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 LyndyLou14
Joined: 12/22/2009
Msg: 26
Attraction - is this how it works ?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
are they not all addicted to something, either drugs /alcohol or attention seeking cosmetic surgery.

beer goggles work wonders
 wile_e_coyote_
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 27
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/20/2010 3:35:04 PM
Lindy......how much do you drink?????? not enought Bud on the planet......
 West Ham Fan
Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 28
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/20/2010 4:37:28 PM
My Theory - Attraction

Men and women are opposites when it comes to attraction. Men initially feel sexual attraction based upon a woman’s physical appearance. Women are initially attracted to a man’s qualities. Ok so there are some women that will admire a man’s looks but that will not lead them into a desire for a relationship with him. It’s when a man exhibits confidence in his body language and communication regardless of his looks that women feel a powerful sexual attraction that over shadows the man’s physical attributes.

What is attractive? Confidence in one’s self! If you use positive body language, take meaningful actions, and be your genuine self without regard to what others may think of you. Simply means that in order to attract a woman you must be confident in yourself.

If a guy lacks self confidence then he might buy lavish presents/gifts on a woman to gain her attraction so you send a strong message that you are insecure in yourself so you must compensate by spending money and stuff.

If I am being honest, I know most women are much more attracted to a man’s personality than anything else, including women who end up with very wealthy men that lack personality! There was actually this programme I was watching a while back that had shown me that some very powerful, wealthy people have fallen head over heels in love with others that have neither power nor wealth. What did they have? They had a personality and that personality was based upon confidence! Positive character traits are compelling attributes that act like magnets and literally draw women to you instantly and believe it or not, women are attracted to men who know what they want and take action to get it.

It's on my profile for future reference. If anyone has got any questions for me please don't hesitate to get in contact with me. Cheers
 brown**eyes
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 29
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/20/2010 4:45:27 PM
I regard ‘attractive’ as something far greater than aesthetic pandering or someone fluttering their eyes lashes at me (although I was pursued by a rather sexy Irish accent over the phone for over 2yrs because they wanted my business; shame on me as I succumbed to her charm), because a women believes that’s what a guy actually wants; far from the ‘REAL’ truth (catch up ladies).


So by the above I take that to mean that by you acknowledging a woman is attractive you are pandering to her ego and that ladies try and use their charms to snare you. What a pathetic generalisation!! I suggest you catch up a bit yourself. Most attractive women these days do have half a brain and know how to use it without fluttering their eye lashes!


I’ve dated what society would regard as ‘beautiful’ model type women


Did your ego feel it necessary to convey that to us?


equally as I’ve dated what I view as ‘REAL’ blood sucking women with seductive charm and natural born intelligence. My preference? Work that one out for yourself.


Takes one vampire to attract another I suppose.


Oh, and to add another interesting dimension, why is it that the majority of people believe that great sex will only ever be shared between two aesthetically pleasing (according to society) horny as hell adults; that really makes me giggle!!


So I take it you will be humping with a Shrekster some time soon then?


My message to the self-indulging ‘Princesses’ is this, that’s my job to tell you; not yours when you look in the mirror!


Says the Frog Prince?
 Devilzwishbone
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 30
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/20/2010 5:16:53 PM
Beauty if in the eye of the beholder

Now I meet up with a girl 6 months ago she wasnt the prettiest girl I admit but her personality was nice and her figure was well compromisable.

I did make efforts for her but as I got to know her more and more she suffered from big time depression which just lost the appeal,

Im still friends with her and support her when down but couldnt be in a relationship with her.

Attaction is mainly governed by interest
And the thing is if you can make some one be currious, wonder and thin about you, make your self seem interesting, fun to be around then your on to a winner.

Of cause there ALWAYS has to be some form of physical attraction
You cant just date a person based solely on personality, that would just make you good friends. Without turning this into a fat bashing thread, now me personally im not attracted to over weight women as I it just doesnt appeal to me, no magic, no heart racing, no quicker breathing, a kiss would simply be a kiss and id always be wondering in the back of my mind could I do better.

Now you might say thats shallow, you just like thin figures.
Not at all, I like thin figures but whom have personality also, if they dont have personality then regardless of how sexy they may appear it wont make me want that person
 js10000
Joined: 1/12/2010
Msg: 31
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/20/2010 7:00:28 PM
Mr Intriguing

I wish what you were saying was true, but I have doubts. Sure you need the right personality and confidence as well, but most really good looking people automatically have that because they know people are interested in them simply because of the way they look. A lot of us have self doubt, because we think or know otherwise.

I've met quite a few women, who I reckon took one look at me and decided they weren't interested. And no amount of personality or confidence was gonna change their mind. I may be wrong but that's the way it seemed to me.
 LyndyLou14
Joined: 12/22/2009
Msg: 32
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/20/2010 11:44:44 PM
I think attraction is an instant thing between two people and happens within 30 seconds according to research. You either go phwoar or dont, and I am sure the "he will grow on you thing" doesnt work. Without the phwoar/lust thing there is just friendship. Personality must come into it but its a second on the list.

Wile - now you know I like the vodka !
 scottishgal4u
Joined: 12/18/2009
Msg: 33
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/21/2010 1:42:10 AM
i disagree......when i first was introduced to my husband, i was not attracted to him, however within 3 weeks i knew he was the one! As i discovered his personality, the way he made me feel etc, the attractiveness just blossomed!
I was with him for 18 years and still friends now - i still look at him and think he is attractive - on the other hand i think everyone can point to an ex and ask themselves why they were ever attracted in the first place......one of those blips we all have i guess!
Attraction is a difficult thing to work out - i don't know why i am attracted to one person over another, or why they are attracted to me! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so they say, and to be honest, the beholder is the only one that i am interested in!
 Monkeyjim
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 34
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:57:54 AM
no no no, you've all got the saying wrong!
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer holder...
 JustSomeRandom
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 35
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Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:10:34 AM
i think it is hard to pin down. You can write down a list of all the qualities you are looking for etc. but it often comes down to a snap judgment that often will go against what you think you are looking for. The logical mind is often overrided by the more instinctual side when it comes to attraction. Its all about that animal spark grrrrrrrr...miow...hello kitty
 looking_for_love_1982
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 36
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Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:40:18 AM

Beauty is in the eye of the Beer holder...


i really must say that made me laugh! having a few problems past day but that was great!

well all i can say is i can show my personality off and people loved it then i showed them my pic... hahaha ya i had two hopes bob hope and no hope!

its like yea im really into you, then they vanish... so when they say that you dont go on basic instints is wrong, but there are people out there that thinks ok but he/she likes me for who i am and not what im worth or look like and then the true meaning of emotional connection is made (true love?)...

like how would you discribe true love? there has to be a sequence that people hold to their own standards/morals...

i would have a go at it like, its when two people are connected by their feelings for eachother, not just overlooking the little problems the other has that needs to be supported, but knowing the other is going to be their for them no matter what happens...

this also comes down to, do you find lust more attractive than just doing general things with your loved one?
if your love is for what they do everyday that you notice and makes you feel better then thats more emotional, you'll find these people are hard as nuts but togeather they soppy and romantic all the time what ever happens.
if its just lust in the relationship you'll find if anything happens the're going to run away, yes still being friends but as there was no emotional bond the person will take it or leave it.

there is an exception to the rule, GREED! this is in a league all of its own and you'll find that the person who wants what the other has got will become a master of lies just to keep him/her by their side... usually lies are found and they get trashed but sometimes people can be too good!
 minika
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 37
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:12:00 PM
In the weird world of internet dating, it is based more on whether someone finds you physically attractive. Yet in the real world say a work place or social club, someone can be attractive not because of looks but personality/confidence. That's because time is spent getting to know each other.

Whereas on here, it's based on a split second decision as soon as you meet them. As someone has already said, instinct takes over....I call it chemistry.
 FunkyMonkee
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 38
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Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:36:21 PM
I am attracted to a woman's mind.
 aitche
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 39
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Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:39:07 PM
Hate to brake it to you but her mind is 20" higher than than where you're looking.


H.x
 Maid_of_Kent
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 40
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/22/2010 2:15:35 AM
ON THIS VERY TOPIC - JUST READ THIS IN A BLOKE'S PROFILE. HE CLEARLY RATES HIMSELF AS PARTICULARLY WONDERFUL (COMPLETE WITH NAKED TORSO/SHADES ON THE BEACH PHOTOS) .. HAPPY DAYS ! ... READ AND ENJOY/WEEP!

If you fancy joining me for an evening, drop me a line.

On that note, "dropping me a line", I have this to say.

I'm not a shallow person and I do believe that there is someone out there for everyone but lets be realistic, most of us can judge whether a person is physically attractive ... Example... Cheryl Cole & Brad Pit,
or not........ Example... Ugly Betty & Shane McGowan (of the pogues)

What do you recon the chances are of Cheryl Cole going out with Shane?
I would say 0%.
Shane must know this and as such would not even bother calling Cheryl up and asking her for a date. (although stranger things have happened in the celebrity world... but we are in the real world!)

My Point?

Well I am sure that almost all of you on this site have been contacted at some point by someone that makes a little bit of sick come up in your mouth.

You may be an attractive 35 year old woman who takes care of herself and keeps a tidy home and holds down a good job..... But when you get a mail or wink from a 55 year old bachelor who still lives at home with his mummy, has a comb-over hair style that looks white with dandruff, Washes once a week with an old flannel and a bucket of cold water and has spent the last 40 years as a career couch potato... Oh and looks like a potato too. And to twist the knife he then asks you to put a nappy on him and burp him!!

I'm sure you will begin to question the sanity of registering on a site like this.

So to spare the damage to all our throats, please think before you mail people!!!

My plan might backfire
1. All those really nice girls out there who have understated beauty might not know how lovely they are and be too scared to mail me.
2. All those unattractive girls that really do think they are Gods gift will contact me.
3. All those who were so ugly that when they were born....... the doctor slapped the mother.... will all get together and form a pressure group to fight against mingingism and take me to the European court of human rights.

All this talk is bases on my experiences of dating sites.

And to add, I was laughing all the way through typing this !!! ;-)
 Dreamy Skies
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 41
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/22/2010 2:31:43 AM

Well I am sure that almost all of you on this site have been contacted at some point by someone that makes a little bit of sick come up in your mouth.

You may be an attractive 35 year old woman who takes care of herself and keeps a tidy home and holds down a good job..... But when you get a mail or wink from a 55 year old bachelor who still lives at home with his mummy, has a comb-over hair style that looks white with dandruff, Washes once a week with an old flannel and a bucket of cold water and has spent the last 40 years as a career couch potato... Oh and looks like a potato too. And to twist the knife he then asks you to put a nappy on him and burp him!!


The guy speaks the truth though, there are lots of deluded people that punch way above their weight.

I might love my 60 year old, fat, bald neighbour as a friend but would never consider a relationship with him. If that makes me shallow as a puddle I'm happy with the judgment!
 airy-fairy
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 42
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/22/2010 3:25:43 AM
Tis the internet..

If Peter Stringfellow..put up a profile(in his famous thong)...and a few lines ..."im a very sucessful club owner, beautiful home...holidays in exotic places...apply within"..
how many replys would he get....i think he would get quite alot of unread/deleted...


But on the other hand..(with his track record)he will only be emailing the 20 to 30 year olds...(and if they did not know any different..it will be ..thanks but no thanks)

(just an observation).
 js10000
Joined: 1/12/2010
Msg: 43
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/22/2010 4:11:00 AM
I think many of us are confused about the whole thing. We wanna find someone but it ain't happening. A lot of people here are saying that looks are critical but not everyone.

Ultimately if everyone was punching above their weight then no one would ever find anyone, because even when you met your equal both of you would consider the other not good enough. And I do think a lot of this is going on, especially as we get older because we tend to compare people we meet to others we have dated in the past, forgetting they were a lot younger then and naturally more youthful looking.

There are definitely some people who are prepared to look beyond appearance (to a degree). I met one 3 years ago. Problem is I then found out she only dated me because she thought I had money !

I also think that with endless lists of people to contact, we constantly think we can find something better. That didn't happen in the real world before internet dating, well not for me, but I am very concious of it now.
 A_Cornucopia
Joined: 5/21/2007
Msg: 44
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/22/2010 5:39:52 AM
There's a certain amount of attraction that's 'Hard coded' into us in terms of selecting a partner to breed with - as it is in nature with other animals. And for each individual that may vary. We're also bombarded constantly with images and messages of what is 'beautiful' by advertisers who want to sell us products that will take us towards that 'Holy Grail' and media that wants those advertisers business. And some of it is very very cynical - including slutty clothes for pre-teens - yuk.

On a personal level I can't stand over-groomed women or vacuous ones so they may have the face of the angel and a divine body and I wouldn't 'go there'. Whereas someone witty, sharp, bantery, flirty and feminine who is ordinary would be far more likely to rock my boat. We have diversity and diversity of choice and it's a great thing.
 MotherhenX
Joined: 11/18/2009
Msg: 45
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/22/2010 5:52:50 AM
Can normally tell within 5 minutes of a man opening his mouth if I have a possible attraction to him.Within half an hour I know for sure.
To me attractiveness is something I can't always see or touch.Its the invisible aura around them.
 JustSomeRandom
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 46
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Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/22/2010 6:55:35 AM

I think many of us are confused about the whole thing. We wanna find someone but it ain't happening. A lot of people here are saying that looks are critical but not everyone.

Ultimately if everyone was punching above their weight then no one would ever find anyone, because even when you met your equal both of you would consider the other not good enough. And I do think a lot of this is going on, especially as we get older because we tend to compare people we meet to others we have dated in the past, forgetting they were a lot younger then and naturally more youthful looking.

There are definitely some people who are prepared to look beyond appearance (to a degree). I met one 3 years ago. Problem is I then found out she only dated me because she thought I had money !

I also think that with endless lists of people to contact, we constantly think we can find something better. That didn't happen in the real world before internet dating, well not for me, but I am very concious of it now.


Punching above your weight shows ambition (some women like ambitious men) - it worked for Manny Pacquiao... Or drop weight class and become king of the lower divisions.

Comparing women to exes is never a good idea - just got to try and treat people as individuals and see if you would like to be with that individual or not. If you comparing to exes you probably still hung up on exes or else you only focussing on the good times with an ex and have filtered out the bad.

And of course we are looking for something better than something that didnt work out in the past (or i would hope we are) but better can mean different whereas you seem like you are looking for the same thing you have had - though i guess a lot of people have a fixed 'type' in their head and are inflexible despite that type not working out good for them time after time - personally tend to go for ambitious minded women which often doesnt work out cos they too focussed on their careers (obvious really). Probably similar story with the cliche of women who like bad boys only to find out they get treated like dirt again and again.
 gazler
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 47
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/22/2010 7:56:29 AM
The bad boy cliche is one that often happens in reality, i dont wish to slag women off but many womens idea of a"bad boy" is a non commital man who is not into them as much as they are into him. This does beg the question is "mr badboy" out of their league ?
 Straycat1979
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 48
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/22/2010 2:39:40 PM
There are different levels and types of attraction.

Some are purely physical, some intellectual, some emotional.

You can be attracted to a person in one of those ways, but not another. Doesn't make you a bad person; it's just how it goes. If it's only physical you probably have sex, if it's intellectual or emotional only you become friends and that's all.

For a romantic relationship to work you almost certainly need all three.

But attractions can change over time.
 TopTray
Joined: 10/26/2006
Msg: 49
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/23/2010 9:08:24 AM
Biggest load of tosh, 'women are attracted to a mans personality first'. Women, just like men, are attracted initially to the way some one looks in the first instance, the man has to have something that the woman finds physically attractive or the attraction is not even going to get off of the ground.
Some theories suggest that we are attracted to those who 'look similar to us' as it's what we are 'comfortable with'. The attraction on other levels once the biological one has occurred is then free to either grow or not... the power dynamics within the relationship for example can play a huge part in attraction. Another theory suggests that the man has to hold the women in high esteem otherwise the relationship will not work. It does not last when it is the other way around, when a woman likes a man more than he likes her. This is a very complext subject.
 looking_for_love_1982
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 50
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Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 1/23/2010 3:23:19 PM

Biggest load of tosh, 'women are attracted to a mans personality first'.


nope i disagree totally! when i was looking on here before i got disgruntled and stopped i would talk to ladies and they would realy like me, then once they seen a pic of me the go quiet or say im not their type.

i also spoken especially to those who said the same or other words similar to "im open minded, looks are not everything" etc, so you might be the odd few of us who really dont look for looks first but 98% of the rest do...

and to note 95% of stastics are made up ;)
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