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 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 26
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What to say after being dumped.Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
He's dead....Yeah right
 virgiomonkey
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 27
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 6:12:54 PM
Just think of his disappearing act as him realizing you were too good for him and he pulled himself out of the running. He did you a favor. He is a worthless cad... a rotten louse... an incredible jerk and he knew it. He felt he had no right to subject you to his useless self. And guess what? He was right!!!

......Whoa.......Go for it Lady....My...My....What a lovely 'Disposition' you have Lady ...Can't wait to meet your Sister/s ......Not.........!!!!....

J.D... ..... ...
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 28
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What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 6:20:26 PM
^^^^^ I know some men think that they are sexier shirtless
but it doesn't work that way here.
She actually does have a lovely disposition.

I think that it is reasonable to turn it around in your mind and realize you
are too good for him. I am not sure why that response would inspire such venom in
a shirtless man. Was that somehow threatening? It sounds like simply
good advise.

I think if he hurt you and you are sure you won't see him again anyway,
why not have the fun of a very improper uncomfortable for him call?
Let him know how you feel in no uncertain terms. Give him something
to remember you for. Don't buy into the notion that you have to go away
quietly for your "pride". My pride is based on self expression when someone
makes me feel bad.
 saje66
Joined: 12/10/2009
Msg: 29
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 6:21:04 PM
Personally I would just let it be. He obviously left for his own reasons....why berate it and make yourself feel additionally miserable by going over it. He doesn't want to talk about it for whatever reason, since he will not answer you when you contact him.

Move on, live your life, and be happy. Don't give him or the situation a second thought.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 30
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What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 6:22:48 PM
Buy a frozen rabbit and a cheap pot and leave it at his front door when he's not home. Just to freak him out a little and don't ever let him know it was you. Or make oatmeal chocolate chip cookies with some used kitty litter in them, package them real nice and send them annonymously. Post flyers around his neighborhood with his picture on it and a short summary of what kind of person he is. A little Karma would do him some good and you deserve to have a good laugh don't you?
 virgiomonkey
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 31
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 6:33:07 PM
'I know some men think that they are sexier shirtless'.............. ...Haaaaa....I see you have 'assumed' again....Hmmmmmm..... .Woman are so good at 'Assuming'..
Right just to Clarify this one, on my 'Shirtless' Picture....Quite simple my Boss,and a very good friend as well, took that photo and dare me, and made a N.Z bet of $2000.00 that I wouldn't dare post that 'Shirtless' picture on a dating site....I accepted his bet....I only rule was ,I had to keep the 'Shirtless' picture on till Christmas day of 2009 ...And my Boss as lost the bet ....I will putting a new picture on in the new year,and with a 'Shirt' on....Happy now Lady......Will you feel 'Morally' happier now.....Excellent, I am so happy for you
As for your comment 'Venom'....Excuse me........Lady you think I was 'Venomous'....I haven't if started .......... ...

J.D
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 32
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What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 6:36:21 PM
Say: "Well...fvck you then...bye".
 SuzyqInMD
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 33
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 6:48:18 PM

Don't buy into the notion that you have to go away
quietly for your "pride".


Totally agree with this. Why go away so quietly? As long as you aren't a crazy, diluted, stalker why not email him or call him and tell him that what he did was hurtful. He doesn't deserve the quiet respect for what he did.
I 've done both. I've quietly walked away before, and dreamed of things i wish I had said. When i met someone who disappeared like yours, after lies lies lies to get his way, it hurt a lot and I decided to lay it out. I did. I emailed this man and said; " You hurt me, disrespected me and I didn't deserve this at all.". I kept it simple and it felt wonderful. I felt no regrets.. Yea I could have said more (A POX on YOU) but I'm an adult (sigh!).

He wrote back to me. Apologized. No, my thrust for revenge was not met, but he did acknowledge.
I did this after the first week of his sudden silence.
Do what feels right for you.
 somephxguy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 34
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 6:49:47 PM

What is considered ok to say to someone who just up and disappears, stops calling, emailing. etc?

There isn't really definite etiquette.

You can do yourself a favor by not contacting him at all, or ever accept any contact from him, even if he tries to apologize. He made his decision now, let him live with it in the future.

If you "attack" or "confront" him then you are allowing him to manipulate and dictate your actions...you still let him use you. You are valuing him as though he is worth pursuing, worth being mad at, that you feel something for him, therefore he is worth being felt something for. Even negative attention and drama is better than nothing at all.


do I just swallow my pride and not say anything and still feel used?

It's not pride you are swallowing, it's your desire for control. You feel the need to establish control and dominance over your life by putting him in a place lower than yourself.
Retribution is basically that. Resetting or maintaining your place in the pecking order. To say to someone "ha ha, I'm better than you are!"
If you confront or attack him then you are using him to make yourself feel better. Which is also allowing him the "power" to dictate how you feel.

You are saying that you need him in order to feel better, even though it's a negative need or use.
And then you are the same as he. Do you want to be that way? (well that does seem like a stupid question now that I read it, of course you do, otherwise you wouldn't be posting a thinly veiled rant seeking people to stroke your back and say "there, there, he bad, you good)
You don't seem to like his ultimate actions...why are you mimicking them?
 onefishwilldo
Joined: 4/1/2009
Msg: 35
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 6:56:18 PM
Silent treatment is best at this time. Don't answer his call, don't contact him don't respond to him. Find some stuff to do to keep yourself busy and start going out again. Delete him from your contact lists.

When this happened to me, I joined the gym.
 pnut mnms
Joined: 11/8/2009
Msg: 36
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 7:09:45 PM
OP - you didn't give too many specifics but I am going to assume that your "moving forward" meant you slept with him and you feel "used and angry" because he stopped communicating once you had sex.

Been there, got the t-shirt. You will come across as a Level 5 Stalker if you continue to text/call him and demand an explanation. If it makes you feel better, go right ahead ane let him have it in a scathing email but I guarantee it won't change how he feels. Just ignore the S.O.B. and be more cautious with the next guy.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 37
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 7:31:15 PM
I've had two friends go through this in the past few months. It's confusing and hurtful but there is nothing you can do about it. Like so many have already said, you don't know why he did it and it wouldn't matter if you did. The harsh reality is he lost interest for whatever reason.

Grab a good movie and a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Indulge yourself for a night. Then get up and work yourself to a sweaty pulp in the gym and consider he did you a favor by showing you what a jackass he is early in the game.

They come. They go. Better that one's gone.
 TiltAGirl
Joined: 9/12/2009
Msg: 38
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 7:37:08 PM

do I just swallow my pride and not say anything and still feel used?
Why let someone else's stupidity dictate how you feel. You have a choice about this - you can see as something that has wounded your pride or you can see it as having dodged a bullet - if he would just stop talking to you what else would he wimp out on? Do you want someone like that in your life?
 Maesbaby763
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 39
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 7:40:12 PM
Yup, call him and leave him one hell of a voicemail, what have you got to lose? He did the vanishing act, so hopefully you will never entertain the idea of taking him back anyway.

Spineless cowards do this and he doesn't deserve you just quietly going away and forgetting him. I am not vindictive or spiteful but when I am disrespected, hurt and pretty mad I will have the last word. Will it change anything? No, it wont but it makes me feel better and if he just made me feel like crap, heck I deserve to feel better and who better to make me feel better than myself?

I'd at least make him know how what he did made me feel and hopefully he will realize that his actions were very hurtful and maybe he will think twice before he does it to someone else. HOPEFULLY.

I did it myself last week and he did apologize and said he didn't mean to hurt my feelings but that is the way he chose to do it and for me to pray about it because God works in mysterious ways and I never know what could happen down the road.

I do know what will NOT happen.

People don't realize how the vanishing act makes someone feel, it made me feel that I was a useless nothing and that I wasn't even owed the dignity of a goodbye, it's over.

It's a very selfish self centered act and they don't care what it does to you, it's all about how it makes THEM feel so they just burned a bridge.

At least now I know that he knows what that did to me because I tried to say it with grace and dignity but of course I started crying and now I had my last say.
 candid_1
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 40
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What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:00:32 PM
OP, you were perfectly content with things up to the point of the no contact, so why do you say you feel used? Was there a gun at head? A hostage? Were you not a willing participant? So why say used? You're just pissed 'cuz you didn't have a hand in the decision making process and have no ability to redress the situation or get a last word in. If you're really upset with the situation, write a letter. Mail it or don't. Either way, you'll have to accept the relationship is over and anything you say now probably won't change it.

...made a N.Z bet of $2000.00 that I wouldn't dare post that 'Shirtless' picture on a dating site....I accepted his bet....I only rule was ,I had to keep the 'Shirtless' picture on till Christmas day of 2009 ...And my Boss as lost the bet ...

So - drinks are on you, eh?

Anyway, getting back to the OP:
Maybe he was abducted by aliens. Maybe his wife caught up with him. Maybe he's not worth the time to sit and ponder... hmmm. Hey, maybe he got hit by a bus, yeah, yeah - that's it... men are like buses... they blow smoke and stink? No, well yeah, but that's not it ...they'll give you a cheap ride? Oh oh, and they also cost too much for the ride you get?... Nah - that's not it - AH HA, I remember now... Men are like buses - there's always another one around the corner.... just try not to get hit.

At least now I know that he knows what that did to me because I tried to say it with grace and dignity but of course I started crying and now I had my last say.

What a waste of energy. To me, unless there's "stuff" to be returned, phuck it.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 41
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:16:14 PM



Just think of his disappearing act as him realizing you were too good for him and he pulled himself out of the running. He did you a favor. He is a worthless cad... a rotten louse... an incredible jerk and he knew it. He felt he had no right to subject you to his useless self. And guess what? He was right!!!


......Whoa.......Go for it Lady....My...My....What a lovely 'Disposition' you have Lady ...Can't wait to meet your Sister/s ......Not.........!!!!....

J.D... ..... ...
Monkey, I actually do have a lovely disposition, thank you for noticing. If you could not understand that my advice to the lady was so she would feel better about herself, and the rude manner in which he dumped her, then you are truly thick. Also, why should she not think of him as a jerk, a cad and a louse? I think if a woman did such a thing to a man she should be classified that way also. It is rude, callous and downright cruel to treat another person in this manner and, unfortunately, it happens all too often. There are threads started every day about this very subject. I have no problem with stating how I feel about others who have so little regard for people's feelings. Perhaps you feel I was being too harsh because this maybe your modus operandi. Why else would you take offense at what I posted?

Goodonya for the bet.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 42
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:59:05 PM
MissMewsic ... Really, how shocking! I would expect that someone as cultured and gracious as yourself would advise the OP to take the high road. You know - just cut off absolutely any communication with him at all! Give yourself eight months to get over him. In fact, I strongly recommend you write the date on your calendar ... That's right, flip ahead to August 29, 2010. Now don't even let the thought of that bounder cross your mind. Early in the morning of the appointed date, put on some sweats and a tunic top ... Dab some watered down mascara under your eyes and stuff the biggest pillow you own up your shirt. Then simply turn up at his place of employment and begin wailing his name and the words "child support" to anyone who will listen! THAT is how a refined and well-bred lady deals with such a cad!
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 43
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What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/28/2009 9:36:09 PM

MissMewsic ... Really, how shocking! I would expect that someone as cultured and gracious as yourself would advise the OP to take the high road.

Well that was all tongue-in-cheek humor. But seriously I wouldn't lower myself to the drama queen stuff - I would take the high road and just walk away. He was the one in the wrong - keep it that way and you can hold your head high OP.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 44
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What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/29/2009 12:25:27 AM
newsflash people dont just wake up one day and decide to simply walk away from a good thing.
more often than not something was said or done that made any goodbyes redundant and if you have people poof`ing on you alot then the time has come to have a look at yourself and how you behave in relationships.
 amillio-bello
Joined: 10/22/2009
Msg: 45
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/29/2009 12:32:24 AM

Don't say anything and quietly plot your revenge. Works for ME...


Same works for me too!!!!!!

As for you, keep your cool and just leave and don't worry about it. Find someone else where things will hopefully go better.
 amillio-bello
Joined: 10/22/2009
Msg: 46
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/29/2009 12:39:54 AM
Just think of his disappearing act as him realizing you were too good for him and he pulled himself out of the running. He did you a favor. He is a worthless cad... a rotten louse... an incredible jerk and he knew it. He felt he had no right to subject you to his useless self. And guess what? He was right!!!


You got that right lady. I always know if the lady is worthy of me, or if she is not, and if she leaves with her delusional mind, I just see it that way. She wasn't worthy to be with a classy gentleman of great worth as myself. She might as well go to the ditch of gutter she came from!! I just ignore those lower class people and know that I am better and above them, and that they are not in the same league as me. I just realize that she had no right to even meet me, she was not good enough!! and just see them as yesterdays garbage.

The next morning, I feel better about it. I'm sure you will too. Also you can be nice to her afterwards and offer her a job as a domestic-someone who cleans all the dirty stuff around the house and basically is like a servant. One may offer them that. In a guys case he may consider or do it because if she was hot, whenever she bends and all that, he can still get plasure by watching her bend when she cleans, you can see her behind, her breasts, sometimes her butt etc .

Yeah see, some ladies have interesting advices here OP Misswee, Forumfilly among others. Bravo!!
 voshie
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 47
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/29/2009 6:56:07 AM
firstly..whats the point in getting twisted up and blowing off steam in cyber space as he's prolly dumped any kind of profile, email addy, msg ID ..and prolly phone number and prolly blocked you by way of a voice mail that says mailbox not available etc...pointless and a waste of your breath and energy...

most likely, in the near future he'll find some reason in his mind to justify calling you, with fake apologies etc...hoping you will have somehow forgotten everything that happened to get you two to that point where he's on the other end of the phone..what do you do..cuss him out? whats the point in that? but believe me when i say this, whatever his contrived reason is based on for calling you right then there isnt truly genuine as the reason he ditched you most likely hasnt changed. do you blindly fall again so you can be dropped even harder on your heart? he labled you as disposable and thinks thats perfectly acceptable...and will do so again.

if you're smart you either ignore the phone call altogether (thank you caller ID for allowing us to see whose calling)...or do as i do, express your disappointment in his behavior and move on...without lowering yourself to a level of cussing him out...cussing someone out is as childish as the "houdini" act itself...
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 48
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/29/2009 7:19:58 AM
Tough dilema, I say at this point you do what is going to make you feel better.
Realize that there are people out there, that don't have any gonads and that you wish to hang with warriors.
If a person does not have enough integrity to say this isn't going to work for me, they will not have the strength to carry on in a relationship.
I would write down all my feelings on paper and either send it or burn it for yourself.
Do not expect any response though, this person has already proved that they don't have the resources to give you what you need.
 BBQ Spider
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 49
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/29/2009 7:39:48 AM
I've been where you are, so I sure am not judging.
but
I'm not sure it's in your best interest to group these two things together -- the feeling of having been used, and Your actions after the breakup.

I got dumped that way twice. The more recent time, it irked me, but we hadn't dated very long so I stewed in silence because I didn't want him to know it got to me, as if I didn't notice he was even gone.

An earlier time, I did something kind of mean, but really the evil of it took place entirely in my own mind. I let a few weeks go by, then stopped in to see him.

When a man has dumped you cold because he got engaged to someone else he was cheating on you with, and all your friends knew it before you did -- he is entitled to have a visible reaction of apprehension, if you suddenly appear at his workplace.

All I said was "I heard you got engaged, and I wanted to give you my congratulations." He croaked out "thank you" from a very dry mouth and then I left.

I found that prank very satisfying, but it did nothing to change how I felt about the way he handled the breakup.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 50
What to say after being dumped.
Posted: 12/29/2009 7:54:31 AM
Seriously- scurvy is spot on. You are responsible for your feelings, and that is independent of telling him off. News flash- HE IS OVER YOU! Leave him alone and ask yourself why you let him make you feel the way you do. Does that happen often? Resolving such personal issues is the only productive outcome, now. Good luck!
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