Rake
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Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 76 | |
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gabbyT
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Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 77 | |
| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 7:00:38 PM | I always think that if you go back to some guys house that you are implying that you are interested in sex. If you want to chat someone where to get to know them ...go to a coffee house. You only have sex when you met if that is all it is going to be.
JMO | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 7:14:14 PM | You worked him into a horny frenzy???? Oh come onnnnnn!!!
The guy was up for a f*ck and he could care less about who you were. It's a bar, you don't go to bars to find relationships...it's a big fat lie. Very very rare that you'd find some well intentioned person there, especially if it's a guy. Sorry but 9 out of 10 guys equate bars with pick ups.
I wouldn't go back to a guy's place that I didn't even know especially after bar time...eesh...buddy could easily have raped you and you'd have been another statistic.
And as much as some of the men on here say it won't ruin a relationship prospect if you sleep with him right away...BULLSHIT...that's an outright lie too because although guys do not want to tell you, they have no respect for a woman who beds him right away or that easily...that's just how it is, no matter what they'll tell you otherwise. Any self respecting guy expects a woman to respect herself too...no mattter how much he pressures her...you're being tested...and most of you fail!
I think guys just want to improve their chances of getting laid, I swear.
If there is one thing I know about most men...they do NOT respect the women who sleep with him the first night...and basing any relationship on sex...which it will be if you sleep together that fast...(sexual amnesia)...(what was I in this for again? type thing).
Any man who says "Oh, I'm ok with her sleeping with me the first night...is a damn loser in my opinion and is NOT dateable...period.
Girls, wake up..man this isn't rocket science, have a little self respect and stop believing everything everyone says. | |
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Rake
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Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 79 | |
| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 7:34:12 PM | not all men...if its too easy then where's the fun in that....I've turned down a 3-some with 2 of the hottest girls because they were completely obbliterated.....its the mind that seduces not the body....and if there is no will there's no way as far as Im concerned? I mean what for? To cut another notch on the bedpost? That's kid's stuff...I didnt even stick around when they started making out....how's that for going against the generally accepted truth about men....the thing is that sex is not as easy to obtain for men as it is for women, but then again its not all that hard either....so some men DO want more than just a roll in the hay....a LOT more....heck I can satisfy myself in a way no woman can so its natural to long for something say.....more exotic....more alluring....
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 11:01:12 PM |
And as much as some of the men on here say it won't ruin a relationship prospect if you sleep with him right away...BULLSHIT...that's an outright lie too because although guys do not want to tell you, they have no respect for a woman who beds him right away or that easily...that's just how it is, no matter what they'll tell you otherwise. Any self respecting guy expects a woman to respect herself too...no mattter how much he pressures her...you're being tested...and most of you fail!
I think guys just want to improve their chances of getting laid, I swear.
If there is one thing I know about most men...they do NOT respect the women who sleep with him the first night...and basing any relationship on sex...which it will be if you sleep together that fast...(sexual amnesia)...(what was I in this for again? type thing).
Any man who says "Oh, I'm ok with her sleeping with me the first night...is a damn loser in my opinion and is NOT dateable...period.
Oh please, "any man" who is not thinking about getting it on the first date is ... a) with a bad date or b) on POF starting threads about not getting any | |
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Viper1
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Joined: 6/13/2005
Msg: 81 | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 12:37:07 AM | That's not true either. Pretty much, the guys that go to nightclubs are 18 until they're 45, and what the hell do you want with that anyway?
Second, can you honestly say that after drinking 8 alabama slammers, and god knows how many tequila bodyshots...would you invite some guy home to "watch a movie". We're only human, and most people completely lack open communication, so you're both just running on assumptions. If you want to hook up, say it...if you don't, then make that clear.
Last, quit leaving it up to the guy to call. If you have any REAL interest in somebody, take his number and CALL HIM!! Times have changed, and I've had 3 women take my number and not call. All that demonstrates is a level of immaturity most should hope to surpass by the ripe old age of 18. Deal with it!! Don't take his number if you're not interested...it just makes us that much more frustrated. | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 12:37:49 AM | What I am learning are we women are damned if we do and damned if we dont!
That's not true either. Pretty much, the guys that go to nightclubs are 18 until they're 45, and what the hell do you want with that anyway?
Second, can you honestly say that after drinking 8 alabama slammers, and god knows how many tequila bodyshots...would you invite some guy home to "watch a movie". We're only human, and most people completely lack open communication, so you're both just running on assumptions. If you want to hook up, say it...if you don't, then make that clear.
Last, quit leaving it up to the guy to call. If you have any REAL interest in somebody, take his number and CALL HIM!! Times have changed, and I've had 3 women take my number and not call. All that demonstrates is a level of immaturity most should hope to surpass by the ripe old age of 18. Deal with it!! Don't take his number if you're not interested...it just makes us that much more frustrated. | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 12:43:42 AM | | ok TALLYKATT,you want the truth,see this is what happens your a single guy not getting regular sex everynight,uv worked hard all week and friday night comes along,you go out to a night club and you say to yourself 2night im just gonna talk to a girl,well what happens is you get alot of beautiful girls coming on 2u,and all your thinkn is sht its been a week since i last had sex and this beautiful girl wants to have sex with me,and you end up takin her home and bang she wants it and so do you,BLASTKIST was rite night clubs and bars are not a good place to find a girlfriend,...................then a week later its friday night again,and im saying to myself thats it tonight im going out and im just gona talk,and what you know sex again! | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 1:01:15 AM | Although there are exceptions to the rule, men that pick up women at bars are looking for sex. Simple as that.
If you want to see him again, either get is number or give him yours. I have business cards with my cell number and e-mail address on them, but no home address or anything. That way I can give a guy my card and tell him to call me later.
I would definitely consider going for coffee or food with a guy after a bar, if we were getting along well, but I would never, ever go to his place as sex would be the general expectation. That is, he might be expecting sex, or he might think that since you agreed to go home with him that you want sex and he should go for it, even if he hadn't intended to.
I (and most other women, I think) have been in the situation where you can be making out with a guy, and suddenly something just doesn't feel right. You don't want it to go any further, but you don't want to hurt his feelings or piss him off. It's a really difficult situation.
One of my male friends had a huge fight with a girl he was dating because she had this happen to her. He was too busy thinking about his raging hard-on to think that maybe she was nervous about the situation and be patient with her. This otherwise nice guy blew up at her and ordered her to leave. When he talked to me about it later, I pointed out what she was probably thinking, and he realised he'd been an ass. I think men only have enough blood in their bodies to be able to use one head at a time, so if you don't want to go any further, SAY SO, and SAY WHY. But as for meeting a guy in a bar, don't be dumb. If he's not willling to wait and call you when he's sober, then all he wants is sex.
It doesn't matter how much you like him and how muchyou want to go home and cuddle with him that first night, you will not die from going home and sleeping alone. You could die from going home with a guy you know nothing about! | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 1:43:02 AM | What goes on in a guy's mind?????
Whether it's a complete gentleman or one of those idiots who thinks that every woman in the world should sleep with him, a man's mind is always on sex in one way or another.
In a bar situation, if you go home with a man, he's thinking that there's a pretty good chance you're going to have sex with him. It doesn't matter if he's the sweetest guy around or if he's a complete jerk, his mind is working on overdrive on what to do next. He's not paying as much attention to the movie as you think he is. He's studying your every subtle move, every sound you make, how you react to his touches. He wants to have sex. He's capable of waiting until another day. What he's trying to figure out is "If I don't make this move tonight, am I going to get another chance?". Men will typically decide that he'd better just go ahead and "go for it" that night. I mean "Hey! We DID pick each other up at the bar".
If you really did consider this guy to be someone you might want to have a relationship with......and didn't want to "ruin the possibility of a relationship" by sleeping with him on the first night, don't go home with him the first night. Go to Denny's and talk unti the sun comes up. You're able to get to know him with a little less tension and you can plan out an evening where sex is possibly in the works with a clearer head. If he was only leaving the bar with you to get laid, then this wouldn't have worked for him and you don't have to worry about "feeling guilty".
We're guys. Sex is always on our minds no matter how noble our intentions. We're having as hard a time trying to you women out as women are trying to figure us out. Most people truly want someone special to compliment our lives and vice versa. Most of us want sex at some point in the near future. It doesn't have to be tonight, but we really don't want it to be next year either.
Tell the guy "Hey, I'd like to get to know you better. Let's go out again, this time somewhere different."
If it's truly a relationship with him you desire, he'll go for it. If not, he's obviously not the guy for you. | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 5:59:07 AM | the worst thing a girl can do is go back to the guys place on the night they just met...unless she is sure she is going to have sex with him....
if the guy asks her back to his place and she says yes ,,but tells him there is no sex...it sends out mixed signals....i am respectful of what the woman chooses but most guys hopes are built up of getting sex if the girl comes back...why do u think the "paws" start going...its because we are trying to find the "on" button...
better if the girl just leaves her number then goes home alone and calls the next day or somethign if she is interested..that way she doesnt come across as easy.
women should be more careful ..us men are animals.!!! | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 8:31:55 AM |
I respect your sentiments Babylonia but at the same time I cant help but feel sad that the game of seduction and courtship between a man and woman has become a dirty word.......
how many times have I read "I dont have time for games!" in a woman's profile? But its not their fault that some jack ass sweet talked his way into their heart and stomped all over it on his way out....and why? Mostly because his fragile ego couldnt handle his jealousy or paranoia or need to be validated and so on and so forth.....well I for one would like to say that the game is the best part and that not all men behave badly because they can't handle a woman being a woman in every sense of the word without giving in to their fragile ego and try to control and possess her....
the only way to truly experience a woman in all of her beauty is to enable her to so that she can surrender herself and the only way that can happen is if she trusts a man implicitly and unconditionally....take advantage of her in that state and not only will he never see her like that ever again but chances are that neither will anyone else after him....
and that makes me want to beat the sh it out of something....
wow what a freakin awesome post! I couldn't have said it better myself. I do want to add some things to this tho. Courtship is a game of seduction. A woman longs to surrender herself to a man she trusts BUT and here is the big but, as a man, you have a responsibility to NOT take advantage of this situation and leave her feeling like a wreck. This is done by doing the things you say you are going to do. Calling afterwards, actually BEING the man you built up in her mind you said you ARE that got you into this situation in the first place. Not using this guise to get what you want and leave her a mess.
"The game" gets a bad word when the man doesn't live up to the image he's built up in her mind to get her into bed in the first place. Now is the disappointment. You have just wrecked a girl in the place thats the sweetest of them all, her heart. When you infiltrate the heart in a guise to get at the goods, you leave a path of destruction in your wake. If your TRULY sincere and genuine, the heart will feel that and respond accordingly. Be the man you are promising her to be and fulfill your role as a man, not to get sex but as a fulfillment of her desires of what she truly wants in her man. The sweet surrender is all too easy because the heart feels this level of genuine trust and honesty. As a REAL man you have a responsibility and an obligation to meet her needs in the way she wants them met not the way YOU want them met. But of course don't comprimise yourself in the process, because then you will become her puppydog and not her man.
and like unreformed, guys that don't do this make me want to beat the sh it out of something too | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 10:11:42 AM | "Dump the fukers who always want, want, want immediate satisfaction. They don't give a damned about you. You don't mess with em, and dump em immediatly as soon as they show their hand. Why expect much of men? Most think with their peckers. Forget em for about the first 40-50 years. Forget em then at those ages cause they aint worth a shyt anyway. Men and women should go their own ways to their own calling. Sex is overrated, and always ends up secondary in interest in the long run. Stay single, and kick men out the 4th story window if you have one of the pawing creeps. If I were the guy, what would I do? Well if I'm a pawing **stard, I deserve to be told to get the hell out. Personally, I won't ever be in that situation, so it's a mute point."
What ?!?!? And you're still single !? | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 10:25:40 AM | Frankly, this topic get's very tiresome. I stopped thinking about this because every woman is different. I could spend from now to eternity trying to figure out if she wants sex or a relationship if she doesn't tell me. Since she usually is never that direct why should I even bother trying to guess? Really though, what for? She can tell me what she wants and we'll work from there. She can somehow make it clear what her interest in me is. If she doesn't then I'll just help myself and exploit the situation depending on what it is that I want at that particular juncture in time. There's no good argument against that thinking if you believe in fairness. What's good for the goose is good for the gander they say so if you don't tell me what you want I'll just make it clear what I want. If you're not game, oh well, I read ya wrong and that's that. But why should I pass up a good thing because I was too busy trying to figure out what somebody else was thinking? Nobody reads minds so until we do, somebody has to make the move. If I get shot down or blow my chance, c'est la vie but I'm not going to waste time trying to play Inspect'er MindNGadgets.
As to the exact question originally, no she's not a slut nor is he necessarily a pig. She's got a mind and is a big girl. He's trying what she should have known he might try. She can say no and he can try but nobody has to feel bad about anything as long as no crimes are committed. | |
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| Tonight or Tommaro?
Posted: 7/13/2005 10:54:47 AM | Don't deceive yourself. No good relationship starts off with sex on the first day. You will be building a relationship around the most instable variable which is sex. The guy may start having certain expectations of you and unfortunatley he may not respect you much afterwords.
So to answere your questions
STOP!! If your even slightly interested in this guy the only thing that sex on the first date will do is trivialize what could be a good relationship.
Sex on the first date may not ruin a possible relationship but it may greatly hinder it. Besides if its a longterm thing don't you want to remember the first time for more than a inspicious sexual encounter.
As a guy it would suck to be fully into the "moment" and for her to stop but if he likes you for more than a one night stand he will understand as long as you explain to him what you feel.
He has no respect for you and besides he is probably busy getting a STD check to make sure he is clean from the experience. In his mind he is prababley wondering how many guys you have done that with. | |
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Rake
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Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 94 | |
| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 2:10:58 PM |
A woman longs to surrender herself to a man she trusts BUT and here is the big but, as a man, you have a responsibility to NOT take advantage of this situation and leave her feeling like a wreck. This is done by doing the things you say you are going to do. Calling afterwards, actually BEING the man you built up in her mind you said you ARE that got you into this situation in the first place. Not using this guise to get what you want and leave her a mess.
"The game" gets a bad word when the man doesn't live up to the image he's built up in her mind to get her into bed in the first place. Now is the disappointment. You have just wrecked a girl in the place thats the sweetest of them all, her heart. When you infiltrate the heart in a guise to get at the goods, you leave a path of destruction in your wake. If your TRULY sincere and genuine, the heart will feel that and respond accordingly. Be the man you are promising her to be and fulfill your role as a man, not to get sex but as a fulfillment of her desires of what she truly wants in her man. The sweet surrender is all too easy because the heart feels this level of genuine trust and honesty. As a REAL man you have a responsibility and an obligation to meet her needs in the way she wants them met not the way YOU want them met. But of course don't comprimise yourself in the process, because then you will become her puppydog and not her man.
and like unreformed, guys that don't do this make me want to beat the sh it out of something too
THANK YOU! I love it when one good is followed by another!
Your post picks up where mine leaves off.
Good thing too because pointing out a problem without offering a solution is about as useful as lending a hand to a one-legged man in an a$$ kicking contest: its useless and only pi$$es people off....
What I point out, you flesh out....I think I will re-read your post just to remind myself of what's key vs. what's just a lot of hot air.
thanks again! | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 2:49:08 PM | Well, blaskist is obviously a hater. Blaskist, the last time I had sex on a first date was in May of 2002. She and I just separated a few months ago, and are still very good friends. (I did not meet her at a bar!)
I agree with a lot of what is being said on this forum. Guys picking up chicks at bars, and taking them home the first night are after sex. If you are looking for a long term relationship, then don't use the bar as a medium to meet people to date.
I love going to the club, but am very reluctant to meet a girl there. Of course, we have to realize that decent people go to the bar, too! Just be careful. I would never ask a girl over that night, and I would never take a girl home that asked to come over that night. Hell, I wouldn't even get that girl's number. Someday, she'll be at the bar again, asking someone else to take her home.
The only girl I will seek out after meeting her at a bar is if she gives me her number, or asks me for hers (I won't ask first). Definitely stay away from people wanting to hook up that night. | |
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| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 3:17:56 PM | blastkist has it right.
Tho to be fair it's not just guys doing this to women.
When you meet someone in a bar and show an interest they think you either
A; have a genuine interest
or
B; just want sex
Agreeing to go home with someone you just met after a night of drinking... which one do they think YOU are?
If your interest is genuine, then get his (or her) number and follow it up when you are both sober. | |
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bobops
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Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 98 | |
| Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 4:46:40 PM | | unless she said she wanted to go have sex then she shouldnt feel guilty about anything. a woman should have the right to like a guy, want to spend quiet time with him, make out, pet, whatever without having to feel like she has to give up the booty that night! if he is a REAL man he will understand and respect her for having "self respect". if he is really interested then he should have to put the time and energy into her and the relationship. when the time comes that they are both ready it will be better for both of them anyway. | |
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