Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dropping the Ball....      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 176
Dropping the Ball....Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

I hope you didn't think I meant that it hAD to BE one of those things....just something perhaps that you're unaware of....possibly acting too interested or uninterested can do it too. All I'm saying is pay attention to see if there's something that might be a turn off that you're unaware of.


I dunno....but the guy I went out with last night called me and asked me out for Friday night. So I guess everyone's advice worked...
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 177
view profile
History
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/13/2010 12:21:35 PM

I dunno....but the guy I went out with last night called me and asked me out for Friday night. So I guess everyone's advice worked.

WOOT WOOT! You are welcome. Thread closed. lol

Have fun, Tracy.





~ds~
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 178
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/14/2010 3:06:56 PM
Good job! So what DID you change? Or is he a different kind of guy?
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 179
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/14/2010 4:25:32 PM
Yes Tracy keep us up to date on the progress...of...the date...updates of the dates or progress on the updates....I'm confused!

Uh, Mel, I believe pffft should be spelled: Pffffzzzzzpppt if it's going to REALLY portray emotion! Pffffzzzzpppppzzzppppzzzpppt is the correct way to portray a raspberry though! Lol!



Maybe some of the forum junkies know someone good for me...you know...networking...lol


Yeah let's work on getting Melissa a date...she seems SOOO desperate !

Maybe she should look out of state?
 SueDNym
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 180
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/14/2010 4:44:10 PM
I guess without us being along on the dates, it is hard to wager a guess. You are an attractive lady, so maybe what you are putting forth in your online conversations with potential dates isn't lining up with the way you are perceived once meeting.
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 181
view profile
History
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/14/2010 4:58:34 PM
A man confused...there's a shocker!


Yeah let's work on getting Melissa a date...she seems SOOO desperate


you must want a beating saying something like that... Pffffzzzzzpppt


Maybe she should look out of state?


You think? Got any ideas?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 182
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/14/2010 5:27:20 PM

I hope she didn't have to change anything and that he is just a different normal guy who knows how to show interest and act acordingly.


Why not? Just as guys can change approach, learn things, change things, so can women. Particularly very attractive women. Why? Because attractive women get hit all the time, yet the type of guys they actually would like approached them, or hit it off they seem to run off. Don't believe me. Go to Match, or some of the other sites and notice that day in and day out the ones that are always there are the super hot ones.

So we all can learn something. We do not have to change ourselves completely, but a little advice can go very far.
 EmotionallyDetached
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 183
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/14/2010 5:58:02 PM
Lmfao, I noticed that men that call to see if you got home okay do it because they feel guilty for not driving you home, at least. They don't want to feel responsible for whatever happens to you once you are out of their sight.

Just know that if they don't take you home, they won't be calling you back. Texting right away is just a way of cutting you off because they don't want a million phone calls or texts during the week.
 free_pizza
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 184
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/14/2010 6:16:34 PM
Tracy, everyone is happy that whatever "it" is seems to be working for you now. Hopefully, others will read this thread and benefit from your experiences.

As I posted earlier, my educated guess is that the previous guys sensed that they were one in a line of many suitors and were turned off by the auction feel of trying to date you. People can even sense those sort of things in the messages leading up to the first meet where you lose track of what information was exchanged and then have to re-answer the same questions. Doesn't make a guy feel special -- which is the exact opposite of what you intended. So......if you're looking for quality, it is generally better to concentrate on just a few (or one) select persons at a time. And I think that your recent experience bears that out. Yeah for you.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 185
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/14/2010 6:34:01 PM

just know that if they don't take you home, they won't be calling you back. Texting right away is just a way of cutting you off because they don't want a million phone calls or texts during the week.


I don't get this. In many places around the country, on your first date or dates, the guy does not go pick up the girl. They meet in a public place that she drove herself there, and so did he. So the calling back, or texting back to see if she got home okay, it's quite normal. If she drove to the date, why would I be driving her home?
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 186
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/14/2010 6:42:50 PM

you must want a beating saying something like that... Pffffzzzzzpppt

I'll fight back!


Maybe she should look out of state?


You think? Got any ideas?

Go West young woman!
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 187
view profile
History
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/14/2010 8:31:09 PM

Lmfao, I noticed that men that call to see if you got home okay do it because they feel guilty for not driving you home, at least. They don't want to feel responsible for whatever happens to you once you are out of their sight.

Just know that if they don't take you home, they won't be calling you back. Texting right away is just a way of cutting you off because they don't want a million phone calls or texts during the week.


I do not get this at all. Personally I like it when a man is concerned that I got home OK. It is the new age chivalry. I have never had a man that asked me to text when I got home, or that texted to make sure I got home, not call for a second date. Plus like OUTMIND said, on a first date, we women normally have our own cars. I would never let a first time POF date come to my house to pick me up. (well, except for you JC, if you drove 30 hours and 2,000 miles to come here, I would let you pick me up at the door and drive me to dinner...lol)


I'll fight back!


good, I like a fighter, you know that...lol



Go West young woman!


West? Why West? What could I possibly find out there? I have enough jacka**es in my own state...
 delicateflower10
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 188
view profile
History
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/14/2010 8:53:59 PM
I JUST saw an Oprah with Patty the millionaire match-maker and she has a lot of credible suggestions. She says we make these huge lists of what we want (especially as divorced people who will not compromise this time) But we should boil these long lists down because we are not shopping for a person like at the mall or something. Reality is we look for attraction and similar values and then build together from there! That's how it used to be when I was young. We didn't have so many expectations of each other. The men I have met would have been fun to date, I knew this by the conversations we had before we even met! But instead, we met and that was it! I don't have a long list, I just want to have a nice, enriching time with a date. But I guess men want 1. sex kitten 2. high income 3. and I have no idea what else....! I was left with the absolute worst feeling that I had lost my touch! I am considered very attractive by many people I have met! I thought guys went for that! And I am grown up, responsible, nice and talented too! I have been agonizing, but I just think that this genre of dating leaves way too much to one's own thinking, nothing from your friends, so anonymous that rude behavior becomes OK, and many need financial support for their businesses or whatever now that divorce has cleaned them out. Many can't work up the guts to ask me for a second date, after all the trouble we went through to meet the first time!!! I like a man who can ask for what he wants, not one who is afraid of stalking charges......A man who calls for a date is not going to be charged with stalking! Why is that so distasteful? I have never had a successful relationship from asking or chasing the man, and I don't think strong men like it very much. Men who want immediate false intimacy love to get the call and not have to make it. They are basically afraid of rejection. I am too, but at least I get as far as the date!

I truly do not think on-line dating is effective, unless you are trying to kill the natural inclinations you have towards romance, love, and dating. It has no self-correcting, accountability factor, unless I send nastygrams after each date!! No one is around (like friends, relatives) to check selfish, immature behavior and help reel in the over-estimation of self and the under-estimation of the date! It really is no fun for me thus far. Boo Hoo Oh well, blame me, right?

Forums are great fun, however, because I can express these feelings and move on to better success.
 Undiscoveredgent
Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 189
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/14/2010 9:05:51 PM
Nine dates in the past month? Altogether I have had a profile for a little more than a year, and I've had one date. What am I doing wrong? I think I know the answer.

I would need to know more about the men you dated. What women often fail to realize is that female attention is corrupting, and so if you're pursuing men that at least a good number of other women are pursuing (perhaps because they are good-looking), you're going to often find that they are not just juggling women, but they are often not the nicest of guys. The woman who started this thread may have dated men who have other and (in their view) better options.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 190
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/15/2010 2:41:10 AM

I would never let a first time POF date come to my house to pick me up. (well, except for you JC, if you drove 30 hours and 2,000 miles to come here, I would let you pick me up at the door and drive me to dinner...lol)

After Driving 30 hours...You'd have to drive!


West? Why West? What could I possibly find out there? I have enough jacka**es in my own state...


Cuz we have BIGGER Jackasses out here! ...and we need a few more PUNKS!


Hey...did we just Hijack?....oops! Sorry Tracy! So any more updates on the UP dates?
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 191
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/15/2010 5:03:17 AM
I think what I did different was that I toned it down a bit...I was completely myself, but I wasn't as open as I was with my other dates...after a couple of drinks I usually get 'loose lips' so this time around I was more careful in regards to the information about me I was giving him. TMI, as I read in a book, was a bad thing on a first date.

I also offerend to splt the bill with him, which is something I've never done before.

Post date I didn't send a 'thank you' text or email...I figured that he was a big boy and knew where he could find me if he wanted to ask me out again. Also because I wasn't sure what to thank him for...I paid for myself, and when he walked me to my car I thanked him for coming to meet me...

However, he might have been a 'different' type of guy as well.

So, our 2nd date is tonight and I'll see how that goes. Here's my question now - he asked me to the movies, so since he asked me do I allow him to pay?

ETA: I read a book called "Why He Didn't Call You Back" and picked up a lot of helpful tips....and saw the mistakes I was making on first dates that I didn't even realize I was making....
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 192
view profile
History
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/15/2010 5:54:07 AM

So, our 2nd date is tonight and I'll see how that goes. Here's my question now - he asked me to the movies, so since he asked me do I allow him to pay?

Yes, if he offers or mentions it. If he doesn't, then offer to pay your way or say something like, "you get the tickets, I'll get the popcorn/snacks/drinks, etc." (Except, don't say "etcetera"...lol) He may allow you to or he may insist on paying for everything since he asked you out.


saw the mistakes I was making on first dates that I didn't even realize I was making

Any examples you'd wish to share, Tracy?







~ds~
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 193
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/15/2010 6:01:27 AM

Any examples you'd wish to share, Tracy?
.


Well, a primary example would be that I was making too much post-date follow-up (ie - the post date thank you email, random texting, stuff like that). I also learned that I was most likely doing the TMI thing...divulging too much personal information about myself, allowing the guy to make snap judgements on me before knowing me very well. I also didn't ask too many personal questions to him - I wasn't in 'interview mode'. I let the conversation flow naturally....I was a 'good sport' about the long wait for a table, I didn't complain about how cold and windy it was outside...
 sosdd
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 194
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/15/2010 6:21:34 AM
Sounds like you were relaxed and enjoyed your date too.
 WinstonDoubtfire
Joined: 7/29/2009
Msg: 195
view profile
History
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/15/2010 7:03:07 AM
Pfft....I just dropped the ball...I agreed to another blind date.

 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 196
view profile
History
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/15/2010 7:52:26 AM
Quick question, are the men you meet smokers? If not, the smoking might be a turn off. I know I always think "well, if shes nice, and courteous about it, I can deal with the smoking" but sometimes there's no way to get past it, no matter how nice the person is.
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 197
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/15/2010 8:04:58 AM

are the men you meet smokers?.


I really don't know , to be honest with you. 3 of them for sure were smokers...but here in NJ you can't smoke in doors anywhere so I really don't know for sure. When I'm out on a date with someone I never excuse myself for a puff....

And if me being a smoker bothered them then they shouldn't have asked me out - lol
 LauraGrr
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 198
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/15/2010 10:50:36 AM
I went out on a fake date once. It was an engineer looking for somebody to go out and critique him. He let me pick the restaurant, and he paid. But when I got there, there wasn't a pocket protector in sight. He was very nice and attractive. We ended up going out a couple of times, but I had concerns about how far away he lived and that he still wasn't over his ex-wife. When we got to the kiss, suddenly there was a lack of attraction, so I was actually able to fulfill the original intention of the first date and give him advice. Therefore, I think a fake date could help you. What if it's the way you laugh or something?
 melissa0607
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 199
view profile
History
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/15/2010 11:08:45 AM

I read a book called "Why He Didn't Call You Back" and picked up a lot of helpful tips....and saw the mistakes I was making on first dates that I didn't even realize I was making....


I am going to go get this and read it. I am always interested in learning new things to make the dating experience better. I get the same way, a few drinks and I tend to talk even more than I would normally, which is more than enough to begin with. I think one way to know if they are interested in you during the date (or any conversation for that matter) is by how much they ask you about you. Thanks for the tip Tracy.

Good luck tonight, don't forget to up us updated.


and we need a few more PUNKS!


you got it babe, ask and you shall receive...


After Driving 30 hours...You'd have to drive!


kills me how you don't miss a trick with me...wasn't sure if you'd catch that one... ha ha

sorry for the hijacking, I think we were getting a little carried away.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 200
Dropping the Ball....
Posted: 1/15/2010 12:35:49 PM
See Tracy....It most likely was something you were DOING...maybe not the extreme examples I stated earlier though. It's good that you're having better dates! Congratulations!

There are probably others that needed those examples though....most of the time, like in the case of BO the person somehow never "got it" through all the other social channels.




kills me how you don't miss a trick with me...wasn't sure if you'd catch that one... ha ha


I do miss them though...when you jump from subject to subject without warning....I'm quick....I'm not THAT quick!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dropping the Ball....