| | If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.Page 5 of 10 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) | If one has truly experienced and PAID attention, they will see that marriage and non-marriage both work.
I come from a long-term relationship minded family. One of my brothers has been with his "wife" for 20 + years and they are not married. BTW, he did get her a ring.
My other brother has been married for several years now. I know other couples who are married (simply went to the justice of the peace) who have been together for 20+ years.
Marriage does not guarantee success unless the parties involved do not believe in divorce at all, and then you could possibly have an unhappy marriage.
My biological parents are divorced, but I was raised by my aunt by a traditional family, so I have seen both sides of that coin too.
I like to sometimes shut up and just observe - amazing what one can learn. My beliefs are not necessarily others beliefs, but I can see both sides which I think helps me out. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 9:01:45 AM |
Is it really that important to woemn that they need a ring to be convinced a man loves them ?
I think the ring is just for show... To me it means nothing, I can buy my own jewelry. I think for me I would want a man's heart that is so much more valuable.
she found marriage more important than me so I just let her go.
I think for me that would have been reason enough to leave, after a year I would want to know where it was going and what we both wanted long term. Marriage not sure about that.
I personally will be so very hesitant to ever get married again. I had a beautiful first marriage, for nine years til he passed away. I then remarried 12 years later to someone that well to put it as nicely as possible we weren't compatible on any level about 8 months into the marriage due to drugs and booze. I didn't have him sign a pre nup and lost a lot of assets over the deal.
So marriage is not something I will ever enter into lightly and I sure don't need a piece of paper or a ring to commit to something.
For me to do the marriage thing agian I would want the prenup to protect both of us,, and time alot of time. I just haven't found that yet | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 10:22:27 AM | (1) As far as the song is concerned, the female protagonist is justified to flaunt her new-found success to the ex-boyfriend that couldn't make up his mind and dropped her (not realizing what a prize he had). Hindsight's 20/20, but doesn't preclude a well-earned emotional KO punch for being a dumba$$, and Lord knows I've been there before and let a 'Keeper' go.
(2) As far as an actual ring is concerned, I don't believe putting an expensive ring on a lady's finger does anything but leave her with an expensive ring, should she choose to accept you or not (to your own financial detriment). I could do without tossing X thousand of my hard-earned dollars on the Roulette Wheel of Relationships, thank you very much.
(3) To those that commented that "most women would probably be willing to buy a ring for their man", I will gladly sit back and hold my breath to see how many ladies would actually cough up three months of THEIR salary for a token engagement ring to their man without knowing if he'd even say yes to the proposal. Considering the amount of posts I've read where some ladies are pissed if they even have to open their wallet on the THIRD date (let alone first), I think these mythical Progressive Ring-Buying Women you speak of are still a ways off (like the hover cars and personal jetpacks Sci-Fi authors have been promising us for decades).
(4) Lastly to those that say one year is ample time to decide if you want to marry someone eventually, surprisingly, I agree. I know within 0.5 seconds if I want to sleep with a woman, 5 minutes if I want to try and date her, a couple of weeks for dating exclusivity, about 1 month if I think she has long-term relationship potential, and 6 months if I want to live with her if she's mutually willing. By then provided she doesn't fail the trial living arrangement (say after the first 6 months), I see no reason why I couldn't propose (with the standard 1 year engagement / wedding preparation period) and then just see how it all turns out. FYI, I've dumped most of my past ladies by around month #5 or 6 precisely because I COULDN'T see us progressing to the "next level". I still haven't dated anyone longer than 6 months...
Of course this time frame only works if we're both putting 100% into it and getting along, and can easily be delayed if we can't seem to resolve exclusivity, or career/relocation aspirations, etc.
I guess it all boils down to timing of the two individuals, and where they are in their lives. If both partners are in the same head space in terms of lifestyles and romantic goals, a long term commitment seems automatic, be it marriage, cohabitation, or "together but living apart". Whatever works for the COUPLE (and not just one half of it) is what matters in the long haul.
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 10:40:39 AM |
People who don't want marriage shouldn't be dating on a serious level IMO...so basically what im trying to say is just date your own kind....I can't stand people who are iffy about the subject either....you either want to get married in the future or you don't...make up your mind before you commit to someone...
That is your opinion, and you are entitled to it, but I disagree in a way.
I'm 25 and find myself being very 'iffy' on the subject of marriage. However, if I find a man that I feel is right for me and we are compatible and on many levels, I probably would consider marriage if it was a step he wanted to take.
She wanted marriage quick and op I don't blame you cuz I wouldn't marry a woman in a year, way too quick.
There are people who get married, and have gotten married in less than a year. Yet these are couples that haven't even been together for a year.
I think that has much to do with love, trust and compatibility. Some couples just have that "Why wait"? attitude.
and it's time for the ones who are in denail with their life and don't ever want to get married to leave the dating scene..
Geez. Who died and made you king? So people who don't see marriage in their future, should leave the dating scene? Give me a break.
As I suppose you don't know, there are couples out there that have been together for so long and don't even consider marriage their next step. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 10:52:41 AM |
(3) To those that commented that "most women would probably be willing to buy a ring for their man", I will gladly sit back and hold my breath to see how many ladies would actually cough up three months of THEIR salary for a token engagement ring to their man without knowing if he'd even say yes to the proposal. Considering the amount of posts I've read where some ladies are pissed if they even have to open their wallet on the THIRD date (let alone first), I think these mythical Progressive Ring-Buying Women you speak of are still a ways off (like the hover cars and personal jetpacks Sci-Fi authors have been promising us for decades).
THIS is exactly what I was getting at earlier!!
I don't know how it is in the States but in Canada we have something called Common-law spouses, so you are technically married, but don't need a ring, or a license or to go to the church.
"According to the Canada Revenue Agency, as of 2007, a common-law relationship is true if at least one of the following applies:
a) the couple have been living in a conjugal relationship for at least 12 continuous months;
b) the couple are parents of a child by birth or adoption; or
c) one of the couple has custody and control of the child (or had custody and control immediately before the child turned 19 years of age) and the child is wholly dependent on that person for support.
In many cases common-law couples have the same rights as married couples under federal law. Various federal laws include "common-law status," which automatically takes effect once two people (of any gender) have lived together in a conjugal relationship for five full years. Common-law partners may be eligible for various federal government spousal benefits. As family law varies between provinces, there are differences between the provinces regarding the recognition of common-law marriage." | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 10:57:44 AM | OP- Ya- she gave u an ultimatum? "I'm only gonna stay with a guy for a year and if he's not the marrying kind, I'm gonna bounce to another guy...for a year...and do that same thing?"
I find women like this amusing. My ex gf was pretty much like this. She was like "I wanna be married again by age 40" (she's 38 and has 2 divorces already)
So my words to her and women like this:
Don't rush or force things. Period. If you are both on the same page as to what you're looking for to get married ie, for love or for companionship or for whatever...
Make sure both of you are together.
Of course some women are marrying women and think if they are with someone they gotta get married....Doesn't matter how many times they get divorced...only that they get married.
Personally I feel that marriage is a bit sacred...Meaning, its real...its long term...and its for keeps...SO that being said, I'm not gonna just get married for the sake of getting married--- To me its supposed to be forever...I have been divorced and I was the one that filed....BUT...I gave my all to it...
I do not believe anyone that says "I give you a year and then I move on" is really playing for keeps. I do not believe these people really give their all...
Hell my ex gf...we were having problems before we stopped seeing each other and for the first time, I myself mentioned the "M" word...
she gets all mad at me and was like "why didn't you ask me sooner?"
"because I did not want to rush it before I thought I was ready"
duh...
and as for rings...i do not think they mean a single thing. its just a "symbol" and nothing more...It does not make me love a woman any more or any less...it does not make me feel any more or less committed to her...
when I say "i do"...that is also symbolic...
i make all my committments such as marriage with my heart and mind and soul...
so any "thing" that I have to "buy" is for the woman to "brag" or "show off" how much money I spent on her so she can show her friends.
to me its meaningless. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 11:00:43 AM |
I don't know how it is in the States but in Canada we have something called Common-law spouses, so you are technically married, but don't need a ring, or a license or to go to the church.
There are only seven U.S. states remaining in which common-law partnerships of this sort can still be formed (plus one additional in which it applies only to inheritance rights, no other), and all of them require that the couple declare themselves married in various ways for it to be recognized. It's considerably easier to go to City Hall and pay the $40.00 or so. I don't really understand why a Canadian couple wouldn't do that, too - if you want to ensure having the same rights as a married couple, then for heaven's sake, just be a married couple. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 11:33:20 AM | | Amen bro. You learn what you can and should a situation like this come up again then you know its time to break out the running shoes & get gone! No one, male or female should have to be subject to that kind of manipulation. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 11:42:42 AM | By insisting on marriage after a reasonable time, a person can at
least guage whether they are being used or unknowingly are in a
fwb relationship with someone they love who does not really love them. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 11:49:57 AM | a great book to read on the subject of engagement rings and gift giving in general is
Gary Chapmans the five languages of love
or the five love languages.
recieving a ring has deep meaning to some people
not to others
for some it is an outward sign of love.
it is knowing someone is thinking of you and your happiness
for others it might be words of affirmation
or physical touch
if a man loves a woman and wants to spend his life with her.
and she wants a ring. why would he deny her what would make her most happy. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 11:54:52 AM |
It's about commitment. A ring makes a statement that you're willing to commit to your fullest capability. Even then, many relationships fail; but woment want to know he's really going to try.
See, I don't buy that old canard. At all.
I was under the impression that a MOUTH made the statement one was willing to commit fully, and the ACTIONS followed. Funny how often women equate some piece of jewelery with the absence of the former. Does he not have a mouth? Does he not display actions? What the Hell does a ring do except act as a conversation piece that she can brag about?
A ring is a token. A meaningless one at that. It's just a ring.
Words and deeds accomplish the conveyance of committal. Nothing more, and nothing less.
If words and deeds are overlooked and the importance is placed on some showy token to talk about...then she ain't worth the words or deeds at all. She clearly has her priorities messed up in a big way and wants the sizzle...not the steak.
JMO | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:03:18 PM | both people involved need to come to an agreement over the ring issue.
then the marriage issue.
you can have rings without marriage as a symbol of love.
as for myself...
i would like marriage.
i do not want to be in a long term relationship with a quitter. i want to make a commitment and know that we will both work things out.
i agree that some people are not married and are staying together longer than some married people. my own parents are divorced. however, they have each been with another person now for over 40 years. they have been solid with their other person. they live together. they have bought propery together. share bank accounts etc.
it worked for them because that was what they were comfortable with.
a ring in itself means nothing. it is the love in which it is given.
i am a romantic and i still believe.
my last bf would not give me a ring. he didnt want marriage. but he wanted me with him all the time. i dont get that.
was it the expense of marriage? or the expense of a ring?
did he not want it to appear as if he was engaged? we looked and behaved like a married couple in love in public every day.
did he want an out and not have to deal with asking for a ring back?
rings do not have to cost a fortune.
people spend alot more on new fancy tires for their cars and trucks.
he wanted an exclusive relationship.
what is that? exclusive as to sex?
to me that is bordering on fwb. if there is no commitment for a future together.
a ring symbolizes a commitment.
it is a symbol of love and how a man values a relationship (some men and women i add)
for others... a ring is of little value and importance. the two need to have some sort of agreement over this issue and both be happy and at peace about it.
it is a societal thing. has been for ages. in many cultures. in many other ways there have been outward symbols of love. a ring is one of them and this is America. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:10:50 PM | I was under the impression that a MOUTH made the statement one was willing to commit fully, and the ACTIONS followed. Funny how often women equate some piece of jewelery with the absence of the former. Does he not have a mouth? Does he not display actions? What the Hell does a ring do except act as a conversation piece that she can brag about?
giving is action
giving a ring is an ACTION that follows the words from his MOUTH that he is willing to commit fully. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:13:26 PM |
giving is action
giving a ring is an ACTION that follows the words from his MOUTH that he is willing to commit fully.
Uh huh.
Keep tellin' yourself that...
One can spin it any way they want - it's just a way to get some sucker to part with 2 months salary on some token so they can have something to show off and brag about to their coworkers and family. Nothing more. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:20:54 PM |
i do not want to be in a long term relationship with a quitter. i want to make a commitment and know that we will both work things out.
And marriage is the only to way obtain this? I think not sorry...
By your own words you stated in your last relationship you acted like a " married couple in all ways in public" what about behind the scenes where to me would be more important.
did he want an out and not have to deal with asking for a ring back?
Only he can answer this, for myself I don't need nor want a ring to show a public display of commitment. I want the actions to speak so loudly there isn't any need for the "ring". If someone I am in a long term relationship with wants to buy me a ring fine as long as it is understood he is doing this for him. Yes I would treasure it, but it isn't vital to our relationship.
they have each been with another person now for over 40 years. they have been solid with their other person. they live together. they have bought propery together. share bank accounts etc.
it worked for them because that was what they were comfortable with.
In this statement you hit it on the head.What they are comfortable with. Some of us are still very romantic and committed we just don't feel we need the paper to say so that is as you state "society" I have gotten the age I really don't give a rats butt what society thinks of me and my lifestyle.
it is a symbol of love and how a man values a relationship (some men and women i add)
This statement always baffles me when a woman says it, So a poor man making 25k a year should go into huge debt for a ring to "show" his love. That would be a huge turn off for me.
As far as people buying fancy gadgets, so what if they can afford them. As you stated this is America after all [btw this is a canadian website lol] we all should be watching our pennies since we don't have any dollars left.
I just hear and read so much about where the woman wants this token and yet she doesn't want to pay half, nor sign a prenup. That doesn't sit well with me and before I get bashed for putting the doom and gloom on the relationship with a pre-up no I am not they can be done in many ways after a certian amount of time they can be absolved or adjusted. I have to say I would insist on one since I dont' really care what a man makes if I am contemplating co habitation with him I want him for him and money would then be taken off the table.
I believe women can't have it both ways. IF you insist on the ring what are you willing to give in return of monietary value. Fair is fair after all.
This is all just myopinion hope no one feels I am bashing or trashing. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:44:31 PM | a ring does not have to cost alot.
you can get one for 500. up to tens of thousands.
its all relative.
and it doesnt have to be diamond either.
and yes....behind the scenes we were very close and in love. we were happy. we were happiest together.
this is getting off topic so i will stop
hey...i am in northern cal and we just had another earth quake.
i still say..... actions speak louder than words.
if a ring is important to a woman and a man wants to spend his life with her..
why would he not give her a ring?
it seems to be a big issue with much more importance on both sides of this. thus...a ring is alot more than a ring. there is intense meaning behind giving and receiving one. and wearing one. people feel strongly on both sides.
i wonder how many women who say it does not matter would not actually be happy to tears if their man presented them with a ring.
or would they just say...oh i dont really need that honey. return it.
and personally...i would be willing to sign a prenup.
i have seen men loose alot too much in a divorce. i see nothing wrong with them protecting themselves.
i have seen poor men and rich men give rings. and poor men not give and rich men not give. i dont think it is a matter of money really in all cases. rings come in all price ranges.
i dont believe in debt.
my son in law has almost nothing financially. yet he bought my daugter a ring. a small one. but she loves it. it was his best. it means alot to both of them.
some women feel more secure and loved if a man gives her a ring. thats it. he is putting his words of love and making then into a ring she can look at while she is alone and always think of him and his love when she sees it.
and so what if she wants to show her friends. she is happy.
isnt that what everyone wants their loved one to be Happy
i have given my ex bf alot. i made him things that he loves. he still has them all over his home.
i think it all has to do with the dynamics in the particular relationship.
i am thinking that maybe those who dont care about engaement or promise rings also dont care about gifts at all. why get a graduation gift, or birthday gift. and never give a ring for christmas. i mean come on. a ring. omg | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 12:47:28 PM | My ex-wife was in a sorority in college. One of her sorority sisters was very beautiful and dated a lot of guys, all who wanted sex but were told she wouldn't sleep with a guy unless she was engaged to him.
According to my ex, she got engaged 12 times during her college life. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 1:02:41 PM |
My ex-wife was in a sorority in college. One of her sorority sisters was very beautiful and dated a lot of guys, all who wanted sex but were told she wouldn't sleep with a guy unless she was engaged to him.
According to my ex, she got engaged 12 times during her college life.
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*sass*
| | Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 119 | |
| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 1:03:46 PM | You know what though? Some men actually act like this! Not necessarily the timeline, but definitely wanting to move things to marriage and acting hurt if they don't.
Probably only because I didn't want to, oh the irony, lol..
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 1:06:26 PM | 
Pre-engagement rings
Couples have been known to make promises to each other as far as societies go back, some women prefer something tangible as a symbol of the promises/commitment you make towards each other. Personally I love it.. They are especially a favorite among those making romantic commitments since the ring itself is an icon of never-ending-ness.
These promise rings are often called "pre-engagement rings", because usually or hopefully lol........a real engagement ring is what follows next.
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:34:12 PM | dear Prince,
Like I said in my previous post I would be happy to but my man a ring if he wanted it. Also I think a companion ring ( made by my jewelery maker of course) beside the one I am wearing would look great. I can guarantee the companion ring would cost a lot less the one I am currently wearing. Also if I marry again the wedding ring I would use would be my mothers. It is a plain gold band and over 72 years old. As I understand it the OP was surprised when the woman left because she wanted to get married after a year of seeing him. I believe that if her intention was to get married she should have said something very early on. Perhaps she did. He did not say. Usually marriage is a mutual decision weather or not there is a big fancy ring. No where did he mention she stated she wanted a big fancy ring.( The first line was a metaphor.) Some women do not like jewelery . Some like my mother just wore a plain gold band. I would not be quick to marry. But then I am not quick to hop into bed with a fellow either. However after seeing a fellow for a year the marriage conversation had not come up I would certainly bring it up and yes if the guy did not want to marry I would likely leave. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:39:50 PM |
By insisting on marriage after a reasonable time, a person can at
least guage whether they are being used or unknowingly are in a
fwb relationship with someone they love who does not really love them.
Thats what she might say NOW....but a guy often wonders what ever happened to commitment by the time the divorce papers come sent to his door. By then it is a guy that tends to feel used.
Its funny how its always about the woman being used if a relationship does not work out. In this day in age its more about how long a relationship lasts rather then till death do you part.
I think their are a few women who tend to put marriage before a relationship. To me its not the end result, its the journey that gets you there. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:54:21 PM | I think most guys would appreciate A red lipstick ring stategically placed ! ..
I got married in the 70's.. I bought my husband a guitar.. Jewelery wasn't a pre-requisit to the bond, although he did buy me one (after living together for five years) after we decided to tie the knot..
OT: Neither Op or, his g/f were wrong imo.. However they were both being silly by not communicating their romantic goals. I'm sure both of them enjoyed the benefits of their short-term union.
Knowing your posting history, it's well known that you are adament about never marrying again.. Did she know this going in? | |
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