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| | Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?Page 2 of 16 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16) | I didn't come on this site to date or to fall in love. I came on it to find people with similar interested with whom I could do things such as going on picnics or to a play or museum or even shoot a game of pool. I wasn't looking for someone to buy me dinner or take me to fancy places. I've been there and done that. I'd rather be more low-key. I'd rather be with a friend and cook dinner together and watch a movie on TV. Or maybe we'll get together with friends and have a bbq.
By just looking for friends, male and female, I've met some outstanding people who have enhanced my life tremendously. I have also met a wonderful man that I am hoping will turn out to be 'The One'. If not, he will always be one of my dearest friends.
The only expectations I have for my friends is that they are as honest and sincere as I am. No BS allowed. | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 5:38:24 PM | Magic Marco I loved your story,that is priceless and sadly what a lot of people are truly like. Maybe I should try that with Jennifer Aniston's picture in place of mine.  | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 5:49:40 PM | I find that I meet plenty of nice people who appeal to be willing partners, but there is some form of spark missing, something indefinable that I cannot put my finger on. The result of this is to make me start questioning myself. I think…well I have just met some great people lately and there was nothing wrong with any of them, but yet I don't want to date them, maybe there is something wrong with me?
...Interestingly enough, just last week I had a lengthy conversation with a friend about this very thing. I too have met plenty of nice guys through PoF but simply put, there was/is always something missing. I know instinctively after spending just a short time with them that it isn't going to go anywhere.
Obviously in many cases they weren't feeling anything either ( coincidentally I was with a male friend and he said he knew right away we were destined for friendship) Now why is that? (lol)
So naturally I'm wondering what am I doing wrong?.... Am I not interesting enough, less intelligent, not pretty enough....what kind of vibes am I giving off ? I think I kinda put him on the spot, he had difficulty answering that one for me. His words were that one day someone would come along and "Knock my socks off" (lol)
Who knows what the problem is, but from my experience, dating in my fifties have been tough.
...maeflowers | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 6:07:43 PM | Yes! It's tough. Maybe too tough anymore.
I agree with you on a lot of what you wrote. I don't want to over analyzing what you say as it's pretty clearly stated to me.
I'm a normal in appearance 54-year old woman but on a few dates have "taken it on the chin" one time too many. I'm wore down, exhausted from the effort.
I feel on-line dating doesn't work because we aren't meeting in normal circumstances. i.e there is no interconnecting relationship of work, or church, or school, or volunteering, and etcetra, where we slowly notice and appreciate another person.
I will say the last line really sums it up for me and I quote:"However, I think many “single” people would agree…we would trade being in a relationship any day, for the thought of being alone…" That came true for me painfully so Christmas evening after being at my daughters and her family and my son and his family and grandkids and laughter and food, and games...then coming home in the dark to an emply house. Yeah...I would trade being in a relationship any day then this constant aloneness.
I'm not sad, just tired of of.
My new profile as of today is for fun and laughter...not intended to entice. I'm going for the just wanna-have-fun stage. LOL | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 6:43:08 PM |
By 'easier' I meant that you will at least get replies and inquiries at a much higher rate than most men.
I've been here for, OMG it is years now!, and I haven't yet found my 'pick'. I send out emails and rarely get replies and yes, it's discouraging. But in the meantime, I live my life. Anymore, I simply stop by to read this forum now and then.  | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 6:58:34 PM | when you date online, you may not have a history! By that I mean, you may not come from the same town/village/city. You don't have that "familiarity" of an area where you both grew up. You may not share the knowledge of the favorite haunts, night spots, dining places, etc.
You might not have family stories to share of growing up in the same area..playgrounds, schools, teachers, etc. You may not have that air of having "seen" each other around town, or the neighborhood.
All this is part of the romance you share in the beginning. When this is absent, it becomes so much harder to actually "connect" with someone. They are, esentially, strangers, in every sense of the word.! | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 7:15:51 PM |
I didn't come on this site to date or to fall in love. I came on it to find people with similar interested with whom I could do things such as going on picnics or to a play or museum or even shoot a game of pool.
FF dear, I 'm not sure I follow you here. By the site, I assume you mean POF in general.
So wouldn't that be like going to the grocery store when you don't need any groceries?
You could stop by the magazine rack; see what Lady GaGa is up to this week, loaf around at the bakery; watch the bread rise . Cruise down the produce aisle and squeeze the kumquats a little.
Oh , look; here's a sale on pork chops. I think I WILL get these and put them in the freezer, as long as I'm here....
Sorry, I just don't get it. | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 7:43:53 PM | "Sorry, I just don't get it."
Well, I get it. I am not focused on finding a mate to the exclusion of enjoying what every I can with friends I meet on the way. If I were only here for "the one" I would have missed knowing wonderful people and haven't many great times.
Anything is as tough (dating included) as we make it. Better to relax and enjoy the journey, and the surprises along the way. | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 8:21:19 PM | You seem to have a great attitude but the conflict here says it all:
"We prepare for days when we don't feel optimistic, becoming experts about ourselves."
We must know and be content with ourselves (as you suggested earlier) to an expert degree, indeed, or we will not know what we want before we even try.
We should not only know what we need but be embroiled in the very chemistry as the most fundamental factor here you seem to elude. The girl has to be the most beautiful person on earth to you, whether she is to others or most. This is the key. It should also grow than migrate to any impartiality let alone regret. And this takes chemistry as the ultimate and initial draw to our other half than partner with less transparency.
It's an ideal, sure, as settling for second best would be ruining ones life.
As we get older we get more set in our ways and harder to meet a fit. I am looking forward to getting older as a single man since I find no chemistry in anythin g so far, pages of who let the dogs out, even a decade younger look like my moms age, all have kids or overweight, nutso academics into jazz or yoga trying to be trrndy, cougars, name it...some really nice ladies but no chemistry... and I won't settle for second best.
My dreams are more powerful than any until the perfect one comes along, and I am not holding my breath than hoping and trying, not in desperation, or as actively as watching Union Station to address those without a wedding band that may appeal... but that sounds like a great idea come to think of it. I am a sensitive soul who demands respect with enough experience to know how to run and lacking enough to depart from obligation or fear hurting their feelings. We all have our woes =) So I am reluctant to even meet, a monumental task.
You sound like a good man, and you will find some one. I am blessed with too much experience yet too naive in some ways. I would only break hearts and be be horrified. Hence I love being alone, second to having an ideal but I am not holding my breath as I say. Just watching. | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 8:47:08 PM | Well, I get it.
That's okay.
From what I read here, most people don't get you either, so maybe we better wait till FF returns.
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 8:58:54 PM | | Like everything else, namely declining health, EVERYTHING gets more difficult over 50. We've got to understand that our bodies, minds and souls need more rest and TLC than they used to. Can't abuse ourselves with the rollercoaster ride like 20-year-olds. | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 9:17:25 PM | Re: Msg 33
Marco, when I first came on this site I had just had to have a pacemaker implanted and found out I could no longer work due to health problems that, at the time, were uncontrollable. I wasn't looking to date or fall in love. All I was looking for was a friend with whom to get out of the house occasionally.
I didn't think anyone would be interested in a woman who was 'broken' and I was (and still am) perfectly content living with my son and d-i-l. I did find that there are a lot of men who don't consider me 'broken' and I really appreciate that. I have also made some wonderful friends who do come and pick me up and get me out of my bedroom, since that is where I spend the majority of my time. My health has improved somewhat and I'm able to get out and do more but I am still quite restricted in what I can do.
Finding love was a bonus for me that I wasn't looking for. He found me and I am thrilled he did. But coming here and looking for friendship, instead of love, is very much like going to the grocery store. I may not be shopping for a london broil, but that doesn't mean I'm not looking to find some fresh fruits and veggies. And perhaps while cruising up and down the aisles, I may peruse the meat section and see what they have to offer. I mean, it's hard to turn down a great rump roast. | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/27/2009 10:34:56 PM | I think it is like finding a needle in a haystack...
some want to just pick up every single blade of hay and examine it to see if it might be their needle...spending alot of energy and effort and then getting all bothered by seeing how much hay there is still to go thru they come on and whine about how hard it is when they are who is making it hard....
Others want to just dive into the haystack and think that every prick is their needle (he he pun intended :P)
Some come up with scientific approaches, some use spreadsheets, others do other things...but the bottom line is we are who should be in control of our dating experience...we can blame men/women cause SOME men/women date younger or we can look for RED FLAGS that eliminate vs things that mean that person might actually be who we would be the happiest with. Most approach dating from a NEGATIVE standpoint..it is always about what is wrong vs what is right with someone.
Think of the number of threads about online dating, people looking for signs that someone is right or wrong vs getting to know the person and deciding for themselves...
ps. Forumfilly...when you mention that about "broken" I can understand how you felt...I had a guy tell me that no man will really consider me for long term cause I had cancer so I am damaged goods, and that they dont even feel bad about using me and making me believe they like me to get me to sleep with them cause I should just be grateful that someone would give me a pity fvck. While he is extreme in his thought pattern, it exist...the thing is looking past the trees and seeing the forest...he is one person with one thought pattern and while there might be others who feel the same there is also some who wont. It only impacts us if we allow it to. BTW dont forget to squeeze the charmin next time you go to the grocery store! | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 12:00:21 AM | This is a very interesting thread. The thing is, we can't just sit around hoping to meet someone, the person of our dreams. We have to continue to live our lives, get out and socialize, and maybe we will meet someone to date, and maybe we won't.
I think the majority of the people over 50 on POF are here getting entertained by the forums, and if we happen to run across a profile who we find worth sending a message
to, that's just icing on the cake. | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 2:25:40 AM | I came on this site because of the possibility of find that special person to hopefully fall in love with. Someone that I could see sharing my life with eventually..
Have not found him yet but I am certainly not about to give up. He is out there somewhere and he is waiting for a woman just like me..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 6:18:31 AM | "Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?"
Uh, yeah, but next November, I plan on leaving it all behind. Next November I, tentatively, intend on turning 60. A, "man is it ever tough dating in my 60's", exclamation will probably be forthcoming. 
It's all fairly hard to understand. Here I am, god's gift to women, and I'm struggling. OK, so maybe I'm not really god's gift to women but in my world, maybe.  There's something you women are going to have to understand. There's just the one of me. I can't spread myself too thin. Not at my age anyway. So, yes, it's tough.
And another thing: "online dating". I consider it to be "online meeting". We're going to have to date in the real world.  | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 7:45:22 AM | To answer the question posed:
Yes, dating in your fifties is tough. But the alternative is NOT dating in your fifties. Unless you've figured out a way to change being fifty-something... | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:25:57 AM | Anything is difficult and frustrating when you want to do it but don't know how. Walking is that way, at first.
Is dating itself tough? Not if you know how to do it easily. To say it is dating that is hard is just a way of saying you have trouble dating. That's not about dating, it's about your lack of skill. Maybe you used to be competent and found dating easier, but not any more. Maybe the requirements have changed and the women have changed and it's time to learn some new dating tricks.
One thing that works well with these old women, is you give them a good slap on the rump. | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:28:44 AM | I think that dating over 50 is tough and online even tougher! I have friends of all ages (40-65) who are attempting to date online (most here on POF) and are not meeting with success. In the past, I would send out many e-mails to guys here on POF or other sites and rarely receive a response. Personally, I think that is just rude. If someone takes the time to send you an e-mail, the least someone can do is respond. Now my profile is hidden and I don't search anymore. I do like to come in and check out the forums though and it seems that other members are experiencing the same thing I was on POF.
Like the other member with the George Clooney picture, I made duplicate profile on POF (without my picture, and a different member name), but selected that I was looking for "intimate encounter" instead of dating, long-term, etc. Guess what? My inbox was full! When I changed it back to "dating", I never received another e-mail! After about 30 days, I deleted the profile.
I have found online dating to be a waste of time and effort. I certainly would not recommend spending hours online to anyone in an attempt to find a date, let alone a partner for life! Maybe it's me, but I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm very happy being single. I'm firmly convinced that if I am going to find someone, that it is going to happen on its own schedule, not mine and definitely not online! I do have to say that I know of two people who met their spouses on E-harmony, but that was when it was for paid memberships only. In the past three years, I do not know of anyone who has met their spouse or significant other online, only those who have had really horrible experiences and most were on POF!
My 60 year old girlfriend is dating four different guys, three from this site and one that a friend set her up with and, as of this writing, she still does not have a date for New Years Eve! Sadly, I think that both men and women at this age and stage of our lives have been burnt by a member of the opposite sex. I know that I certainly have. However, you have to be willing to take the risk to reap a reward and I'm not sure that there are too many guys online willing to take that risk. Myself, I'm willing to take the risk.
Since my divorce many years ago, I have met many men who want me to support them, be a mother/nanny for their kids or take care of their aging parents. I would rather be single (and dateless) than put up with someone who expects me to do all of that for them and receive nothing in return!
That's my two cents! | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 9:20:39 AM |
One thing that works well with these old women, is you give them a good slap on the rump.
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Create yet another crack in it??? On second thought that might just be unique..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 9:45:39 AM | Geez, do you go on and on normally in a conversation?
I really wonder about this truly too long posts where people pontificate.
Here's a clue, if you want people to participate in your thread, keep it simple. You don't have to say over and over again the same things.
People don't take the time to get to know one another. Some times people just let any thought that enters their mind come out of their mouth.
Every thing these days is instant gratification. You have to have sex by the 3rd date, if you don't, it's next.
No one wants to take the time to get to know 1 person at a time. If you're seeing more than 1 person at a time, do you think you're really giving them a chance?
Some people are just too critical but yet they don't look in the mirror to see their own short comings. Some people lie ie about smoking and when you meet them, you find out they smoke. Why waste my time? | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 10:33:46 AM | Depends what do you mean for dating.
Is it having dinner or sex?
Dating means for me...if both partners like each other and are interested in each other...to build healthy relationship.
Dating doesn't mean having sex!
Anyway...dating right person is sweet pleasure...and is not tough! | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 10:43:41 AM | A lean, muscular man in his 50's can get dates galore, though less often with the women he has known since he was 13.
A trim women with an hour-glass figure in her 50's can get dates galore, though maybe with more men than she would like who want to show his buddies he "still has it", an attitude that often leaves the woman in question unfulfilled.
A man or woman not trim gets overlooked more easily, even by women/men themselves not trim. | |
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Fifi47
| | Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 49 | |
| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 10:56:26 AM | | I have several friends who are trim women with hour glass figures who are in their 50s and they rarely date. None of them have been married, and they are all well educated teachers who seek monogamous relationships. These 3 things seems to not interest most of the men they meet, be in online or IRL. | |
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| Dating in Your 50's - Is It Tough?
Posted: 12/28/2009 11:11:27 AM |
I have several friends who are trim women with hour glass figures who are in their 50s and they rarely date. None of them have been married, and they are all well educated teachers who seek monogamous relationships. These 3 things seems to not interest most of the men they meet, be in online or IRL.
Forty years a woman, each of them, and none have been married? So, what DO they want to date? If, let's say, they did have the opportunity to date?
There is no trim, muscular man, no trim, hour-glass-figure woman without opportunities to date. They can choose to do or not do anything they wish, but the opportunities are there. Go to any gym and ask any muscular guy with a "two-bagger" face, go to any Pilates class and ask any hour-glass woman with a "two-bagger" face how many hours it has been since someone smiled a wicked, breathless smile at them. | |
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