no more form of respect for ones self and there spiritual needs. This is thee new millenium what ever crosses your mind do so. The age old addage of "what ever feels good, do it!" is in full effect. As the time that has been led to this demering state, we don't see what lies behind. Therefor the same for what is to come. A decadent society *presto*, it will fall like all others! - Blame the parents.. =/  | |
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| Well.....
Posted: 10/30/2004 5:46:25 PM | | This has been a very enlightening discussion. I thank everyone who participated. When I first began this thread I wondered if there was some logic I was missing, but I’ve since discovered that my morals and values are so important to me, that I still stand by them today. I wish everyone luck in their search and pray you will find that special someone in your life. Myself, I will hold out for what is important to me, and will respect myself in the end. That is what is most important at the end of each day, knowing you are at peace with who you are and what you stand for. Thank you for your candor and your willingness to discuss this sensitive topic. Best to all of you. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/30/2004 6:21:36 PM | | Sex on the first date? Absoulutely not. Get to know the person, maybe after a few dates, then it is up to both parties mutaully agreeing with each other. First date, no! | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/30/2004 7:15:36 PM | actually I read a dating book that said you should have six dates before sex.
Actually I think it takes about that long at times to think if this is the person you want to spend a long time with. If it isnt, then you move on and no one is hurt.
If I have sex with someone to soon and they dont want a commited relationship, like I do, then I am hurt. I'm not going to play that game.
Georgie, these girls or guys that want sex on the first date are just plain S----s> Sorry if this offends someone but its true.
When your looking for a commited relationship, sex on the first date is for trailer trash, the sort that is on the Gerry Springer show. Its perfectly unacceptable and if they dont respect themselves more than that, we dont have to pretend that everyone believes this is acceptable. WE DONT! | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/30/2004 7:54:17 PM | NO! As I mature (much like Lyons) I have little respect for men that want to have sex soon into the relationship. May god bless you Georgie. I can tell that you are influencing as you heal and go on. Lyons_Angel took my thoughts, I find that the sex is MUCH better when the feelings are there!
p.s. girls, I have to tell you that my current relationship is holding out on me and I think that my feelings intensified. There is hope, girls.  | |
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Ruby_
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Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 66 | |
| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/31/2004 12:53:28 PM |
Georgie, these girls or guys that want sex on the first date are just plain S----s> Sorry if this offends someone but its true.
Who says this is true? Who are the morality police anyway? | |
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Ruby_
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Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 67 | |
| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/31/2004 1:04:16 PM |
When your looking for a commited relationship, sex on the first date is for trailer trash, the sort that is on the Gerry Springer show..
Some people can be so "uppity" and insult a persons home because they don't think it is good enough for themselves. I think they call these ladies iliterate "gold diggers". G-Gerry is girl...J-Jerry is the man. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/31/2004 3:57:04 PM | Okay, refocus time. This isn't about J Springer, this is about what people are willing to put out and why. I just don't get how people who sleep with men/women on the first date as a general rule feel good about themselves afterward. Once or twice people make mistakes, but obviously this trend is not working or the couples would out number the singles.
I had a thought, no intent to offend in sharing it, but is it possible that sex is all we feel we have left in our goodie bag to attract the opposite sex? If so, I find that sad. What happened to being good people, kindness, considerate, thoughtful, insightful, funny, charming, delightful, poise, values, morals, and all the things that make up a person outside the bedroom. Is self esteem the problem, or have we just become thoughtless and careless about our own worth and well being? | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/31/2004 5:25:41 PM | | Wow. Okay... it's getting ugly in here now. And yes, I too, would like to know who the holier than thou morality police are. Sheesh! What happened to being good people, yada, yada, yada all that other stuff you said? Cripes! What makes you think that because someone doesn't believe as you do that they can't be all those things? No, self esteem isn't the problem. Sex isn't some lure to catch the big fish, darlin', so if a person uses it like that, then they really are, perhaps, facing some self esteem issues. But yanno, a person "holding out" can use the denial of sex for as much of a "hook" as another might use giving sex as the same. Stick to judging yourself, and set standards for you, not everyone else. I am no less a woman, no less a worthwhile person, and sure not "trailer trash" if I CHOOSE to behave in a way that is different than what you have decided you wish to behave. Good gravy! Did you really want to have a discussion, or did you just want to stand up on your high mountain and throw stones down on those you consider beneath? {sigh} I'd thought better of you. | |
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xchuck
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Joined: 6/11/2004
Msg: 70 | |
| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/31/2004 5:51:46 PM | | This is something that i joke about alot on the forums. But seriously i don't see a problem with it if your really cliquing with someone and you've come probably prepared with contraceptives. Also that you know the date is going beyond the first encounter. That's important to me because i'm not into one night stands. But for those who like to wait...there is nothing wrong with that. I find that admirable. But don't hold it against me because i don't hold the same thought process. Different strokes for different folks as they say. | |
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Ruby_
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Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 71 | |
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aliona
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Joined: 10/31/2004
Msg: 72 | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 11/1/2004 7:45:21 AM | My appologies if I offended anyone. Perhaps trying to walk a mile in another's shoes would do me good. However if that means sex on the first date, I'll pass. There have been some very valid points made in this forum, and like most the other threads, sometimes I can say things without fully thinking them through. I am NOT pointing fingers. My reference above was made after remembering a comment made by someone else in another thread where she said, "I use sex on the first date, because maybe if I was good enough, he'll come back again." That really upset me. It made me wonder if this woman really thought she had so little to offer other than her body... perhaps I would have been wiser to have said this part with my other post. Guess I'm human after all and make mistakes too.
If having sex on the first date feels fine for you, by all means I don't disapprove. Who am I to disprove anyway. I began this thread because the dating scene had seemed to evolve beyond my ability to cope, and was seeking insight and understanding and enlightenment. Again, sorry if I offended any of you, it wasn't my intention. | |
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Roaul
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Joined: 4/14/2004
Msg: 74 | |
| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 11/1/2004 7:53:52 AM | | georgie leopard i am also in agreement with you.i could have slept with someone this weekend gone but to me it did not feel like it was the right time since i had only just met her and when i told her that she dumped me but i am happier because i kept to what i respect. | |
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