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 pjames
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 26
Why do females do this?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
hu? what are you talkin about?
 green.apple
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 27
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History
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/13/2009 5:13:45 PM
Online daters are not very good at expressing things straight into your face. If they were, they wouldn't date online. Easier just to hide behind the screen.
 notlarrystorch
Joined: 12/8/2009
Msg: 28
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/13/2009 5:17:28 PM

why did she say she had lots of fun, she liked me, wanted to go out with me again and for me to call her when I made it home if she really didn't like me or want to go out again?

Because call when you got home makes her look like a good person and may simply be an automatic response.

Because if she straight up told you she didn't want to go out with you again it might lead to prolonging the date and she just wants to go home, get it over with.

Because if she just says nothing you will pick up somethings wrong and may try and prolong the date trying to get out what's wrong when she really just wants to leave amicably.

Because maybe at the time she did. But then on the way home she analyzed the date, and changed her mind. Or that night or the next morning her husband, boyfriend, or ex, changed her mind.


what is wrong with being strait up or just not say anything at all and I woulda got the hint?

There are far more potential consequences to being "strait up" than not.
Especially if she just wants to get it over with. Better to tell you what you want to hear and then ignore the phone and/or emails for a couple of days than to prolong undesired time in your presence.
 Leagueofextraordinarymen
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 29
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/13/2009 5:23:31 PM
Op; this happens quite often, she's probably dating more than just you. Not that you did anything wrong, she just might have found someone else. (people jump from one fish to another in a matter of hours on this site)
Ya its wrong what she did, but as you can see it happens. For some one to say she might have felt threatened by you, thats just asinine.
 james_ny
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 30
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/13/2009 6:02:02 PM
you must expect that from online dater, Some people are Fake and some of them are looking for Mr Perfect. Thats why it's always good to meet for only one drink make the date cheaper so you wont care about anything.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 31
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/13/2009 6:20:30 PM
Because many people--man and women--are pathetic, snivelling cowards. They will do anything--ANYTHING--just to make things as easy on themselves as possible, regardless of how it effects anyon else.
 donwku
Joined: 11/6/2008
Msg: 32
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/13/2009 6:32:05 PM
I have to wonder the same thing. At our first meeting after several e-mails we meet for coffee.
Have a great time , she even buys me the coffee and offers me 1/2 of her sandwich.
(I might add the very first of 20 dates that I have had that even offered to pay for anything)
So we have great conversation and agree to play tennis or go out again.

So then I e-mail and thank her for buying me coffee and sharing her sandwich.
I told her I would call her to schedule a time to play tennis.

Ok at this point she must know she doesn't want to see me again. So if that
is the case , don't respond back. And I would get the message.

But no !! She writes back saying she had a great time and we would talk soon.

I text her on a wed. after meeting her on Sunday. She has no idea who I am.
So that tells me she didn't even put my number in her cell phone. So I got the
message.

So based on here text I go ahead and call her anyway, she tells me she has a tennis tournament on Sat. and has to work on
Sunday, but she would fit me in sometime during the weekend and would call me back in an hour.
Of course she never called. And she was a bad lier as well because during our lunch she said she was done with all her tennis
tournaments.

So my question is she knew I wasn't a match, but thats ok I have been on several first
meetings that were not a match for me, But I don't continue the nonsense.
There are game players on both sides and some that just want free weekend meals
and that I guess just some of the schools of fish swimming in this pond.
 shift89
Joined: 12/8/2009
Msg: 33
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/13/2009 6:40:22 PM
Ah, horrible way of doing things.
She basically didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Or she was just a chicken.

In a way, it's an attempt to be nice, but in reality it just ends up hurting the person even more.

Thats the problem with dating. It sucks.
It would be so much nicer if there were no games.
Just straight up relationships, no confusion, no games.
But of course, something like that could never be possible.
 pnut mnms
Joined: 11/8/2009
Msg: 34
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/13/2009 6:53:10 PM
As much as I prefer to tell the guy as we are saying our good-byes in person "Thanks but there will be no second date", there have been a handful of occasions where it was in my best interest to lie about seeing him again and make a safe getaway.

forumfishie had it right. There are times where you get yourself in a position where its better to lie than have the guy take it out on you in the parking lot or I've reached my quota on getting called names or am barraged by "Why?????" that mimic a 3 yr old having a tantrum.

Some seemingly normal gentleman turn into Ted Bundy when they hear "Sorry, I am not interested in seeing you again." This anger/disappointment from men we barely know registers alarm in the hearts of women and as a woman, the last thing I want to feel is fear from a guy to whom I've told the truth but who acts like a bunny boiler.
 beaconstar
Joined: 11/26/2009
Msg: 35
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/13/2009 7:30:55 PM
Well, you're right BUT...

Why is she parked in a dark alley where no one is around? Why are they going on a dark secluded 1st date?

Anyway, back to the OP. She's just being polite when she's saying the stuff to your face. The problem I see is that she should have spoke up when you called her later.

"I didn't wanna say anything before because I DID have a nice time (that could be a lie, who cares), I just don't think I'm going to take you up on the offer for another date, I hope you understand"

If the guy still doesn't get it, you can add...

"We may just not be a good match" or "It's not you, it's not me, we're both great people but we may not be what each other are looking for"

Then if the person still seems mental, they deserve whatever lie or hurtful thing comes next lol...

If a person can't take a hint, then there's nothign you can do but you shouldn't straight up lie to them and say you're gonna call and don't. People behave like this and wonder why dating is so hard.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 36
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/13/2009 8:48:42 PM
Beaconstar:
Yes, that's a nice way to say it. We may just not be a good match, I did have a nice time etc.
Do you know what they hear, when you are saying that?

Is like Charlie Brown when his parents talk...............Mwah, Mwah, Mwah ...rejection!

They don't care so much what you say but the outcome.

You can say it as nicely as you can, still the result is no second date therefore failure.
 pnut mnms
Joined: 11/8/2009
Msg: 37
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 5:28:19 AM
Beaconstar wrote:


Why is she parked in a dark alley where no one is around? Why are they going on a dark secluded 1st date?


We aren't parking in dark alley's or dark secluded places. One of the creepiest meet 'n greets I had was at the mall food court for iced tea on a late afternoon in July - plenty of sun at this time of the year. He was a bit odd and I knew in the first 5 minutes there would be no second date. When it was time to leave, he asked me if he could walk me to my car but I told him I needed to pay some bills while I was there. He didn't believe me and said "Oh, you don't want me to see what you drive, huh? You don't trust me to walk you to your car?"

Why in the world would a gentleman say that? I was ready to dump my half empty cup of iced tea over the as.shat's head. I told him "Sorry if you don't believe me but I do have errands to do here" and left.

Once again, forumfishie is correct, some men - notice some ,not all - cannot take rejection graciously and take it verbally out on the woman because he was already told no thanks 8 times that month.
 sunrayme
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 38
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 5:42:30 AM
OP, you should have taken your clues from what she said about not answering the past date's calls.
Why doesnt anybody see a very likely explanation - she was into enjoying it while it lasted, after all she went on a date to have a good time. It was good enough so as not to go home after 20 mins. But not good enough to do it again.
It is bad manners to ask someone for a future date while still on a first one.
 oohlala21
Joined: 11/28/2008
Msg: 39
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Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 5:43:46 AM
Women are often advised to wait 3 days before calling a guy back. She could be thinking that she's supposed to do that, for all you know. Wait a few days.

But in terms of acting interested in meeting up again when they're really not, guys do that a lot too. I just started another thread on a similar subject except directed towards guys, actually...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 40
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Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 6:46:26 AM
What people SHOULD do is realize that some will say stuff they don't mean on "meets". Don't take it all so seriously until a day or two after you've met. Some are going to try and spare your feelings, some will like you at the time, and then rethink it later. Few will shrug and tell you they don't like you at all to your face.

Because call when you got home makes her look like a good person and may simply be an automatic response.

Because if she straight up told you she didn't want to go out with you again it might lead to prolonging the date and she just wants to go home, get it over with.

Because if she just says nothing you will pick up somethings wrong and may try and prolong the date trying to get out what's wrong when she really just wants to leave amicably.

Because maybe at the time she did. But then on the way home she analyzed the date, and changed her mind. Or that night or the next morning her husband, boyfriend, or ex, changed her mind.

IMO these are good reasons for what probably happened.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 41
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:11:31 AM
This is common with online dates.

The last gent I met, we had discussed this ahead of time, and agreed to just be upfront about a second date, no feelings would be hurt. We parted ways, both agreeing we would meet again, and two days later I got the long winded reasons he could not go through with it via email. Which is fine-everyone can have a change of heart. Just seems like no one can be upfront in person anymore, they all have to type it from the safety of thier home/pc. Such is life online. LOL
 JulieAHunny
Joined: 8/29/2009
Msg: 42
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:33:30 AM
I have to agree with a few others on here (well I agree with most but I'm trying to go with the positive side of this lol). You should probably give this a few days before you worry... She may have been busy and couldn't answer your call. I just spent all of yesterday with my family and leave my cell in my purse (so wouldn't of heard my cell) then I got home at 9 pm, and got my daughter in the shower then to bed, fed the cats, got stuff out to make for dinner tonight, etc etc etc..Now for me I'm a night owl so I would be up after that, but for most, they would've went to bed.... She may have just been busy and if you call her all panicky you will probably freak her out, I know I would get nervous about a guy panicking over not hearing from me for a short time like this... BUT this is just my opinion.. and your fears could be justified... but try not to worry until you need to worry :)
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 43
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Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 8:23:22 AM
No no no... If someone's interested he/she will call you no matter what. No one's that busy. People who buy into that nonsense should get a reality check. Just ask yourself how YOU would do if you're really into somebody. Well, there's your answer. It's simple, isn't it? This chick is long gone and so should you. Don't waste your time and I'm sure that by now you've realised that already.

gl
 psychoholoic
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 44
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 12:55:00 PM
Anyone get the infamous text? haha lame ass ****es. I rarely have chemistry with women, and at this point I don't care all that much. Their bullshit has gone too far and too many of them think they deserve the best when they don't deserve shit. I'd rather be blown off right away than a few years into marriage with a kid or two and a house than they decide to bail which happends all too often. They can be fake all they want and have the princess syndrome all they want but when it comes down to it I am a better person than they are. More men need to learn to think like this. Sure women blow you off but you know what? UNless you meet the rare good ones, which are long spoken for by my age (30) you are probably better off without them. Like I said before: better off being 35-40 with good credit, nice career, no ex wife/kids/child support etc, then broken down, hurt barely surviving cause some blood sucker sucked the life(and money) out of you.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 45
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 12:59:20 PM
So anyways my question is why did she say she had lots of fun, she liked me, wanted to go out with me again and for me to call her when I made it home if she really didn't like me or want to go out again? what is wrong with being strait up or just not say anything at all and I woulda got the hint?

Well because some females are nice and don't like hurting someone, now there are some females out there have no problems rejecting you and "telling" you what they don't like about you.
 Backlolz
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 46
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 1:07:45 PM
cause then you can't have fun being an *explicit*, now who would want that
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CSqXGT_aaY
 Justin.tv
Joined: 12/10/2009
Msg: 47
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 1:13:16 PM
You were too clingy. Never ask for the next date right away. It one of those things you shouldn't do. It just smells desperation. Second you called her way too soon. She could have been one of those women just want free dinner or drinks. My advice always meet for coffee first few times to weed out those free loaders.
 Gypsy sole
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 48
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 1:17:17 PM
and even a nice sweet text right after saying "i don't know how I coulda said this in person but I don;t think it worked, good luck in the future"


I went home after a coffee meet and sent off a polite, "Thank you, but I don't think we're a match" email. ( I had simply said, "It was nice meeting you" at the coffee house). The response I got almost led me to call the police. The guy continued to harass and verbally abuse me for 3 days. I made the mstake of giving him my cell # and wasn't able to block his texts. This just reinforced to me that I did the right thing by sending off an email. I can only imagine what he would have done in person.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 49
Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 1:35:01 PM
My guess would be that she wanted to avoid the hurt and uncomfortable look on your face as she told you that she was not interested. Maybe you should stop calling her now as it's rather apparent that she is not interested.
 MakeYouSmile26
Joined: 10/6/2009
Msg: 50
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Why do females do this?
Posted: 12/14/2009 2:02:30 PM
OP I am guessing you paid for everything, opened the door, and paid her lots of complents, you even did exactly what she told you and called her after the date. You also made a big mistake and respecting her boudries. She probably wanted you to be a little agressive and make a move, be a man. Hell you have e-mailed her for a month you already know her pretty dam well at this point. I dont know what happened in your converasation but you probably agreed with everything she said and had no origional opinions of your own. Women are not dumb and can see throught this. I am guessing you came off as push over, and she has probably lost interest. If she does call you back you will be lucky. If you call her too soon your screwed I say wait for her to call you back till next friday give her 1 last call. If that doesnt work out you need to move on.

And 1 more thing, Are you pretty buff? In your pictures you look like you have nice big arms or is it all fat and you have a big beer belly to accompany it? Yes women are shallow too
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