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 AUTHOR
 conscious love
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 26
overseas dating..?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Dating someone from overseas is really ALOT more difficult than you might think. I ended up falling in love with a guy who lived in Amsterdam and I lived there for 5 years.... Believe me, the red tape involved in immigration (I wasn't even trying to immigrate at that point, just always had to renew my study permit) is UNBELIEVABLY stressful and takes a LOT of time. I love that guy and we are still best friends and I never regret moving to Amsterdam - had the dream student life with lots of fun - BUT I would NEVER move overseas for another person again. I learned my lesson.

Another very important point is the cultural differences. Even though I had lots of friends there, I felt very isolated from the bigger picture. I'm Canadian, but Europeans lump us together with Americans and they have a very strong anti-American sentimentality there. I actually started to become ashamed of myself. It took about 3 years before I truly noticed how much the isolation from the culture was affecting me, because at first, I was just happy and in love.

There are lots of people all over the world who immigrate and I think if it's truly your dream to live in another country - then it's worth the hassle. But if you're just moving because of love - believe me - that love won't be enough to keep you happy for long.
 whzcheatinwho
Joined: 4/8/2006
Msg: 27
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/23/2010 12:35:26 PM
I think it depends on the people involved. Some are less risk averse than others. For better or worse, everyone has their own reasons for the things they choose to do.

My cousin's daughter (early 20's) met someone on-line and he lived in England so she went to visit him and they "fell in love" so she went back again and married him and moved over there, now she is expecting a baby and seems to be happy. All of this occurred in a very condensed period of time.

However, obviously that is not the end of the story and only time will tell whether it is a success story or not. There is more to the story and after hearing the rest of the story, the cynic in me can't help but wonder what the outcome will be.

The rest of the story is that the man she married is from Nigeria, he is not a British citizen but was only there on a student visa. Now he is unable to stay there and was required by immigration to return to Nigeria. So, now she is back home, pregnant and trying to get him into Canada... for her sake I hope his interest in her was genuine.

Unfortunately in such situations, limited by time and distance, it can be difficult to get a good read on someone's true intentions. It can be difficult even when you aren't geographically challenged, to truly get to know someone and know their intentions if they don't want you to get to know the real them.
 Charlesgabriel
Joined: 1/8/2010
Msg: 28
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/24/2010 10:10:50 AM

The question would be does it matter where a persons from if they feel an attraction? My opinion is that if the chemistry is right why would distance matter ,obviously someone will have to move but thats the whole idea of starting new life and relationship. My belief is that if your still looking obviously what you have been doing is not working. Myself included. Interesting to hear others opinions.


Distance doesn't play a part as far as attraction goes. I personally don't want to move from my state, I like living here... that's why I'm only into girls that are within my reach as far as distance goes... I have felt attraction towards girls that are too distant from me, but I just strayed off that path... and prefer to stay that way... it's a lot easier and convenient at the same time.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 29
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/24/2010 12:14:50 PM
Well unless you own your own plane or you have the money to fly back and forth constantly then exactly how do you date overseas? Distance does matter when you can't travel or don't have the money to travel.
 baron1914
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 30
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/24/2010 12:27:25 PM
Personally i have dated a few in Europe. The last one i was talking to was a Russian beauty in Saratov and i adored everything about her. Me and her clicked right off the bat and we wrote each other quite frequently. In fact i must have played my cards well because she wanted me to meet her in Saratov. The only drawback was that she wanted marriage then and now and i told her that i was not sure that i wanted commitment at the moment.

Needless to say i never heard from her again and this was about a month ago. I can honestly say i was more then just merely attracted to her and i screwed it up by getting kind of mad at the fact that she wanted marriage. It seems that european women are different then the ones here at least some and it seems that some of those over there are more appreciative of getting emails from us males. I tend to have more luck across the seas then i do here. Who knows why?
 Funcuz
Joined: 1/16/2009
Msg: 31
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overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/25/2010 9:09:09 AM
How much cash have you got OP ? I ask because you'll need a lot of the stuff to actually "date" somebody so far away.
If you have to buy a plane tickets and movie tickets at the same time , maybe that's not really dating . If you're willing to actually GO there first then you've got a reasonable basis for a long term relationship of some sort.
 Roni L
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 32
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History
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/25/2010 11:31:27 AM
It has to be some pretty damn good chemistry for it to actually work.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 33
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overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/25/2010 11:56:25 AM

Personally i have dated a few in Europe. The last one i was talking to was a Russian beauty in Saratov and i adored everything about her. Me and her clicked right off the bat and we wrote each other quite frequently. In fact i must have played my cards well because she wanted me to meet her in Saratov. The only drawback was that she wanted marriage then and now and i told her that i was not sure that i wanted commitment at the moment.

Needless to say i never heard from her again and this was about a month ago. I can honestly say i was more then just merely attracted to her and i screwed it up by getting kind of mad at the fact that she wanted marriage. It seems that european women are different then the ones here at least some and it seems that some of those over there are more appreciative of getting emails from us males. I tend to have more luck across the seas then i do here. Who knows why?


Wow...just wow. ahahahahahaha!
You do know that an actual relationship means you've met in person, have dated,
gotten to know each other and have decided to pursue a relationship. I can't believe
you don't know why this woman didn't want anything to do with you after you said
you wouldn't marry her. Surely you are not that naive?
OT
I guess it depends on the person. While I'd love to find my significant other, my
life, job and family are here. I really hope to find someone in my general area so
neither one of us would have to move. I can totally understand people who up and
move to be with the person they love, but I can't honestly see myself getting involved
with someone so far away.
 baron1914
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 34
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/25/2010 2:51:35 PM
No kidding? Sure i would prefer meeting somone from this country and in my neck of the neighborhood. I don't know where you are from brown eyes but i will ask you this do you know anything about Mississippi? This state is not that great if you are single and looking to meet. Too many women here marry young and stay together if they don't do that they have about 2-4 kids and later are simply looking for someone to be their mealticket.

I would up and move in a heartbeat to europe provided i truly loved the person and also provided i could get employment there.I personally don't feel much connection to my home state except of course family and property inheritance but that is it.
 CaRo78
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 35
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/25/2010 3:13:25 PM
I think that (IMHO) people on here, or out there who have met people on the internet who live overseas who 'profess' to be 'in a relationship' is a CROCK! If you know the other person in real life, and then move away fair play, but to say youre in a relationship with someone when youve only spoken on the phone is BS!

only in rare circumstances does this work out, most of the time people are LIVING A FANTASY RELATIONSHIP!

A friend of mine was corresponding with a chap in the US for a long time, under no illusion they were a couple while doing this may i add, she then took a holiday to meet him, came home, sorted her visa and was gone! moved in, married, the lot!

some people though need to get into the real world, and get a real date/relationship!!

only my 10p worth!!

Caro
 twinmd77
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 36
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/25/2010 4:27:49 PM

It might be one thing if you already know someone in person and maybe fell madly in love.

But the problem is getting to know someone in person (indirect contact quickly becomes mostly your imagination about who they are). Personally, I want to be able to see someone once a week or so over a long period of time. So I usually don't venture beyond a couple hours driving distance.

Issues of enough time, money, access, etc. already significantly affect our lives and choices. Why should romance necessarily be that different? Unless you own a jet and don't need a full-time job.

Not to mention problems of culture / immigration others cite.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 37
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/25/2010 5:20:58 PM
Well I'm in a more unique position than most. I only need a computer and internet access to do my profession. I have traveled extensively to 17 other countries, multiple times. So have some level of familiarity with other cultures. Since I am transient, to where I am now, I could move at any time.

I've never considered doing this to date or find a mate. Though I have an idea of settling in a state quite some distance from where I am. So immigration might well be an issue. Further, since I value my relationships with my kids and friends, how could I ask someone to uproot their life, to give up those things I personally value?

I guess it comes down to this. If I met somebody from 8,000 miles away, and they really floated my boat, I could envision trying overseas living for a period of time, to see if it would work. But to seek out people I don't know, to try and build something from nothing, I doubt it. He11, it's hard enough, to get the right perosn, in your own city, without all those extra hurdles.
 WildKarrde
Joined: 6/12/2004
Msg: 38
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History
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/25/2010 5:36:23 PM
I dated a girl in Belgium for 2.5 years. Yes... it does matter. It seriously sucks unless you're independantly wealthy and don't need to work for a living. It was worth it... but it didn't work out.
 LoveDriving
Joined: 2/21/2009
Msg: 39
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/25/2010 7:11:32 PM

I work with ICE, Immigration lawyers, do translation for Russian brides, and have lost count how many times I have seen it ....
Consider yourself warned

So I'm wondering - why for Pete's sake are you looking for Russians only (your profile states in Russian "write to me if you speak Russian. I quit dating Americans..." ???
 baron1914
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 40
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/25/2010 8:57:54 PM
Russian women are very attractive but the one thing i dislike about some of them is that it seems that they are immature acting in their communication with you. I hate passing judgement but some seem too desperate as i have communicated with quite a few and i knew one which went to college with me here in the states.

Getting off of the subject even european women want to get to know you before jumping on the relationship path. My advice to other males considering european women get one who can speak english and another thing get one who is skilled and employable in this country.( But after seeing how bad the job market is here they might want to go back)

Another thing consider one that will relocate to the u.s because personally i would not want to live in Russia as that would be one of the worst places to live.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 41
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/26/2010 11:56:17 PM
Because when the house sells, I am relocating there. It takes the green card out of the equation.
I find that after 20 years in the military working with the language, an undergrad degree in lit, language and culture, that I have more in line with their culture than I do with American.
 el lagarto
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 42
overseas dating..?
Posted: 1/27/2010 8:09:12 AM
IF your job is portable , or you're retired and easily able to travel , AND there's no major commitments holding you in one place , AND you can afford the travel back and forth, AND you meet someone who really does it for ya - then hey , go for it !


I already changed my life a few years back , and did my relocating to where I am now- and it suits me well. I would much rather find someone who loves this area as well - so we can settle in and enjoy. I think it's quite difficult to grow a connection based on reality , unless you can have regular and sometimes spontaneous, day-to-day contact.
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