| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 2:53:50 PM | There a number of issues here. First, those who have pointed out that meeting a guy in a club is not going to lead to a relationship maybe right. However, what is a relationship? How are you defining this? It seems the real issue here revolves about defining our terms and then communicating them clearly.
First, I don't care how or where someone meets a member of the opposite sex: should we end up at someone's home, then as a pervious poster has noted, we are there for sex. Any pretense that it isn't is telling the other person that someone here is crazy....
Two, without sex there is no relationship. And sex is really and truly the one sure way to get to 'know' someone better. It is one more strand in the tapestry of that person. It takes more than conversation(how many bullshit artists--male and female--do we all know)....what kind and how much sex the other person will engage in tells me a lot about that person and just how committed and how deep of a relationship I want to be involved with them. If the sex is great the chances of a great relationship increases, if the sex isn't so good, no chance whatsoever. No man will spend the rest of his life with a 'dead' or 'cold' fish. Think about it logically for just a moment; would you do the 1 to 5 year LTR or the marriage with someone who wasn't as interested in the one thing that motivates you(and yes, most guys are motivated by sex--lots of sex--if they aren't it means they are probably dead or into something else).
Three, it is not how people treat their pets or even kids that reveal how worthy they are as a person but their parents. If the parents are physically ok but been warehoused in a nursing home for convenience, you can bet that person will 'shelve' you too.
That all having been said, the issue of him not calling back lead to several intrepretations: he may not have liked the sex; he may have only wanted a one-night stand(weird term when we consider that both parties are lying down); his phone is disconnected.
I'm sure there are a few other but that should give you a few ideas.
Hope that helps. | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 3:10:57 PM | It's an individual thing, but for alot of guys, if they sleep with you, it's because you obviously have chemistry, and certainly would want to know you better, in fact, alot of relationships develop from this kind of scenario. So I don't think, it makes you not worth a relationship. Would we call you? I do lmao... I think if the perception was a one-night thing, and that was all it was gonna be...then maybe not, but if he wants your number, and you actually spent some time talking too...(before or even after the fact lol) then if he hasn't called, maybe he's just busy, or maybe he is wondering when the right time to call you would be...I heard the strangest thing the other nite, like some 3 day rule for calling after being with someone, not trying to look too eager.(lol, if I like you, I call, and I don't care how it looks, but that's me) I've been on the recieving end of that one, on occasion...it's no fun I know.
The one thing I can add....I think the syndrome you refer to is called maturity, and also the difference between a one-night stand, and a potential relationship, in which you sleep together the first nite...if you can figure out which you were both into, then you have your answer. If sparks fly...why wait? lol
Hope it helps.
Herve | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 3:48:23 PM | | Just about every post here describes a game. I think people should do what they want to do, what feels right to them. As far as disrespecting a woman for sleeping with a guy she's just met...that's an insecure guy I wouldn't want anything to do with. | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 3:51:32 PM | | Well the girl should use her better judgement about going home with a guy she just met in a bar or club, usually thats what is on the guy's mind most of the time....In some cases it may just lead to nothing more than a one night stand, then again it can lead to a long-term relationship, maybe even marriage........However at the same time, she needs to think : Just because this guy appears to be what she wanted, he may be more than what she wanted by the end of the night.....I am from a wild city, have heard about women going home with a guy they meet the first night they meet in a bar or club and when they get there, it's a nasty set-up.....there would be other men there waiting to f***....in other words it wouldnt be a mutual thing.....Know what I mean???.......So as far as I am concerned....she shouldnt do it....unless all she is looking for is something sexual | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 4:01:54 PM | I think the guys should clear up something here. It's not a need after they get "worked up" as our Katt has eluded to. It's a want. It plays easier if you describe it as a need but that's bulls***.
You get horny? So what? who doesn't? If two people are willing - it's a good match. If one's not, better go masturbate if you need "relief" that badly. If it was your desire to find a sex partner, you can find that easy enough.
If you want something longer lasting, I think you should explore both if that is what the other person wants and whether or not they are full of s***. that could take time. Don't expect them to call and say " guess what? - I'm full of s***! | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 4:37:02 PM | What you should do is not get yourself in to such a stupid situation. Since when do people go home with someone they just met at a pick up bar and not expect sex? Come on, get a brain in your head. Do you really think guys go to bars to "get to know someone". PLEASE!!!!!! How naive can you be???
Anyway, if you are stupid enough to be surprised that he came on to you at your house, obviously, it is still your right to refuse him if you choose. He'd probably get pissed. I would get pissed, but oh well. Next time, don't be so stupid and don't bring guys home from bars and expect to "get to know them". Meet people at clubs you join, or from whatever social group you are a part of, DO NOT EXPECT A RELATIONSHIP FROM A GUY AT A BAR!!!!!!!!
Jeez, women are so dumb sometimes. | |
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Rake
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Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 58 | |
| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 4:37:30 PM | I can only speak for myself but what always turns me on is a woman that is supremely confident in who she is. So if I am pressing and she decides to act on that because she is giving in then its a turn off but if she does so because she wants to play her part in the give and take game of seduction then its a turn on. Conversely, if she turns me down but does so because she is afraid that she will ruin things then it will show and it will be a turn off....but if she says no because thats what she wants to do as part of her seduction then its on.....so you see, it has less to do with what she does than how she does it.....its about confidence and playfulness and being true to yourself in every circumstance.....confidence....to me its the sexiest thing about a woman.... next to her neck and shoulders of course.
BRAVO! Skylar! NO GAMES!
HAHANOW...its ALL about the game ;-) | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 5:00:38 PM | In response to your questions throughout this thread TallyKat:
"What should she do?"
Firstly, she created this situation by going back to his place. It does not however mean you have to have sex with him but it is implied by making this move on the first date. After all, how much can you know about a guy in a few hours in a nightclub?
If you go to the home of a strangers only hours after you know him then he might think he's in there.
"Sex on the first night - Does this ruin a possible relationship?"
Personally I'd have to go with yes but it really all depends on the circumstances.
1.Nightclub - lust yes - really how much information can you find out there?
2.Dinner - possible if you click but then it all depends on the type of click etc.
The problem with the nightclub is information and I think that at the back of his/my mind is "if she's so willing when we've just meet - who's to say she won't be the same with the next guy around the corner or friends? after all she barely knows me and I could be anyone"
We guys don't get this women's intuition thing you girls all seem to have.
"If you were the guy in this situation, what should she do? What would turn u on the most?"
Firstly don't get in that situation unless you have decided - it make you out to be the one playing the games.
Pick up a pen and write your number down (say nothing) and leave - he'll get the point!
If your just talking about turn on and I'd known you a bit before then - I'd go with the dance strip which would work for me:-)
"And if she does give in ....... why does he not call??????"
because she gave in - personally I like women with strong wills. Besides he got his quick fix without really getting to know you therefore he feels little responsibility for how you feel - it may have been all he really wanted in the first place which you may have found out if you'd chatted more.
"What could the girl do to make him want to spend time, besides sex that one night?"
firstly and this may sound silly but don't go to his place!
After club, taking him to an all night coffee shop/ or anywhere quiet where there are a few people around.
I'd go with leaving the number and going out another time - if he's interested he'd call.
"what if The girl dresses very sexy, and can dance."
In reference too? take him dancing! love a good dancer - teasing is good but don't go overboard - the mind is a very interesting toy!
"what goes through your mind through out that evening?"
When? You mean if I were him?
Ok - club meeting - sexy girl shows interest (you'll have to explain the "makes it obvious" comment)
we dance/ chat - I give her my number if I'm interested - if I get hers before I offer then I'm flattered (I make a mental note)
If I were to blurt out asking her back by some arbitrary reason then I suppose I'd pick something better then movies. Unless that was my intent in letting her know we had no intention of doing that i.e straight to sex.
If by some reason she agrees then I'd expect she understands why we were going there. This leaves you to your change of mind which, he may think your just playing with him especially as you were willing to go there.
Understanding is key. know what you want and what actions to take to achieve it. | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 5:05:24 PM |
Besides he got his quick fix without really getting to know you therefore he feels little responsibility for how you feel - it may have been all he really wanted in the first place which you may have found out if you'd chatted more.
Even that's no guarantee that the guy you *thought* you knew through chatting doesn't end up to be a dirty bird.
^^Speaks from experience. | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 5:12:53 PM | Still the central issue seems to be that both genders are playing some game--both are on the same court as it were but neither is playing the same game except for those truly rare situations where they have communicated the rules to each other clearly.
JMHO | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 5:38:22 PM | | well i think that's his problem. if she wasn't ready, he should respect her for that. to me it doesn't seem like he is worth having any way. asking her to the house to watch a movie, knowing that wasn't his intention. sounds like a real loser to me. | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 5:41:47 PM | __I see two "no's" and they do not add up to a "right".
__1 - The lady should never have accepted to go to his place at the end of the night. She openned herself for trouble.
__2 - If the guy is expecting some intimacy at his place he should have informed her of that before going to his place. I know, few of us guy's are mature enough to behave properly. This is the world we live in.
__I understand she likes him and wants to get to know him better. I think this calls for a second date. It's to late now for that.
Doc | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 5:52:20 PM | | tally...In my opinion....of course a guy wants sex on the first date.....but he won`t respect you or call you again unless it`s a booty call!!!! No matter what anyone says...sleeping with them on the first date...in their world is someone they CAN`T take home to mother...And that is ultimately what they are looking for...A girl they can respect and take home to mother!!! | |
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Rake
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Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 72 | |
| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 6:12:50 PM | No games absolutely............in a perfect world maybe. *sigh*
I respect your sentiments Babylonia but at the same time I cant help but feel sad that the game of seduction and courtship between a man and woman has become a dirty word.......
how many times have I read "I dont have time for games!" in a woman's profile? But its not their fault that some jack ass sweet talked his way into their heart and stomped all over it on his way out....and why? Mostly because his fragile ego couldnt handle his jealousy or paranoia or need to be validated and so on and so forth.....well I for one would like to say that the game is the best part and that not all men behave badly because they can't handle a woman being a woman in every sense of the word without giving in to their fragile ego and try to control and possess her....
the only way to truly experience a woman in all of her beauty is to enable her to so that she can surrender herself and the only way that can happen is if she trusts a man implicitly and unconditionally....take advantage of her in that state and not only will he never see her like that ever again but chances are that neither will anyone else after him....
and that makes me want to beat the sh it out of something.... | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 6:46:19 PM | tallykatt: I think that in order to answer your question I'd need to recreate with you that scenario in my place! LOL! 
OT: now seriously, girl, the answer is quite simple: do not go to his place the first date, that is a wrong message, particularly if you meet him in a bar for the first time. What a hell would you expect???
Here in America those are the rules. In Europe and Southamerica things are quite different, there is no rules for a first date. I f you sleep with a guy the first night that does not have any negative impact in a future relationship. In Canada may be the same as here in US.
In this part of the continent rules the following pragmatism: want sex--> go to the bar---> catch a baby--> go home---> have sex ---> mission accomplished.
Stupid way of thinking. But I cannot blame anybody, the whole society seems to apply the same pragmatism in different life's areas.
What is in the head of an average man in that moment? Just sex, that's all he is thinking, how great will be. But this is generally talking, each man is different. I would just enjoy the whole fantasy as an adventure with possibilities of something more serious.
Some men unfortunately are blind and cannot see beyond their biological needs, and that creates bad press for the rest of us who have an open-mind and think that if you feel so, go and do it, and f*ck the stupid rules. I have long relationships after an all-inclusive first-date . | |
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