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 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 76
Sticky SituationPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
See, you can't let it go, can you?lol

Do you really think I would post something here if I knew he was going to read it?
Come on!

You might be a little too sensitive or have NOT read other threads, this is pretty mild compared to others.
You do NOT sound like you are having fun. Talking about Spit is Ghoulish? You have to be kidding, right?

And I liked all of the suggestions.

If the content is offensive to you, again, you didn't have to, so extensively participate on this thread.

I guess we know who here had strict parents.
 1simplyamy
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 77
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/14/2009 6:35:01 AM
Thank you ForumFishie for the "sticky situation" update, I have been on the edge of my seat to find out how things turned out. Go you and your friends for trying to help "the spitting date". Maybe over the next few times he meets new people he will realize his problem. Or we can always pray him through his denial . . .

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. And even better fishing !!
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 78
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History
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:57:24 AM
The fact that he got so defensive when he was informed about his problem leads me to believe that it's happened before.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 79
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/14/2009 10:37:28 AM
Simplyamy: The last of it:
He left me a message this morning saying something along the lines:
I'm just calling to say, I don't apreaciate you making up stories about me.
If you didn't want to see me again and you are sore because I beat you to the punch.
You are not even my type , I don't know what (my co-worker)was thinking.


So, again, no thanks for being honest.
If you tell them the truth they get upset. And they insult you.(I'm a sore,liar now)
If you don't, then you didn't do the right thing.You are a coward etc.
I've never met any of these men craving for honesty while rejected anywhere I've lived. If they are alive somewhere , I just have never met them one of them.

Yes, Golden Moon rose, he knows about it very well and he is very defensive.
He doesn't have any apparent malformations of the lips or face so it has to be just too much saliva.
But since he is NOT accepting he even has a problem, well, many more dates to come until he find someone who doesn't mind being "showered"........... with other than gifts.
 jj9499
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 80
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Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/14/2009 11:03:59 AM
Good for you fishie. You did the right thing. Only you and he know the truth, and how he handles the truth is not your concern.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 81
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Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/14/2009 2:16:09 PM

He left me a message this morning saying something along the lines:
I'm just calling to say, I don't apreaciate you making up stories about me.
If you didn't want to see me again and you are sore because I beat you to the punch.
You are not even my type , I don't know what (my co-worker)was thinking.



Wow, forumfishie, the guy basically called you a liar by accusing you of making up stories. Did you defend your position? I think I would have told him off and informed him, "Hey, you have a disgusting habit of spraying it when you're saying it, and I realize the truth probably hurts, but I'm just the messenger and you're projecting your own anger onto me!"
 1simplyamy
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 82
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/14/2009 5:16:22 PM
Didn't see that one coming either . . .
Rather than your being a liar and a "bad sport", it should be suggested by the co-worker that the "spitting date" regularly speak to his bathroom mirror than he can see the results of your "making up stories".

I strongly believe that when we, female forum fishies, find the "right" ones for each of us . . . things that are expected in healthy adult relationships will be appreciated. Things like kindness, sharing, communication, good character, honesty, etc.

I won't change what's best about me, for someone who's NOT worthy of the best I have to offer. Fellow forum fishies, please, don't settle for less than worthy of your best!!
Happy Fishing
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 83
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:48:41 PM
Yes, golden moon rose,I feel like calling him back and ask him to stop behaving like a teenager.

What are the chances that this is the first time he has left a message like that for someone ???

How many times, has he been told about this,and he just reacts like is an insult?

But then again, what is in it for me? More insults? He is not going to come around.
He wants to find a woman who is going to let him slobber all over her and pretend nothing is happening.

My co-workers, says that she hardly ever talks to him in person and, the times they did he was across the hallway or parking lot. But she believes me and she is sorry he reacted that way. It's not her fault but she feels responsible. I told her,no worries.

You are right, simply amy.One day, I will find aguy who doesn't live in denial.

Good Luck to us all!

 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 84
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/15/2009 1:42:25 AM
Is this for real?
How can someone "fix" a problem is no one ever has the audacity to speak up! You dont have to be rude but for pete's sake if you are to cowardly to tell the person there is a problem, then you shouldnt even bring the subject up after the fact!
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 85
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Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/15/2009 8:11:49 AM

Is this for real?
How can someone "fix" a problem is no one ever has the audacity to speak up! You dont have to be rude but for pete's sake if you are to cowardly to tell the person there is a problem, then you shouldnt even bring the subject up after the fact!


I really don't think the OP felt that there was any way she could speak up without sounding rude, and I think she felt bad about it. I believe the guy would have gotten mad no matter how delicately she put it, and chances are there would have been an uncomfortable public scene. This was just one of those unfortunate no win situations for all concerned.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 86
Sticky Situation
Posted: 12/15/2009 3:02:37 PM
I absolutly agree GMR! However being spit on is rude, not to mention discusting. And if the poor fella doesnt understand that then that would be HIS problem.
 Megaladonfishy
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 87
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Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/13/2010 5:13:10 PM
Now wait just a minute here, I'm beginning to be in doubt of this entire drama!! If it were for real all you would have had to do was take your friend and the 'S' section form Websters dictionary on a nice afternoon drive, long enough to have him repeat several 'S' words and realise it's not raining and the wipers don't work on the inside of the windshield I mean, Nothing like a nice game of Simon Says
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 88
Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/14/2010 7:34:56 AM
Why is it necessary to make such a big issue out of a relatively small thing?

The next time he says an "S" word and you get sputum on your face, hold up a finger and say "wait a second, do me a favor?". I really enjoy talking to you but you get so into what you're saying, that you don't realize you're flinging saliva from time to time. Say this as you make an obvious motion of wiping off the spit.

Smile at him and say, now please continue, but let's tone it down a bit because I really want to hear what you have to say and all this precipitation is rather distracting.

Will he be a bit embarrassed? Probably. And then it will be over and done and from time to time you can joke about it.
 Jebby16
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 89
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Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/14/2010 7:52:46 AM
Why wouldn't you be the first woman to break the news to him that he's a spitter? You would have been doing him a favor. I'm sure you could have done gently, right?

If it were me getting the shower I would have turned into a clown and used the ol' "Say it. Don't spray it" bit. I would have laughed and she (embarrassingly) would have too but the message would have been clear.
 Mben1986
Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 90
Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:40:43 AM

I didn't have the courage to say the truth.
I just used the old "emergency" I had to tend to.
It's too bad because he seems to be a really decent guy.
I don't know if is a medical condition or is just the overproducing of saliva.
I could tell he wasn't aware of it.

But I can just imagine how would it be if I was to kiss him.

My brother says I should just call him and tell him.

I think I'll pass.


Ugh...this is the problem with you damn women. You can never be straightfoward...arghhhh!!

Sorry, it just bugs me.

Tell the guy that he is spitting on you when he's talking. Tell them that he needs to watch that and correct it. He may get a bit embarrassed by it and say "oh, sorry, I didn't know I was doing that". Then say "it's okay, just keep in mind from now on".

You don't have to continue dating him if you don't want to, but at least he'll know what his problem is next time and it will be up to him to fix it. Maybe he doesn't even now that he spits when he talks. Giving him a fake reason like "no chemistry" or "you live too far away" will keep him in the dark and guessing forever. And he'll keep on repeating the same mistakes over and over. You may think you're doing him a favour by being nice about it and pvssyfooting around the issue, but you're only hindering him.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 91
Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/14/2010 12:46:33 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^
You probably missed the part, where he was told about his condition and he denied it?

This is my co-worker telling him :"She said, Well,before you call, there is one thing she mentioned about you, I don't know if it's because you are tall and she is shorter or are you wearing braces lately?, but she felt like you "sprayed" her a couple of times while you were talking.

-SILENCE

That's the only thing she mention she didn't like about you.

-I don't know what she is talking about.

Do you have a gap between you teeth, that I haven't seen?I'm sorry I'm asking you this.

-No, I don't have a gap and I don't spray!
You know what? Just forget it! It wasn't really a good match, but I thought I would give it a try for the holidays, thanks anyway...click!"

Then later on he called me to say I should stop spreading lies about him.
You see? Sometimes, guys DON"T want to know.



Rec diver: Wish I could've been as cool as you when I had to, instead of just let my co-worker do the dirty work of telling him.
That is a perfect way to say it, then he would've said "I don't know what you are talking about" But at least I would've sounded assertive, like you. :-)
 Mben1986
Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 92
Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/14/2010 4:04:20 PM
^ My apologies, forumfishie. I did not catch that. It sounds like he's just being stubborn. And if anything, it gives you insight into a personality trait of his that might cause you problems.

But for next time, you should tell the guy yourself instead of outsourcing the work to a friend.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 93
Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:27:20 PM
MBen said:But for next time, you should tell the guy yourself instead of outsourcing the work to a friend.

Hmmm, yeah, I should, because of ...........Why?

Like it worked so well for me?
Like it was so well received, that little piece of information?

I understand you DO want to be told if there was something like that about YOU.
Perhaps YOU and people YOU know would be greatful somebody cares enough to make them aware of a problem like this.

He clearly did not want to know, that I knew, or that anybody else knew about it.
Was clearly upset about me saying anything
And
I Was called a liar !

Plus I really don't know anybody, first hand, who REALLY wants to know about something like this about themselves.

So, no, I'm NOT going there, ever again, sorry.
I'm not Captain save the spitters.
 longhairbadass
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 94
Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/14/2010 11:17:03 PM
TMI. No. Really. TMI. No confidentiality in your life. TMFI.
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 95
Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/15/2010 4:21:05 AM
I'm quite a bit late to this party and glad it worked out eventually for the OP----or whatever happened---its all over so who cares now? BUT I read this.....


While it's happening, perhaps you could steer the conversation toward things in general that are a turn-off on dinner dates. You could first ask him to tell you his turn-offs, then mention a few of your own turn-offs, such as people chewing with their mouth open, getting food on their face, and other examples of bad table manners. THEN you get around to bringing up how people who spit when they talk are a turn-off and say, " It's just so weird that someone could do something like that and not even realize it. Have you ever run into someone who did that???" Look at him in wide-eyed innocence while you ask him.


Absolutely one of the most childish immature suggestions or behavior I've seen in these forums---and that's saying quite a lot! The follow up replies weren't much better thought out of adult like either----makes sense I guess.

Good luck with the next one OP!!
 C2H5OH
Joined: 4/13/2009
Msg: 96
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History
Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/15/2010 1:55:30 PM
Dude was spitting game at you :P
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 97
Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/15/2010 2:35:46 PM
I remember in grade school when someone spit while talking they were usually met with a chorus of:

Say it don't spray it

or

I asked for the news...not the weather. :|
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 98
Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/15/2010 2:42:37 PM
sorry you had to go thru that op. I'd run for the exit as well putting up with that.
 weedbomb
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 99
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Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/15/2010 3:18:02 PM
As shallow as it sounds, the spit will lead to irritation and it will become a the focus versus the words spoken. Sorry no go.
 5sammy
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 100
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Sticky Situation
Posted: 3/16/2010 12:11:47 AM
hate play devil's advocate here. maybe he was just trying to spit on you?
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