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 1kindMan4U
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 26
Dropping the Ball....Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Here's an idea.

Call the top three and say:

"I was wondering if you would do me a favor. I dont want you to think that I'm stalking you but you are the THIRD person I've gone on a first date with, a date that I thought went very well leading me to think I'd hear from you again. I realize that I may not be EVERYONE's cup of tea, but I figured I might be missing something about myself that is keeping not just one, or two, but THREE very nice men like you from pursuing me further. Would you mind giving me the difficult hard, and honest truth to help me learn about myself?"

Now you will probably get some platitudes from discomfort out of each of them, but you MIGHT find that one or two of the guys might just tell you about your bad halitosis, or how your republican righteousness is offputting, or that your 22 cats is a turnoff, or whatever ISNT just quite right about you.

Or they'll hang up and within a day or two, you'll be holding a handful of restraining orders.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 27
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Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 9:04:18 AM
I don't get this second date thing either.
What I do know is plenty of people will act "interested" on
the first date even if they aren't...maybe they think they are
being nice or something. I know I always act nice, but I'd like
to think there is a difference between being courteous and being
really interested.
I also know that this place is like a buffet and there are a lot of
people that want to try everything on the table before they settle
for the entree they like the best.
I'd show interest in someone by calling or emailing the next day
and telling them I had a great time and I hope to see them again.
If I don't hear from them, I just figure they didn't like me for
whatever reason...I'm 6 weeks past trying to figure out WHAT
that reason is.
I really believe it's a numbers game here...and eventually if for
no other reason than you've run out of players, everyone will
eventually find someone. I guess it just depends on how much
time one is willing to invest.
Myself, I'm liking the real world more and more. Cyber land
for me is mostly just typing.

 1simplyamy
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 28
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 9:06:56 AM
On-line dating sure isn't for the faint of heart . . . how do we keep it from going to meeting really nice people and what appears to be a successful date to a handful of restraining order. . . inquiring minds need to know?
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 29
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 9:13:15 AM
I just wish I knew what the deal was....I thought I was a good date, but now I just don't know....
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 30
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Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 9:24:44 AM
^^^Ok Tracy.

I don't do this for everyone, but I'd be willing to date you, assess your dating skills then compile a list of things that need improving. What do you say???
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 31
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Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 9:25:47 AM
The one thing I've tried to do, is at the end of the first date, if I've had a good time and thought all signs pointed to her feeling likewise, is I will tell her exactly that, and at least set up some preliminary plans for date #2. I don't see any reason why you can't do the same thing Tracy. Sure, some will give you a cowardly non-committal answer, but I've found most will be honest and reveal their intentions, yay or nay. It doesn't mean they can't or won't change their mind later, but it might help increase your success rate, or at least not leave you grasping for answers.
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 32
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 9:26:35 AM
^^^^^ I need a fake date with a check list and a post date evaluation

I tell my friends that I sih I had a camera following me around so I can watch myself and see where I screw up....
 savepolarbears
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 33
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 9:31:01 AM
Hey just forget about second date and be yourself.
If they were not interested in who you are, just let it go.
Hey but did you talk about wanting to get married and have kids on a first date?
It might kill chances for second dates lol

 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 34
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 9:38:56 AM

I will tell her exactly that, and at least set up some preliminary plans for date #2. I don't see any reason why you can't do the same thing Tracy..


Yeah, I've tried that, too...same results....
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 35
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 10:20:29 AM
OP, you are not dropping the ball. It sounds like you're meeting the same types of guys I meet on-line: The ones who profess to REALLY want to find someone to date, but they can't get past the idea that someone better might show up so they like to keep their options open. They are the same ones who say they had a great time, want to see you again, say they'll call ... yada, yada and then *POOF* they're gone. And if you have the balls to call them, you're probably going to get sent to voicemail with no return call.

Trust me -- it's them, not you ...
 savepolarbears
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 36
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 10:28:04 AM
and then they have been strayed looking for for better deals and try to come back when they realized things don't work the way they want.
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 37
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 10:31:24 AM

The ones who profess to REALLY want to find someone to date, but they can't get past the idea that someone better might show up so they like to keep their options open.



yeah I know....its quite sad, really....but you know...you can keep your options open and date a few people at once


And if you have the balls to call them, you're probably going to get sent to voicemail with no return call.
.


There's nothing worse then getting flipped into someone's voicemail....that's why I text - lololol
 1simplyamy
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 38
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 10:43:14 AM
I am seriously thinking after reading the agreeing posts from my like minded, female forum fishies here that it's might not be us. That it might be a case of the grass is greener on the other side . . . or men searching for "better" more perfect.
 1simplyamy
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 39
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 10:46:21 AM
And how does a man say, "politically correct" . . . I had a nice date, a good time but I am looking for a playboy model, with smarts, that can cook & clean, thinks I am perfect and wouldn't mind me still looking for something "better"?

Now, before I am flamed, I am sure there are women, here doing that as well. . .
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 40
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:04:43 AM

And how does a man say, "politically correct" . . . I had a nice date, a good time but I am looking for a playboy model, with smarts, that can cook & clean, thinks I am perfect and wouldn't mind me still looking for something "better"?
.


I don't know....I think you can be nice about it, as I would be...

But, like I've mentioned, these guys seemed really, really intertested in me...I'm thinking that it might have part to do with loisng interest quickly and the 'grass is greener' syndrome.

I just wish I knew how I could keep them interested....they must log back on to the net the morning after the date and meet someone else right away....
 savepolarbears
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 41
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:11:09 AM
maybe you've sent some vibe that they can't get into your pants easily and they are gone for easier deals. Don't bother too much to think about what you've been doing wrong. You can't change their disposable mentality no matter how hard you try.
 LifesSimplicity
Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 42
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:27:45 AM
Ok, first off.
The only thing I know about the dates so far, is that things seemed to go well, you took interest in two possible men, and you would have liked a second date with them....
I also know that at the end of the date you both on both occasions showed interest for a second date.
The one thing that stands out like many others have said, is the why have you not picked up the phone. I won't beat a dead horse, but it is the 21st century. If you want it girl, go and get it. Don't sit around and sulk, or sit around and ask why. Call him and ask why, call him and ask for that second date.
Call to say Hi. Call to check in.
Call for coffee, call for hot chocolate, or a walk....
Who cares, call. Before you mark a man off, you must try.
Personally if I was the man, and I wanted to see if a women, was truly interested, I would wait and see if she called me. It isn't desperation, do not feel that way. You are a grown woman, and hey taking charge out of the bedroom , signals that hey if things do get intimate or when they do get intimate, he won't be the one initiating all the time.
Be a take charge woman, if you want that second date, go and get it...
You are a good looking woman, aside from not actually having a conversation with you in person, I doubt you are dull or boring, I am sure you have amazing qualities.
But do what made you make the profile in the first place. Actually look.
Good luck Beautiful! You will find what you are looking for!
 LifesSimplicity
Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 43
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:29:35 AM
Maybe an elimidate type scenario... ;p
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 44
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:41:48 AM

call him and ask for that second date.
.


Really? Just call him and ask him out? Just like that? You make it sound so easy....

I've never done that....I almost did once.....but I always thought that if a guy was interested he'd call....
 free_pizza
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 45
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:59:41 AM
First things first. Nine dates might not be a good, representative sample. You liked 2 out of 9. If they were using the same percentages, that makes it unlikely that one of them would be interested in a second date with you. Just doing the math.

Also, I can go out and have a pleasant time with almost anyone. That does not mean that I necessarily want to date her afterwards. A nice time and dating potential go good together but are not the same thing. Remember that us men do the same thing that as you women and engage in a little post-date analysis. Upon reflection, the two that you liked may have just thought that while you were nice, attractive and pleasant, you weren't their specific cup of tea. And, yes, some of us men are a little more discriminating too.

This might also just be me but I can usually tell if I am one in a long line of dates that someone is pursuing. It starts to feel like an auction process at that point and unless that person is awfully special, I usually decline to participate in the bidding process. If any of these guys picked up on this vibe, they may have done the same thing.

Best of luck to you.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 46
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Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 12:00:27 PM

but I always thought that if a guy was interested he'd call....

Maybe he's thinking if you were interested you'd call?

Frankly it is just that easy to pick up the phone and call. It probably won't kill you.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 47
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 12:12:35 PM

OP, you are not dropping the ball. It sounds like you're meeting the same types of guys I meet on-line: The ones who profess to REALLY want to find someone to date, but they can't get past the idea that someone better might show up so they like to keep their options open. They are the same ones who say they had a great time, want to see you again, say they'll call ... yada, yada and then *POOF* they're gone. And if you have the balls to call them, you're probably going to get sent to voicemail with no return call.


Welcome to the world of being a man.
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 48
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Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 12:22:51 PM
tracyannk:
I tell my friends that I sih I had a camera following me around so I can watch myself and see where I screw up....


That's actually a good idea. There is nothing like real time feedback on the interaction, body language, etc. Of course, the other party shouldn't know there is a hidden camera so that he can be himself.
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 49
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 12:25:43 PM

That's actually a good idea. There is nothing like real time feedback on the interaction, body language, etc. Of course, the other party shouldn't know there is a hidden camera so that he can be himself.


Yeah - I need my own little reality show....

I just really don't know whats going on...
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 50
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Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/4/2010 12:40:44 PM
^^
If you NEED to know then call them up and ask why they never called you for a second date.
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