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 Jo van
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 101
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Attraction - is this how it works ?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I practice something called synthanisia, its where you bring ladies on hynotic sensual journeys through touch, words and visualisations to create amazing experiences ;-)

& I would imagine that their next "practice", would be 'voluntary euthanasia'....>?
Your post just made a little bit of sick come up, in my mouth.....
 Marquis_de_Michaelmas
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 102
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Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 4/2/2012 9:19:56 AM
I thought it was all about beer and boobs?
 tartanterry
Joined: 2/7/2012
Msg: 103
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 4/2/2012 9:34:53 AM
lou,

trust me she was quite direct and didnt mince her words. I didnt fancy her either although we did have more than 2 hours together. Got on ok. She had some great stories - she had a tick box of things to do - so i asked what she had done already - first one was to meet sopmeone and have sex with them same night - had already ticked - then she wanted to have a filthy weekend away with a virtual stranger that she had already done - she was waiting in the bedroom while the guy came out the bathroom dressed as a woman.

So it wasn't a waste of time interesting night.
 CharityTrue
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 104
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 4/2/2012 10:04:09 AM
msg 101
I never post BS, just shimmering crystals of truth, forged in the furnace of life experience. Cold as the vaccuum of space, and dryer than some girls' knickers here.. Oh yes...

It's soooo hard being Helen of Troy, letting all those men down...
Trying to stop themselves from hurling themelves off cliffs when they realise I don't find them attractive, but I must be honest..

msg 103
& I would imagine that their next "practice", would be 'voluntary euthanasia'....>?Your post just made a little bit of sick come up, in my mouth.....

Little bit?
That's, um, a weird, objectifying way of looking at women: the old lure, lull and hypnotize /mind control technique... this is the same dude who argued that Ted Bundy was an Alpha male..... And you people think I'm weird...
This flag could not be redder... How much redder could this flag be?
The answer? None, (more red)...

msg 105 You had a lucky escape, I wonder what capacity you were meant to fill on this depraved list of hers...
 indigovelvet
Joined: 5/9/2010
Msg: 105
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 4/2/2012 3:16:15 PM
How attraction works for me is that first and foremost there does have to be some physical attraction but looks to me is not the priority. Without the meeting of minds, the physical experience will always feel incomplete and lukewarm.....never hot. So attraction to me is the whole package - else attraction might just as well boil down to buying a new pair of shoes....when the shine wears off the attraction is gone.
 Sirenara
Joined: 8/7/2011
Msg: 106
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/10/2012 12:22:18 PM
So tonight I looked through the usuals, the ones who have made you their favourite, the ones that have said meet me, none of which have ever contacted you...................then I look at the people who post on the forums, many of them for different and varied reasons, men, women, funny or odd threads, then you see one that gets your phwoar factor going after lots of blahness.............why is that? This person may not be particulary good looking but there is just something about that person that attracts you. Some kind of Je Ne Sais Quois, some attractor factor...........

Where does this attraction come from?

A certain look on their photo?

Certain words in their profile?

Some kind of knownigness from another life (!!))?

A childhood memory?

Just what is this phenomen and can it ever be explained logically?
 punkadiddle
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 107
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/10/2012 3:26:33 PM
^^^^^^^
Well I can't put my finger on it - I don't know if it is logical, everyone's different.  It can be anything from a look to the written word. 

After reading the forum posters they develop another dimension and the dating side profiles seem rather flat in comparison.

But more importantly I want to know who you think on the forums has the "phwoar factor" to see if we concur.





vvvvvvvvv

Aww thanks!
However it was ladyvibes who suggested that there were and I was just being nosey - to see who she thought.

You've made my day though.
 justforaminuteor2
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 108
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/10/2012 3:30:06 PM
Are you fishing punkadiddle? ;-P

You of course lol!

^^^^^ I made yours? But you're the pretty one! Terrible commute though lol
 Skyfireshogun
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 109
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/10/2012 3:38:28 PM
Attraction is instinctive and comes from the subconscious so is invariable hard to define.

In the scheme of things like attracts like but the criteria for alikeness tends to be different between the sexes. It's bad judgement for guys to assume women think the same as men. However reality is somewhat turned on it's head on a dating site because people feel the need to define the undefinable and are forced to consciously judge things that the subconscious took care of in the past. Some people adapt better than others of course.

I'm convinced heuristics and cognitive bias plays a big part in how people operate on here.
 day-trader
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 110
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/10/2012 4:13:40 PM
Some people are good looking, others are ugly, we tend to all fancy similar types of people, if we didn't there would be no such thing as good looking.

If like most of us you are just an average looking bloke there's a few things you can do to punch above your weight.

When I was still in my 20's I learnt the following things that improved my dating, they really do work aswell:

Wearing decent clothes. Don't wear any childish clothes / trends i.e. chinos, short sleeve shirts or trainers with suits. Dress your age but keep it vibrant. Never wear anything dirty or scuffed, especially shoes.

Confidence and humour, in my opinion it's the 2 most important things you can have. As I became more confident in my mid 20's I found that women would no longer brush me off if I approached them. When you walk into a room and you're confident women pick up on it.

That really is all there is too it, be yourself, have a laugh then chances are you'll see some chemistry. Oh, never talk about politics or religion. Although I like to moan about political correctness and liberals on here, I never discuss it in real life, not even with my friends.
 theoneana
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 111
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/10/2012 4:18:29 PM
Beauty and attractiveness are subjective, aren't they? I've fancied some guys who were nothing special physically but to me they were all that (to my friends they weren't!).
 day-trader
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 112
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/10/2012 4:27:15 PM
I'm convinced heuristics and cognitive bias plays a big part in how people operate on here.

I understand what you mean by heuristics, I'm sure most blokes eventually figure out that certain types of messages will get a response and "hi, how r u?" doesn't work.

What is cognitive bias? Does it mean people that are a little bit messed up and perceive things in a certain light, different from reality. i.e. someone that perceives everything as negative?
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 113
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Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/10/2012 4:45:12 PM
I think some people worry/think waaaaaaay too much about this.

People are either attracted to you, or they're not.

I don't know what other people are thinking. I'm not going to believe that he same methods will work on all women.

I just don't my own thing and then go from there.

Sometimes I get the girl and sometimes I don't.
 riskit4abiscit
Joined: 5/9/2010
Msg: 114
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/10/2012 5:22:28 PM
Its all in the eyes. I can tell who I fancy like mad just from looking in their eyes.
 thewelshduck
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 115
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Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/10/2012 10:34:40 PM
Well of course being a bit of a mutt does`nt help, but, those who are shall we say, less than "drop dead gorgeous/handsome" who also suffer low self esteem suffer worst i think, i dont refer to myself as a mutt due to any low self esteem, i`m simply stating a physical fact due to past medical issues as stated on my profile, but, my confidence is pretty good , that said, i dont automatically look at the less attractive women because of this, and past partners have varied between "quite pretty" to ( to me) bloody gorgeous"

so i think confidence and esteem ( or lack of ) can create a far bigger obstacle than looks. :O)
 Skyfireshogun
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 116
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/11/2012 12:06:27 AM

understand what you mean by heuristics, I'm sure most blokes eventually figure out that certain types of messages will get a response and "hi, how r u?" doesn't work.

What is cognitive bias? Does it mean people that are a little bit messed up and perceive things in a certain light, different from reality. i.e. someone that perceives everything as negative?


Heuristics are ways people's brains use shortcuts to make decisions. E.g. Recognition heuristic - recognized things have higher value with relation to criteria than unrecognized things.

Cognitive bias is the way peoples' thoughts are biased in particular circumstances. e.g. Ingroup bias – the tendency for people to give preferential treatment to others they perceive to be members of their own groups.
 Ffrin
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 117
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Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/11/2012 1:45:21 AM
I recently had an insight into how attraction works for me, and why I very rarely meet anyone from a dating site who floats my boat: in my teens and twenties, I always fancied my friend's older brother. He's an average looking man who's clever and witty and well-read: I like the way he looks because I like him. He came to visit me one day recently on his way up to the Lake District and we spent a few hours together talking. He is, as he's always been, 13 years older than me, looks his age, carries a bit of extra weight. And I still fancy him. But if I'd met him from POF I very much doubt if there would have been any spark: I'd have enjoyed his company and been put off by the fact that he looks like his own grandad.
 best-foot-forward
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 118
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/11/2012 2:59:28 AM
I'm not sure how attraction works but surely it makes sense for us to not be attracted to every single person we meet. I'm not entirely sure that humans are designed to be monogomous, thats not to say we can't be, because we can if we choose to be.

So maybe nature urges us to be attracted to different people for evolution purposes, things like gene pool must come into play, as a trend not a rule.. as it can't work for everyone all the time
 day-trader
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 119
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/11/2012 3:07:07 AM
So maybe nature urges us to be attracted to different people for evolution purposes, things like gene pool must come into play, as a trend not a rule.. as it can't work for everyone all the time


The liberals will be coming after you with their pitch forks. "Not dating ugly people? That's racist!"
 justforaminuteor2
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 120
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/11/2012 3:07:15 AM
ffrin

Thats quite a cool story. Would you say that with this guy it's actually the fact that he has the sort of personality you go for if not the looks? Proof positive perhaps that maybe it is personality over looks after all? But somewhere in the mix is that fact that it must have taken a measure of time for you to get to know him well enough to find out his personality is attractive to you.

And that's the thing, it's about the time it takes to get beyond the superficial and into the substance. You've had that time (and I'm assuming it took more time than the average POF date to get to know you friends brother?). Most people choose on POF on superficial criteria anyway, and then we don't really allow ourselves or others the time to know each other. And yes i know POF is an FMCG and people are allowed their preferences etc etc etc...that's all understood and accepted before anyone gets on my case about it.

I firmly believe that someone attractive physically can only become less attractive if they're ugly inside. Someone less physically attractive can become more attractive if you like their personality. The key is taking the time to get to know them.

Your friends brother seems to me to be the same as most of the genuine guys on here.

Oh, and please don't take offence...this was in no way aimed at you. just a response to quite a heartwarming (in its way) post :-)
 best-foot-forward
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 121
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/11/2012 3:10:10 AM
msg 121 - I didn't say not dating ugly people haha

I don't think there is such a thing as an ugly person anyway

There's a bum for every seat :-)

msg 124 - Ah, she's not all bad

She is one of, if not the only, conservative MP to vote for the ban on fox hunting!

And she was funny on Dancing on Ice

Look for the postives in people :-)
 Belviso
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 122
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/11/2012 3:29:08 AM

I don't think there is such a thing as an ugly person anyway



Have you see Anne Widdecombe? Ugly inside and out...
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 123
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Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/11/2012 3:33:35 AM
@msg 122

Maybe the people who do better on places like this, aren't just the ones who are lookers. But also the ones who can naturally get their personalities across, in a short amount of time.

I know I've got no patience and the shy, insecure types who take a while to come out of their shell or the ones who like to take their time opening up to people, are the girls I'm most likely to completely lose interest in.

I like finding out about people and it's something that never stops (if they stay in your life) but at the same time, if someone hasn't managed to hold my interest by the end of the first date, then I see no reason why I'd want to make the effort to find out more about them
 sprite1950
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 124
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Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/11/2012 3:42:16 AM
Is this the old league thing again? People being attracted only to those they are on the same level with in the looks department?

I think there is some truth in it. I remember my very first boyfriend being very goodlooking and sought after. People used to ask what he was doing with me (**stards!). I was with him for 2 years but I was only 17 when I met him and quite insecure. I knew there were women waiting at every corner to grab him from me and in the end he did leave me for someone else (more suited to him lookswise) and although I was devastated the relief of not having to worry that he was being persued by other women was great.
 Ffrin
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 125
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Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/11/2012 4:03:44 AM
msg 122

I don't see it as personality being more important than looks. I see them as two sides of one coin, like mind-body. I've never had a 'type' physically: if I'm attracted to the person, it's to the whole person. I can and have fancied short men, fat men, bald men. But I've never fancied a stupid one.

It's true, though, that sort of attraction does take a while to develop. When I met my Ex-Beloved, I thought he looked like an out-of-work maths teacher. Six months later I pushed my car through a flood to be with him.
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