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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.      Home login  
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 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 151
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.Page 7 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
its simple...women have to get married...traditionally.

because they have been labelled as spinsters, or unable to care for themselves and their children.

in much of the world it is still like that...

only in America and other western countries is it remotely possible for a single woman to be able to have kids and manage to raise them, while earning her own money.

plus since women are on a timetable with kids...they have a timetable with marriage...

men- we have no timetable with our bodies...we know we can make kids pretty much till we die.

but i guess that's the natural order of things and how we are made.

so does that mean that marriage is really a societal creation as opposed to the natural way things s/be done?

why pair up a man with a woman and make him stay with her after she can no longer bear children?
 Savona
Joined: 11/22/2009
Msg: 152
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/5/2010 2:33:52 PM
Hummmm .... well my amazing son put a ring on it the past weekend. No pressure, it was his desire to be with his woman for the rest of their life.

Is she loving being engaged to my son. Yes. Does she love her ring. Yes. Are they both happy. Yes.

He is 27 she is 26 and they have been together for a number of years. Is marriage alive happily I can answer yes.

Should the OP have waited or given in to his chosen lifestyle? I think not.

So to each their own. I personally would never shack up with anyone, and so it is separate homes or marriage. But that is just me, if I was dating a man for a lengthy period of time and I was marriage minded I would know when it wasn't going to happen and I would move on. No ones fault, just different strokes for different folks.

Savona
 *sass*
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 153
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/5/2010 7:28:25 PM
ghostdog:
its simple...women have to get married...traditionally.

because they have been labelled as spinsters, or unable to care for themselves and their children.

in much of the world it is still like that...

only in America and other western countries is it remotely possible for a single woman to be able to have kids and manage to raise them, while earning her own money.
Ahhhhh so true.

And thank God for the freedom to make the choicees that I have.

I was proposed to twice, still have the rings.. but had I said yes, I would have been divorced twice by now.

For what? To satisfy whom?

It's a piece of friggen paper that legalizes what should already be a commitment. No ring is going to change anything if the elements of a healthy, long lasting relationship are not there.

And if they are, I truly don't understand the rush to matrimony.

But I've grown accustomed to being told I'm not like other women, hard to know whether its a compliment or an insult at times, but oh well.. all I can be is me.

And the same is true for the people this thread is about... it ultimately boils down to compatibility. Jmo
 100StarFish100
Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 154
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/5/2010 9:44:55 PM
A Wise Man, maybe !!! lol
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 155
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/5/2010 11:24:36 PM

was proposed to twice, still have the rings.. but had I said yes

Wow, how do I get in on that scam? I could easily say "No" several times a day, and then go and open a jewelry store.


its simple...women have to get married...traditionally.

Actually, it was men who had to get married.

Bachelorhood was positively forbidden in some ancient European societies, including the early Roman Republic. Others offered higher social status for husbands and relative disgrace for bachelors, as ours still does to some extent. There seems to have been a fear that the sexual instinct alone was inadequate to insure a suf´Čücient number of offspring.

The prejudice against singleness has been particularly virulent in America, where survival and salvation alike made it imperative to marry in the eyes of the Puritan fathers. Patriarchs of the New World like Jonathan Mayhew (1763) railed against bachelorism as a "criminal way of life" and warned of the "many civil and political bad consequences of celibacy", the chief being the prevention of increase in the population.

Parson Weems addressed many pamphlets to singles, urging them to put away "the leprous stains of old Bachelorism" and "the pestilence of celibacy for the sake of God, man, and country". Many of the original colonies established ordinances preventing bachelors from living alone. Conduct manuals published throughout the nineteenth century continued to deplore the "selfish and perverted" life of bachelors. One newspaper commentary from the early 1800's summed up the general attitude toward the single state: "To live merely for one's self -- how despicable!".

Unlike the feminist portrayal of society as being anti-female sexist, I think the historical record supports the contention that traditional society was "bi-sexist", meaning both sexes were constrained to narrowly defined sex roles, but that it is now more sympathetic to female concerns and therefore remains more sexist towards men because of the need to keep them in their traditional "harness".
 honeyangel1985
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 156
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 12:40:45 AM
Forumrum, according to you it's idiotic to say only marriage shows commitment. I think it's idiotic to bash someone elses values.

Grow up!

Ghost, women DO NOT have to get married. Marriage is a choice.
 ForumPhantom
Joined: 10/31/2008
Msg: 157
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 1:29:17 AM
Hi Carlisleman -
certain things are important to certain people. It was important for your lady friend to get married. Women have a shorter fertility window than men, and she possibly didn't want to lose out on time to find a man that would marry her to have kids with.

Maybe she doesn't care about the kids thing, but marriage is important to her. It's her right. She probably loved you very much my friend, but this is a goal she had and one that you weren't interested in fulfilling - as is YOUR right.

Marriage is important to me. I hope to marry again someday. You may think me a fool (I probably am...lol) but it's just something I believe in and want. I would never live with a man without being married to him first - it's just something I believe in right now. Sometimes it is a challenge to respect others' hopes, goals, wishes and dreams, but everyone has a right to chase them.

Cheers!
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 158
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:02:28 AM

Ghost, women DO NOT have to get married. Marriage is a choice.


I think you missed the point of his post. Go look up a thread along the lines of "are your relatives bugging you because you are single".

Pressure to couple up, get married and have babies is still very large in today's society and there is still the thought around that women are "spinsters" if they are not married etc.

Note it is not as bad as it used to be, but it's still around. I think it's more prevalent in certain cultures.
 Nu2010
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 159
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:19:14 AM
I have known the man I am dating since September but we have only dated since November. He keeps mentioning for me to move in with him. Why? He has never told me I Love You or to have sex together so why would he want me to move in with him. Maybe, to help pay bills, clean his place, cook for him, do his laundry, keep his thumb down on my friends and family maybe try to control my life? Been there done that. I need more than a roommate. Right now I cannot see myself being with him for a lifetime. I want to be with someone that is my best friend, companion, sexual partner, and lover all in one.
 Nu2010
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 160
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:27:57 AM
I am over 50 and I am making changes with my life by eating heathier most of time and exercising. I have had 3 children and 20+ years of gaining and lost most of the weight to learned the ex was moving in with his fiancee.
Now, I am in the process of going to college, losing weight and have joined a gym to improve my life for me and not for someone else. I am happier now than I have been in a long while, learning to love myself first. I don't mind living on my own, this is my first time doing so without having parents, husband, children, or friends living with me and I am actually enjoying living on my own.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 161
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 12:56:57 PM
Wally, I used the same source. I subtracted the five in which common-law marriage could be formed only until the dates cited. No new ones can be made there so they no longer count for any couple wishing to form a common-law marriage in the U.S. now.

That leaves seven (one of those for inheritance purposes only, so, six really) - and it's still easier to go to City Hall and just get married, anyway!
 PrinceCharmingsCousin
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 162
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 1:13:27 PM
^^^
In the states maybe its difficult, but its pretty damn easy here.
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 163
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 1:32:29 PM

Ghost, women DO NOT have to get married. Marriage is a choice


ya i got that...BUT...in many societies outside of our 1st world western societies, unmarried women are unable to provide for themselves and their children...

which probably is why whoring came about way back in the day. it is the one thing any woman can do to provide for her chidren.


was proposed to twice, still have the rings.. but had I said yes


you outta give the rings back and stop leading these boys on. i can hear a glint of glee in your voice telling ur girls. "damn dumb thinks he's in love with me...he gave me another $20 ring from the gift shop...when will these fools learn i need at least a 2 karat ring before i'll say yes"


Actually, it was men who had to get married.


i'm speaking of this day and age...not medeival times...and if men were "required" to get married back in the day, it was likely to tie a ball and chain to his ass so he wasn't catting around with everyone else's wives...
 Primemover34
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 164
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 1:44:06 PM
OP,

How dare you not adhere to her schedule!? Come now! Didn't you read the meticulously detailed brochure she handed you, complete with time schedule? Your lack of structure and social conformity is appauling.

Ist date = Hug goodbye "after spending half your paycheck on dinner"
2nd date= Kiss on the cheek "after she's established you are worthy to spend the other half of your paycheck on dinner"

The 1st of Feb, 2009. She's established you are worthy of more physical contact after
several bank account destroying dinner/movies and thoughtful gifts.

Exactly a year later: You propose or she moves on to the next victim.


Men. Does this sound like you? I don't know whether to laugh or feel pity for you.
Women. Does this sound like you? Check yourself! Unless y0u are purposely taking advantage of him. In which case, good job. You've suceeded admirably.

If important decisions aren't mutually agreed to, should you be married? Dodged a bullet, IMHO.
 *sass*
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 165
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 2:54:27 PM
ghost:
you outta give the rings back and stop leading these boys on. i can hear a glint of glee in your voice telling ur girls. "damn dumb thinks he's in love with me...he gave me another $20 ring from the gift shop...when will these fools learn i need at least a 2 karat ring before i'll say yes"
They insisted I keep them.

Not sure how you read some kind of materialistic motive or 'glee' into what I wrote, but anyway.. I didn't want to get married, they always knew that about me. The ring changed nothing.

My point was that some men are more marriage minded than many women are, therefore it's a matter of finding someone compatible, which has been my point all throughout.
 junkyard dawg
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 166
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 5:04:01 PM
Re prime mover
Maybe she did not require him to adhere to her schedule. maybe she just adhered to her own personal boundaries.She wanted marriage, he did not.It happens.
Why are you spending half a pay check on dinner.Is that not extravagant.Why have you a sense of entitlement after foolishly over spending.
The woman is not obliged to have sex with you because you chose to over spend or pay at all Fail.In future inform dinner dates, its a dutch treat and avoid all the hassle and sense of outrage.
I am sure I would not be doing anything but hugging on a first date or maybe shake hands.I certainly would pay for my own meal to avoid any wrong ideas.
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 167
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 9:12:32 PM
A man is saying he loves me but wont buy me an engagement ring? EPIC FAIL.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 168
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 10:09:01 PM

A man is saying he loves me but wont buy me an engagement ring? EPIC FAIL.

And by THAT logic...what does a WOMAN buy her MAN when she says she loves him?

Ring?

New car?

Mortgage for a year?

Big screen TV?

$4000 gift certificate to his favorite tool shop?

Riding lawn mower?

Custom golf clubs?






Go ahead...tell us what the WOMAN buys the man when she says she loves him. We're all ears.

Epic FAIL indeed...
 Aisfor_Amanda
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 169
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 10:11:42 PM

Go ahead...tell us what the WOMAN buys the man when she says she loves him. We're all ears.



Well....I was in love once. I bought him a really nice, high end digital SLR camera. That camera was awesome.

Personally, I don't need a piece of jewelry to be told that I'm loved. I like socks. Bight, colorful ones that go to my knees.
 Amma63
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 170
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 10:15:29 PM

And by THAT logic...what does a WOMAN buy her MAN when she says she loves him?


I fully agree!!~

A friend of my Daughter fell for for 'the love of her life'..................
She not only proposed to HIM - but she had an 'engagement' ring commissioned for HIM as well.

They are getting married this spring, and I couldn't be happier for them!!~

~B~
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 171
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 11:18:37 PM
I buy men expensive presents when I love them because it gives me pleasure.
If I'm in love I have n0 problem commiting to marriage and sharing all that
I have.

I put my money and actions where my mouth is and expect the same.
It sounds like certain guys here don't. EPIC FAIL.
 FULLFIGMAAM
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 172
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/6/2010 11:58:38 PM
Before I was married and divorced, I agreed with the 6 month-1year timeframe for him to know he wants to marry me.
Having been there and done that, I am relaxed as long as I am enjoying the way the man treats me, and feel he loves me. I grew up with the belief that sex ought to be with the person one plans to marry (or is already married to); but I had to disabuse myself of that idea, since competing with Liz Taylor for number of marriages is not my thing. M
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 173
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If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/7/2010 12:16:52 AM

Go ahead...tell us what the WOMAN buys the man when she says she loves him. We're all ears.

Epic FAIL indeed...
LOL! Ohhh Ohhhh...I Know! I Know!!! Ya'll will love this!

1) a motorcycle
2) a lawn tractor ( actually purchased to make it easier for ME mowing our 1 acre lawn, but after I bought the tractor...it became "his" job. LOL!)
3) a snow blower (once again, I actually purchased it for ME because it was MY job to shovel the drive...but it became his job after the snowblower. LOL! In all fairness though, I was the one who insisted that snow removal was my job.....LOL! as he was 10 yrs older than me, I didn't want him having a heart attack.
4) 18x36 swimming pool.....I'd wanted to build a greenhouse, he wanted the pool.
5) the entire down payment on our house ($14,000.00) Fair....since he'd made the first one....of $3,000.00) LOL!
6) had the driveway paved....80ft. long with a 3 car turn around. Naturally, he b1tched that I could only afford asphalt not concrete.
7) 8' high stockade fence around the entire backyard, pool area.
8) a 1/2 carat diamond men's ring on our 10th anniversary
9) an 18K gold medallion....which I must admit was really beautiful. It is a lions head so it was a birthday present...he's a Leo.
10) a Caribbean cruise...which HE insisted on taking....I hated it! This was actually the beginning of the "end" of the marriage. I had to ask my Grandmother to stay with our 3 teenage daughters...just to supervise. While I was off gallivanting in the Caribbean, my youngest daughter was taken by ambulance to ER after she swam into the end of the damned pool and got a concussion, my middle daughter drove herself to ER 6 nights later and was admitted overnight and put on anti-biotics for a kidney infection.

LOL! I can't even remember 1/2 of the crap that I bought and the "thanks" WAS....
CONSTANT whining that I worked too much! LOL! well DUHHHH....how the hell did he think you PAID for all the "stuff" that your spouse wants but can't afford themselves??? HE had the diamond ring....LOL! I had a gold band....and honestly....it stayed in the box on our dresser...I couldn't wear it to work....which is were I was 7 days a week, a least 10 hrs a day....many days 12-16 hrs.

No indeed!!!!!! If a man REALLY loved me....he'd take my damn truck and get the oil changed while I'm taking a bubble bath!!! He'd remember to bring home a gallon of milk when I asked him! He'd take the trash to the curb without being nagged into it. Screw the diamond rings....how about a little "affection" that money CAN'T buy???
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 174
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/7/2010 5:11:59 AM
Money and marriage aren't one in the same. You can go to Vegas and get a simple cheap sterling ring if you want. If this woman wants marriage that is her right. Stop making it a problem with her because the male who started thread wants to wait years. Some people know life doesn' last forever and waiting around for someone to commit when they aren't ready and wanting to doesn't make any sense to me.
 Savona
Joined: 11/22/2009
Msg: 175
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Posted: 2/7/2010 5:17:56 AM
I don't know but I feel that if a person chooses to pay for all the extravagant things their spouse wants then they shouldn't complain about it. Bragging, that that is pretty much par for the course.

I am not much for parent/child marriages anyway. When one begs, whines, pleads, or demands to have what they want like a child and the other buys it to shut them up or to keep them happy that is not balance let alone a two adult relationship. So if a spouse gives in and works umpteen hours just to pay for what their partner WANTS that is their own issue. Just like parents who spoil children and then wonder why those same kids keep demanding more and more.

As far as buying a ring upon engagement ... yea I know men are always hard done buy. They never ever get anything given to them right?

That is just us jewelry grubbing women. Always taking and never giving.

Pretty clear to me which men would never buy an engagement ring, it's the same men who think marriage is not for them so their opinion is of course going to be bias against tradition. Same men who argue to the bitter end who pays for coffee on the first date so why in the hell would they even consider purchasing a ring and making a commitment for life to a woman. Goes against their grain.

I am thankful that my children are way different than that. They are like me, traditional. Both people in both relationship work hard to purchase their homes, now to raise their families and yes both women have engagement rings, and they are wow rings. One of my children was the recipient the other on was the giver of the ring.

So that is two down for me and two to go !!!!

I do know allot of people feel that you go from meeting to "falling in love" and just take the relationship to what you consider full circle by shacking up. Well as there are lots of divorced and X'd people on here I can see the negativity to marriage. that's all good, but not everyone feels the same way.

There are still lots of people who want to get married to bring their relationship to what THEY consider full circle. You can argue all you want but I feel that by comparison to people not posting here you would be the minority. There are allot of posters who say adamantly that they will NEVER marry again or marry at all ... but I have received mail and chatted with people who say when not behind the computer screen the exact opposite.

So for me since I am not going to shack up with anyone, 'cause I feel, and its only my OPINION, but I do feel I am worth more than that in the commitment department.

Dating for years on end and both keeping our own places is not in my plan for me, if after a time a man feels that full commitment is not for him then he is probably not for me. Time to move on. Of course I don't TRICK anyone and I lay my cards on the table pretty early on. If they don't see their life going the same path then adios amigos.

Savona
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