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| | Should I have waited to sleep with him?Page 7 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) |
I certainly have had amazing chemistry with someone. Several someones in fact. One of them, so much in fact, that we eventually were going to be married. Of that one, I knew it HAD to be chemistry because the first words outta my yap were legendary to say the least...and any other woman woulda knocked all my teeth down my throat for saying them. Yet, from that moment forward we "knew" there was something between us.
Good thing for you she didn’t want to “kick you to the curb” for those first words out of your yap, and decided in spite of them you were still worthy of a relationship. See how that works? She didn’t hold you to the standard that you hold women to.
Clearly you have never had amazing chemistry with another upon first meeting them. If you had you would understand that, yes, sometimes, it is not a person’s normal behavior.
You now have stated that it has happened to you, and yet…
If a woman wants respect, she has to have it for herself first. Giving it up on the first meet/date is a sure fire way to LOSE respect. For me personally, the attempt at it is all I need to immediately lose all respect for her and pitch her to the curb...she attempts to use the "I'm not usually like this" angle, I'll toss her ass out.
It was okay for you to behave this way (in the scenario you provided), to the extreme “ the first words outta my yap were legendary to say the least...and any other woman woulda knocked all my teeth down my throat for saying them.” ) but if she “attempts at all” you lose all respect for her and pitch her to the curb. Then if she dare say “I’m not usually like this” you’ll toss her ass out.
Maybe it’s Abstract Logic 102?
Nowhere do I state that you need to act on this “lust” you keep mentioning. Nor do I say you have to have sex with this person. What I am questioning, again, is why you lose respect for someone who wants to have sex with you?
You obviously don’t have to have sex with this person, but to automatically assume that this person has done this before and has no self respect is ludicrous. Instead of not acting on it, and getting to know them before having sex, you will just kick them to the curb. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Abstract Logic 103
If they want to have sex right away, clearly lust and physical attraction are there and present...but what else is there? Seriously...what else? This mystical "chemistry" that gets blathered about? Ok, and what else?
So now the “chemistry” that you claim to know sooo much about, is “mystical”? Abstract Logic…oh fvck it…
clearly YOU are the one that doesn't understand chemistry at all.
You don’t have a clue…as to what I understand chemistry to be. Where are you pulling “my” definition from, off your cutting room floor? I’d like to see where you got it from, to be able to make this claim.
I personally will never ever see any issue with taking a couple months to flesh someone out and get to know them first before getting all deeply physical. Understanding that there's a physical attraction is a good starting point...but taking the time to really flesh them out and see if there's "more" to it than just lust...priceless in my books.
I agree with this 100%. That’s exactly how I run my dating life. I have never had a one night stand, nor have I had sex on the first date. I prefer to get to know someone first. I have never let my emotions, or desires overrule my logic, but should I want to I will, and then if that time comes, I will be able to honestly say “I’m not usually like this.”
If I had kicked every guy to the curb, who wanted to have sex with me on the first date, I would have missed out on some really good relationships. As would you have, if she held you to your double standard.
That being said, if two parties wanted to have sex, but one wanted to wait until they were in a relationship, wouldn’t that be playing games?
“What kinda abstract logic is THAT?! Did you even read that before you hit "Post"??
If she's "holding back" wanting a relationship first, but KNOWS up front that I'm not interested in a relationship and just a FWB or similar...then yes, I would consider that a game and her using sex as a weapon. Absolutely”
Isn’t that what I said? Do you even think before you hit “Post”?
You both want sex, one person is holding out for a relationship. It doesn’t matter what the other wants; its game playing no matter how you twist it. One person is ‘holding back’ in hopes of getting what they want, and using sex to do it.
Withholding sex is a game to you, so by default not having sex when both parties want to would be a game. A game in which, I’d be willing to bet, you would say the woman was withholding sex for a relationship.
So your "willing to bet" is a bet lost.
Really, isn’t this your post? (again)
If she's "holding back" wanting a relationship first, but KNOWS up front that I'm not interested in a relationship and just a FWB or similar...then yes, I would consider that a game and her using sex as a weapon. Absolutely”
You used the scenario I provided. You state she’s game playing, if she’s holding back for a relationship. You said what I was willing to bet you would. That was way too easy…
Waiting, respecting each other, and taking time (AKA no rush) is a game now...unreal.
Can you show me where I said waiting, respecting each other, and taking time is a game? Or is that on your cutting room floor as well? While you’re down there looking, can you please locate my “default” rhetoric that you mentioned? I’d like to take a look at that as well. That is if you haven’t edited it, to suit your claims.
Not thinking highly of myself - Thinly coated dig at an esteem issue. Again, you couldn't be more wrong if you tried.
You pulled the OP’s post to use in another thread about whether a woman should pursue a man. In that thread you state:
I have always been in hysterics when I see a woman post something like that.
The "desperate" card.
"I'm not that desperate
Hmm...that seems kinda derogatory now don't it? Implying that those that compete for one's affections are simply "desperate"?
That must suck to know that a man had to be that "desperate" to be with her...taking what was left I guess afterall
You have no problem seeing in that thread that if a woman thinks a man is ‘desperate’ to pursue her, she must think poorly of herself.
Yet, in this thread you can’t see how having no respect for someone who finds you sexually desirable, upon meeting you, is the same thing?
That must suck to know that the only women who find you desirable at first meet, are the ones not worthy of any respect.
Oh, unless we're referring to glaring double standards that will always apply…
Your own words sum things up quite nicely.
I've seen abstract logic before, and desperate DESPERATE reaches...but that one is now in my top 3.
This is what you have to resort to, petty jabs, instead of debating a topic? When you have nothing of substance to say, and do not know how to properly debate, you attempt to belittle another person? I find that rather sad and…well…desperate…really, really desperate…
Despite contrary beliefs, not all men are ruled by their c0ck. And still believe that respect is more than just a convenient buzzword.
Thanks for stating the obvious, but it’s really not necessary.
Just FYI. | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/22/2010 12:18:22 PM | Hi jessross, To tell you the truth I think there is possibly still hope in regard to the gentlemen you slept with. I kind of think you were moving at warp speed and you were feeling free and you wanted to take it there. He on the other hand was probably operating at "regular speed" Even though things went well he probably is just processing the whole thing and perhaps in a reasonable amount of time he may get back to you. So don't worry. If he does not his loss. | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/24/2010 11:23:22 AM | ok i know this sounds bad but alot of men are only interested in one thing, sex. there are some good men out there, but u will have alot more trouble finding them if u give it up easily and im sry to say this but u got used
What on earth are you talking about ? I find it very difficult to find a woman that doesn't just want sex all the time. It;s crazy. How did this myth about men ever get started? | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/24/2010 3:53:01 PM |
If a woman wants respect, she has to have it for herself first. Giving it up on the first meet/date is a sure fire way to LOSE respect. For me personally, the attempt at it is all I need to immediately lose all respect for her and pitch her to the curb...she attempts to use the "I'm not usually like this" angle, I'll toss her ass out. It was okay for you to behave this way (in the scenario you provided), to the extreme “ the first words outta my yap were legendary to say the least...and any other woman woulda knocked all my teeth down my throat for saying them.” ) but if she “attempts at all” you lose all respect for her and pitch her to the curb. Then if she dare say “I’m not usually like this” you’ll toss her ass out.
Maybe it’s Abstract Logic 102?
This is the only part of your rebuttal worth replying to...
What is abstract about a WORD and an ACTION? Do you need a reminder how they are actually two different things? I mean, I've seen people walking around in the dark scrambling...and now I've seen this. You're comparing a series of WORDS to an ACTION now?
Here's how that all works:
My first words on sight (in my example and yes they were said as follows) - "Yo. I'm [Jinx]...who the f*ck are you?"
A woman's first attempt at action - "I'm not usually like this...(tries for the zipper)"
So can you maybe explain to me how one is even remotely similar to the other? I mean, really. What the Hell is this line of thought where one is similar to another? What I SAID to her on first sight would've normally seen a woman toss whatever wasn't nailed down, directly at my head or facial region in particular. A woman who tried for ACTION on first contact...there is an immediate absence of any respect from my side. To the curb she goes.
What the Hell? How are they even close? You fail so miserably I can't even begin to tell you.
She wants to lose respect for me as a result of my WORDS...so be it.
I would lose respect for her IMMEDIATELY if she made a play (see: the ACTION).
They are two different things entirely. Tragic that you seem to think they're one in the same.
I have nothing else to add - you're taking a knife to a gun fight. Not worth any more time or discussion.
Just...wow  | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/24/2010 5:35:46 PM | Hi Hun,I guess you have been very naive, with this guy and its hurting now.We live and learn.Congrats on losing all that weight.I guess the new sexy you, full of confidence got a bit carried. away.It happens us all.
Women are as sexual as men, but have more risks attached to sexual activity e.g Pregnancy and sterility due to Stds.
Meeting someone you dont know and sleeping with them is also very dangerous.People may not be all they appear on these dating sites,please be more careful in future.
Plus a man that is prepared to be sexual with you so soon,has little respect or consideration for you as a person or himself. It also shows he has lax morals and may have Stds. If he does it with you, he surely does it all the time with other women.Promiscuous men may carry the HPV virus which is a precursor to genital warts and cause abnormal cervical cells-cervical cancer in women.I sincerely hope you used a condom with a man like this
Do you really want a loose moralled man in your life.How could you trust him, not to cheat.If he cant keep it in his pants and has no self control the first date, obviously he is boinking everything that moves.You have had a narrow escape.This guy sounds like a skank of the first order.
Next time, get to know the guy better, especially his sexual history and habits.If he has had too many women,ons dump him pronto.Make your life a skank free zone.No man hos for you.
When you have an emotional connection, starting with friendship, then discuss directly the next step.Let sex be the last step.Dont be anybodies fool.
You deserve more than an std and a fake phone number.Avoid the man hos and go for quality men.
BTW you look great. | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/24/2010 7:37:51 PM | | It is a constant lesson in life to value oneself in relationship to another. Our relationships are but mirrors to the very things we need to learn from. I personally, am constantly learning new things about myself through relationships with others. I have had the good fortune to have met others who have assisted me in seeing the true value of my worth and to know that I am worth waiting for, and getting to know BEFORE sharing my most intimate part of self. Sex is one of the most easiest things to give and to get BUT is most precious when it is regarded as VALUABLE and NOT so easily given right away. Taking time to get to know someone and being attracted to them is a most beautiful experience. Take your time sweetie - you're worth it ;-) | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/24/2010 8:47:27 PM | | He's a scam artist. A player. He knew what to say to make you think y'all had a lot in common. He knew how to play you to make you think the chemistry was there. But it was all a scam. All he was after was the sex. Which he got. So now he can move on to the next. Sorry. | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/25/2010 4:32:53 AM | This is an almost impossible situation to give a good answer to.
As a guy, I thought that by waiting to be intimate that I was showing respect towards the woman.
I had a situation where a woman actually broke things off and accused me of being gay, because I did not jump her on date two!
Varies by the situation! | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/25/2010 11:12:04 AM | there is nothing wrong with having sex on the first date.....we r all adults here! jeez
having sex on the first date will not make or break a relationship.....if two people are really into eachother....a relationship will progress....if not it wont....but like i said we are all adults....so just DONT LIE to ur new partner....be upfront...and dont string people along,. | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/25/2010 11:43:14 AM |
there is nothing wrong with having sex on the first date.....we r all adults here! jeez
This is classic.... A typical 'self-serving' message.... I get a real kick out of the men who post messages like this. All too often they seem like some guy just trying to get another woman to have sex....
From his post on Polyamory...
im in one and it works out wonderful for my wife and i....we each even have a pof profile and r upfront with everyone!
Yup.... not self-serving at all..... | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/25/2010 11:53:51 AM | r u honestly saying u never ever had sex on a first date???? im just curious...
im not randomly asking for it.....
dont b so closed minded and dont b so quick to judge......the people who do really have a high rate of hypocrocy in their life.
and if you knew anything about polyamory....its not about the sex...but you know what you probably knew that. right | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/25/2010 12:01:03 PM | and staying on topic......is there anyone who believes this one date couple didnt make it BECAUSE they had sex!!
my point was that yes WE R ADULTS...and ya know what....sometimes sex happens on the first date!
what my point was.....not being self serving in any way.....was that everyone needs to b honest with themselves and their sexual partners......whether if its the first or 10th date.....blowing off my opinion because of the lifestyle MY WIFE AND I PARTAKE in is rather shallow...dont u think | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/25/2010 12:04:45 PM | | Jess - if you are having to ask this question, my answer is "yes" you should have waited. Yep, you were fun, but on his terms, not on yours. Don't beat yourself up over this. Learn from it, and take things more slowly next time. If this guy wants a "booty call" again, tell him to take a hike. You really do deserve better. There is an ol saying if a woman sleeps with a man on the first date, she's dating material not marriage material. Figure out what you really want in relationships, going forward. | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/25/2010 12:09:34 PM | Well, I'm a female and I don't think there's anything wrong with
having sex on the first date either. Sometimes it just seems right.
If the relationship was meant to progress...it will. If it wasn't...it
won't...it's pretty much that simple.
The thing is, you have to be willing to accept that things will not go
further and not beat yourself up about it.
Sex is special with the right person...sometimes its just freaking fun
with the wrong one.
We're adults...we know the rules and the consequences. This isn't
freaking high school for pete's sake.
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/25/2010 1:13:18 PM | funny way women think, sleeping with a guy is going to lock up or sway him instantly into a relationship...
sex is just sex, your never going to build a relationship with just sex.
he may of liked you or was just playing, however meeting and hitting it off is not love (its infatuation) which may seem like love, however not usually enough to keep anything going once you give the goods away that quickly...
what makes you fall in love with someone? when you think about:
the way their nose crinkles when they smile at you
the way they smell
you know her favorite food, or restaurant
you fight for the remote
the way she grabs you she sees a creepy bug
the special way they feel in your arms
you wish the weekends spent with them lasted longer
(about a zillion more)
you'll never know now if you hadn't slept with him at first chance, if he would have stuck around or never called you again,
he may or may not have been out for a quickie, however, you still had the power to say no. | |
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| Should I have waited to sleep with him?
Posted: 1/25/2010 1:30:42 PM | r u honestly saying u never ever had sex on a first date???? im just curious...
I have... lot's of times... mostly when I was younger and I thought that sex on the first date was important.... since then I think I've matured...
I also don't think the risk of getting an STD is worth it to just fcuk some girl I don't know...
sometimes sex happens on the first date!
Sometimes Herpes, HIV, and other STD's happen on the first date as a result...
dont b so closed minded and dont b so quick to judge......the people who do really have a high rate of hypocrocy in their life.
You're quick to judge me as close minded....
Maybe in my life, I've accumulated enough experience to have valid reasons for my stance....
and if you knew anything about polyamory....its not about the sex...but you know what you probably knew that. right
I would have no idea.... other than my G/F was in a poly relationship and was a swinger... so I have no clue.... I also saw how that worked out for her and everyone involved....
......is there anyone who believes this one date couple didnt make it BECAUSE they had sex!!
Yup....
Me... I've had first date sex more than a few times... in each case I lost interest in the girl because of it....
.....not being self serving in any way.....was that everyone needs to b honest with themselves and their sexual partners.
I agree, and in a perfect world that might happen... but realistically we're NOT in a perfect world.... | |
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