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| | sub consciously asking a man for moneyPage 2 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | No, but she did make you aware of her financial circumstances and that they were causing her stress. As someone close to her, you were kind enough to offer help which she took. She shouldn't have moved without keeping in touch with you and she should have given you her new address. If she can't pay you the money back at the moment, she should tell you why. It's an odd situation. It sounds like she's cutting off from you. This could be because she doesn't care and only wanted help or it could be she is totally embarassed that she borrowed money from you and can't pay it back yet. Maybe lending the money changed things sufficiently for you to start behaving differently towards her, perhaps subtly pressuring her to pay you back before she could. This would make her become defensive. It's really hard to know.
You didn't have to lend her the money, that was a risk you took. You need to consider now whether you just want the money back or you still want a relationship with her. If it's the latter, then I think you need to forget about the loan and show her you care about her circumstances and still want to know her. Any fences that the money has created may come down then. She hasn't behaved impeccably in this situation, by any means, but like you say she has other pressures on her too. | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 9:22:35 AM | I let my best friend (or who I thought was my bestfriend) borrow a good chunk of money to buy a car. I offered it and trusted him to pay it back, no papers signed or anything. He ended up basically dropping off the planet and everytime I tracked him down he always had some excuse. I tried for two years, especially once I saw that he had sold the car and bought another one. It's been 6 years since I quit trying, I took the hit and learned my lesson.
Never lend money you expect to get back.
As for whether she subconsciously asked for a loan or not, I don't know. Only she will really know what was going through her head at the time. I was venting to my friend a little while ago about how broke I was and everything. He came by later that day with a bunch of groceries. I never asked, nor did I expect anything from him, I have enough other resources if I'm desperate for money, I was just venting about how sh!tty things were going for me. On the other hand, he didn't expect repayment, he did it because he's my friend and knew I was in a tough spot, he also knows I'd do the same thing if things were reversed. That's what friends do, they help each other out when they are in need.
I don't think she was right to take your money and 'run'. Small claims court is a pain in the a$s, especially if you have no papers signed or anything. If she really wanted to pay you back, she would've contacted you when she moved and instead of asking you to 'trust her', she would've been apologizing for not being able to pay you back yet. I know how horrible it feels to borrow money and not being able to pay it back when you said you would, but I would never tell the person to 'trust me' that I'd pay it back. If I were you, I'd drop it and move on with your life. | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 9:27:23 AM | cherylbarnes,
You are totally wrong
She did call me, gave me her number, I didn't harass her about it.
I decided not to call her back, I am just letting it go for now
And no I wasn't trying to gain favor with her.
I spent the better part of the summer while I was laid off from work,
helping her make repairs to the house she got evicted from, and she ASKED
for my help in doing so.
She told me , "You know how to do so many things."
She always thanked me and said she appreciated my help.
There were evenings when she'd get severe migraines, and I'd have her lay down, and
I'd put multiple cold and warm towels on her forehead, then I'd set quietly and read, and stay with her to make sure she was going to be alright.
She is twice divorced and does have a self esteem problem, even her girlfriends at
work have spoke to her about it, and one of them called me and asked me to stay with
her because she felt I was starting to do her some good.
Both of her ex's found girlfriends outside their marriage.
Her daughter-in-law was becoming a problem, because when we would get together
at her place, all her daughter in law ever spoke about was how bad men were, and I was getting very tired of it!
Her daughter took an instant disliking to me because I lived about two hours away, and her daughter told her that "I suppose you're goig to marry him and move away.
Her daughter is heavily dependent on her mother, for baby sitting, etc.
My girlfriend and I talked about it. She liked where I lived and was favoring moving away to be with me, even though she is closely attached to her Grandkids.
Her other Grandkids lived 5 hours away at the time, but now live with her.
However my girlfriend told me how much she appreciated my doing things with her grandkids, as their dad simply does nothing for them, and apparently doesn't offer any financial support.
He owes his mother ( my girlfriend a good sum of money she paid out for his schooling
after high school, and he's never given her a dime back)
He lives about 5 hours away.
Her last words to me was she wasn't even going to be able to do anything for Christmas for her Grandkids because she had no money.
I told her I was sorry to hear this, and have left things where they are.
I have not and do not to intend to contact her again.
She can call me.
So I decided to see if there was anyone of interest on POF.
I did meet one lady, but she too has some serious issues,( alcohol she can't get relaxed unless she drinks) so I have decided to move on once again.
I really haven't had any luck, and think I will simply soon delete my profile.
I have dated different women in the past, and I keep hearing the same thing from all
of them.
You're too good to be true, you'll change, or I don't deserve you.
Strange thing is I do get emails from some very nice women, but they ALL live
a very long distance away.
I am in Indiana, and I get emails from California, Arizona, Florida, Georgia, etc.
Locally, I hear from no one
When I find a women who knows what she really wants in life, then I'll see where things go from there. | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 9:37:39 AM |
You are totally wrong
She did call me, gave me her number, I didn't harass her about it.
I decided not to call her back, I am just letting it go for now
How is she wrong when you originally stated:
She moves, disconnects her phone and leaves no forwarding address and can't figure out why I got upset with her after I finally reached her at her new home by phone, but still won't update me on her new address. She just says I should" trust her."
Her daughter-in-law lives with her now and told me to never call there again.
If you were told not to call again, you obviously DID call her when you had her new number. Please get your story straight. Stop trying to change it around to suit your needs. Consider the money gone. | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 9:46:11 AM | mysteriosa,
Some people here seem to think I want the money back. I DON"T
I can go on without it.
I do care about her circumstances, I ALWAYS HAVE!
When we are together, we get along great!
Like two peas in a pod.
We'd go for a lot of nice long walks, we'd stop to enjoy something, and she'd put her arms around me and kiss me.
We'd set and cuddle up and watch a movie after a long day, and she'd lean her head on my shoulder and fall asleep.
We never argue, we talk a lot , but on some subjects, she just clams up.
This is the whole point, I do care about what happens to her!!!
For now she is going to have to decide what she wants in life.
I think she is afraid to fall in love again, thinking she will get hurt again.
I AM NOT the kind of man who fools around on a woman.
I want ONE woman and ONLY one woman in my life!
I still love her, but I'm just going to let things ride for awhile. | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 10:52:53 AM | You have been dating for 2 1/2 years but she moved without giving her new address and phone number? And you would be "devastated" if you lost her? Something is very fishy here.
At the time you gave her the money, didn't you discuss the terms of the loan? Like when she would pay it back, make monthly payments, etc? How much time has elapsed? This whole situation is very, very weird. | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 10:59:47 AM | I've had many wimen aproach me the same way your lady friend did for money.Instead of going threw the crap they throw at you during the pay back time like asking you not to call when you bring up the fact that they owe you money,I just give it to them and not wana be paid back.
However since you would like your money back and rightly so I sudjest you just trust her like she said for a while longer and not stress about it in the hopes she will pay it back.Give her a time line in which you would like the lone repaid and rest easy untill that dead line is reached.Then when the dead line comes you can start to stress about going to court to get it back.
Its funny tho how wimen will get money from you and when you ask them to pay it back they make a list of demands and does and donts for you.Its like they see it as you have a hold on them or something and they need to fight back. | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 11:19:40 AM | If I lost her to the medical condition she suffers from, I'd be devastated.
All I ever tried to do was be good to her, and do something nice for her,
by taking some stress off of her.
She DID thank me for the loan.
No there was no written agreement.
The house she lived in, she had no written agreement with the landlord.
he let her live there for the costs of utilities and didn't want it setting empty.
He left it a total mess!
It was a nice home across the street from a lake with a beautiful view.
I helped her clean it up inside and outside.
I built her a swing frame so she could hang her porch swing, and we'd set on it and watch the sunset.
We cleaned up the yard, reseeded it with new grass, cleaned up and redid all the flower gardens.
When he came back from his overseas job early, she had her Grandkids and daughter in law living with her by then hhe approved she could do. But he insisted he was moving into the house, because his earlier agreement with her was he could stay there when he came home for two week breaks.
But there were no bedrooms avialable, so he insisted he'd stay on a cot in the basement, against her wishes, but she let him walk all over her.
And instaed of a two week break , he came back in late July and stayed until the first week in November, far more than two weeks!
She felt his intentions were it was going to be him and her and "happily ever after"
When I came up to visit and take her on a date, he got very " unfriendly" with me.
Then he would harass her about seeing me after I had left and went home and give her a hard time.
I told her she had "renter rights" under a newly passed Indiana law.
he was violating it, but she told me she didn't want to create an ugly scene in front of her grandkids.
She could have abtained a restraining order against him and kicked him out of his own house. he kept telling her "It's my house and I'll do as I please.
In Indiana , we have a law called "renter rights" which gives the renter certain rights.
But she wouldn't take advantage of it.
When he came home, he showed up annannounced and unlocked the front door and just walked in on her and her family.
That was enough to get him arrested , but she did nothing against him.
She has a disease known as Lupus and stress can do a lot of damage.
All I tried to do was be good to her because I love her.
So some of you people get the point, the money is not the issue here, I don't care if I ever see it again. The WAY SHE TREATED ME when she moved is the issue!
Things were good up to that point.
Her landlord forced her to move because she didn't want to play house with him, and she was seeing me at the time which he didn't approve of.
She called me and was crying when she told me how he told her she was evicted with her family staying with her, and finding a home for five people she could afford was difficult on her and pleaced her under heavy stress.
The stress could have a negative health effect, which it did, she contracted pnuemonia and damn near died!
Lupus effects your immune system, it severly weakens it, and there is no known cure.
I pray to the Lord everyday that he watches over her, and her grandkids because I love them.
I think she needs some time to evaluate her life, and her problems, and i have tried to let her know that I love her, and that I care about what happens to her.
Okay so I made a mistake loaning the money to her, so be it!
My fault,, my problem.
I'd spend everything I have if I had to to save her life if she fell seriously ill again.
There isn't anything in this world I wouldn't do for her.
When she told me she had Lupus, I held her in my arms and told her I'd stand by her side
no matter what happened, because I love her.
Her landlord is now back overseas, and the house is setting empty.
I considered buying it, but a local realtor I know there looked into it for me and reported back to me that he owes a large sum in unpaid property taxes on it.
So there was a good chance she would have been evicted by the county later on anyway.
Right now she doesn't even know of this fact.
He was supposed to take care of the taxes when he was home, but he didn't.
I don't know what his problem is, and I don't care.
She took that house and left it far better than she found it!
I do know that her daughter and her daughter in law didn't like me because they both felt she might marry me, and move away, and then where would they be left setting?
I know this for a fact because I overheard them talking about it to each other one day.
They also both felt I was too old for her, but I am only 5 years older, not really much of an age difference.
By the way, her daughter in law told me to never call again, not my girlfriend, and my girlfriend wasn't there when her daughter in law told me this.
So for you people who are reading this the wrong way. I don't want the money back, I want her back!
So for now, I'm just going to set tight, and DO NOTHING!
I'll live my own life, and work on every old airplane I can find to work on!
Merry Christmas to all and thanks for your replies and opinions. | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 12:08:44 PM | | was there any sex involved because if there was she probably feels she already paid you....how much money was involved.....is it really worth all the anguish....women cost money...yes i know it really sucks but that's life.... | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 12:23:04 PM | There was no sex involved and I won't disclose how much money.
PLEASE read this correctly
I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MONEY!!!
I'd lose more by buying a new car and driving it off the new car lot!
She can keep it, she can burn it, I DON'T CARE
I CARE ABOUT HER and WHAT HAPPENS TO HER!!! | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 12:31:54 PM | | If you don't care about the money, then WHY did you bring it up in the first place? If you don't care about ever getting it back, why even make a thread about her taking the money? Why ask if she 'sub consciously' asked you for a loan when you don't care about the money? | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 12:34:53 PM | Because I found her behavior peculiar, and wanted some opinions as to why women do this!
I have had three other women try the same thing in the past and I turned them down.
I didn't have feelings for them like I did this person.
They know I can afford it, and have tried.
One got quite upset with me when I said no.
She said, look at you, a beautiful home, nice cars, two airplanes and you won't share with me?
She created a scene in front of some of my friends when she didn't get what she wanted, saying, see if I ever sleep with you again, and we had never been with each other in the first place!
We had dated for about three months every weekend, but I never slept with her.
All I can say is every woman is different.
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 12:40:59 PM | Sub consciously, means never expressed in words, she was thinking about asking you for money but didn't.
She told you how much she needed and by when. Nothing "Sub" about this.
You decided to give her the money and added " No strings attached"
You say you trust her and she is honest.
But then she moves, doesn't tell you where and when you find her, somebody else tells you to never call again.
Her Behavior doesn't tell me honest or well intended.
It seems like she is trying to shake you off.
You either wait to see if she ever pays you back(and still have he hope of a relationship)
or
You take her to small claims court, you might get some back, but you'll spend money and time too and that will put a clear end to any type to relationship, even friendship, that you could have with her.
Sorry, it happens to the best of us, at least once in a lifetime.
Learn from it. | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 12:47:40 PM | I am not going to take her to small caims court.
I will set and wait and se what she does.
I have had three other women in my past do the same thing, ONLY they asked me directly.
I told them no.
One of them decided to create a scene in front of some of my friends, by saying loudly, "Well, you just wait and see if I'll ever sleep with you again!"
"Look at you, a big beautiful home in the country, three expensive cars, two expensive airplanes, and you won't share with me?"
Fact of the matter we had never slept together or had sex ever!
We had been dating almost six months every weekend.
All I can say is every woman is different. | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 1:29:31 PM |
Her daughter-in-law lives with her now and told me to never call there again.
That right there would have been the point where I got pissed off.
Some jobs do not take lightly to you taking time off for a case which you bring to the courts, as opposed to someone taking you to court.
But if you can afford to do it, take her to claims court. It may sound petty, but ate least two things will happen..she'll either pay up when she sees how serious you are, or she'll never talk to you again, which obviously really wouldnt be a bad idea.
Now I am assuming this X amount is worth going to court over. If it's $50....dont even sweat it,
but if its more than lets say $3000.....Im thinking Doug Llewelyn and Joseph T. Wapner (retired) | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 1:47:22 PM | I have to admit....I could not read through ALL OF YOUR RANTINGS.....
GET OVER YOURSELF. If you are all of what you say, why do you end up with so many losers? Like attracts like get it? You are clearly pissed because she dumped you. If the money is not an issue....PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS and leave her alone. You should never give anyone anything with expectations in return.
And.... NO ONE IS BUYING THE FACT THAT THIS SPEWING IS OUT OF CONCERN FOR HER | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 1:51:43 PM | Well it seems a lot of people just don't understand. I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE HER TO COURT!
I gave her my word that I'd put my faith in her, my trust in her and that I love her.
I keep my word!
I will give her some time
My opinion is both her daughter in law and daughter have been working against me and trying to influence the whole relationship between us.
Kids can be a PIA when it comes to relationships.
They NEED TO KEEP THEIR NOSES OUT OF IT PERIOD!!! | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 1:57:42 PM | YOU EVER TELL MY CHILDREN TO KEEP THEIR NOSES OUT OF ANYTHING.....AND YOU WOULDN'T HAVE A NOSE TO STICK ANYWHERE You might want to think twice before coming between a parent and a child they love.
We will call the whambulance for you..... | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 1:58:33 PM | Well if she dumped me, explain this!!!
Her car broke down today and she just called me and asked where I thought she should take it for repairs.
She also wanted to know if she could talk to me about a problem her grandson is having in school.
I was SURPRISED as all get out to hear her voice on the phone just awhile ago.
I DID NOT even mention the money situation but we spoke about her grandson because her son won't talk to her about the problem, and her daughter in law is upset at her because they got into a fight about her still not having a job and she still has to support all
five of them.
She actually wants me to talk to her grandson some time this week.
How about that?
I'm out of here !!! | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 2:03:15 PM | She should be too old to scam money from her old BF...What a poor old woman! BTW, how much is the money that she has borrowed from you? If it's a few hundred dollars, why don't you forget it, then ignoring her? Anyways, both of you use each other for sex and money!!!  | |
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RJ_46
| | Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 48 | |
| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 2:10:48 PM | Let it go! I did I lent my daughters friends mother $ 1200.00 and was told a sob store and that I would be paid back. well it's been 3 years now and nota. Carma is a big thing it will come back to you some where else. | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 2:29:51 PM |
and I told her there were "no strings" attached.
... but in all honesty you did attach a string. She didn't respond as nicely as you wanted and now you're mad and wanting to retaliate.
If it really is a no strings attached deal then leave her be. You did what you said you wanted to, you relieved stress from her life. Job done. She accepted your help leaving no strings attached.
It's too bad people have to behave the way she did. But as far as the topic of loan and paying back or not. I think you got what you asked for.
Next time. Add a string. Either pay back of the money or appreciation shown in full (which it sounds like that's what you wanted). | |
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| sub consciously asking a man for money
Posted: 12/20/2009 2:43:59 PM | I don't expect anything in payback.
And I do not want to retaliate, not at all.
Just some respect. be honest with me, don't lie to me.
I'm not out to get laid, or want a relationship with benefits.
I want a solid well built relationship based on being each others best friend.
I'll walk into H --- and back with her by her side all the way.
This is just the way I am.
She's actually a very devoted grandmother and her grandkids come first.I'm very proud of her for that!
She does have a self esteem problem, and I don't fault her for it, I have my own faults.
I felt I could help her with her self esteem problem.
One of her girlfriends at work was so concerned that she called me early on and asked me
to try and help this lady.
Whenever I told her she was beautiful or looked nice or
looked very pretty when I picked her up for a date, she would say , "No I don't, please don't tell me that.
But what I see is an attractive lady and is a beautiful person inside.
She has had it tough for quite awhile, and I always tried to make her feel
good about herself.
For now, I will leave her be, but I was totally surprised this afternoon when SHE CALLED ME!!
I will gladly help her grandson
I COME FROM THE OLD SCHOOL!
Thankyou for some of the opinions some of you people expressed
They are well taken.
There's an old saying
If you love something and set it free , if it comes back, it's meant to be, if not it wasn't. | |
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