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 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 326
Taking his name....? Page 14 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

The reasons may be a little more unexplainable than simply "religion" or "tradition', however, but one thing is for certain, we don't answer to you.


and we won't ask you to do so. BTW, how's that outlook working for you?
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 327
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/15/2009 5:00:55 PM
I, like the other posters would be 100% dedicated to my husband. You think taking his name is what seals that deal? Then what is he doing that I would not be doing to show committment to the marriage.

We both take vows, we both have rings, I change my name...........what does he do?

I am afraid I missed the logic in that.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 328
view profile
History
The op is trolling his own thread.... lmaopmpalsm!
Posted: 12/15/2009 5:20:23 PM

But when I have worked my ass off to build a reputation for myself in my field, I sure as hell am not going to go change my last name (which is the only identity I have to potential referrals) to start fresh.

ROFL...

Yanno...I'll never get tired of just how many women seem to think their name is like a phone number...

Change it and suddenly no one can find you or knows who you are.

Unreal logic...too damn funny.
 dot*
Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 329
The op is trolling his own thread.... lmaopmpalsm!
Posted: 12/15/2009 5:28:23 PM
Well, if so many women seem to think that way, perhaps it is because that's the case in some situations. Last time I checked, women are usually the ones changing their names, not men; therefore, I'd readily accept their perspective as the truth before that of a man.
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 330
The op is trolling his own thread.... lmaopmpalsm!
Posted: 12/15/2009 5:35:17 PM

We both take vows, we both have rings, I change my name...........what does he do?


But no shet though, when I took my vow's I promised to love honor and cherish her as I do GOD. She only vowed to love honor and cherish me.

I am amused by the women saying that any mans reply is illogical yet at the same time they seem to think re asking the question in reverse is completely logical..

I believe anyone calling someones religious beliefs and or convictions as illogical is fecked in the head six was from this Sundays services. But hey, what ever helps you toss and turn at night.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 331
The op is trolling his own thread.... lmaopmpalsm!
Posted: 12/15/2009 6:06:10 PM

He GIVES you something, that means a great deal to some,
I am am asking what he brings to the table that the woman does not?


I am amused by the women saying that any mans reply is illogical yet at the same time they seem to think re asking the question in reverse is completely logical..
I never said any man's reply was illogical--I asked for an explaination and instead got this.


I believe anyone calling someones religious beliefs and or convictions as illogical is fecked in the head six was from this Sundays services. But hey, what ever helps you toss and turn at night
I have never called anyone's beliefs, religious or otherwise illogical. I believe in letting people do what is right for them as long as it does not hurt anyone else. I have never ONCE told someone else what they should do or not do in regard to anything that did not impact me. I said I could see both sides.

I have been married twice and took their names. I have returned to my maiden name. It is not as simple at 58 as being 18, getting married and changing your name on the DMV and a SS card. It is changing it at work, on all your credit cards, your bank accounts, insurance policies, car title, all the medical offices, etc. You get to pay for a new driver's license, car title, checks, etc. I am not saying he is not worth it, I am simply pointing out the work involved. There is also missed time at work to go do all this.

Everyone has their own reasons or convictions for changing or not changing and I don't think you can give someone heck for doing what is right for them. I stand by the thought if you can't solve the name issue with your indended---you will never solve the real problems.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 332
The op is trolling his own thread.... lmaopmpalsm!
Posted: 12/15/2009 6:10:09 PM

We (those of us that appreciate a woman taking a man's full name) shouldn't have to justify our reasons why, especially when anything we throw out there is never going to be good enough for those that don't understand.


But WHY don't you want to tell us? I'm curious to know your reasons, and pretty well none of the men have given anything constructive back other than accuse women of being feminists.

These forums are becoming boring. How would men feel in reverse if a women wanted him to take her name?

I've already responded with my opinion, I'm just curious for men to step up and not be afraid to really admit the WHY for some things. Why do you appreciate it? I really want to know, but as usual most folks on here are only interested in hearing their own opinion.

Why can't you come on here and say you are not really sure why you want your wife to take your name without alluding to feminism or more drivel about "never being good enough for women". Why do men on here always have to go back to that?
 OSUguy99
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 333
The op is trolling his own thread.... lmaopmpalsm!
Posted: 12/15/2009 6:40:16 PM
i know for me its not so much my wife. if she would like to keep her name professionally thats fine, however i would be very primal about passing my name to my children. i dont want to explain to my grandfathers when i enter paegan heaven the last name that has been passed for centuries was lost in translation or changed to some gay hyphenated deal because women in america want every advantage in every situation in the modern era. tough titty, call my reason chaevunistic or archaic, hell im proud to admit it, one of the few american men left who still believes in some of that manly archaic stuff.... grunt..
 Czech Roma
Joined: 10/7/2009
Msg: 334
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/15/2009 10:03:39 PM
the 2 guys I was supposed to marry wanted me to take their names. I did not marry them. They were so traditional! I always have done things my way! I am a strong and independent woman!!
My last name is Czech and I am very proud of my Czech heritage. I even offered to hypen my name with theirs and they refused. When guys don't make compermises ,then they are controlling. It was not me keeping my maiden name that broke us up, it was that they were bad with money, bounced check, did not know how to budget money, bad tempers, and gambled. They Had many other isssues!
My sis was married to a jerk, when she got a divorce she changed her name back to her maiden name to have her own idenity and a fresh start.
My cousin who got maried for the 5th time (divorced four times) said hell with it I am keeping my maiden name for a change. She said she is doing something for her self.
women should not lose all their idenity when they get maried. We are living in the 21st century!!
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 335
The op is trolling his own thread.... lmaopmpalsm!
Posted: 12/16/2009 3:10:57 AM
There are many reasons.

I have only my past experience to go by.

My first marriage deep down I knew going down that isle this was not going to work..long story. I kept my name.

Last marriage I really wanted it to work and have a child with him. I took his name.

There are many reasons to change or not to change a name. Those were mine at the time.
Both ended in divorce for different reasons.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 336
Universal wisdom!
Posted: 12/16/2009 9:04:34 AM

(wild heart) But WHY don't you want to tell us? I'm curious to know your reasons...


Because wimmin aren't interested in men that they actually understand. Guys know this. I don't understand it myself: I just enjoy it.

Just look at all the "What did he mean when he said this...?", and the "Why did he do that...?" threads that pop up here, at least one a day.

Binroe...

(Waittasec: by answering her question, I'm contributing to her understanding, thus lessening her interest... gawddammit!)
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 337
Universal wisdom!
Posted: 12/16/2009 9:20:22 AM
^^^well then don't expect women to change or understand you either. We will never take your name and we expect you to pay

Us women who do pay and do change know that most men are interested in the women they DON'T understand either.

 Savona
Joined: 11/22/2009
Msg: 338
Universal wisdom!
Posted: 12/16/2009 9:45:20 AM


Because wimmin aren't interested in men that they actually understand. Guys know this. I don't understand it myself: I just enjoy it.


The prize for the stupidest thing I have ever read on here.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 339
Universal wisdom!
Posted: 12/16/2009 2:55:16 PM
(wild heart) Us women who do pay and do change know that most men are interested in the women they DON'T understand either.


???

I never said that the reverse wasn't also true; I just didn't feel the need to state it. What IS it with you picky chicks, anyway?

Sheesh...



Binroe...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 340
Universal wisdom!
Posted: 12/16/2009 2:57:04 PM


(BtH) Because wimmin aren't interested in men that they actually understand. Guys know this. I don't understand it myself: I just enjoy it.


(savona) The prize for the stupidest thing I have ever read on here.


Oh, yeah? Well...

"I'm rubber and you're glue: whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!"

Binroe...

(THAT'S showing her!)
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 341
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/16/2009 6:45:22 PM
I use my mothers maiden name as my legal name for work, outside of work I use maiden and married together. Not all cultures have the woman taking the mans name or his name alone. In our family we do 'Smith-Jones' when women marry. Our son has my and his fathers name and thus 'Smith-Jones'. Also remember that marriage began as a means for the man to have legal property. Remember that marriage was originally about legal property, which is why they were declared man and wife, since wife meant property. Since the 80's most marriages here in California have included 'husband and wife'. Old English law, saw the woman as the mans property, and thus is another man slept with the mans wife, the husband could have him prosecuted for using property that wasnt theirs..

But most of my women friends who are lawyers, physicians, engineers etc use their maiden name for work issues and the 'Smith-Jones' for everything else. Seriously doubt Martha Stewart would have become a success has she not kept her ex husbands last name, and gone with her Polish name Martha Kostyra. Now there is an idea. Men should have it written into their marriage agreement that should they divorce, that if she keeps his last name and is in business that he gets a cut of the profits. Let her go back to her maiden name and make it on that name not his.

~Beth~
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 342
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/16/2009 8:09:31 PM
I seriously doubt I'll change my last name if I get married. My name is MINE. Traditionally, the name change has signified that a woman is now the property of her husband. I don't like the traditional meaning of it, and I also don't like the idea of being asked to give up my name, which I've had my entire life. It seems similar to asking me to give up some of my identity, or my identity as an independent person. Certainly, my priorities would be different with marriage, but I'd still be very much myself.


If a woman changed her last name the first time she got married and wouldn't change it the second time the second husband might be insulted... in other words he's not as important as her first husband was....


It might not mean that at all. It could mean she's in a career where she's made a name for herself, or she could have children with her ex's name and wants to keep the same last name as they have.


I think that she is not fully commited. She hasn't given him her whole heart!


Then why isn't he showing his commitment by taking HER last name? I also know of a couple who created their own last name when they married.

I always find it weird that some people argue that it's not a big deal for her to take his name. If it's not a big deal, then why make a big deal of it if she WON'T? Wasn't it "not a big deal" in the first place?



That would be enough to make me go "Okay, see ya". I'd rather be single and happy that be given an ultimatum.


Then get to stepping.

She will not get married unless she can continue to use her ex husbands name, so who's giving who an ultimatum ?


It seems that he's given her the ultimatum, if she's required to change something or else he won't marry her. She's the one that he's trying to require to change something about herself--therefore, it should be more her decision than his. I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't respect my choice, either.

Bottom line is, it's HER name, and therefore her decision. He has the right to say he wants things to be a certain way if he's going to be in the picture, and then he has the right to walk if things don't go the way he's like them to go.


She has children from her first marriage which have one name, she has ex last ex's name but suddenly decides to not take his name.
Now for some reason she has no problem with him adopting her children and them taking his name but for some strange reason she doesn't want to.


This is just weird to me. I'd hope she has some rationale for it--does she have a career where she's made a name for herself? If so, that could explain a lot.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 343
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/16/2009 8:26:43 PM

Thank you dawn1114, for a sensible post. I had to take my 1st husband's name, due to the fact that in
1977 the husband's permission was required in Ontario, for a woman to keep her own name. If I'd
been smart, I would've seen the writing on the wall (control freak!!)


A friend of mine in college told me about her parents: Her mom took her dad's last name when they married, then a couple weeks (months?) later, missed her maiden name and wanted to change it back. The state of Oregon require that my friend's dad sign something agreeing to the name change, and he wouldn't sign on the basis that he shouldn't have to. I don't know what happened after that, but I do know that her mother successfully changed her name back without having her husband sign anything giving her "permission".
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 344
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 5:21:48 AM
I think that she is not fully commited. She hasn't given him her whole heart!
Then why isn't he showing his commitment by taking HER last name?


They aren't going to answer this - they don't know the answer because it's all that traditional stuff, which they still follow even though they want women to stop it.

Funny.

And it's OK if you want to be traditional, just stop spouting off this equality, who pays crap and accept the way things are and stop whining.
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 345
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 8:34:32 AM

They aren't going to answer this - they don't know the answer because it's all that traditional stuff, which they still follow even though they want women to stop it.

Funny.
I still feel it's an asinine argument, one of avoidance rather then answering a simple fecking question. But I'll answer it. Like my reasoning or not.

I wouldn't take a woman's name for any reason. I was raised to believe in something and will hold on to it untill I die. Any woman that has a problem with that has no place in my life. It is based on family and religious tradition's and values.



And it's OK if you want to be traditional, just stop spouting off this equality, who pays crap and accept the way things are and stop whining.


How confused or bitter are some of you? Dating issues/problems being thrown around in a discussion of marriage. By the time two people are talking about trading vows, I'd bet they have the "who fecking pays" issue covered.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 346
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 8:38:24 AM
They'd probably, if they're intelligent, have figured out whether the guy is a total control freak about the name thing as well. Maybe your friends are just stupid? Perhaps they shouldn't marry, since they don't know even the BASICS about each other?
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 347
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 8:55:19 AM

And it's OK if you want to be traditional, just stop spouting off this equality, who pays crap and accept the way things are and stop whining.



I think this makes sense. Stop telling us to be non traditional by having the man no longer pay for us on a date,and then in the same breath tell us that you want us to give up our name should we marry you. Heck I'll go one step further and pay for all the dates if he'll change his last name to mine.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 348
view profile
History
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 10:34:35 AM
I guess for the men who are such "traditionists"........they need to find a "traditionist" female and they will both live happily ever after. For some traditionalist men, that means they will need to work 2 full-time jobs or 1 very well-paid job outside the home so that the traditionist female can be a stay-at-home wife and mother.

Just an update on my current status.........I went to Vegas last weekend and married the RoadRunner and he insisted I take his name. Now Wylie Coyote is after both of our tail feathers.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 349
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 10:47:00 AM
Wedding Announcement, to be seen in the near future:

"Mr. John Doe and Ms Jane Smith announce the wedding of their daughter,
Joanna Doe-Smith
to
Mr. Patrick Jones-Wilson,
son of Mr. and Mrs. David and Susan Jones-Wilson-Foote, and Ms. Kathy Jones (nee Wilson)

Please join us in being the first to welcome the
Doe-Smith-Jones-Wilson-Foote-Jones family to our parish!"
 BritPup
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 350
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 11:13:52 AM
^^ Lol. Driving licenses are going to have to become a lot wider.
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