Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Sticky Situation      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Sticky SituationPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

For example, I'm trying to find a woman that is strong enough to come forward to note when she is in discomfort during a date, compassionate enough to say it in a tactful manner, and does it not because society dictates that she does or that she thinks it is a "public service" to do it but because deep down inside it is among her scruples. What do I offer in return? The same.



Sun Devil 92, What you're saying makes sense in theory, and I'm not saying for sure that I wouldn't tell the guy if it were me. It would really depend on the guy and the situation. If it were merely food stuck in his teeth, a booger, or an open fly, I'd probably point and say something along the lines of "Bat in the cave." or "XYZ.", because I'd want to know if the situation were reversed.

On the other hand, spitting is a more delicate situation because it is much more personal and is not something that can necessarily be easily corrected. He may have a dental problem or speech impediment, and may already be aware of the problem, but can't help it. Even if extreme tact is used, it would still be very difficult for me to say something in this case. I'd be curious to know what exact words you'd use to convey the message.
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 52
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 8:32:03 AM
I'd be curious to know what exact words you'd use to convey the message.

"Bob, I can tell from just talking with you that you are really a great guy - my friends were right when they mentioned that about you. However, it seems from time to time that you seem to be spitting on me as you talk. I'm not sure whether it is a dental problem or speech impediment (and go into great detail to discuss if you are curious), but really it is something that makes me feel uncomfortable. Is there something that you can do keep it down?"

You see, that isn't the Declaration of Independence there, and it conveys what us guys (and gals in similar circumstances) would like to hear. Think about it: if the table was turned, wouldn't you want to know? If you had a similar situation (maybe your voice pitch annoys me), wouldn't you rather that I just told you or would you just want me to squirm in a chair while you're just trying to guess what it is?
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 9:36:29 AM

Think about it: if the table was turned, wouldn't you want to know? If you had a similar situation (maybe your voice pitch annoys me), wouldn't you rather that I just told you or would you just want me to squirm in a chair while you're just trying to guess what it is?



It's hard to say what I'd do if I were in that situation. If the tables were turned, I'd probably be intuitive enough to notice if my date were squirming and ask him what was wrong. I don't think we ever really know how we're going to react in a situation until it actually happens to us.
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 54
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 9:48:33 AM
I guess I have and I am. Now when a date just isn't working out, or I feel uncomfortable, I bring it up then and there, in a tactful way.

I will admit - it wasn't always the case when I got back into the dating world. I used to just "play along" and tell them at a later time, "It's not you; it's me," or something lame like that. However, I've found that for the most part women really appreciate it when you bring something up or that a date isn't working to just say so. Then, after thinking about it, I realized as a guy it is something that I would want as well.

And as for this:

If the tables were turned, I'd probably be intuitive enough to notice if my date were squirming and ask him what was wrong.

Well, then you're assuming that he would tell you. After all, earlier on in the thread, it is apparently acceptable to not disclose since "we're not responsible to tell others, so we don't have to" ...

You see what I mean? This whole line of reasoning becomes difficult, just because people don't want to directly communicate with one another. Just my opinion.
 zephyrmoon1
Joined: 9/25/2009
Msg: 55
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 10:11:30 AM

After all, earlier on in the thread, it is apparently acceptable to not disclose since "we're not responsible to tell others, so we don't have to" ...

That is not at all what people were saying earlier in the thread. They were concerned with embarrassing or angering someone uneccessarily. It was never an issue of not being "responsible to tell others." Go back and re-read the responses, don't just skim.

If we went on a date and you took it upon yourself to tell me you thought I had a big butt, for instance, I would not welcome your opinion. Presumably, I cannot immediately do anything about my big butt, and I would simply think you're a jerk -- and probably feel hurt and rejected, too.

Your "truth at any cost" views may be loftily ideal, but it isn't reality. And really, you'd ask someone "Do you have a speech impediment?" That isn't helpful, it's rude.
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 56
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 10:52:30 AM
That is not at all what people were saying earlier in the thread. They were concerned with embarrassing or angering someone uneccessarily. It was never an issue of not being "responsible to tell others." Go back and re-read the responses, don't just skim.

Uhm ... many of the responses were making him sound like a water works. I was being generous to not bring them up. (Seriously, you did see those?) I wasn't seeing too much compassion with the guys situation. And what I was responding to was this section from the OP:

I'm honest and direct with those who are close to me.
However I do not think is my place to go around telling people I hardly know what is it that they should change to make themselves more "marketable".
Specially when I do not know that person and probably will never see him again.


That sure sounds like a "not my responsibility" response if I ever saw one.

If we went on a date and you took it upon yourself to tell me you thought I had a big butt, for instance, I would not welcome your opinion. Presumably, I cannot immediately do anything about my big butt, and I would simply think you're a jerk -- and probably feel hurt and rejected, too.

Your "truth at any cost" views may be loftily ideal, but it isn't reality. And really, you'd ask someone "Do you have a speech impediment?" That isn't helpful, it's rude.


You see, I used to feel this way, but I ran into more responses from women of, "Hey, I thought we really hit it off during the first date," when it fact in the back of my mind I was thinking, "God, she is just not a match and I really don't want to date her ever again." Thus, it turned out that after the date in some sort of call I would have to give out the lame lines like, "It's not you, it's me," or something equally as stupid, and in fact it made me out to be *more* of a jerk than when I say it is not a match during the date if not for the simple reason that I'm leading her on each minute beyond the time when I know she isn't the match for me.

Probably for the "big butt" scenario, I would tactfully bring up all of the things that she possesses that I think does make her cool. However, that I would probably say that I'm into thinner women (if it was a problem for me to the point of not wanting to date her any longer, at least to the point where I'm just going to squirm in my chair all night just to be around her) and thus say we in my opinion it is just not a good match. No one is saying that we are trying to not be hurtful and that rejection isn't going to happen. Once you decide you don't want to date this person any longer, you've crossed that line anyways. What we are saying is that most of us just want to be dealt with honestly, and that the hurt and pain of rejection is blunted when you are being dealt with honestly and with compassion. (As a side note, do you think that it is compassionate to share his spitting adventure on a dating message board?)

And yes, I would ask if the reason behind the spitting while he's talking is some form of speech impediment - and I would say it in a very calm and understanding tone. I would say it in the spirit of, "If there is a physical reason for spitting while talking, I fully understand," and would say such if a person asked why I was questioning the wonder of speech impediment. I'd explain because maybe there is something that he can do to help, or that maybe in a week he was going to have oral surgery to have it fixed. (Didn't see that one coming, huh? You rarely do unless you ask and broach the subject honestly - it's called communication.)
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 11:13:01 AM
I certainly get your point Sun Devil. Rather than a way of shirking responsibility I tend to view things through a lens of privacy and judgment. And also, to a lessor extent, consider my investment in that person.

Hmm, I am having difficulty here finding the words. A piece of errant spinach or an overly friendly hunk of toilet paper, I have absolutely no difficulty telling someone, anyone, about immediately. It has nothing to do with who they are and is something readily repairable.

To make an uninvited personal comment or judgment about someone that is unalterable? hmm, that, to me, is different and takes some reflection over the relative value to the person of my intrusion into their privacy and my judgement of them. (aka overthinking in some circles).

Would I tell someone I wasn't interested in dating them because of their huge, honking great nose or annoying post-nasel drip? Probably not.
If someone had bad teeth and was constantly getting food stuck in them when they ate? Yep, I'd tell and also continue to be their mirror in the future.

I was torn over this one because I feel he would be served to know the reason, but it is an invasive and personal subject. What tips it for me is it is a condition that would render someone virtually undateable and there does seem to be something he could do about it.
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 58
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 11:36:44 AM
Rather than a way of shirking responsibility I tend to view things through a lens of privacy and judgment. And also, to a lessor extent, consider my investment in that person.

You see, I'm not saying it is a responsibility. What I am saying is that it is a scruple, that deep down inside if there is something that you know about a person that might help them, you tell them. However, I'm seeing that the above is just dodge the whole item. After all, you could start the whole conversation on disclosure by saying, "There's something that is making me feel uncomfortable in our date, but for me to disclose it, I'm afraid that it might be viewed as a judgment and possibly an request about privacy information. Do you feel comfortable discussing it?" If no, then you can say you he's a nice guy, but really the two of you aren't a good match and leave. If he feels comfortable talking about it, then progress to what I mentioned above and disclose things.

You don't have to squirm in your seat like you are in elementary school waiting for the bell to ring, and then afterwards broadcast it all over the internet. Just my opinion.

To make an uninvited personal comment or judgment about someone that is unalterable? hmm, that, to me, is different and takes some reflection over the relative value to the person of my intrusion into their privacy and my judgement of them. (aka overthinking in some circles).

But you see, you have already made a judgment - you're saying that you're not going to date them ever again. If anything, what I am saying is making a "hypothesis" by disclosing what you "think" the situation is and asking to see if we wishes to clarify things. That is what is wonderful about communication. Then you can make a completely informed decision, or at least willing to give him a chance to provide information.

Then, if he's not comfortable, then make your decision, disclose that decision (ie. "Let see other people"), and stop by Wendy's on the way home to get a frosty.

And finally, there is a note of compassion here. Don't you think this guy should know if he has a situation which makes him undateable? The assumption here is that he knows, but may not be the case. Maybe he's on the fence "about the grand surgery" and that input like this will convince him that he should do it and it is a problem. I know I'd tell a woman, albeit it in a compassionate way ... and I will give you one thing: before going down the line of thinking, I would broach with them if they would be willing to discuss such a personal item that is considered in judgment. If not, then good evening - but I wouldn't be spending the entire night as Sir Squirm-a-lot.
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 59
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 11:45:35 AM
Oh, and I forgot to put in my previous response before the timeout:

One reason why I act the way that I do is because (although subversively), I can hear the voice say, "Sweetie, don't worry ... I'll let you know what you need to know." When my parents were alive, they hated this with a passion. Thus, it is back to the adage, "Do onto others as you would want to be done onto you."

To me, by saying to yourself, "Yeah, he's spitting on me, but I'm not going to disclose this out of sensitivity," it is like saying, "Sweetie, don't worry ... I'll let you know what you need to know." How is that respectful?
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 60
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 12:37:10 PM
I have a few close friends (women) 2 of them are direct to the point of being cruel.
I cringe just thinking what their poor dates felt when told these things.

Now ,I don't think is my place, duty, responsibility, to tell this man , he has a very noticeable condition, that NOBODY around him, not close friends, no relatives, co-workers, neighbors, the person who bags his tomatoes at trader joes,have NOT TOLD him about.
But here comes a perfect stranger (ME) and now I Am the one to care more than anybody he has ever known to let him know about his spitting??

If you Sun Devil, feel like it is YOURS,(responsibility) you do as you feel, you "use to play along" right? But now that you changed your mind, everybody should? The things you are pointing out to your dates, food stuck on teeth etc, are temporary and not personal, I do make people aware of those , no problem.

Like Zephyrmoon said: "Your truth at any cost may be ideal but it isn't a reality"
Golden Moon Rose said:It's hard to say what I'd do if I were in that situation. If the tables were turned, I'd probably be intuitive enough to notice if my date were squirming and ask him what was wrong. I don't think we ever really know how we're going to react in a situation until it actually happens to us.

I would like to be with someone who is more aware of his own body, he is a person that is not in touch with his, at all. He noticed what I was doing but he doesn't see spit flying my way? He noticed I was uncomfortable but he didn't say anything, if he had asked me, I would have said something right there, but I saw there was no reason to stay.
Also Kissing someone like this is as much fun as drowning, so I know is just NOT for me.

I would have said something to him IF an only IF I wanted to continue seeing him.
But after his reaction, it tells me not only he is not aware of his own bodily functions (bad in many more ways than spitting) but he isn't tolerant of others, since he was the one NOT wanting to see me again, he didn't really want to find out from me, what was going on, he TERMINATED me.

Where is his compassion towards me?

Did he call me after to ask me if I did crack? no! Did he think maybe I was just nervous and not even then he wanted to go out for a second date?

Two strikes in one night=no input from me. Sorry, I didn't say I was Mother Teresa.

I'm not out to save the world from being a bad date.

We all do the best we can, don't we?

But if you feel like being ,Captain Scruples save the spitters,go on, nobody is stopping you,Sun Devil

In any case I did get lots of good input here to my original question that was :


So, have you ever been in this situation?
How did you handle it?
Did the other person know he/she was doing that??
Is this something you could overlook?

Thanks to all.
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 61
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 1:08:14 PM
I have a few close friends (women) 2 of them are direct to the point of being cruel.
I cringe just thinking what their poor dates felt when told these things.


If I was living in LA, I would ask you to pass along their information. They sound like the type of women that I would like to date, and frankly a lot of guys would be in this boat. You may ask them some time how their dates actually took their honesty and directness. I know for me it is a turn-on.

If you Sun Devil, feel like it is YOURS,(responsibility) you do as you feel, you "use to play along" right? But now that you changed your mind, everybody should?

Keep in mind that I said it isn't a responsibility a couple of responses ago. You're only responsible for yourself, and any minors that you may have. However, you noted that the guy was nice. Wow, it would have honest and direct, while showing sensitivity, to a nice guy (as you noted your friends say) in a spirit of compassion.

And as for I used to not say something, but now I do: I note only in the spirit of that I have been on both sides of the fence on this issue. I know on the other side, it must really look draconian. However, it really isn't, and people are really appreciative when you are honest and direct to them, even if it is to the point of cruelty. Frankly, people are starving for honesty and directness in their life.

I would have said something to him IF an only IF I wanted to continue seeing him. But after his reaction, it tells me not only he is not aware of his own bodily functions (bad in many more ways than spitting) but he isn't tolerant of others, since he was the one NOT wanting to see me again, he didn't really want to find out from me, what was going on, he TERMINATED me. Where is his compassion towards me?
Did he call me after to ask me if I did crack? no! Did he think maybe I was just nervous and not even then he wanted to go out for a second date?


Yeah, it sounds like he gave you back your line of reasoning in spades. Everyone is tearing down each other. So now, in your mindsets he's "Sir Spit-a-Lot" and in his mindset you are "Ms. Crack Shake." (edit: On, and by the way, we guys talk to one another about women - and sometimes we take the feedback, even from Sir Spit-a-Lot ... who knows, that cute guy you had your eye on might listen, and frankly the qualities of someone who shakes like they are on crack is not something we're normally looking for as guys ...) And the best news is that you both are sharing your information with family and friends. Maybe that wouldn't have happened if you decided to communicate with one another.

And we don't do things because we think others will reciprocate. We do it because as human beings it is in our scruples. Otherwise, all we end up being is a community with the mentality of kindergarten kids. "Billy pulled my hair so now I'm going to pull his." Okay ...

Anyways, in answer to your questions:

So, have you ever been in this situation?

I have never been in a "spitting" situation, but I have been in a situation where I felt awkward for me to be with them the entire night.

How did you handle it?

I now am direct with them and disclose the situation. I used to just be quiet, squirm, and then tell them over an e-mail, "Let's just be friends," but I found that to be more cruel. In fact, I have found that the women appreciate it when I am honest and direct.

Did the other person know he/she was doing that??

Depending on why they were making me squirm, sometimes yes, sometimes no. However, the point wasn't that other people were noticing because I don't base my decisions on other people. I'm not a lemming.

Is this something you could overlook?

Well, if it was something that would make me squirm, no I could not overlook it. For this situation, I probably wouldn't overlook someone spitting on me while talking. I'd bring it up with them.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 62
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 2:19:26 PM
"If I was living in LA, I would ask you to pass along their information. They sound like the type of women that I would like to date, and frankly a lot of guys would be in this boat. You may ask them some time how their dates actually took their honesty and directness. I know for me it is a turn-on. "

Operative word, IF, you were living in LA.
Obviously you don't or ever have lived in LA to make that comment.



Also he is 35 you are 42 SunDevil. Maybe by the time he is 42 he'll be able to take criticism and even welcome it, as you do, experience and maturity come with age.

Maybe age plays a big part here and character. I wouldn't be upset if someone told me about me , IF , It was in a kind manner either.
I wrote a thread before about that, my hair falling in my date's bathroom and his reaction to that. "Let me give you the tour" was called, still here around somewhere.

All I have heard from my close friends and my own family members is retaliation and dislike from the people the truth was told to.
Those guys who were told the reasons why not a second date from my GFs , at least 5 of them didn't take it too kindly, they kept leaving messages calling them fat and gold digger in as many different ways as they could use those two words.
Granted my GFs aren't ambassadors of kindness either.
One of them needed a restraining order as an encouragement to stop calling.
So, you can see why my reluctant and careful approach to this very touchy subject.
To tell or not to tell
Thanks for your input, now I know there are some men out there who want to hear the truth, apparently none of them living in LA or in their late 20' early 30's so far,but it's a start.
That's why the forums are fun, you get to know what other people think.
 1simplyamy
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 63
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 9:11:16 PM
Learnng about other people and how they think & feel is (my opinion) the best part of POF in the profiles and forums.

Inquiring minds would like to know has the date been informed of the problem or left yet, to figure it out?
 1simplyamy
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 64
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 9:14:52 PM
sorry about my typo . . . learning

And I guess, what if forgot to ask from you experienced female fishies is there a better way to handle these "situations"?
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 10:15:00 PM

And I guess, what if forgot to ask from you experienced female fishies is there a better way to handle these "situations"?



For me, the answer to that question is no. The people, places, and situations will always be different, and you'll just have to use your best judgment. I have found from personal experience that honesty is not ALWAYS the best policy.

It's easy to sit back and say, "The OP handled that wrong, and I would have done X instead." but unless you are the one experiencing it, you can never be certain that you would have done things any differently. I think sometimes when something that outrageous happens, you go into a kind of temporary "paralysis" and you don't know how to respond to it until much later after the fact.
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 66
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 10:26:38 PM
I have found from personal experience that honesty is not ALWAYS the best policy.

You know, I actually agree with this. However, just explain that you feel uncomfortable and then ask whether it is ok to broach with them the subject since you understand that there is an element of judgment and privacy involved with it. Then you have two choices:

1) If he says no he doesn't want to talk about it, then explain that you two are not a good match and wish him a good night.

2) If he says yes, then be honest and direct but in a compassionate manner. The point is never to insult, just inform in a sensitive manner.

What has me shaking my head is the decision to just sit there and squirm while he spits on you. So if he starts hurling insults about you and your family, you're just going to sit there? I'm sorry, overall I really do like giving the benefit of the doubt, but I know I wouldn't have just sat there while a woman spat on me the entire night.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/12/2009 10:39:28 PM

What has me shaking my head is the decision to just sit there and squirm while he spits on you. So if he starts hurling insults about you and your family, you're just going to sit there? I'm sorry, overall I really do like giving the benefit of the doubt, but I know I wouldn't have just sat there while a woman spat on me the entire night.


I tend to use humor to difuse uncomfortable situations. After it happened a couple of times, I might have just laughed and said "Whoops... you got me there!" and wiped my cheek with my napkin. That might have made him aware enough of his problem to where he didn't repeat it again. Did you read that thread about what to do when your date passes gas? I might employ a similar tactic here using the same type of humor, but it would really depend on the man.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 68
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/13/2009 11:12:28 AM
Hi Simplyamy!
The whole date lasted about 15 to 20 minutes by the way, he sprayed me 3 times and that's when I thought I had to leave before dinner came and I had to eat spit.
So, no I didn't sit there the whole night.
Update:
Spitter called my co-worker last night.
He asked if she had a chance to talk to me.
She said, Yes, I did tell her you wanted to pass on a second date.
He said he had changed his mind and wanted to give me a second chance.
She said" Uh, I don't know if she is going to go for it now.

-What did you tell her is the reason I didn't want to go out with her again?

I just told her you thought she was too hyper for you.

-He said, I'll call her and ask her anyway, there is an office party I have to go to.

She said, Well,before you call, there is one thing she mentioned about you, I don't know if it's because you are tall and she is shorter or are you wearing braces lately?, but she felt like you "sprayed" her a couple of times while you were talking.

-SILENCE

That's the only thing she mention she didn't like about you.

-I don't know what she is talking about.

Do you have a gap between you teeth, that I haven't seen?I'm sorry I'm asking you this.

-No, I don't have a gap and I don't spray!
You know what? Just forget it! It wasn't really a good match, but I thought I would give it a try for the holidays, thanks anyway...click!

OK. That went well.
Happy Holidays Fishes!
 green.apple
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/13/2009 11:20:06 AM


Offer them a mouth umbrella
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/13/2009 2:21:32 PM

I don't know if it's because you are tall and she is shorter or are you wearing braces lately?, but she felt like you "sprayed" her a couple of times while you were talking.



OP, did the man wear braces? That might have had something to do with the spraying. Maybe he was just getting used to them. They can be spit-trappers.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 71
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/13/2009 2:26:26 PM
No visible braces, or mouth gards.
I saw a bit of a Gap, but I was trying not to stare.
That might be the culprit.

I went out with a guy who had the invisible braces on, but he told me right away, that's why he was talking funny.

This one, no clue and no wish to know he is......a little moist!
 pnut mnms
Joined: 11/8/2009
Msg: 72
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/13/2009 6:21:10 PM
forumfishie, it's too bad he won't accept tht he has any faults when your friend told him the truth. How much do you wanna bet we'll see an "Ask A Girl" post from a man who wants to know why women are so squirmy on his dates?!
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 73
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/13/2009 6:39:03 PM
Personally, I would expect that he would have denied them with the conversation with the friend - in fact, I put it in earlier response. Think about it: a good friend of his telling him that he spits during his date. First, he's probably a little embarassed that the OP told the situation to his friend. Second, then there is the fact that the friend, someone who wasn't even at the date, is sharing with you something of a personal nature to him. The key is what he does over time - after the conversation and is allowed to think things through what conclusion he makes at that time. It is good that he was told and it needed to be done, but I do feel for him in his situation.

The more I think about it, really no one wins in this whole situation:

- The OP is lead through a lousy date of spitting,
- The date is known as a spitter, to the point that his friend is accusing him of being a spitter,
- The friend/co-worker had to tell the date that he is a spitter.

It's so depressing. However, this has very little with spitting - and the OP noted it in the first three lines of the opening post:

One of my co-workers kept talking about her neighbor.
How cute he is, how he opens the door for her when she has grocery bags to carry, he even gave her his parking space once for a whole month while she was recovering from surgery.

OK, so I finally said yes, to meeting him.....tonight.


You know all of the old public service commercials, "Friends don't let friends drive drunk."? They should extend it to:

"Friends don't set other friends up with dates."
"Friends don't accept the date set-up from other friends."

The thing is that I was going to get on the fact that she let it go for even twenty minutes, but the thing is that when we date people set up by friends, we date the person ... and in extension we're dating our friend. If she bolted right from the start, then there is the situation of offending her friend, ie. "How come you never gave Bob a chance?" So I'll give that benefit of the doubt - but the moral of the story is to not go out on date set-ups.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 74
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/13/2009 8:34:54 PM
Well, Sun Devil, I have to admit ,you sure are the best Monday Morning Quarterback, I have ever met!

You are just not happy with any outcome, are you? lol

I told you he wasn't going to be all agreeable!

No man, has ever been, when rejected or told they are not adequate for one or more reasons! I know some women are like that too, I just don't date women, so I'm not aware of how much or in what ways.

You have been in an uncomfortable date too, maybe not spitting , but you said in one of your posts you were on a date where you were uncomfortable the whole nigh, 20min, goes by quickly, specially if you are trying in your head to make sense of the situation.

I have been in dates that lasted 5min, because the content of the conversation was completely inappropriate, I have no problem standing up for myself.
You are making it sound, like he could be saying my grandma is a lady of the night and I stood there nodding with content.

So I guess ,Damn if you do and Damn if you don't, then?
I tried not to be judgmental, nobody is perfect, some people have a gut, some have no chin, some talk too much, this guy spat. And you are right, I was taking into consideration, that I met him through my co-worker.

As far as coming here and saying that Billy pulled my hair, well, these are the forums, people come here to talk about their experiences and ask for opinions.
Nobody forced you to participate on the discussion and I appreciate your point of view, different than most.
But that is why this place is fun, but you, my friend ,are in fierce need of a session of .........................LIGHTEN UP!

These here are Opinions that's all, suggestions, experiences.
Don't take it so seriously!
Who knows, maybe you'll even.......... enjoy yourself.

 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 75
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/13/2009 8:52:55 PM
Actually, I thought I was giving you the benefit of the doubt by saying that you probably let him get away with more than others due to the situation ... frankly I understood how difficult it would be to be with someone on a set-up. However, if it was taken as an offense, I'll take back the comment. As for the rest, I was just providing a different opinion of why he reacted the way that he did on the phone.

The thing is that I'm all for having fun and sharing opinions, suggestions, and experiences. But just not at others expense - especially when they may have a oral impediment. I know he probably can't see this thread, but to me with all of the umbrella jokes and such it just doesn't seem right - like something ghoulish. I'll just leave it at that, and wish everyone on the thread a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Sticky Situation