Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Taking his name....?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 401
Taking his name....? Page 17 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

Rock man, you have yet to answer this question that has been asked by myself and by others and no REAL answer has been given...

All of your questions have been answered. As a matter of fact they where all answered before the questions where even asked.
1. I have already answered this several times.
2.I have no clue as to the location of the father and fail to see what the feck that has to do with this thread, or your inability to understand common sense.
3. She now uses the name of her "second" husband, not her first which is the father of her children.

I hope you can answer those questions. So far you have eluded them completely.

I have eluded nothing, all the information you seek is already in this thread. If you would have researched the thread before you posted in it, this whole argument or issue you seem to have would have solved itself.
 Ghost Reader
Joined: 9/12/2009
Msg: 402
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 11:05:01 AM
Aw , forget it
Tell them to look up " Great Moderates" in history.
(I'll save you some time ... it doesn't exist)
Probably don't understand why " Mudd" had such a bad connotation
(Thats the doctor , who helped John wilks Booth , by the way...)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 403
view profile
History
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 11:11:42 AM
In the days when a woman depended on her husband for support it was different. Now she's got her own name, which other than any future kids are concerned doesn't have much to do with getting married. I also come from the media industry where women have last names the public recognizes or become their trademarks, so even if they do change them legally, they don't use them publicly.

So for a lot of women the taking of a husband's name is seen as ownership. HOWEVER, if a woman is in a traditional relationship and it in fact IS ownership to some extent, then I don't see why she'd try to fight that one detail.

In any event he should just go with the flow - as much as some might ask why she doesn't want to take his name, it's just as important to find out why he feels she needs to.
 Ghost Reader
Joined: 9/12/2009
Msg: 404
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 11:27:39 AM

In any event he should just go with the flow - as much as some might ask why she doesn't want to take his name, it's just as important to find out why he feels she needs to


Go with the flow .. until somebody else whines about something "They" don't agree with.
Then we can start all over again.
Most men don't want to see "Wait until the next fad " on their sons football jersey.
 annasthasia
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 405
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 11:32:49 AM
Wow... just wow... Rockman...

I HAVE been following the thread and you only gave tidbits here and there ... Your explanations are nothing but rude remarks trying to belittle the ones that actually asked you decent questions.... Just like I did.

So, read back and look at your comment and notice how rude you have been. I am not the only one who has noticed that.

Whatever... I was truly trying to understant THAT particular situation.

From what I understand and from your OWN point of view. It is imperative that children and women take the man's name.

This woman has NO ISSUES with changing the last names of her own childen. Isn't that almost scriligious from a man's point of view?

I mean, I am trying to imagin how you would feel if your ex wife changed the last name of your children to an other's man name...

Believe me, it is pertinent...

Don't bother commenting because I am just done with the belittling and your general rudeness.

I'm off...
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 406
view profile
History
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 11:42:19 AM
Taking the name is part of the family building process. It's also a tradition. Then again, I'd be just as happy not getting married at all, but really, I think I'd feel kind of rejected if I wanted to go to the trouble of getting married and she didn't want my name. Even so... not taking it is better than going hyphenated. I hate that.

(And yes, I realize that this post makes me sound somewhat closed minded... and I think I'm kind of ok with that. Those that know me here know that I tend to be logical most of the time. I'm allowed the occasional spurt of stupid.)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 407
view profile
History
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 11:52:34 AM
^^^It's personal preference - why would it bother you she didn't want your name. Do you want hers? Should she feel passed over because you don't want her name? The children are different. But what she wants is her thing - it's not a huge deal in the scheme of things.

Go with the flow .. until somebody else whines about something "They" don't agree with.
Then we can start all over again.
Most men don't want to see "Wait until the next fad " on their sons football jersey.

Not sure whether to argue or agree, I have no idea what any of that means. Care to elaborate?
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 408
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 12:22:41 PM
Gawd, I can't BELIEVE the trivialities that people will dig their heels in about, and absolutely REFUSE to budge about. If something so silly becomes an insurmoutable stumbling-block so early on



Yes I agree that what stupid ,insignificant little things that really mean nothing , that people will dig their heels in about like wanting to brand their woman with their name. Imagine actually wanting to keep your own name! Oh how absolutely horrible of us.



Wow... just wow... Rockman...

I HAVE been following the thread and you only gave tidbits here and there ... Your explanations are nothing but rude remarks trying to belittle the ones that actually asked you decent questions.... Just like I did.



Do what I started doing and skip right over certain peoples post.I learned that pretty quickly here that it is pointless to read post from trollish, hateful and rude people who never get into any trouble for breaking rules. Can you say someone is playing favorites?
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 409
view profile
History
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 1:21:58 PM
Oh, I totally understand why you'd want to keep your own name, mind you. This isn't necessarily a logical thing. That's the problem with this, a lot of people are assuming that this is a conscious decision when it is actually something deeper. It isn't as simple as, "She's mah woman! She will me mah woman!!111"

No. It goes deeper than that. As I said, I tend to think of taking the name as symbolic of forming the family. Therefore, someone not wanting to take the name to me is as hurtful as saying, "I don't want to be your family." Now, is that reasonable? No. But that's the funny thing about emotions- they aren't generally linked to reason.
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 410
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 2:33:12 PM

Wow... just wow... Rockman...

Amazing isn't it.... lmao


I HAVE been following the thread and you only gave tidbits here and there ... Your explanations are nothing but rude remarks trying to belittle the ones that actually asked you decent questions.... Just like I did.

Perception is everything.


So, read back and look at your comment and notice how rude you have been. I am not the only one who has noticed that.

I did and your first accusation of me being rude was for stating "your name is that of your fathers not your mothers"... As I said perception is everything!


Whatever... I was truly trying to understant THAT particular situation.
Then read the thread again. S-L-O-W-L-Y!


From what I understand and from your OWN point of view. It is imperative that children and women take the man's name.

I guess it's not just perception. Comprehension is needed too.
Doesn't matter how many times I repeat something your still confused.
And you obvously haven't read the thread because this has nothing to do with me at all. So my views on this make no difference what so ever.


This woman has NO ISSUES with changing the last names of her own childen. Isn't that almost scriligious from a man's point of view?

Which man's point of view? I adopted 3 girls myself and saw it as no problem. Their father was not around. So what would his issues matter?


I mean, I am trying to imagin how you would feel if your ex wife changed the last name of your children to an other's man name...

And you wonder why I have no patience with you.
The name change was going to happen due to the adoption, not the marriage.
What part of that is so hard to understand?


Believe me, it is pertinent...

Actually no it's not!


Don't bother commenting because I am just done with the belittling and your general rudeness.

Says the mirror as it tells it's tale!


I'm off...

I've noticed.

Do what I started doing and skip right over certain peoples post.I learned that pretty quickly here that it is pointless to read post from trollish, hateful and rude people who never get into any trouble for breaking rules. Can you say someone is playing favorites?

I only get 10 posts a day due to whiny @ss hypocrites "like you" that live in glass houses that like to throw stones, yet feel the need to cry about all the broken glass.
Booo fecking hooooo!
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 411
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 2:39:37 PM

As I said, I tend to think of taking the name as symbolic of forming the family. Therefore, someone not wanting to take the name to me is as hurtful as saying, "I don't want to be your family." Now, is that reasonable? No. But that's the funny thing about emotions- they aren't generally linked to reason.


And that's just fine, as long you understand that she was raised with certain traditions too.

You put it exactly how I would like to hear my man say why it is important to him (not that I would need to hear it).

But if the woman can provide an emotional reason about the name, why isn't her request just as valid?
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 412
view profile
History
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 3:07:27 PM
Of course it's just as valid... the problem is that if two people have a valid emotional reason for the issue... well, that's how we end up with the situation we've got here. If no one is willing to compromise it can go up in smoke pretty quickly.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 413
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 3:22:31 PM
^^^lol, maybe this is yet another thing people should put on their profile?



I think on the whole, most women would be okay with changing their name, but it is interesting and continuously telling (to me) how the traditions, values and lifestyles our parents held have cemented themselves in us.
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 414
view profile
History
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 3:25:00 PM
I don't think so. It'd seem needlessly combative right off the back... like the people who say "No liars or game players!" as though the liars and game players are the ones steering away from them for saying it.
 janymac
Joined: 12/5/2009
Msg: 415
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 3:27:06 PM
I havent read the whole thread as would wear me out lol.
When I married it was agreed that I would keep my maiden name, for professional reasons, however when it came to tax and social welfare issues my name was automatically changed to that of my husbands,that is just the way it was here. You had to officially notify the authorities and get your husbands permission, yes I said permission, to keep your maiden name.
When I seperated I then had to get a letter from my husband to change some things back to my maiden name, confused yet? lol
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 416
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/19/2009 5:35:03 PM
I would probably change my last name to my husband's name, but use my maiden name as a middle name, especially at work. I have not been married, and am really used to using my last name, as I have used it for 52 years.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 417
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/20/2009 8:15:16 AM
.marc:


No. It goes deeper than that. As I said, I tend to think of taking the name as symbolic of forming the family. Therefore, someone not wanting to take the name to me is as hurtful as saying, "I don't want to be your family." Now, is that reasonable? No. But that's the funny thing about emotions- they aren't generally linked to reason.


I can kind of get that, but can you see how that name change might also be symbolic of a woman giving up part of her identity, or belonging to her family or origin? I've had my name my whole life--it's part of who I am. I wouldn't want to give that up with marriage. I'd consider hyphenating, but not giving up my own name entirely. Someone asking me to do so (or expecting me to, at any rate--I'd be fine with being asked as long as he could accept my "no") would be symbolic to me of being asked to give up a piece of myself, and any insistence on that would be hurtful to me.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 418
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/20/2009 9:52:22 AM

or expecting me to, at any rate


Yes, and I think there is quote somewhere where a man on the forums points out that it is not actually paying for women that bother them, but that she EXPECTS it.

My question still stands, why do they expect it? (and let's take the whole selfish crap out of the picture). For the name thing, it is obvious why some men think that way. But if that is their "tradition" which comes from family, why can't a man accept that her tradition has the same roots?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 419
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/20/2009 10:23:31 AM

(BtH) Gawd, I can't BELIEVE the trivialities that people will dig their heels in about, and absolutely REFUSE to budge about. If something so silly becomes an insurmoutable stumbling-block so early on... that person should NOT get married! S/he isn't ready.


(annasthasia) Coming from somone who has been brainwashed by the patriarchal type of society.


???

I quite clearly siad "S/he". That refers to either he or she, not just "she", as you seem to think.

Clean your monitor...

Binroe...

ETA:
3- This woman you speak of, then refuses to change her name, which is her married name to this former husband of hers. So, she is the only one who will have her ex-husband's name.


No, her ex-husband will, too...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 420
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/20/2009 10:30:50 AM

(W.I.P.) In any event he should just go with the flow - as much as some might ask why she doesn't want to take his name, it's just as important to find out why he feels she needs to.


Oh, yeah, like THAT'S gonna happen!

C'mon, people on PoF holding forth about things that they'll NEVER have to deal with first-hand, is like a teen-ager popping zits: you KNOW he's gonna do it, never mind what you say!

Binroe...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 421
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/20/2009 10:34:48 AM


(BtH) Gawd, I can't BELIEVE the trivialities that people will dig their heels in about, and absolutely REFUSE to budge about. If something so silly becomes an insurmoutable stumbling-block so early on


(lone lady here ) Yes I agree that what stupid ,insignificant little things that really mean nothing , that people will dig their heels in about like wanting to brand their woman with their name. Imagine actually wanting to keep your own name! Oh how absolutely horrible of us


Another thing I can't believe is, that people are assuming I'm arguing in favour of suborning a woman's desires over the name thing, because I held forth with what I thought was a gender-neutral statement... hunh!

Teach ME to expect fair-minded treatment...

Binroe...
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 422
view profile
History
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/20/2009 10:39:51 AM
448- Yes, I totally get that, which is why I said that it wasn't reasonable thinking.
But that's why I see it as part of the forming of the family... this idea that the identity is changed to form the family. I'd have to consider whether I'd change my name. I think I'd be ok with picking a new name and using that. But name changes are harder for guys in some places.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 423
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/20/2009 10:40:32 AM
For child-rearing, it helps if the whole family has same name (hyphenated, whatever). Based on my age and career, I probably wouldn't change - publications, professional relationships would be confusing. Those who were abandoned by their father may have a different perspective.
 apainlessend
Joined: 12/11/2009
Msg: 424
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/20/2009 10:42:25 AM
Meh...Who cares. Not like that many people follow tradition, and leave legacies anymore.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 425
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/20/2009 11:29:36 AM
What happens in a same-sex marriage?

I propose we adopt the First-Date Rule (you know, "Who asks, pays!") Well, instead, we adopt, "Who asks, keeps!" So, whoever pops the question first gets to keep his or her name, and the person who's asked, takes the name of the person who asked...

Why not? It's about as serious an answer as this non-issue deserves...

Binroe...

(and, for those who are just looking for a fight, I bolded "his" and "her" just for you! Ain't I the thoughtful one?)
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Taking his name....?