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 AUTHOR
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 51
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Can anyone give me advice?Page 4 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
So, you love him, he loves you, treats you well and is really nice ...

What's the problem here that makes you consider breaking up?

If it's the age difference, then you just have to decide whether that's an insurmountable barrier. Your call; no one can make it for you.

If it's the rebound thing ... well, if you both love each other, then what's the issue?
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 52
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 12:34:29 AM
you really need to get out and live a little, have fun with the boys your age before you settle down...
at 18 you need to experience life as an 18 year old, and not get thrown into being mother or wife to someone elses child!

ps: you do realize your dating someone old enough to be your father!
 acuddler
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 53
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 3:50:47 AM
You want a guarantee of unbridled happiness with no risk of ever being hurt...which is to say a fantasy. There is no reward without risk. You love him, he says he loves you, all is well so far, but you want to end it so you won't maybe be hurt later on. Why not slice off your tits so you never get breast cancer? Have all your teeth pulled, so you never get a cavity. Have a hysterectomy, so you never go through the heartbreak of a miscarriage. Kill yourself so you never get cancer,or AIDS. Preventative break ups make as much sense as the things I suggested. Go for it...if you are schtupid enough.
 Con Ten Ted
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 54
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Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 3:57:07 AM
Girl ... run for your life !!

A couple of people on here have given you some good advice by suggesting that you should do a re-take on the facts of this relationship. Take their advice ....

I'm a father of five girls .... the youngest is 21 years old .... if she got involved with a man of 38 .... I would DEFINITLY be saying something about it .... maybe not to my daughter but certainly to the pervert who should know better ....

You said in your profile that your father has been out of the picture for most of your life ... have you considered that, just maybe, this person could be your idea of a "father figure" and that your feelings may stem from a lack of connection with your real father ?? Just a thought .....

Hope you sort it out to your best satisfaction ....
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 55
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 3:58:29 AM
I am not going to commit to anyone before I am out of college and my career is well established.

hey girl, this is your mantra. repeat it early and often. and don't *even* get me started on why i'm telling you this.

I am not going to commit to anyone before I am out of college and my career is well established..... I am not going to commit to anyone before I am out of college and my career is well established....I am not going to commit to anyone before I am out of college and my career is well established...

thank you, thank you very much.

 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 56
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 5:27:37 AM
^This.

OP, I'm less concerned about the age difference than the fact that he wants someone to help him raise his son. That is very definitely not your job, and it's unfair of him to ask that of someone so young and just beginning her journey into adulthood. He's putting very adult burdens on someone who isn't ready for them, and it's not your job. Please remember that, and even better, tell him so.

I'm happy that you're putting your education first. Please be careful not to get pregnant and feel you've gotten yourself stuck in this relationship. Remember, no matter what, that you do not owe anything to this guy no matter what he's done for you.

Falling in love a month in is less uncommon than you might think, but it's too soon to say so--when people do profess their love that early, it shows a lack of judgment. You're right to be wary on this one. Follow your gut, and if it doesn't feel right to you, then end it.

Also, growing up and being an adult is still pretty darn scary at 30. At this point, I'm thinking it'll probably always be, but I've learned that most of us, despite being scared of it, learn to live with that uncertainty in a more comfortable way.
 phoenixxx2008
Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 57
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 5:40:05 AM
Oh boy, you are vey young! Best advice:

Stick to your education & career goals

take good birth control

Don't move in with, marry him or take on a live in mommy role of ANY kind for the next few years until you have stepped into your new career & finished college

By that time you will know if he is still around whether it is the real thing or the desperate attempts of a divoerced single dad trying to snag a young attractive and vulnerable/moldable girl to fulfill his needs.
 rosedamsel
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 58
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 8:04:20 AM
Thank you all SO much! My mind is spinning with all this good advice. :)

Just to let everyone know a little more of what I'm thinking

I don't sleep with boyfriends and that turns a lot of guys off. This guy, though, has always been very respectful of my body and does not push anything on me.

The kid's mother is a stripper, which somewhat bothers me.

I was in an accident and I can no longer have children of my own, so finding someone with a child, appeals to me, however, I want to be a real mother and not just a babysitter. But I don't think I could give any child the attention needed and keep up with my education, which is very important to me.

I was planning on breaking up with him last night...WOW...that was so hard. I couldn't do it. He felt something was wrong and he was so sweet. I know it will be hard, and I just need to get over it, I think.

Thank you all for helping me get my head in the right place.

Merry Christmas everyone! Thank you all again!
 Goldstrike1971
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 59
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Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 8:46:51 AM
Nevermind.

I can already see your going to crash this into a wall.

Good luck.

You were warned.
 ketch
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 60
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 9:48:48 AM
Hmmm. You are in love with him. He says he's in love with you. He's a great guy. He treats you amazingly.

And you're considering breaking up with him.

And women wonder why men get confused.

Break up with him. Find a fellow twenty years younger who will treat you like sh*t, won't love you and turns out to be a lying cheating turd.

In life we sometimes get what we deserve.

Ketch
 MiketheZombie
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 61
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 10:17:09 AM
Get over your own fears. Either trust him or ditch him.


Your issues with him are issues with yourself.
 4ced2register
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 62
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Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 10:52:56 AM
Unless he's being mean to you or something, I don't see what the problem is. Just relax and enjoy your relationship for how ever long it lasts. If you can love him after four months of dating I don't see why he can't love you after one. Maybe you shouldn't look for problems where there might not be any. The guy has been divorced for three years.
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 63
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Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 11:04:24 AM
Stick to your guns.
You're only 18 and you have a lot to learn.

About the guys you won't sleep with, guess what? Those that stop seeing you because you're not ready to have sex with you, AREN'T INTO YOU. It's that simple. I guy who likes you and respects you will hang around until you're ready.

You have no right to pass judgment on the kid's mother. You're deciding that because she's a stripper she's a whore. I'd be interested in what your b/f would think about this.

I'm sorry you can no longer have children of your own. But there are other ways to have a child with someone. At 18 having a child shouldn't be your main concern.

He's going to be sweet when you try and break up with him. Who told you that breaking up is easy?
The good things in life don't come easy.
You should be more worried about yourself than him. You come first, not someone else.
Since he's 40 and you're only 18, he and you are going to feel that the difference isn't that great now. Trust me when I say, if you stay in this relationship 10 yrs from now when he's 50 and you're 28 you're going to see the difference. And then wait another 5 yrs and he's 55 and you're 33. Any man who tells you this isn't true is LYING. I hope you know what 'arm candy' is.
Have yourself a very Merry Christmas.
 Gypsy sole
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 64
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 11:13:04 AM
Quite frankly, I think that if a 38 year old person is sexually involved with an 18 year old person, it's pedophilic in nature. You may be a "legal" adult, but that big of an age difference comes with power and control issues. I ask why he can't have a normal relationship with a woman his own age?
 lighttou
Joined: 12/20/2009
Msg: 65
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Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 11:17:14 AM
In a word - RUN! (& I'm a guy)
 krlb4
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 66
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 11:20:28 AM
What makes you think he is on the rebound? Also, four months is still a new relationship in my view. You might want to give it more time to see if the relationship moves in the direction you want.
 TOO SMOOTH
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 67
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 11:21:29 AM
why dump him if you both love each other take it from someone who knows i was married and when we split my sisters friend asked her to fix us up 2 days later so we went out and was together 14 years and have 2 lovely girls we divorced now but you have to go with your heart and as for red flags about him saying he loved you so quick i knew after a week i loved her you can never live you life thinking what if just live for now good luck
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 68
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Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 11:22:13 AM
OP, if he treats you amazingly and is kind and is a great guy -- what's the problem? Since he has been divorced about three years, I don't think it's a rebound. I say enjoy this man and get to know him better.

ETA: Ooops! I didn't know you're just 18. I thought you were around this man's age. You haven't lived your dreams yet whatever they are. Don't stay in a relationship where you think it's just a cure-all for his loneliness. Breaking it off is best, imo.
 central-scrutinizer
Joined: 12/2/2009
Msg: 69
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 2:01:58 PM
A relationship with a man twenty years older is when you're only 18 is preposterous. Especially given your abuse history. Your situation is too complex for a forum thread. Get some therapy for yourself with a professional. Best of luck.
 msconcierge
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 70
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 3:27:27 PM
Stay with him if he treats you good you can't loose with that.
 krlb4
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 71
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 3:40:20 PM

What makes you think he is on the rebound? Also, four months is still a new relationship in my view. You might want to give it more time to see if the relationship moves in the direction you want.


I rescind my comment. Upon reading several of the comments I discovered that you are a youngin, and based on the stated age difference, I think the relationship is age-inaapropriate. Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
 barbyanne2
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 72
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 3:49:06 PM
What IS your problem? I can think of worse things to be blinded by. You have what the rest of us are searching for so earnestly. Get off of here. Go find him & snuggle.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 73
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 10:39:22 PM

I was planning on breaking up with him last night...WOW...that was so hard. I couldn't do it. He felt something was wrong and he was so sweet. I know it will be hard, and I just need to get over it, I think.


Yes, it will be hard. You will miss him and will second guess yourself for a bit but just remember your mantra and say it often.

Best of luck ... I get a sense that you will do just fine. You are an attractive young woman who is on the right path ... the one that tells you that your education and career have to be the #1 priority in your life at the moment. Watch out for diversions....stay true to your mantra and you will do well.
 CHINGA01
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 74
Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 12/24/2009 11:19:24 PM
pass the coronas plz......
 drumsafrican
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 75
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Can anyone give me advice?
Posted: 3/28/2010 5:02:44 AM
Any man who says he loves you after one month is a very dependent person. This man needs to learn how to live on his own without feeling needy or desperate. I don't think you will have a happy relationship with him because he's too needy.

End the relationship.

Judith
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