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 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 76
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Woah now. Are you the same guy who had 2 rocking chairs on his porch he made himself? Of course, you need not answer; and, I may have it/you all wrong. But if you are he, then I like you soooo much better now, admitting vulnerability, which means you're human, and all shit like that.


I had to come back and respond to this. No, I never had two rocking chairs on my porch...I don't even have a porch.

And yes, I'll admit to vulnerability. I'll admit to just about anything that goes with having lived 63 years...and that includes having learned a lot...from life in general, and more specifically from words I've read in this thread.

The thoughts expressed here about aging, and being who we are, as we are, are not unfamiliar or new to me. I'd just lost sight of them for a while. Now that I've been geek-slapped back to reality, I think I'll be feeling a lot better!
 Calientecutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 77
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/5/2010 5:48:02 PM
a woman to love and cuddle...and if not a teddy bear will do...seriously what any normal person want love...at any age
 Wyenot01
Joined: 12/24/2008
Msg: 78
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/5/2010 8:31:15 PM
Hollis, I cut to the chase and didn't even read whatever else was written by others.

As you probably already know, you've tapped into the psyche of a bevy of women, and they are probably right this minute emailing you avowing the same thing.

whatever

Have you ever read the "Velveteen Rabbit"? It's a children's book that offers some big truths about loving something (someone) that's been around for years and has had all its fur (hair) rubbed (fallen) off.

I've always strived to see the person inside the persona. And I hope that my counterpart would do the same. It doesn't always happen that way and dating at this age is not pretty, but honesty will out, in my humble opinion.

Keep on truckin'!

 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 79
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/5/2010 9:01:54 PM

Hollis, I cut to the chase and didn't even read whatever else was written by others.

As you probably already know, you've tapped into the psyche of a bevy of women, and they are probably right this minute emailing you avowing the same thing.

whatever

Have you ever read the "Velveteen Rabbit"? It's a children's book that offers some big truths about loving something (someone) that's been around for years and has had all its fur (hair) rubbed (fallen) off.

I've always strived to see the person inside the persona. And I hope that my counterpart would do the same. It doesn't always happen that way and dating at this age is not pretty, but honesty will out, in my humble opinion.

Keep on truckin'!


Thank you for this response Miss Wyenot. When you get time, you really should go back and read the rest of this thread. The posts have been wonderful!

I'm not sure about tapping into anyones' psyches, but I have had a few very nice and encouraging PMs.

I am vaguely remembering the stiry you are referring to...I was a school teacher for thirty years, and even though I taught instrumental music, the story still stands out in my mind. It reminds me that stored away, I still have my childhood teddy bear...he's the same age I am. He was bought the day I was born. He's pretty well worn, as I remember. He's stored away with things like my deceased mother's engagement and wedding rings, and some WW II food and gas rationing coupons, and some Ellis Island immigration papers from some of my ancestors.

Am I sentimental? Absolutely! I'll admit to that!
 Pixy Dust
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 80
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/6/2010 12:31:36 AM
Op,

I have to admit that I have never considered growing old gracefully. Not sure that I can. The thing is when I was younger and saw something in the mirror I didn't like I was able to get more rest and wake up and it seemed to be gone. Heavy sigh.... not so anymore. I look in the mirror day after day, and I'll be danged if it's not still staring me in the face.. the very nerve....lolol

I guess what I am learning is ,that as I age, that it's easy to try and pull off the adage that I can "keep up" with my younger counterparts... until the day I can't. And that my friend happens to all of us. I can't help but think of the movie "Death Becomes Her"


Who am I though to be preaching to a school teacher... hehehehe
 daffie
Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 81
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/6/2010 3:19:53 AM
remember the seinfeld episode when george approached a woman and told her...
"i'm bald, broke and live with my parents"?...
telling the truth worked a charm for him...
it's a shame that same philosopy isn't adopted more readily by others...

back to the op...
you have three of the things that i love in a man...
a bike,
intelligence,
and humour.

oooops, i almost forgot the teddy bear...
 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 82
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/6/2010 6:26:12 AM

"i'm bald, broke and live with my parents"?...
telling the truth worked a charm for him...
it's a shame that same philosopy isn't adopted more readily by others...

back to the op...
you have three of the things that i love in a man...
a bike,
intelligence,
and humour.

oooops, i almost forgot the teddy bear...


Well, I'm bald and broke, but my parents are long gone, so I live with a lazy old bulldog. I do, however, live in a tumbled-down old house that once belonged to my parents...in fact the land has been in the family since the early 1900s, and my house was built in 1937, intended to be my great-grandfather's chicken coop. Not very attractive to most ladies, I'm afraid. It's far from resembling an "estate", but the deer and other critters like it here, and if it's good enough for them....'cept they don't help a bit with paying the ever-increasing taxes!

Miss Daffie, thank you for your kind words. I've always enjoyed your posts!
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 83
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:25:46 AM
To start out with I don't date online here as my social scene provides ample opportunities to meet women of all kinds and ages. At my age (going on 61) I still enjoy an uncommonly good state of health and fitness. It's hard to even respond to threads like this without sounding smug or arrogant, but I am how I am, which is confident that I can expect to date women of any age I might choose. I've been on these fora for a while now and have posted to these kinds of threads before. Often I get responses to my posts that indicate to me, misery loves company. No one wants to hear me talking about how good I feel or good I think I look.
My son(30) and I often go out together, We even danced in the same dance company for a couple of years. He's in a pic with me in my profile pics. When we're out, all the same women who want to hang with him, want to hang with me as well.
Now just because I can; I'm not always sure I should...I have dated lots of young women in their 30's, but I realize there's no future in it. I much prefer ladies mid 40's to 50 or so, but they must match my level of fitness and attractiveness.
And yes, I feel that I'm very attractive; I get a lot of postive reinforcement from women of all ages, so I know there's something to it.
And I'm not trying to be younger. I'm just trying to live as well as I can, AS I am. If that means still enjoying an active social life and satisfying work and leisure, then it is what it is, And I'm really thankful for all of it.
 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 84
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/6/2010 10:42:44 AM
If that is where you are at age 60, then more power to ya! Rock on!! Enjoy it!! No one can hold anything against you for your life style, and I'd be the last one on earth to think you are smug or arrogant just because you can do things that I can't.
 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 85
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/6/2010 10:48:51 AM

Op,

I have to admit that I have never considered growing old gracefully. Not sure that I can. The thing is when I was younger and saw something in the mirror I didn't like I was able to get more rest and wake up and it seemed to be gone. Heavy sigh.... not so anymore. I look in the mirror day after day, and I'll be danged if it's not still staring me in the face.. the very nerve....lolol

I guess what I am learning is ,that as I age, that it's easy to try and pull off the adage that I can "keep up" with my younger counterparts... until the day I can't. And that my friend happens to all of us. I can't help but think of the movie "Death Becomes Her"


Who am I though to be preaching to a school teacher... hehehehe


Miss Pixy, I don't feel like I'm being preached to. And I'm another who is not about to be graceful about growing old. I'll be kickin', screamin', complainin' all the way to the grave...and probably even after. That probably sounds like a contradiction to my earlier statements, but actully not, because that's what I'm doing here...kickin', screamin', complainin' about getting older!
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 86
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Posted: 2/6/2010 11:14:06 AM
My Motto is "As you think it, so shall it be".
So many I believe have an idea of what aging and maturity are. They fix these images in their minds and eventually manifest those qualities in themselves. these images that are held , are reinforced by seeing people in their 60's who are around them as family members, asscociates etc. more or less conform to the images they hold, hence it is assumed all in this age grouping must be this way, since it is all they are familiar with in their lives.
These are the one's IMHO that have such a problem believing it can turn out differently for some others. "FluffyBrain" seems to be one of these. To me she seems like the very kind of person who'll experience the biggest difficulty aging as she seems to hate it SO MUCH. All of it, IMHO, due to her fear of Father time. There is no way for someone like this to age gracefully as they see no grace in it at all; truly a pity.
 Pixy Dust
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 87
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Posted: 2/6/2010 3:09:54 PM
Farcal,

I think as long as we realize where we are in life and recognize that we are going through changes and perhaps change our lifestyles to where it's more conducive for our limitations, because that is my greatest fear. Yes to lose ones looks due to the natural order of things can be staved off with cosmetic surgery unless you go crazy, the health issues that plague us as we round each decade is my main worry.

In the dating world you consider at this age how it will be viewed. You have brought up so eloquently some of yours. You aren't the only man going through this, and some younger men go through them.

For myself it's the fear of falling. I have severe Osteoporosis. It does hinder my ability to go out dancing as I used to, or the idea of what a slight car accident in snow could do. Falling in the yard gardening could mean broken bones, so try explaining to a prospective date that no, can't see myself ice skating, or that riding with someone on a motorcycle will take a great deal of trust. There was also a bit of madness in my bringing up "Death Becomes Her" due to obvious vanity, but the last scene when they fall down the steps? That has taken on new light in the past 2 years since discovering I have this.

So yeah, from here on out, most don't want the complications of diabetes or heart disease to control what they are able physically to do. As each decade can bring on new complications.

Just sayin...

We have to learn to "deal" yet who wants to go down without a fight?

I am right there kickin with ya....

Pixy

Oh yeah, ps.... I post in my profile about my disease but now dates are wanting to delicately bring up my ability to still HAVE sex.... I try to assure them that YES I am still breathing after all.... but swinging from ceilings might be out of the picture...
 Dceeeee
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 88
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Posted: 2/6/2010 6:26:31 PM
Damassteel, yes you really DO look great and younger than your age...and usually I happen to think older looks better...you truly ARE the exception to the rule! You can feel proud. Enjoy it while you can!

Farcal, I've always told you that you're hot...NOW do you believe me?

This thread really IS like a breath of fresh air!

~DC~
 farcal hollis
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 89
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:35:57 AM

Farcal, I've always told you that you're hot...NOW do you believe me?


Thanks, Miss DC....actually it's a lot easier to believe that you and all of the other ladies are being extremely kind, but it does not go unappreciated!


This thread really IS like a breath of fresh air!


That is certainly true! My faith in women, and especially POF women, is renewed.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 90
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:58:35 AM

My Motto is "As you think it, so shall it be".
So many I believe have an idea of what aging and maturity are. They fix these images in their minds and eventually manifest those qualities in themselves. these images that are held , are reinforced by seeing people in their 60's who are around them as family members, asscociates etc. more or less conform to the images they hold, hence it is assumed all in this age grouping must be this way, since it is all they are familiar with in their lives.


Really good post by damassteel.. Love when he says as you think it, so shall it be.. Fixed images in other people's minds as to how our body should be , how we should look, and the list goes on..

I say later for that!!

thecatsmeoww
 I sure am looking!
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 91
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/7/2010 3:13:10 PM
This is a wonderful post! Glad you started it!

[What lady, of ANY age, is going to accept all of these "shortcomings" in a guy my age (63), whether it be to search for that which is probably lost, or to even just to share company? I'm pretty sure the only thing pleasant about the company might be the conversation, if even that.]

First and foremost, I would accept you as you are in a heart-beat. Why??? Because of your sheer honesty and you aren't letting it get you down. And beside... any man that can play, "Devil Went Down To Georgia" on guitar will always impress me even if his fingers don't want to play it anymore. But I digress.

I read every single word you wrote here and on your profile, even the parts of, "when I sneeze, it's not just my nose I need to worry about" and "Parts of me are beginning to give off "less than pleasant" aromas, in spite of good hygiene". Those are normal things to be expected with our aging. Maybe some women will take me to task also. I hear many of my women friends complain they too have the same physical problems. It must be pretty common due to the tv ads for Depends and the ads with the people shaped from copper pipes.

My womanly opinion is I don't want a man that can climb Mt Everest, come home, change the oil in the car, and still have sex like a 20-yr old that same day. I sure couldn't keep up with him and really don't have that level of energy to try. I would be happy with watching tv, reading, or cooking together, or visiting friends. Here's a novel idea...napping on the couch together is nice.

"the gals my age certainly ain't chasing me, as if I could be running to be chased! They're out there chasing the much faster-moving (in every way) young studs!". That is how many of us women feel about men. Feeling invisible comes to mind.

When you say, "most guys my age are in the same position and condition. And those who won't admit it are kidding themselves." is true . The scary part is many really believe they ARE in the same shape and have the same sexual capabilities as when they were 30's or 40's. Lots of woman are afraid to say they just aren't that into the sex part anymore. I for one feel if it happens then okay, and if not, then okay.

Let me change the gender in your wording a little and you will have a women's opinion on the same scenario. "I don't really want to connect with a man who looks like I remember my grandfather, in spite of the fact that when I look in a mirror, I see my grandmother looking back at me!" Dag, you just hit the nail on the head for me on that one.

To quote you again, "I'm pretty sure the only thing pleasant about the company might be the conversation, if even that." sums it up perfectly for this woman. Course I'm kickin' and scremin' the whole time about aging but it just keeps on comin'. LOL
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 92
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/11/2010 8:05:57 AM
When you say, "most guys my age are in the same position and condition. And those who won't admit it are kidding themselves." is true . The scary part is many really believe they ARE in the same shape and have the same sexual capabilities as when they were 30's or 40's. Lots of woman are afraid to say they just aren't that into the sex part anymore. I for one feel if it happens then okay, and if not, then okay.


Refreshing is the man that be honest about himself, laugh at his shortcomings ( or perceived )and still be happy inside.
My late husband's hair turned silver.....from a very pale blonde..when he was still in his late thirties. He had a little protruding tummy. I loved to lay my head on his tummy as he stroked my hair.
I had been married before, had children and several surgeries, had gained and lost quite a bit of weight rapidly.so I was concerned at how he would re-act to me naked. He said "any women that has had children........those things are expected and to him it just meant I was a beautiful woman, no longer a child..that he would not be interested in that anyway."
I had felt so self conscious with my first husband after the birth of my first two children. I had them quite close together and even though I lost most of the weight afterward..he was constantly giving me advice how to lose, how to tighten, what to eat, what not to eat, while all the time demanding he be served his usual meat and potatoes, keeping candy in the house. etc.
With my late husband I always felt beautiful because he adored me and showed it.
I think no matter what a person believes their flaws are...we are always harder on ourselves....the quiet spirit inside is what we fall in love with. I thought my late husband was just handsome as they come. He had been a runner before and his legs and butt were a masterpiece!! Even when he started losing all the weight when he became sick.......my natural eyes saw it, but my heart never did.
Because of his illness that finally took him, we had a celibate marriage for several years. I look at pictures of him now and try to remember when those things occurred. Funny I can't.

There is one picture of he and I on our couch ..we both looked like pumpkins!!
I had been in a car accident..bloated from the predizone and steroid shots in my spine. LOL..yet to our children that was one of their favorite pictures.because to them it represented love, contentment, and acceptance.
I have countless albums of notes left around the house to tell me how much he loved me.
It may be your appearance that draws a person to you, but it is ACCEPTANCE and the inner man that keeps them close.
OP, I love your honesty!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 93
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/11/2010 9:47:10 AM
It's a tough situation, more I think on your end in a way because you cannot help what you are attracted to. I am running into guys my age or up to ten years older looking older than the OP and when they tend to take after my father, lighter hair, kind of semi-graying scruffy look beard, I don't think I could really get beyond the putting a picture of my dad in my head thing. Then again, there is a local guy that from his profile I would like to contact but he is nearly a dead wringer for my middle brother.

My mother is 80, she looks 20 years younger. The men her age or ten years younger are in horrible health Health wise she is dealing with issues at a similar level to that which the OP strives but who in their 60s is going to want to hook up with an 80-year-old woman?

They may be few and far between OP but certainly there are women in your age bracket that are starting to experience the trudging component of time/life events. So many people are retiring younger, I would imagine there might be some women your age in retirement groups/activities. Meetup.com has tons of groups based on interests and commonalities and if they have nothing for the not-yet-geriatric set in your area, you could start a group including in its description some of the things you put in this thread, i.e. minimal health and aging type stuff and finding few people with commonalities.

The only problem with using Velveteen as an analogy is that the person fell for the bald rabbit when it was in its prime and is its misshapen appearance is attractive partially because the person that values the toy was the one that put it in that condition by wearing it away with love. I think many people are willing to hang with you when you are both declining but finding someone to start out with when people do start having to deal more with the problems of advancing years, it is just difficult.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 94
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/11/2010 9:53:48 AM
Ichi-bon, you make an interesting comment. When I got involved with someone around 3 years ago and when I made a comment about something not looking great he was like for C's sake, we are in our 40s, you have had three kids, I haven't had any kids and you look better than I do, maybe if my c-section tummy was gone, but it was a sweet thing to say. Also sorry your first husband was such a jerk. When I was pregnant with my first, I asked him if he would still love me fat, and instead of reassuring me that I wouldn't be unattractive to him when I was big as a house, he said it was okay if I lost the weight afterward, wtf? He was 30 pounds at least overweight when we met, he was telling me I needed to lose weight baby or no baby?


I think no matter what a person believes their flaws are...we are always harder on ourselves....the quiet spirit inside is what we fall in love with. I thought my late husband was just handsome as they come. He had been a runner before and his legs and butt were a masterpiece!! Even when he started losing all the weight when he became sick.......my natural eyes saw it, but my heart never did. Because of his illness that finally took him, we had a celibate marriage for several years. I look at pictures of him now and try to remember when those things occurred. Funny I can't.

This was so simple and eloquent.

Sucks that you lost him so young but you are lucky to have shared this kind of love with someone for any length of time.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 95
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:33:56 PM

It's a tough situation, more I think on your end in a way because you cannot help what you are attracted to. I am running into guys my age or up to ten years older looking older than the OP and when they tend to take after my father, lighter hair, kind of semi-graying scruffy look beard, I don't think I could really get beyond the putting a picture of my dad in my head thing.


My point precisely, Most women my age just remind me of my Mom. I don't remind me of my Dad; So, it makes it a tough leap going towards women my own age.

packagedealx3, you seem to get it, but I've certainly been raked over for feeling this way.
 throwit2me
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 96
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:13:32 PM
^^^^^ damassteel, I really liked what you had to say. I'm 42 and a couple years ago as I noticed things starting to go South with my ex-wife, I looked around and noticed that I was in a rut. I dressed the same, wore my hair the same, listened to the same music, ate the same food, and did the same activities as I had for the previous 20 years. Ultimately climbing out of the rut wasn't enough to save the marriage, but it gave me a life.

People saying that they look and act younger than their age are buying into a societal judgment as to what is appropriate for a given age. I say that as long as you aren't trying to recapture your lost youth, rock on. I pray that I can be like my friend Porter who at 70 learned to water ski, or the 9o year old man in the Warren Miller movie Impact who was still racing NASTAR, or the white-haired old biker who is out at the local dance club every Saturday night out on the dance floor strutting his stuff. Sure, some of the youngsters aren't accepting of him, but when I look, he's got a huge smile on his face and most people seem to think it's pretty awesome.

So, live your life on your own terms. You only pass this way once.
 Dceeeee
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 97
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 8/17/2010 5:37:37 AM
Just to let you all know....America has lost another great man. 'Farcal Hollis' was diagnosed with colon cancer on July 2nd, and passed away on July 24th. On Aug 2nd, there was a HUGE funeral given by his friends and organizations he belonged to, and honored for all the work he did for the POW-MIA, veterans, and troops. Even though he wasn't a veteran, they still played Taps at his funeral.

The funeral director asked, "What do I have to do, to get a funeral like this?" The answer: You have to EARN it!"

Just goes to show, sometimes we just don't realize how much we mean to others. He left a legacy... I for one, will never forget him.
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 98
As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 8/17/2010 7:27:25 AM
I'm glad I reread through some of the posts before I read this. He seemed like a lovely man. God rest his soul. Thanks, Dceeeee.
 mz taken
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 99
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Posted: 8/22/2010 10:03:24 AM
sorry to see this.
rip
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 100
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As Good As I Ever Was.....NOT!!!
Posted: 8/22/2010 10:56:38 AM
...I was devasted to hear the news of his passing.... Al, (aka Farcal Hollis )was a dear friend of mine. We *met* almost four years ago on PoF and later I joined another chat site and had the pleasure of getting better aquainted with him. What a lovely man, a special man with a good spirit..... I sincerely regret never getting the chance to meet him in real life. He will be/is soley missed by all who knew him.

Rest in Peace Al

...mae
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