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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??      Home login  
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 onefishwilldo
Joined: 4/1/2009
Msg: 76
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??Page 4 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
Without reading all the other posts. Here's my two cents.

Unless she's an extremely ugly woman, she is going to get date/boyfriends and have sex with them. Hopefully she has good taste and not sleeping with all of them. BUT, what she did before your time is her business. You shouldn't ask and she didn't have to answer to you. What she is doing while with you is the IMPORTANT factor. So if she means everything to you, drop her past and concentrate on the future with her.

Love her just as she is and don't try to change her. You can't change anyone but yourself.

Next time, if you don't want to know...don't ask. Because majority of people cannot handle the truth.
 realitybites78
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 77
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:16:31 PM
She sounds pretty skanky to me imo...multiple one night stands and some of them without a condomn? This is good you received this information though. I'd probably move on she sounds way too loose to me. In regards to how you compare to her that's one of the many problems with having too many partners. You're always comparing your current lover to someone in the past, which is kind of shallow really.

Person above me exemplifies what's wrong with our society...yeah ok just because a woman can get banged every night by a different guy does that mean she should? We all know women can get sex very easily. Some of us like women with control.

 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 78
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:30:45 PM

You see shes always made out that she is very shy and wouldnt be
with anyone before me,



This is the only part you have any reason to be concerned about but then again if she knew your reaction she probably was wise in her decision. Now she felt after 2 or 3 yrs together you deserved the truth and after she confides in you you want to throw away an otherwise good relationship. Maybe she has changed and didn't want you judging her from her past.



I think she needs to break up with you because you obviously think less of her now. Respect is an important part of a healthy relationship. It is a double standard for you to think it is ok to of slept around but not ok if she did.
 ellena.
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 79
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:40:59 PM
No it is not safe to have sex w/ her without a condom. The other issues you need to work out w/ yourself.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 80
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:46:07 PM
I'm going to quote a different poster on a different thread:



Guys will support sex by third date or some other horsesh1t, that suits their agenda, and yet expect there to be a virtuous maiden awaiting them at the end of the day!lol


For the last time, a woman is not a cheater just because she embraces her own sexuality.
OP at your age a woman with more experience than you should be appreciated and welcomed by you. So she doesn't act like a party girl - still waters run deep. Just because she is not very bold socially doesn't mean she has to live like a nun. It's quite possible when she was younger she fell for the BS that guys gave her, and now she knows how to be more discerning. When you know better, you do better. She obviously is not choosing to be promiscuous any more and is being very honest with you.

I'm tellin ya, a MAN judging a WOMAN who enjoys sex is definitely the pot calling the kettle black.
If she has given no reason to mistrust her, use protection, go get tested together and enjoy yourselves. Either break up with her or quit judging her.
Go ahead OP, date and marry some frigid little prim donna and THEN see how happy you are.
 OhioCountry65
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 81
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:52:27 PM
I think your overthinking this issue Hugo, afterall she is with you now unless you can not get passed this then she will move on.

Also, the younger generation seems to have had more relations with different people than us older folks. I think I read somewhere that it use to be one different partner for every 10 years was the average although today's mid 30 something and below it was more like one different partner for every 3 to 5 years. Hell, I hear teens these days are into the gang bang thing so who nows? (aka - not the expert here, just going on memory)

My advice would be to you would be to do it often with her whereby your confidence should impove. lol - sorta like fill the hole dude.
 anitajd
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 82
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:15:48 PM

If you had been anywhere close to the best, she would have been happy and eager to tell you that.

Exactly what i was gonna say.If she hasnt told you that you were the best then assume you are not.If she tells you that you were the best,still assume you are not.Aim to be the best shes had and best she will ever have.Clue yourself up on good sex and you will never need to ask that question.BTW 8 men is not that many at all.
 kizmesweetly
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 83
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:19:04 PM
What happened in the past should stay in the past. What happened then should have no bearing on what is happening now if you really care for the lady. Sometimes curiousity gets the best of us and we feel the need to ask. It's just opening up a can of worms. At least she was honest with you.

Because she had not slept with you that first night, does not mean she liked you less. It probably just means that she cared enough to get to know you better. And to ask her to compare your bedroom antics is really a dating no no. It makes you seem insecure.
Just let it go and move forward. The more you harp on what happened will probably end up pushing her away from you.

There is no difference in whether a guy has been around the block or the woman. It's just that the woman gets the reputation. (Not cool)

Try not to be to judgmental. If you care for the lady as you say you do, then let the past be the past.
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 84
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:26:36 PM
So out of all these "shocking" revelations you received that night, OP...your first immediate thought (and apparently biggest concern) was how you ranked???

Are you sure it's not so much a "numbers" issue, as it is that your nose is just out of joint that she didn't immediately answer "Oh, you're the best by far, honey"?

If the girl didn't flat-out tell you she was a virgin when the two of you hooked up (which would be a blatant lie), then why are you worrying about this now, 2 years later? And, why would you wait 2 years to grill her on this subject anyway, if it was that important to you that she have a pristine past?

I still think it's the rank-issue that has your nose out of joint more than anything else.
 kawasakiprincess
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 85
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:41:37 PM
um should she have kept it to her self? or for you to not of asked to begin with knowing you cant handle the truth and what do you mean its different for girls??? before i jump the gun
 Warped_Humour
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 86
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:44:05 PM
I am pretty much in denial any of this is real. However, if it is may I have your Gf's number/email address? Yeah, I'd like to let her know to RUN THE F*CK AWAY FROM YOU!!

I don't need you to post a pic on here. I am sure your pic is in the slang dictionary under DOUCHEBAG!!!

The end
 FunkyMonkee
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 87
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:49:07 PM
Hugo, you need to get even.

Get out there and hound dog some chicks and bang some beaver (please excuse my Hollywoodesque Americanism here. I am an English gentleman and we learn our American from Hollywood movies and McDonalds menu boards etc)

Don't listen to people saying deal with it, because that isn't going to happen. This is real and if you brush it under the bed it will crop up later and probably at a most inconvenient time too.

She has been helping herself to the smorgesbord of men out there and decided you are settling down material. Once she is bored of you.. and if the statistics are right, she sure as hell will get bored of you, it's on to the next one.

Bear in mind she may just want you for your sperm, because your and her babies would seem a better ideal than her and all these other mens babies. (Talk about wanting your cake (or apple pie) and eating it !)

Women that prefer second hand clothes etc to brand new are few and far between but it is becoming increasingly widespread for them to get themselves "second hand" and expect others not to notice, or care.

There is a virgin out there for you, but you may have to head out to the midwest and pretend you think the world is only 6000 years old and Jesus hates fags etc to get you one.
 jimydancer
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 88
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:55:06 PM
If she has been with too many why the qeustion. Move on !There is nothing that can change where she has been or with whoom. I would be more concerned with the fact that she is a liar and if it took this long to get to this much truth ......it has only just begun. The nature of the truth suggest that she has been intentionally deceptive and for a reason and the mere fact that you have to ask here ..........may be the reason why. You wanted to believe for lack of a better way to say it............

I will give you a bit of wisdom and that all women have had more than they admit one way or another and all women will question your manhood if you find out differently and suggest to insecurity and how they knew you could not handle it..........a female game as old as time. You do have the right of refusal and many women dont genuinely think that a man does.........Women will profess to their standards and be critical of yours .........................and that only if you have them and only if they truly matter

to you!

The only ture question is will or can you be able to live comfortably with her past and that a question you need an honest answer to and that one from yourself ........it sounds as if you would be better served looking for something and someone more in line with your value systems..........................never worry never will.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 89
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:00:52 PM
You: I want the truth!
She: [shouts] You can’t handle the truth!


Hugo, you need to get even.

Her score = 9
His score = 10
So yeah, she should get a "get out of jail free card" to bang a guy at the local pub!!


P.S. Watch what you say about Beavers!
 FunkyMonkee
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 90
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:01:31 PM
Spot on jimy....
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 91
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:08:47 PM

I would be more concerned with the fact that she is a liar and if it took this long to get to this much truth ......it has only just begun.


You know, I would agree with you whole-heartedly...IF it wasn't for the fact that, the OP said he ASSUMED that she was an innocent who "would never be with anyone but him" (heaven forfend the ego on the man!) but, it took him two years to actually ASK her? He says she "always made out like she was one way"....did she really? Perhaps in the early stages, with rose-coloured love goggles on, that's just how the OP perceived her?

I still fail to see why, two years later, the OP decided to grill her on questions like these. If they were truly important to him for whatever reason, he should have done so a long time ago.

As an aside...I personally think it's a strange sort of man, that would ask a woman a question like that. I think I've only ever had one man I've ever dated ask me that...but then refused in turn to reveal his own "number". I can't imagine ever asking a man that, either. Especially at most of our ages...it's just assumed we all have some sort of past.

The OP has already said he's slept with 10 women in his life...so why the double-standard now, OP??

For the rest of the double-standarders out there, what is it, boys? If the woman's number is higher than yours, that's the dealbreaker?
 Ponter Boddit
Joined: 10/27/2009
Msg: 92
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 5:21:13 PM
Wow and your from ireland to, explains a lot..lol. Send her up north to where the real men are ;)
Were you honestly expecting a 28 year old virgin? Your hardly a good little catholic boy yourself, although from the way your talking you practically sound like a virgin with no clue at all. You know nothing about contraception and even less about women and relationships. Yet you claim to have been around the block, was that with your own hand? I cant believe your attitude, you should seriously consider yourself lucky to have this girl. Im hoping she see's sense and gets the hell out before you screw her up and actually make her think theres something wrong with her.
 edencapwell
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 93
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 5:51:43 PM
All women are whores. The ones that aren't are just better liars. The sooner you accept this fact, the better. Quite frankly, 14 seems abnormally low. The rule of thumb is, whatever a woman tells you, multiply it by 2.2. That translates into almost to 31.


oh really? says who? you? and why should we listen to you? talk about double standards. and what do you call men who have f*cked multitudes of women?? oh, but i'm sure that's ok but if a woman does the same thing, then it's not!!
 no_BS_woman
Joined: 1/15/2010
Msg: 94
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 6:00:58 PM

Also she didn't jump into bed the first night we met - she did with
others therefore she must not have liked me as much as the others on
our first night which doesn't bode well for our future?


What difference does it make? You want to dump her now because you found out she had sex on the first night with other guys, but I am guessing if she had sex on the first date with you, you would have dumped her. Either way, you apparently think she is not good or pure enough for you.


I've been around the block a few times


LOL....I love how guys (not all, I know) feel like they have to let everyone know that they are desirable and experienced.


but it's different for girls-right?


Why would it be different?

The only difference I can see pertaining to casual sex for women is that we have to deal with judgmental asshats about it. Apart from that, what's good for the goose...ya know.



.... or should she just have kept this stuff to herself, which
would have meant she wasn't fully honest with me?


Kind of a lose/lose for her, no? Keep it to herself and be a liar, or tell the truth and be judged?


She has also said she stayed overnight with some different guys – about 6 more in total, so that works out at 14 in total that she has lay in bed with.
Is this very unusual?


Not unusual whatsoever.

What is really unusual is that you have a problem with it, not to mention a ridiculous double standard.


On a separate question, she is on the pill: is it safe to have sex with her without a condom?.She always insists on a condom even though she has been on the pill for 2 years with me : We don't or never had any std's or anything.


Well, some viruses can live in the body for years. You could both consult your doctors and get tested for those types of diseases, and if you are both free from them, and you have been monogamous for two years, I would think you are pretty safe to go without a condom. You are only at risk if she cheats on you; just because she has had partners prior to you, she is no more likely to cheat than any other person.



Author: no_BS_woman
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 95
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 7:38:47 PM
Has she been tested for STDs considering her past with unprotected sex? Is she free of those?

If so, then what on earth is the problem? How is it supposed to be "different for girls"? Figure out whether you like her and act accordingly.

And don't ever assume you don't have STDs if you haven't had a full work-up with universally negative results. A majority of people who have them don't know that they do, hence their continued spread.

Also, many people feel more comfortable with two birth control methods than with one, and it sounds like she may be one of those. Have you talked to her about why?
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 96
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:33:33 PM
Why do you care, you're on here looking for a date!
10 guys at 28 is nothing.
Get over yourself.
 Warped_Humour
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 97
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:37:16 PM

There is a virgin out there for you, but you may have to head out to the midwest and pretend you think the world is only 6000 years old and Jesus hates fags etc to get you one.


Not really sure what Midwest you speak of? You being from the UK maybe you think somewhere else. Me being from the Midwest Heartland of the U.S. is hoping all that was a joke what you posted.

Yeah, um Midwest has probably two of the largest gay communities out there. Chicago and Mpls. Chicago being the only city to be nationally recognized as an area of Boystown. So good luck with all that advice you gave about virgins and fags out here.

Oh and the hetero's are sexually liberated too. *GASPS* (scrambling for my King James Version archaic thinking bible)
 bobby0386
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 98
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:40:46 PM
the past is the past. get a std check if it helps you. just make sure you both love each other.
 txredbull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 99
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:42:52 PM
Dude...I hate to break this to you...but studies indicate (and theres been a bunch of them) that woman "underbag" their sex number. So if she said 14...most likely the real number is 20-24 men before you.

Studies also indicate that woman typically have twice the number of partners as men for the same age... And, why men get labeled with the "sleeping around" sign I have no idea. Also, these numbers would tend to indicate that a few lucky guys must be making up for the rest of the men for the statistics to hold.

Always wear a condom unless you ready to get married....
 Splendere
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 100
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:47:25 PM
Hugo, I do not blame you for being concerned;


You see shes always made out that she is very shy and wouldnt be
with anyone before me,

That is slick, the good little girl routine. This is what is troublesome, the pretense for two years.


now told me shes gone out with 2 guys and had sex with these.
Also she's told me she's had sex with 5 other men on one night stands, and 2 of those were unprotected

That makes 7 guys, not 8, as you have stated. The clincher here is unprotected sex due to:


She always insists on a condom even though she has been on the pill for 2 years with me

Casual sex, no condom; committed boyfriend, only with a condom.
That does not make sense. She may have something she’s not told you about or not on the pill.


I asked how I compare in bed to these and she said she didn't want to say. I can't really get over this.

If a man asks his love how good a lover he is, anyone with a modicum of sensitivity, is going to tell him he is great. So I see this as her slighting you.
Some men feel the need to ask this of women that have had a lot of lovers.
The last guy to ask me this was not insecure but so much younger than I that he was merely curious as to how he measured up.

Despite what another here said that if the number of lovers is great you cannot possibly be the best, it is not true. When the element of love is present prior lovers fade into the background and the current love becomes the best experience ever.

I think you have found someone who knows how to tell another what she believes they want to hear. She is not comfortable in her own skin. I just do not see a devoted woman but rather a game player.
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