| | If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.Page 4 of 10 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) | I have a feeling this wasn't the first conversation that they had about their relationship. For her to be willing to walk away I imagine it was the end of wondering and talking.
Nothing wrong with either party in my opinion if he doesn't want marriage and she does. I'm not going to judge a time line either.
I think what ruffles most feathers is the fact that it would appear she gave him an ultimatum which we all know never works.
The other thing a woman feels that a man doesn't is that biological clock. If they want children than most want marriage. If that really is a goal than don't waste a lot of time with someone who doesn't see eye to eye.
Life is to short to settle... | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/3/2010 4:40:48 PM | Is it really that important to woemn that they need a ring to be convinced a man loves them ?
ONCE AGAIN, a man misassigns motive to a woman's actions. Marriage isn't just about love, it's about commitment, it's a promise about the future. It's NOT a "conviction of love".
For me a ring makes no difference except making it harder to move on once things go wrong.
Lie. Own it, bud!
Marriage "makes a difference" for many reasons, including the reasons why you refuse to get married. If it DID NOT "make a difference" to you, you would have just done it.
To m,e she found marriage more important than me so I just let her go.
To her, you found NOT being married more important than being WITH her.
It's all a matter of perspective, isn't it?
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The lifetime contract is an excuse for the female to get fat and stop having sex.
Wow, another misassigning motive. I bet there are, like, 7-8 more of these if I feel like finding them...
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Hmm so it is not OK to be hard- line about expecting marriage or serious commitment to your liking insert choice; but it is OK to be hard-line about not marrying.Hmm bullshine.
What? You didn't get the memo? You see, young lady, only men are "rational" , and not getting married is the ONLY "rational" choice one could make. Because we women are all insecure bundles of money-grubbing PMSing-and-nagging hormones who don't know what we want in the first place, and we show our true selves by DEMANDING marriage (even though in this case she gave him the choice, he made his choice, so she walked but all that is beside the point because it doesn't jibe with the story the men are telling about women so ignore all that please and focus!), this antiquated contract which is NOTHING other than another way to get our entitled and selfish hands on their preciousness. Why, it's controlling, emotional blackmail to want to spend the rest of your life with the same man! | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/3/2010 5:16:33 PM | PrinceCharming,
Women do give men rings to say they are taken. It is called a wedding ring. I am not in a hurry for a big ring for my left hand. I bought myself a 2.2 carat ruby surrounded by 1.5 carats of diamonds. I would love a companion ring to go with it but it would have to be the right man. And we would have had a discussion about it long before a year. I do not stick with a person if we are not on the same page regarding marriage. I would be happy to buy my guy a ring if he wanted it. A timely discussion about marriage is good how fast the marriage if both people are so inclined is up to the couple and hopefully mutual. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/3/2010 5:16:35 PM | People who don't want marriage shouldn't be dating on a serious level IMO...so basically what im trying to say is just date your own kind....I can't stand people who are iffy about the subject either....you either want to get married in the future or you don't...make up your mind before you commit to someone...
It hurts people who want to get married, but does absolutely nothing to those share the same beliefs in supposedly not wanting to ever getting married...I don't like that trade off, and it's time for the ones who are in denail with their life and don't ever want to get married to leave the dating scene..
If you are a smart person, and know what you are doing. You would be able to Live out a great marriage and be far more happier than anyone who has never been married. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/3/2010 6:28:29 PM | | this is a conversation you should have had on date 2 or3...not 1 year later. I know I want marriage, I know I want more biological children... I'm not going to wait around holding my breath hoping that a guy will change his mind about marriage. If you like it, you better do what it takes to keep me, cause there are plenty of guys out there willing to take the job. I made that clear to my boyfriend, and we haven't had any issues. We know we are on the same page, and have similar timelines that we would ideally like to see things go. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/3/2010 6:46:18 PM | | Like the post on contracts. It should be 3 years and then you're out. If you've improved your looks (working out, tanning, better grooming) , you can sign a contract with a hotter looking female. If you've gotten lazy, dumber, unemployed, disabled, etc., you sign a contract with the ugly looking female. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/3/2010 6:47:42 PM |
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it. Is it really that important to woemn that they need a ring to be convinced a man loves them ?
NO! a ring proves absolutely nothing to me. LOL! now...if he just takes my truck and washes it...or hauls my trash cans out to the curb....or pays attention to where I laid my glasses and car keys.....then I'd say it's a pretty safe bet that he's really diggin me! | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/3/2010 6:55:01 PM | I'd certainly "give a guy longer than a year" to marry me, but marriage is important to me whether there's a ring involved or not. To deduce that marriage is about a diamond ring is about as stupid and blind as to claim racism is about skin colour.
Although I don't think enough young people getting married take it seriously enough (see: divorce rates) to legally cleave yourself to a person is a big step and should indicate, in a sense, "putting your money where your mouth is." Anyone can say "I love you." It's a different thing to say "I love you and I'm prepared to work at this. I'm prepared to put myself in a position where we are officially responsible for one another and have a future in that respect. I'm willing to put myself in a position where you are entitled to take half my stuff if we break up and I'm willing to work at the fact that we won't."
EDIT: "We don't need to get married to be happy"- well I'm sure lots of couples actually DO think this way, but in real life? I've found that to be the slogan of female friends of mine who are living in a de facto, live-in relationship with a man they'd like to marry but who is balking at the "ring thing."
Nine times out of ten he's proposed later and the girl has, magically, entirely changed her mind about "needing to be married." | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/3/2010 7:13:25 PM |
and it's time for the ones who are in denail with their life and don't ever want to get married to leave the dating scene.. WOW!!! Sure am glad you're not King!
LOL! I hardly think that I'm in "denial" with my life just because I'll never marry again! Ya know....even murderers get PAROLED after 25 years! Well, I've served my 25 yrs; so you can get off your high horse and stop telling me and everyone else who's decided that "marriage" is a joke to "stop dating". In FACT...it's those who are absolutely concrete in their "marriage mindedness" who should NOT date....just flip through the catalog of "Mail order brides and grooms and pick one out....and leave the rest of us alone!!!
Twice since I've been divorced, I'd become quite interested in a "committed monogamous" relationship , WITHOUT marriage....with males who insisted at the beginning that they also were totally against the ideal of ever marrying again....and twice, after a period of time, it was THEY who "changed their minds" and made the ultimatums that I had to "marry them....or else!" BOTH times....I choose the OR ELSE. NOW.....just WHO was playing games with WHO?
It hurts people who want to get married, but does absolutely nothing to those share the same beliefs in supposedly not wanting to ever getting married Just because someone believes in marriage and that marriage is a moral and noble ideal....does NOT automatically make that person moral, honest or noble. NOR does NOT believing in marriage make someone LESS than moral and honest. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/3/2010 7:21:14 PM | Question for Grandma: If marriage never existed....would the human race be as it is today????
Most ancient societies needed a secure environment for the perpetuation of the species,a system of rules to handle the granting of property rights, and the protection of bloodlines. Thank goodness they need that is all I have to say...
And I was talking about people who never got married, apparently you did and failed at it....not my problem, you just didn't do it right...TWICE that makes me laugh I would be embarrassed if I got divorced twice, thats nothing to be proud of...im sorry.....I'm not saying you're a bad person, not at all..im just saying I don't think people with that mentality should be in the same dating scene with people who WANT to get married.
Anyways if I ever get married I guarantee I will not be one of the fools who gets divorced, because I know at that time I made a smart decision.....people just don't make smart decisions and think everything over now a days, hence why they blame marriage for all their problems, when they should be blaming themselves.
And yes I will state this again, for all those who don't ever want to get married....don't date people who want to, because your creating a plague....not like they will listen, but at least they get a point of view from someone who doesn't need to be politically correct (aka BS spewers) and speaks the truth...
/bow | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/3/2010 8:07:36 PM | Ok Junior.....I was married before you were born! And....with my twisted sense of humor...one man, who I dated for 7 years....I told him that I couldn't marry him...because I wasn't pregnant!!! LOL! Seems that not one single member of his family for 2 entire generations had gotten married...unless the woman was first pregnant.
The question you SHOULD be asking....is what would the human race be like if DIVORCE never existed. LOL! and quite frankly...I don't consider my marriage a failure just because we divorced....AMICABLY. We're still best friends....after 35 years, if that to you spells "failure"; then good luck on living up to those high ideals.
people just don't make smart decisions now a days, hence why the blame marriage for all their problems. Ummmm, well.....perhaps if you had been around 35 years ago to guide all of us old fools.....then you could have taught us to make those better, smarter decisions! How totally irresponsible of you!
Blame marriage for WHAT problems? Are you delusional? LOL! You really must share these projections with the rest of us....because I for one have no clue what "problems" you're referring to.
The only possible rational motive I see for "marriage" is if 2 people are planning to have children. Otherwise...it's a JOKE.
Now, guys have commented that women getting married is license for them to gain 100 lbs and stop having sex....women have commented that marriage is license for guys to stop paying attention to them......sorry to say....but I agree with BOTH.
But MY decision 12 years ago to divorce was based on the fact that I realized the kind of life we each wanted was totally incompatible. I had no intention of sitting on my ass for the next 50 years watching TV and waiting for old age to over come me. NOR was I about to degrade myself, him or my family by publicly engaging in activities that were "unseemly" for married women! Screw the raised eyebrows just because I'd go motorcycle riding with my friends after work....MALE friends...and I had my OWN motorcycle. MYOB to those who criticized me because my husband wouldn't get on a rollercoaster....but I had guy friends who WOULD. LOL! I even recently ran into a man and his wife...and he "remembered me".... LOL! I was so glad that I guessed accurately that it had been about 19 years ago....when he'd asked me out to dinner...and I had to tell him....sorry...my husband doesn't mind if you dance with me...but he draws the line at "dating"!!!! LOL! his wife says....when was that....and I said...about 19 yrs ago...she replied that that was right...because she and the man had been married for 17 years! The point was...that my HUSBAND tapped the guys arm and said..."Hey...dance with her!"...because he had NO intention of dancing with me.
YOUR implication that one partner must sacrifice EVERYTHING for the sake of a marriage is seriously flawed.....because, dear boy.....that only means that the OTHER partner....sacrifices NOTHING....now that the shoe is on the other foot.....where does THAT leave your theory? I.E. What would you say if HE were here posting....that we divorced because I was too active? Ohhh, and BTW....during our entire marriage....he worked 40 hrs a week....and I worked 70 hrs a week (at my job...plus raising 4 kids).....so don't try giving me any of that BS that he was tired from work while I was sitting on my ass watching soap operas all day. When our youngest child turned 18...we divorced...now I do what I want....and he does what HE wants. It's a WIN/WIN situation, so how you can consider that "assigning blame" or being problematic is way over my head.
But, in all honesty....my "anti-marriage" views are nothing more than a protest against what I view as a civil injustice directed toward males. I feel that divorce laws are outrageously unfair and I would never subject any man that I professed to "love" to the vulnerability of a system of justice that automatically assigns blame, responsibility and accountability to men, simply by virtue of their gender.
Having been raised under an equally oppressive "system" which judged women as being to ignorant to make decisions, own property, choose a career, etc....I vehemently REJECT any part of any system which oppresses a person based on their gender....as "marriage/divorce" does...against men. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/3/2010 8:25:51 PM |
She wanted to be married, nothing wrong with that, but you didn't so she moved on, again, makes sense to me. This was her deal breaker, we all have them. If marriage meant more to her than you, you can also say that not getting married meant more to you than she did.
Exactly.
As far at the time line goes, I don't necessarily agree that one year is enough time to know if you want to marry, but then again, what is? What is that magic number?
I'm too old to care, but to me the only reason to get married is to have children, and if a young woman wants to have children, she isn't going to be all that excited about waiting 3,4,5, years while the guy that she wants to marry and be the father of her children decides IF he wants to get married.
I also suspect one year might be more than enough time to know that you would never, ever, marry that person. | |
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*sass*
| | Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 88 | |
| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/3/2010 10:04:48 PM | imskieier:
Like the post on contracts. It should be 3 years and then you're out. If you've improved your looks (working out, tanning, better grooming) , you can sign a contract with a hotter looking female. If you've gotten lazy, dumber, unemployed, disabled, etc., you sign a contract with the ugly looking female. Ahh, kinda like lease to own?
Bwahahahaha. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/3/2010 10:13:46 PM | FlowerForce: ummm no, thats not the same AT ALL!
Wedding rings are usually bought together as a set, and exchanged during the ceremony. that's not at all what I posited as a question.
Women in general don't buy out of their own pocket some kind of ring dealing with marriage, I also meant, what if women didn't get anything with a proposal...but instead had to buy a ring for the guy...how quick would they be to want marriage, at least the women like OP mentions. I think they wouldn't be quick at all. | |
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Minau
| | Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 93 | |
| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:46:27 AM | | If you see her as your happily ever after...then why not...give her the ring if that`ll make her happy...and it really doesn`t take that long to figure it out...you know pretty darn quick. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 1:55:52 AM | Six months is usually the threshold for ME to know anyone and whether I'll be "happily ever after" with her. If we're together for a year and I'm not completely happy, I'll break up before I put a ring on her finger.
It gets sticky when it comes to kids. If we have kids, married or no, we're going to HAVE to live together, or work out some kind of arrangement for custody. Either way, paternity test positive, I'll be there emotionally and financially for the kids. Whether I'm there emotionally and financially FOR HER is a matter of knowing her and how I am in relation to her. If I'm happy with her, I'll propose and hope she says yes. If I'm not, I'll be there for the kids but explore other options romantically. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:00:42 AM | | Where is OP? Some people still believe in that old fashioned institution. It's a value similar to what schools to send the kids to, and if sports are important to the kids' well being. Marriage ties us together, makes a stronger commitment. Another argument is that it binds us to suffocation. The original question is a one of fundamental value. If one wants marriage and the other doesn't, isn't it the same as if one wants kids and the other doesn't? I have to disagree with the fairytale analogy though, I think it's more of a tradition; similar to Thanksgiving but not Santa. We do it because we like the Turkey but not because we pretend there's a fat guy coming down the chimmney. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:25:21 AM | Its something they should of talked about, well before the year ended. If she then walks away without her feelings being known, tells me she fails at effective communication.
A year is a bit too soon for me to see if a life long marriage will last.
I think some women are just looking for marriage no matter whom it is with. They are more in love with marriage, then with the person they want to get married too. Those are the type of women I stay faarrr......away from.
I think marriage is too often mistaken with commitment. If that was really the case, divorce would rarely happen. You don't need the ring to stay in a committed relationship, but some people still believe you do.
ONCE AGAIN, a man misassigns motive to a woman's actions. Marriage isn't just about love, it's about commitment, it's a promise about the future. It's NOT a "conviction of love".
That would only confirm a woman's motive as love SHOULD be the primary factor, not commitment.
it's a promise about the future
And I often see way too many broken promises on both sides... | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:12:44 AM | Don't waste another year of your or anyone else s time .
COMMUNICATION from the beginning as to what two people are looking for is kind of important..don't you think?
gawd...
Me thinks you did know what she wanted but were enjoying the ride. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 8:30:25 AM | Thistime05,
People who don't want marriage shouldn't be dating on a serious level IMO...so basically what im trying to say is just date your own kind....I can't stand people who are iffy about the subject either....you either want to get married in the future or you don't...make up your mind before you commit to someone...
It doesn't work that way because people change their minds over time. People being iffy is a fact of life.
It hurts people who want to get married, but does absolutely nothing to those share the same beliefs in supposedly not wanting to ever getting married.
It doesn't hurt them. It helps them by causing them to avoid wasting a ton of money on a wedding and then giving the government and legal system an excuse to stick its nose in your personal relationship.
.I don't like that trade off, and it's time for the ones who are in denail with their life and don't ever want to get married to leave the dating scene..
I have a better idea... why don't you instead get some life experience before you start speaking with your @ss. Most people outright state they will not get married usually have a VERY CLEAR understanding why. I would say it is people hell bent on getting married as being the ones in denial. They are in denial that it will actually make anything better in the long run.
And as for non-marriage people being expected to leave the dating scene... you are seriously detached from reality and demonstrate your narrow mindedness and complete lack of understanding of all the different types of relationships that exist or have existed with that statement.
You are ignorant.
If you are a smart person, and know what you are doing. You would be able to Live out a great marriage and be far more happier than anyone who has never been married.
If you are as smart as you think you are, you'd realize that even if one side is infinitely smart, if the other side is dumb or takes a break from reality, you can still end up divorced. You clearly don't understand that in some cases, you practically have to be a mind-reader in order to succeed in preventing the relationship from ending.
And I'm speaking from a position of Direct First Hand Experience on this.
How good are your mind reading skills? I know mine weren't good enough... | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 8:47:58 AM | | It's about commitment. A ring makes a statement that you're willing to commit to your fullest capability. Even then, many relationships fail; but woment want to know he's really going to try. | |
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