| | If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.Page 7 of 10 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) |
Marriage is a dying institution. More people are in common law relationships. It's idiotic to say only marriage shows commitment.
Forumrum,
Actually marriage IS the only thing that shows you've been committed ... to an Institution.
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/5/2010 2:09:00 PM |
A whole year huh? Too funny. She more sounds like the one who's fearful of commitment, whether it be marriage or just committed to a relationship, no matter the form. So, she'll spend 10 years with 10 different guys, apparently hoping to get married to each one of them, but throws what may be excellent relationships away on a one year anniversary strictly because she isn't married to them by then. That's the sign of a person who knows absolutely nothing about commitment end yet projects her fears onto others. I certainly wouldn't see this as the OP's loss - quite the opposite.
Scary, isnt it? It seems she was looking for marriage and not love. I really do envision her going from guy to guy trying to find that one that will eventual tye the knot.
Thats why I don't get some people who claim up front they are marriage minded. Marriage should not be the first thing you think about when you meet someone, it should come after you have a well established relationship and then maybe. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/5/2010 2:22:38 PM | its simple...women have to get married...traditionally.
because they have been labelled as spinsters, or unable to care for themselves and their children.
in much of the world it is still like that...
only in America and other western countries is it remotely possible for a single woman to be able to have kids and manage to raise them, while earning her own money.
plus since women are on a timetable with kids...they have a timetable with marriage...
men- we have no timetable with our bodies...we know we can make kids pretty much till we die.
but i guess that's the natural order of things and how we are made.
so does that mean that marriage is really a societal creation as opposed to the natural way things s/be done?
why pair up a man with a woman and make him stay with her after she can no longer bear children? | |
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Savona
| | Joined: 11/22/2009
Msg: 155 | |
| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/5/2010 2:33:52 PM | Hummmm .... well my amazing son put a ring on it the past weekend. No pressure, it was his desire to be with his woman for the rest of their life.
Is she loving being engaged to my son. Yes. Does she love her ring. Yes. Are they both happy. Yes.
He is 27 she is 26 and they have been together for a number of years. Is marriage alive happily I can answer yes.
Should the OP have waited or given in to his chosen lifestyle? I think not.
So to each their own. I personally would never shack up with anyone, and so it is separate homes or marriage. But that is just me, if I was dating a man for a lengthy period of time and I was marriage minded I would know when it wasn't going to happen and I would move on. No ones fault, just different strokes for different folks.
Savona  | |
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*sass*
| | Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 156 | |
| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/5/2010 7:28:25 PM | ghostdog:
its simple...women have to get married...traditionally.
because they have been labelled as spinsters, or unable to care for themselves and their children.
in much of the world it is still like that...
only in America and other western countries is it remotely possible for a single woman to be able to have kids and manage to raise them, while earning her own money. Ahhhhh so true.
And thank God for the freedom to make the choicees that I have.
I was proposed to twice, still have the rings.. but had I said yes, I would have been divorced twice by now.
For what? To satisfy whom?
It's a piece of friggen paper that legalizes what should already be a commitment. No ring is going to change anything if the elements of a healthy, long lasting relationship are not there.
And if they are, I truly don't understand the rush to matrimony.
But I've grown accustomed to being told I'm not like other women, hard to know whether its a compliment or an insult at times, but oh well.. all I can be is me.
And the same is true for the people this thread is about... it ultimately boils down to compatibility. Jmo | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/5/2010 11:24:36 PM |
was proposed to twice, still have the rings.. but had I said yes
Wow, how do I get in on that scam? I could easily say "No" several times a day, and then go and open a jewelry store.
its simple...women have to get married...traditionally.
Actually, it was men who had to get married.
Bachelorhood was positively forbidden in some ancient European societies, including the early Roman Republic. Others offered higher social status for husbands and relative disgrace for bachelors, as ours still does to some extent. There seems to have been a fear that the sexual instinct alone was inadequate to insure a sufficient number of offspring.
The prejudice against singleness has been particularly virulent in America, where survival and salvation alike made it imperative to marry in the eyes of the Puritan fathers. Patriarchs of the New World like Jonathan Mayhew (1763) railed against bachelorism as a "criminal way of life" and warned of the "many civil and political bad consequences of celibacy", the chief being the prevention of increase in the population.
Parson Weems addressed many pamphlets to singles, urging them to put away "the leprous stains of old Bachelorism" and "the pestilence of celibacy for the sake of God, man, and country". Many of the original colonies established ordinances preventing bachelors from living alone. Conduct manuals published throughout the nineteenth century continued to deplore the "selfish and perverted" life of bachelors. One newspaper commentary from the early 1800's summed up the general attitude toward the single state: "To live merely for one's self -- how despicable!".
Unlike the feminist portrayal of society as being anti-female sexist, I think the historical record supports the contention that traditional society was "bi-sexist", meaning both sexes were constrained to narrowly defined sex roles, but that it is now more sympathetic to female concerns and therefore remains more sexist towards men because of the need to keep them in their traditional "harness". | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 12:40:45 AM | Forumrum, according to you it's idiotic to say only marriage shows commitment. I think it's idiotic to bash someone elses values.
Grow up!
Ghost, women DO NOT have to get married. Marriage is a choice. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 1:29:17 AM | Hi Carlisleman -
certain things are important to certain people. It was important for your lady friend to get married. Women have a shorter fertility window than men, and she possibly didn't want to lose out on time to find a man that would marry her to have kids with.
Maybe she doesn't care about the kids thing, but marriage is important to her. It's her right. She probably loved you very much my friend, but this is a goal she had and one that you weren't interested in fulfilling - as is YOUR right.
Marriage is important to me. I hope to marry again someday. You may think me a fool (I probably am...lol) but it's just something I believe in and want. I would never live with a man without being married to him first - it's just something I believe in right now. Sometimes it is a challenge to respect others' hopes, goals, wishes and dreams, but everyone has a right to chase them.
Cheers! | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:02:28 AM |
Ghost, women DO NOT have to get married. Marriage is a choice.
I think you missed the point of his post. Go look up a thread along the lines of "are your relatives bugging you because you are single".
Pressure to couple up, get married and have babies is still very large in today's society and there is still the thought around that women are "spinsters" if they are not married etc.
Note it is not as bad as it used to be, but it's still around. I think it's more prevalent in certain cultures. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:19:14 AM | | I have known the man I am dating since September but we have only dated since November. He keeps mentioning for me to move in with him. Why? He has never told me I Love You or to have sex together so why would he want me to move in with him. Maybe, to help pay bills, clean his place, cook for him, do his laundry, keep his thumb down on my friends and family maybe try to control my life? Been there done that. I need more than a roommate. Right now I cannot see myself being with him for a lifetime. I want to be with someone that is my best friend, companion, sexual partner, and lover all in one. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:27:57 AM | I am over 50 and I am making changes with my life by eating heathier most of time and exercising. I have had 3 children and 20+ years of gaining and lost most of the weight to learned the ex was moving in with his fiancee.
Now, I am in the process of going to college, losing weight and have joined a gym to improve my life for me and not for someone else. I am happier now than I have been in a long while, learning to love myself first. I don't mind living on my own, this is my first time doing so without having parents, husband, children, or friends living with me and I am actually enjoying living on my own.  | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 12:56:57 PM | Wally, I used the same source. I subtracted the five in which common-law marriage could be formed only until the dates cited. No new ones can be made there so they no longer count for any couple wishing to form a common-law marriage in the U.S. now.
That leaves seven (one of those for inheritance purposes only, so, six really) - and it's still easier to go to City Hall and just get married, anyway!
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 1:32:29 PM |
Ghost, women DO NOT have to get married. Marriage is a choice
ya i got that...BUT...in many societies outside of our 1st world western societies, unmarried women are unable to provide for themselves and their children...
which probably is why whoring came about way back in the day. it is the one thing any woman can do to provide for her chidren.
was proposed to twice, still have the rings.. but had I said yes
you outta give the rings back and stop leading these boys on. i can hear a glint of glee in your voice telling ur girls. "damn dumb thinks he's in love with me...he gave me another $20 ring from the gift shop...when will these fools learn i need at least a 2 karat ring before i'll say yes"
Actually, it was men who had to get married.
i'm speaking of this day and age...not medeival times...and if men were "required" to get married back in the day, it was likely to tie a ball and chain to his ass so he wasn't catting around with everyone else's wives... | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 1:44:06 PM | OP,
How dare you not adhere to her schedule!? Come now! Didn't you read the meticulously detailed brochure she handed you, complete with time schedule? Your lack of structure and social conformity is appauling.
Ist date = Hug goodbye "after spending half your paycheck on dinner"
2nd date= Kiss on the cheek "after she's established you are worthy to spend the other half of your paycheck on dinner"
The 1st of Feb, 2009. She's established you are worthy of more physical contact after
several bank account destroying dinner/movies and thoughtful gifts.
Exactly a year later: You propose or she moves on to the next victim.
Men. Does this sound like you? I don't know whether to laugh or feel pity for you.
Women. Does this sound like you? Check yourself! Unless y0u are purposely taking advantage of him. In which case, good job. You've suceeded admirably.
If important decisions aren't mutually agreed to, should you be married? Dodged a bullet, IMHO. | |
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*sass*
| | Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 168 | |
| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 2:54:27 PM | ghost:
you outta give the rings back and stop leading these boys on. i can hear a glint of glee in your voice telling ur girls. "damn dumb thinks he's in love with me...he gave me another $20 ring from the gift shop...when will these fools learn i need at least a 2 karat ring before i'll say yes" They insisted I keep them.
Not sure how you read some kind of materialistic motive or 'glee' into what I wrote, but anyway.. I didn't want to get married, they always knew that about me. The ring changed nothing.
My point was that some men are more marriage minded than many women are, therefore it's a matter of finding someone compatible, which has been my point all throughout. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 5:04:01 PM | Re prime mover
Maybe she did not require him to adhere to her schedule. maybe she just adhered to her own personal boundaries.She wanted marriage, he did not.It happens.
Why are you spending half a pay check on dinner.Is that not extravagant.Why have you a sense of entitlement after foolishly over spending.
The woman is not obliged to have sex with you because you chose to over spend or pay at all Fail.In future inform dinner dates, its a dutch treat and avoid all the hassle and sense of outrage.
I am sure I would not be doing anything but hugging on a first date or maybe shake hands.I certainly would pay for my own meal to avoid any wrong ideas. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 10:09:01 PM |
A man is saying he loves me but wont buy me an engagement ring? EPIC FAIL.
And by THAT logic...what does a WOMAN buy her MAN when she says she loves him?
Ring?
New car?
Mortgage for a year?
Big screen TV?
$4000 gift certificate to his favorite tool shop?
Riding lawn mower?
Custom golf clubs?
Go ahead...tell us what the WOMAN buys the man when she says she loves him. We're all ears.
Epic FAIL indeed... | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 10:11:42 PM |
Go ahead...tell us what the WOMAN buys the man when she says she loves him. We're all ears.
Well....I was in love once. I bought him a really nice, high end digital SLR camera. That camera was awesome.
Personally, I don't need a piece of jewelry to be told that I'm loved. I like socks. Bight, colorful ones that go to my knees.  | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 10:15:29 PM |
And by THAT logic...what does a WOMAN buy her MAN when she says she loves him?
I fully agree!!~
A friend of my Daughter fell for for 'the love of her life'..................
She not only proposed to HIM - but she had an 'engagement' ring commissioned for HIM as well.
They are getting married this spring, and I couldn't be happier for them!!~
~B~
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 11:18:37 PM | I buy men expensive presents when I love them because it gives me pleasure.
If I'm in love I have n0 problem commiting to marriage and sharing all that
I have.
I put my money and actions where my mouth is and expect the same.
It sounds like certain guys here don't. EPIC FAIL. | |
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| If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 11:58:38 PM | Before I was married and divorced, I agreed with the 6 month-1year timeframe for him to know he wants to marry me.
Having been there and done that, I am relaxed as long as I am enjoying the way the man treats me, and feel he loves me. I grew up with the belief that sex ought to be with the person one plans to marry (or is already married to); but I had to disabuse myself of that idea, since competing with Liz Taylor for number of marriages is not my thing. M | |
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