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| | HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??Page 2 of 30 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30) | Quote from profile :
"And by the way, email me if you want a pic!- just don't want to load it here for all the world, and my friends to see!!!"
Or his girlfriend ?
Jeez, some people, eh ? 
I don't particularly care how many guys a girl has been with, to be honest, I'm not exactly innocent, but at least when I'm in a relationship with someone I don't go looking for someone else. Yes, I am really single. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 6:55:03 AM | Half the men whine that women only want relationship sex, and will make a guy feel guilty for NOT wanting a relationship, while the other half wants us all to remain virgins til we meet THEM.
A woman who holds off til she feels secure in the relationship is accused of game playing and using sex as a weapon, the women who have sex a little more freely are whores.
Make up your minds will ya! | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 6:59:54 AM | OP, your profile indicates you are single and looking for women to date.
You are at fault here and cheating.
Some men are such hypocrites!
What she did has nothing to do with you as it was done prior to you.
What you are doing (cheating) is current.
If anyone should be dumping anyone she should be definitely giving you the heave ho!!!!! | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 6:59:54 AM | Naughty boy ... Posting same thread in "Over 30!"
also, posting about her 5 "one night stands." If I didn't know better, I would be under the impression this flurry of activity is designed to compensate for some form of inadequacy!! Hahahaha!   | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 7:06:48 AM | You are both 28...and you thought you were her first? Was she YOUR first? Ye gods...
What difference does it make if she's faithful to you?
When I get asked that question my answer is "2". When I get the raised disbelieving eyebrow, I say, ok, "102". When I get the shrieked "WHAT????"...I say, ok, it's somewhere in between, what difference does it make? | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 7:12:26 AM | This is a joke right?
I thought from the subject that it was gonna be like 80 guys.
You know what? I wanna marry a virgin too. But in this day a 28 year old who has ONLY slept with 8 guys is probably about as close as either of us can expect.
Anything other than 'don't ask, don't tell' is a road to unhappiness. I suggest you bring her a dozen roses, have another talk with her, apologise about any grief you may have given her and promise never to bring the subject up agian. And then you stop stewing over it, it's just stupid.
Don't go blowing a good thing dude. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 7:32:41 AM | Also she didn't jump into bed the first night we met - she did with
others therefore she must not have liked me as much as the others on
our first night which doesn't bode well for our future?
She changed you said. You said so yourself. That's why she took her time with you. You should see it as a compliment and a positive thing and it shows she wised up a bit.
Pity she was not smart enough to realize how harshly insecure and judgmental you are. Maybe she suspects it now she's got to know you and wants to put you to the test before she goes any further in life with you. You failed btw.
Does she know you think like this and has she dumped you yet? If she's giving you a chance to adjust your attitude may I encourage you to be VERY grateful for this chance. If you have not told her what you think you better change your attitude pronto and keep your guilt to yourself.
You put her in a lose lose situation. Too early and she is a slut and can't be trusted. Too slow and she doesn't really like you so can't be trusted. Do you really deserve her at all?
Sigh. You really need some help analyzing your thought processes. There is no way this girl could win with you unless she lied about her past - and that's not really winning because she probably wants someone she can TRUST to be open with. IMO it is you who are deeply flawed here not her. If you can't wrap your head around that you will lose her and that's about all you deserve.
BTW - Expecting a 28 yr old to be a virgin is absurd. It happens yes but expecting it is ridiculous. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:02:16 AM |
10 in total altogether
You said your girlfriend told you that you were Number Nine, Number Nine, Number Nine. That's ONE LESS partner than you!
It would seem to me that you’re equally “poked”.  | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:14:23 AM | really, what does it matter? a relionship is not a numbers game.
the questions you ask speak to your insecurities.
you have a past and she has a past, big surprise.
this might be a perfect time for you to understand your own issues.
remember, only ask questions that you are willing to accept answers to.
it appears that you are neither mature enough for the numbers conversation nor are you displaying any respect towards your girlfriend.
seek some professional support, you are out of line. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:27:15 AM | He lives in Ireland, a Catholic country. It tells me all about where he is coming from and what this is all about.
Many women there are still under the pressure of keeing virginity and being pure sexually until marriage. But it can't stop them having sex obviously. I've heard that some women have anal sex so they could insist that they are still virgins and abortion rate is high even though it's banned by Catholic churches cause women worry about their reputation and people point their fingers at single moms.
No wonder she felt ashamed and fearful to tell the truth from the beginning cause she knew exactly how you reacted.
You are in the wrong place to ask this question. North American culture is not the same as yours especially in terms of sexuality. You can't find even very few people who could understand you or pat your back. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:34:58 AM | 8 people isn't bad. If you think, the average person loses their virginity at , oh hell,
let's say 15 (I'm sure someone will throw down a statistic) and assume they have even just on partner per year, anyone could easily be at 13 by then. Conservatively.
Don't worry about it. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:49:54 AM | Hugo, you asked her a question seeking validation for your own insecurity and when she answered in a way that didn’t fit what you wanted to hear, you fell apart. So, now you are here looking for validation? As has been said, get over yourself, you’re not that big a deal, either accept what is stated and move on or don’t.
I have never asked how many people anyone has been with, it’s none of my business and what would knowing the exact number actually mean in reality? I’m here now as she is for me, the numbers aren’t going to be what keeps either one of us here. To some extent, if the numbers have been large and she keeps me, I must be doing something right because at least I know she has had some experience in seeking what she wants! | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:52:54 AM | | 9 guys at 28? You think that is a lot? Get over it! That is a drop in the bucket. If you want a "pure" woman go find a virgin or stop ****ing. Past is the past and it shouldn't be brought into new relationships. Get on with your relationship or get on with your life. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:08:16 AM |
Hugo, much as you'd LIKE to think you were the one who peeled the plastic wrap off your girlfriend's genitals because they were brand new, the sad news is that she had a LIFE before she met you. I'm sure you had a life too before meeting her.
If she can't tell you you're the 'best' in bed, then I'd suggest you step up your performance until she CAN say it.
So what are you hoping to find on POF with your profile - a 28-year old virgin that can't compare you to anyone? Will that assauge your ego? Good luck with that.
What she said. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:10:40 AM |
Also she didn't jump into bed the first night we met - she did with others therefore she must not have liked me as much as the others on our first night which doesn't bode well for our future?
Grow a brain, she slept with the others on the first date because she didn't care if she had a relationship.
And dude, you need to stfu period with this profile when you have supposedly been with her for two years. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:22:55 AM | Marcus/Hugo,
After telling me this I asked how I compare in bed to
these and she said she didn't want to say. I can't really get over
this.
You have two choices:
1. Make a leap of faith that you're Good Enough... which is why she still wants to see you... and force yourself to get over it
2. break up with her and go back to a life of celibacy
Consider as well that there is value in her being honest with you. Do you really want to be in a state of Ignorant Bliss?
I know she would never even consider cheating on me.
That's what EVERYONE (men and women) about their partners. At least half of the time, they are wrong.
Im wondering now if most 28 year old girls are like this and I just didn't know?
I figure at least half of them are... but most won't admit it.
Should I let her go and leave her to search for guy number 10?
Only if you are unable to lose your insane possessiveness and jealousy.
Also she didn't jump into bed the first night we met - she did with
others therefore she must not have liked me as much as the others on
our first night which doesn't bode well for our future?
That isn't nearly as relevant as your problem with jealousy and possessiveness.
I've been around the block a few times but it's different for girls
-right?
No... I don't believe it really is that different for girls. Every says it is... but from what I observed, it really isn't.
or should she just have kept this stuff to herself, which
would have meant she wasn't fully honest with me?
And have a relationship based on a *lack* of openness and honesty? Pffftt... what's the point? She might as well go back to one night stands. But clearly she wants more than that.
She has also said she stayed overnight with some different guys – about 6 more in total, so that works out at 14 in total that she has lay in bed with.
Is this very unusual?
From what I've observed... No. But again... at least half of the women out there don't admit it.
On a separate question, she is on the pill: is it safe to have sex with her without a condom?
Well... she *told* you she was on the pill. What people say and what people are not always in sync. But given that you've been with her for 2 years and assuming you have an exclusive relationship, I'd say the risks of you getting something are very low.
She always insists on a condom even though she has been on the pill for 2 years with me : We don't or never had any std's or anything.
Are you two exclusive or not? Are you concerned that she sees guys on the side? Or is she concerned you see the odd girl on the side?
I noticed your relationship status is "Single". How can you be "single" if you're in a 2 year relationship, eh?
Maybe she has good reason to insist on condoms... | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:31:17 AM | | As others have said-you have a girlfriend of 2 years duration about whose past you have some difficulty. However you have your profile as single-get real here please!You sound like a teenager who wants it all. This girl would be better off without you IMO! | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:45:48 AM | Damn!! I love this thread!! You always learn so much, in the forums. One of the bitter single guys told me, to multiply by 2.2 the number of times or guys she's been with. WOW, that will help me sooooo much with future relationships! LOL LOL LOL My fav though was:
"I've been around to block a few times but it's different for girls-right?"
Oh yeah, different uh huh, yes go down to "near virgins are us" the next time you want to get a girlfriend, ask about their low mileage numbers. Only bedded monthly by 1 guy. LOL LOL
WTH is it with you guys? Do you really believe that your the only people to get sex, that only a small portion of the female population has sex, and the rest, just sit at home with a chastity belt waiting for your azz to come a callin, after you've sown your wild oats?
Also what about that wonderful question "So hey, how did I rate against the others?" LOL LOL LOL Hugo, don't ask something, your not ready to hear the answer to. If your the man a woman is in love with, in most cases, the sex will be great for her, as a bonding experience. BUT you are far from the best, I can assure you without knowing you.
Hugo, sex is sex, your not a porn star, when they scream, more than half are faking it. Same with orgasms. Sorry to burst your bubble.
Look, either you accept her past, especially if she's good woman, a giver, is aware of your needs, is a good partner, both in and out of the bedroom. What more could you ask for? But if your gonna get hung up on her past. Move on to .... gee I don't know what you could move onto... there are few actual virgins, and why would you want one? Maybe the priesthood as someone else said. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:49:12 AM | Hi Hugo,
Firstly let me say one thing. No it's not different for girls. Sounds to me like your lady has self esteem problems, or at least she did if she was bedding so many men casually. Maybe she didn't jump into bed with you because she liked you more than the others, saw something different and thought, hey here's my chance to do a 180 and stop all this bed hopping.
What's with the condom after two years on the pill and 2 years with you. Sorry but one of the most imtimate things about being in a loving relationship is not to have to use condoms. I would find this the strangest part of your problem. This is happening in the here and now, everything else is in the past. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:58:01 AM | OP do you really believe that she did not like you as much as the guys she slept with right away...those were one night stands.
Listen to most of the posters here and get over yourself. You will be loosing her and others if you do not change your attitude. Always remember what's good for the gander is good for the goose.
Get yourself off the online dating sites and with all the free time you will have concentrate on making your woman scream you are the best. That way you won't be immature about how other men in her past were in comparisson to you. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:58:16 AM | | Calico maybe she just likes sex. You don't have to have self esteem issues if you sleep with people. Good lord some of these responses are funny. Human beings are animals. We have urges and needs and if sex is one of her urges and needs and she finds a suitable partner she has every right to fulfill her need. Stop trying to over analyze everything. She wanted to get laid and got laid. Like I said earlier get over it or get going. Only two choices he has. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 10:01:12 AM | | If she became sexually active at 18, that's less than one per year... You're being extremely judgemental and cheauvenistic... Since you seem like such a wanker, I'll tell you a little secret... If you had been anywhere close to the best, she would have been happy and eager to tell you that. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 10:02:52 AM | This is why you tell a guy to buzz off if he ask you about your sexual history. Outside of going (both of us) to get tested before sex, a man has no right to know a thing about my sexual history as in who I have been with and how many men I have been with. You tell a man that and this thread is what happens.
1850 is calling for you op.Please go back to it and leave the rest of us alone with your bizarre ideas. I just bet you are not a virgin either and have had your fair share of sexual partners. Funny how men can be whores and fck everything in sight and be called studs but women who enjoy sex are whores. | |
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| HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 10:06:14 AM |
Would like you to reply to me with your thoughts
You seem to be looking for reasons to sabotage the relationship while maintaining the ability to be able to judge her as "bad" according to your stereotypes and morals.
I needed to know more about her.
That's why you pay attention. Especially to how she treats you. You listen to what she chooses to say. You watch to see how she chooses to act.
You don't interrogate her on her past that is absolutely none of your business and has no relevance to you. Especially seeing as you don't know her, how can you tell she's telling the truth? Most especially if you can't keep from comparing yourself to her past and past guys. They aren't you. That was then, deal with now.
Ask for an STD test by all means and offer one of your own, but interrogations into her past (especially sexual) are simply to validate your own fears. You have no way to understand them. You aren't her, you aren't them, you weren't there.
shes always made out that she is very shy and wouldnt be
with anyone before me
Is that what she said? Or did you simply infer it and believe it because you wanted to?
If she said it and then later it comes out that she had unprotected sex, then you know she's lying to you, probably to manipulate your image of her.
So right there you know she is insecure, cares a lot about how other people judge her, lies and manipulates to get the perception she wants, doesn't make the best of decisions.
If she didn't say it then you have a preconceived notion of who she should be and you are trying to force her into your idealization. IOW you are using her.
After telling me this I asked how I compare in bed to these and she said she didn't want to say.
What else is she going to say? What can she say that would be "good"?
"OMG You are awesome! So much better than all the others!" and then you think "uh-oh, she just validated that she's an expert, that sex is sooooo important for her that she can systematically rate these people. And she must think about the other guys a lot if she can really remember. What kind of whore am I with?"
And she's going to think "what is he thinking? Oh no, is this going to cause insecurity, drive a wedge between us? Do I lie or tell the truth? What does he want to hear? What will keep me from being judged?"
or
"You are freaking awful." How is that going to help the relationship? How is that going to keep you from being insecure and closed off about sex? How is that not going to drive a wedge between you?
Seriously, you ask a stupid question that has no real answer what do you expect to get?
Is this very unusual?
No. Neither is you asking questions so you can judge her for your insecurities because you already know it's not going to work out, but you want to get something until it becomes obvious and you can get away while still maintaining the self image that you are a "good" person.
is it safe to have sex with her without a condom?
No. It is "safer" than no protection at all. But only against pregnancy. And the only 100% proof method of not getting a girl pregnant is not having sex with her and never masturbating.
Hi I’m looking for some advice on this.
Run away. You are simply going to hurt the girl as you've specifically sought seeds to plant the bushes of rejection. You are simply waiting for them to blossom, enjoying the validating berries in the meantime. | |
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