| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 9/3/2005 4:45:47 AM | Why do you build me up, build me up buttercup baby, just to let me down and mess me around, and worst of all, worst of all you never call baby when you say you will, say you will. But I love you still, I need you, more than any one baby, I new it right from the start. Build me up, build me up, don't break my heart. | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 9/3/2005 5:33:49 AM | "Looking at previous messages on this thread I think it's obvious that women are just as guilty of this as men. Also, I don't think people should complain about someone 'not having the balls' to tell the truth about their perception of the date/relationship. If I don't want to see a woman again because I think she's ignorant, say, I don't think it would be polite for me to tell her so--rather I would claim to be busy, or whatever, until she gets the hint that I'm not interested. I think that's the kind thing to do. Certainly I appreciate a lack of brutal honesty in women who choose not to date me. Also, after a lot of rejections, I often will wait for a woman to email me, or give me some sort of encouraging sign, before I start pestering her for a second date. I don't expect sex early in a relationship, but if a woman thinks it's smart or ladylike to be all coy and 'hard to get' then to hell with her. Life is too short, and I'm moving on. "
Yeah, this was a bit of a suprise to me that women get strung along as well as men online, I figured it was more one-sided, but I guess not. I see all these attractive women being played, and I'm like "WTF"? lol
But if you think about it, just "Ignoring" the person in hopes they will go away, is a necessary evil. ("Maybe if I don't return their calls, they'll just stop calling")
However, I do find it a bit rude that they lead you to believe you had this "wonderful" first date. You thought the "Chemistry" was there, etc.
So there goes some theories on "Chemistry" or "Spark" it just isn't there, even though its a false sense of security.
I get a kick out of ads that say, "There must be chemistry" when its just a smokescreen at times.
I had this woman who was grinning from ear to eear when I walked toher guy, and she said, "Oh I had a great time!!" and she comes over and gives me a BIG hug, I get the "Warm fuzzies", and she tells me to call her.
I call her later, and I get the ol, "Well, I'm busy taking a class this weekend, and I decided to volunteeer to work some over time (What kind if an idiot decides to volunteer to work overtime for a Fed. Govt job, is beyond me, LOL) | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 9/3/2005 8:07:35 AM | | yes, we all have experienced this same sort of situation.......and no, there should not be an 'in-between' mode/period.....you can have a great date/experience, but if it is not there for one of the people invovled, then never pretend or try to make it work.....you know if it is not there. however, that should not take away from the good time(s) you had....but i truly believe that being upfront is the way to go!! to just stop all communication without any explanation, it is just not right!! be mature and responsible and just have the common courtesy to openly communicate! many of us may not want to hear certain things, but it is better than hearing nothing at all!! | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 1/14/2006 2:57:38 PM | I've gone on plenty of dates where the moment I meet them I know its not going to go anywhere (physical attraction is like that...and I'm not on dating sites just to make friends, although that does happen)...but you know what? I have a good time anyway. I get to know a complete stranger, chat have a few laughs, do some activity like visit a museum and then go my merry way. The only times I've regretted have been when I havn't been upfront about not thinking it will go any further (when I first started dating I would throw out the dreaded "I'll call you" at the end of a date...knowing full well I wouldn't...I've matured since then thankfully). If the lack of interest seems to be on both sides then we just never talk again, if its me not interested, then I just say I don't feel the chemistry that I'm looking for is there...its not personal, taste is never about the other person and we can't help what we like and don't like a whole lot (and sure I have to remind myself of this when I'm on the recieving end). I guess ultimately just act with the sincerity and compassion towards them that you hope someone would have for you if they aren't interested. And the ones that blow you off...well chalk it up to inexperience or that they just aren't as evolved and then eat some chocolate or get sozzled...thats my tuppence worth... | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 1/15/2006 12:02:29 AM | I have asked myself that question so many times its not funny... I have been seperated/divorced for 4 years now and met ALOT of men off of the internet, phone chats, etc. and i have only heard back from maybe 20% of them. I dont see what the big deal is with telling the truth... if your not interested then just say it ... just cuz im not your type dont mean im not someone elses. Are they afraid to say it cuz we will cry? guys get over yourselves lol
I have had to tell guys im sorry i just dont see anything more then a friendship. But they dont seem to want that they want all or nothing it seems lol It would be nice for them to at least give a reason. I hate wondering after, was it something i said, did, didnt do? Was it my looks, my weight, what? If it was something i did or whatever at least if i know then maybe i can work on it so it wont keep happening but nope.
I could go on and on about this but i think i will stop now lol
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 1/22/2006 4:43:04 PM | | Yes, it's happened and I can't figure it out either. Maybe they didn't feel as good about it as you thought they did or they were just letting on they like you so that you won't feel bad. But then again, you're going to feel bad when they don't get in touch with you again so who knows what they're thinking? It can be very confusing and frustrating. | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 1/22/2006 4:53:37 PM | | Yes, happened a time or two. If you had an enjoyable evening by all indications and they don't follow up, assume fairly safely they're "shopping". I've had many of them admit that they were trying to keep up with a whole list of women at one time and couldn't coordinate it very well. But DON'T be surprised if they call you a month, 6 months or even a year later. haha I call those contact recyclers and that's where they go when they recontact me....yup, in the recycle bin, or trash can. | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 1/22/2006 4:55:58 PM | | I feel like many times people are interested in one another but life moves along and other things happen and the connection becomes a thing of the past, but if there were to be something happening again then another connection could occur. I have met many wonderful people that I have genuinely liked and they are a fleeting existance of my life through neither person's fault. It just happens that way, maybe I won't have a popular opinion but it just seems that life gets crammed up with so much stuff going on, that it becomes a big ocean of faces that just drift along as love occurs like passing ships. For each moment that seems good, why question it. Just enjoy the moment and be grateful for having experienced good moments. And yes, of course if I was so into someone and I never heard from them again I would think gee, I will be sad not to see them again but what a treat it was to have that time just the same. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 88 | |
| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 1/22/2006 5:04:56 PM |
Yes, happened a time or two. If you had an enjoyable evening by all indications and they don't follow up, assume fairly safely they're "shopping".
Not always. She may have failed some of the dating etiquette qualifiers without even knowing it. For example, we meet, have drinks, walk over to the restaurant, have a wonderful dinner and conversation, I pay and ask her if she wants go for a walk and maybe to some other place for coffee and desert, she says yes, we go there, third bill comes in and not even a reach. I wouldn't be calling her again. | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 1/22/2006 5:14:25 PM | | People who begin long distance relationships who have never met will have much more than a quick meet and a little chat for a first date. Come to think of it, I met him and never heard from him again either. I guess things like that happen. He was a 3 hour ride away, perhaps he just never made it home. People can just be that way, maybe they are afraid of any kind of confrontation or unpleasantness instead of being upfront and forthright. Life can be complicated I guess. | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 1/22/2006 5:25:42 PM | Although in a different context, the answer can be found in the words of Peter Ustinov playing the part of Frederick the Wise in the movie "Luther.: To paraphrase: "There are two ways to say no. One is to explicitly say it; the other is to simply say nothing."  | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 1/22/2006 7:19:09 PM | | The other problem with this site and never hearing from a date again, is that it is like window shopping. You find something that you really like, but, maybe, there might be something better on the next page. So, guys and girls don't want to get too involved just incase something better comes along. Welcome to computer dating. | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 1/22/2006 7:52:49 PM | | Really the only difference in "computer or internet" and real life...haha, well hanging out in bars or clubs or a supermarket, store...wherever. The only difference is accessibility. In a few clicks you can have access to a "catalog" of thousands of profiles on thousands of sites. If you find a "hot spot" to meet singles, it's pretty much hit and miss, the accessibility here is always here, 24/7, 365. That's just what is there, the chances of finding, or "success" have to be weighed into it. If you're not distracted or overwhelmed by the numbers, but actually realize that you only want to find or "discover" ONE person, then the numbers really don't mean anything. Unfortunately that is rarely the case. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 95 | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 1/22/2006 9:21:10 PM | i have these all the freakin time
its so frustrating....
things go SO well when i'm on them too....which is so incredibly puzzling..
normally i am very good at reading the situation..
so i can usually tell if he's going to ask me out again before the dates even over...
but with the men ive met off this site...its impossible i dont get it....
they dont want the evening to end...and then suddenly they're deleting you from their msn the second they get home(i have mercury so it alerts me when i've been deleted), or they just aren't as enthusiastic when you talk to them the next time (or they completely stop messaging me all together..and become totally unresponsive when i message them, even though they were completely into me when we were out), and if i'm interested i try to be very good about letting them know i had a really great time etc..
like..
do men from this site expect me to give them a blow job in the parking lot at the end of an evening or something?
cause..it seems like when i dont put out at the end of a date no matter how interested they were as soon as they get home, they no longer want me.
yet when they're siting in front of me they totally want me.
its so stupid.
i'm a grown up.
don't treat me like a child.
(dont get into me about my profile...i dont meet people until i've traded pictures, and talked to them at good length, they know what i look like..they know a good deal about me, and me about them) | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 1/23/2006 8:28:06 AM | Yeah... about a year ago.... I had a really nice lunch date......
I thought things went really well... I asked him lots of questions and kept him talking.... we laughed quite a bit......conversation seemed to flow (no uncomfortable luls) So I thought things went really well.....
When we left... he said maybe we could do something on Saturday. HE NEVER called again!
Usually if someone brings up future plans they actually call... so that one threw me for a loop!
OOH well! | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 3/6/2006 2:35:14 PM | I already had this discussion with many other people and here are some of the answers that were suggested (these reasons were given by guys as well as by girls who already acted this way):
- they don’t want to be rude by rejecting the other person right on the first date
- they think that the person is not right for them, but need some time to think it over
- they may be dating different people at the same time and they decide to give the chance to one of them, so they just don’t contact the other one and reject her because they want to keep their doors open
- the person that they’re dating is not “showing them the magic” lol, this will be elaborated some more so read further.
- the person that they’re dating doesn’t meet the expectations that they were having
Then why did we have a good date you would say? Well just because many people like to leave good impressions, even if they’re not really interested.
The person that they’re dating is not “showing them the magic”:
It is said that first impressions are the most important, because sometimes we may not have the occasion to leave another impression. For many people, if it doesn’t click on the first date, it will never click. So very often these people move on to the next date and don’t feel the need to explain the way they feel to someone who they barely know. Many people when they’re going on a date are expecting the relationship to go further if there is sexual attraction. Now if one person is giving the impression that she only wants to stay friends for the moment then the expectations that the otter person was having are not faced. What are these expectations? Well the final one is sexual commitment and all the other ones are leading to the last one.
The human brain is very good at classifying information. In the same way we are classifying other people and we know quite fast who could be just a friend and who could be something more. Leaving a first impression that you want to be a friend for the moment may result in you being classified as a friend only. That’s why if there is sexual attraction both sides should let that been know by body language and in this way miss qualification could be avoid.
Now, many people (guys more than girls) are very bad on reading and understanding the body language signs that the opposite sex is sending, but this is a completely different subject that could be discussed further more. | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 3/6/2006 3:53:09 PM | I went for coffee with a guy once. We chatted for a few hours - closed down the Second Cup, in fact. As we left, I said "great meeting ya, have a good night" and turned to walk to my car.
He stopped me to ask for my number so I told him I'd email it to him - we're standing in a parking lot without a pen/paper in sight.
I sent my phone number the next morning. Never heard from him.
I still don't get why someone would ask for my number in that situation and NOT use it. I was walking away. Had fun, but no expectations - it was an online date and all. He stopped me to request my number, then never used it.
Ah well, what's life without the odd head-shaker? | |
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| Ever have a good date....To never hear from them again....?
Posted: 3/6/2006 5:28:43 PM | | My Jerseygrl from message 2 said my exact words I had to say. Had a great date and saw him a few days later. Have emailed since the last time, but haven't heard from since. What's up with that? Jerseygrl took the words out of my mouth.. haha.. | |
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