| | Approaching the subject of sex with older womenPage 8 of 16 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16) | Webgarden :
Thank you , I respect your opinion, but there are some women on any dating website that the acquaintance isn't stablished yet just name bases Yet, example>>>(IM) Like my name is Hurry oops ! typo error Harry, when is your last relationship? Then it become stumbling blocks of sex like a porno,,, This is a routine line -- my ex is a biotch she don't want to have sex with me, ME {-:0 ) Did your 4 kids concieved as Immaculate conception ?? I am not trying to be Ditsy Dits but trying to trade carefully for those poor men . For I am a person who doesn't web bad vibes to any one,if I can help it....
I will not judge those women whom I have not meet or met and befriend personally until I walk in their shoes a mile. Those women that I befriended have different reasons why they don't sex with their partners or "no sex at all" that I can not share with the forum.
My personal opinion if a man at any age is AMOROUS ,women will respond to him with sensuality..
As a dancer ,I think dancing is like sex >>>you do it with passion, (in mind and soul )synchronization,of body,and emotion with sone one you love.. | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/6/2010 12:47:44 PM | oh dear: Vanilli: I hope you didn't think my last paragraph was meant to be judgmental about the woman who doesn't like sex. I am simply sad for her. She really really didn't like sex and won't do it now for anything. I hope I wasn't judging her but being accepting that sex isn't for everyone, and I do hope however it wasn't something terrible that put her off, but simply how she feels, which makes me sad for her. Not that I want it for her, just sad that something wonderful (like dancing) isn't in her life. I am hoping she gets great fulfillment from many other things in her life. and I applaud her for being so out there about it. But also, just like the OP, I would want to know this about my potential partner. And for someone to think sex is "dirty" or "boring" I still think that is very sad and skewed somehow from something in their life. Again, to me, sad.
Vanilli: I love your responses! I think they are well thought out, well written and I LOVED the part where you said to the guy "should we do it in that corner or this corner?" You are priceless my fellow forum poster, don't change a thing! | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/6/2010 12:49:50 PM | Re: Post 182 from TruGold
As an older woman (even older than you!) I would say that the subject needs to be discussed openly when contemplating a relationship. At my age, men sometimes have no way of knowing if I'm still interested in sex or not, so we talk about it. Some automatically assume that I won't be. Wrong!! To me, a relationship without sex is just a friendship. I'm sure there are other women my age who feel the same.
Only way to know is to ask. And I don't mean asking for sex. All subjects of importance should be discussed as soon as possible. Likes and dislikes that are of importance. Being still interested in sex or not would fall under that category, I would think!
Communication is the key. Body language can lie. How many times have I had men think I was flirting, or sending messages that I would, when I wouldn't? Or that I wouldn't when it's possible that I would? (lol) I agree wholeheartedly, TruGold. Verbal communication is key to be sure you are in agreement. | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 12:48:09 AM | | Personally I think if a person is no longer interested in sex they souldn't be on a dating site. If they just want a companion they should just get a pet. They obey better and don't eat as much. Of course one would want to know if there is really a pot o gold at the end of that rainbow but if you cover that point at the who are you metting you can get on to other things. As an old romantic I like to pursue and let her chose the time to give in. After all the fun is in the chase. Like an all day foreplay. | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 1:06:48 AM | Just curious how many people discussed this before getting into a relationship when younger? I know I sure did not. It was discussed when in a relationship.
This entire thought pattern makes me feel like I am going to a darn doctor's office being interviewed as to how my sexual health is.
I am saying this because it is taking something that can be very beautiful and emotionally fulfilling to a very clinical level. What a turn off.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 1:14:51 AM | | ^^^Maybe when you were younger you were less inclined to know what exactly it is that moved you erotically? Maybe when you're older you simply know yourself better, know what it is you need to be intimately fulfilled? Don't you know better now than you did when you were much younger? | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 1:20:23 AM |
Maybe when you were younger you were less inclined to know what exactly it is that moved you erotically? Maybe when you're older you simply know yourself better, know what it is you need to be intimately fulfilled? Don't you know better now than you did when you were much younger?
No that has not changed.. I am still very much the same person I was back then. I am more mental than physical and that is what I find most erotic.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 3:36:44 AM |
So am I. But I know myself MUCH better mentally from an erotic standpoint
What one is doing is taking the romance out of the equation and making it a clinical examination that turns this particular woman right off.. What turns me on is the discovery process and a little mystery. I want him to discover me and I want to discover him.
Well here is Leonard who summed it up rather nicely. I am still very much the same young woman I was.. Heck my home is decorated right out of the 60's so I am told.
Suzanne
By Leonard Cohen
Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river
You can hear the boats go by
You can spend the night beside her
And you know, she's half crazy
It's why you want to be there
She feeds you tea and oranges
That come all the way from China
And just when you mean to tell her
You have no love to give her
She gets you on her wavelength
And she lets the river answer
You've always been her lover
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And know she will trust you
For you've touched her perfect body with your mind
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 5:43:08 AM | You covered all bases and I couldn't agree with you more.
Men who hardly know you, and then bring up the subject of sex straight away should be filed under, "fuddagetaboutit"  | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:34:15 AM | I certainly would not be discussing specifics, like different positions, with someone I was not in a relationship with yet. That's something that should be explored together, once a relationship is on.
I actually thought the question was about whether or not older women were interested in having a full relationship, ( which would include sex) or whether they felt that sex was no longer a part of their life and did not want a relationship that included it. Both should be on the same page. Otherwise, why waste time getting to know each other?
Sexual preferences,( different positions, different methods) unless it's something bizarre or weird or just plain crazy that one or the other just can't consider being in a relationship without, should be left to unfold as the relationship grows.
Why not bring up the subject of sex as soon as possible, if you've met and there is mutual attraction? I would not be interested in a man who thought that discussing sex in an adult, sophisticated manner, was out of place when seeking a relationship. That does not mean you immediately jump into bed together! It's just a matter of ascertaining whether or not there is a possible compatibility there. | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:51:13 AM |
Why not bring up the subject of sex as soon as possible, if you've met and there is mutual attraction? I would not be interested in a man who thought that discussing sex in an adult, sophisticated manner, was out of place when seeking a relationship. That does not mean you immediately jump into bed together! It's just a matter of ascertaining whether or not there is a possible compatibility there.
If this man has no clue if I am attracted to him or not,then chances are I simply am not interested in HIM romantically.. 
Now if he knows there is mutual attraction he would have no need to ask this question?????
What exactly are you discussing while putting the cart before the horse? Does he want a woman that comes with some kind of written guarantee that she will forever remain where she is now at this moment in time? Does he come with one?
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:23:39 AM | It's not about whether or not there is attraction. That's a given, I would think, if the subject of sex has come up. It's about "Are we on the same page sexually?"
Of course he would have a clue that you're attracted to him! Attraction and knowing you're still interested in a relationship that involves sex, are two different things.
Actually, romance and wanting to be in a sexual relationship with someone can also be two different situations. Romance is not always about sex. Hopefully sex always contains romantic elements, unless it's casual sex, of which I would know nothing about since I don't go there.
It's not about guarantees. It's about starting a new relationship and knowing that you agree on important issues, like not wanting sex ever, or still being interested in a relationship with sex included. How is that putting the cart before the horse?
To me, that's just common sense. | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:31:56 AM |
It's not about whether or not there is attraction. That's a given, I would think, if the subject of sex has come up. It's about "Are we on the same page sexually?"
Here is a very honest answer.. I have never had an intimate relationship with someone where this subject has come up before hand. When the subject came up before hand it was usually because the man wanted to know if I was attracted to him or not. My answer was no I am not interested in you romantically speaking.
It's not about guarantees. It's about starting a new relationship and knowing that you agree on important issues, like not wanting sex ever, or still being interested in a relationship with sex included.
Like I stated he needs to ask the question he already holds the answer in his hand.. Here is the problem as I see it the man who asks the question really knows the answer. She may not be interested in him that way but a week later he finds out she is in some red hot romance with someone else.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 2:45:50 PM | Catsmeoww, you aren't getting what TruGold, the OP and I are saying. Just because you are still enthused about having a sexual relationship with a man IF there is an interest, that doesn't mean that every women our age is. There are some women who have NO interest in sex. None... zero... zip... nada. Doesn't matter who the man is. They just are finished with having to have sex. Don't want it... don't like it and won't participate. But they may still want the company of a man around. They may want to cuddle and snuggle and have all the other aspects in a relationship BUT NO SEX!
Then there are other women who will only have sex occasionally. They don't have a strong sex drive and it isn't an important part of a relationship to them. They don't want to have sexual often. Once or twice a month is fine. But they too would like a relationship that includes cuddling and kissing and everything but frequent sex.
These are the kind of women the OP wants to avoid. And just because you aren't one of those, doesn't mean there aren't quite a few of them around. I have friends who feel this way. They just aren't that into sex but they want to be in a loving, affectionate relationship. Most men do NOT want a woman who has very little interest in sex and you certainly can't blame them for wanting to know upfront how a woman feels about the subject. | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 2:55:30 PM | What one is doing is taking the romance out of the equation and making it a clinical examination that turns this particular woman right off.. What turns me on is the discovery process and a little mystery. I want him to discover me and I want to discover him.
Where do you get the idea that you have to be "clinical" about it? Why can't such a process be a discovery process filled with a little mystery? It's not one or the other, as you seem to be making it out to be.
That's all. :) | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 3:19:00 PM | I can tell you what not to do...
Don't talk about how blessed you are.....men that are blessed don't need to talk about it
If your sensual it is usually because you aren't blessed. So never use the word sensual.
Don't bring up ex wives or girlfriends, deal killer
Phone sex needs to wait until you meet the person good grief just wait....
Eating,,,,,everyone loves to talk about sex while you eating. If your anything like me I visualize this stuff and then I throw up.
Don't send pictures of your naked self......really they won't meet you and besides once you have seen a naked picture it might not be to your advantage.
First emails....gotta tell you this usually just turns me off....and I know they have sent 500 emails doing the exact same thing...hoping for one to bite.
Sex in the car unless you are so cute that your white behind is little bitty along with everything else....then don't show it in public.
Don't stare into a women's breasts.......believe me she knows. She will cut you off before you can get to first base.......always talk to her face.....
Don't tell us how vigorous you are..that is another word for Viagra...
Wait to take the Viagra after we have gotten to that part....if you don't your probably going to be in pain for the rest of the night....women sense these things.
If your doing more than one woman.....don't discuss her finer attributes....it really will leave you dead in the water....
Don't spit in her mouth while kissing her...or slobber. She won't get naked if you do.
Make sure your nails are trimmed.....if you nail her in the wrong place .....pun intended she will nail you ten times worse later on....
Don't tell her all about your stamina....because that is another way of saying it doesn't work right.......
Just a few things from the top of my head...........smiles | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 3:39:45 PM |
There are some women who have NO interest in sex
...
Then there are other women who will only have sex occasionally.
In the words of one friend.. in the old days, her libido could sag, and he could get ED, and everything was fine... until they invented that darn Viagra! | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:11:55 PM | "They just are finished with having to have sex. Don't want it... don't like it and won't participate. But they may still want the company of a man around. They may want to cuddle and snuggle and have all the other aspects in a relationship BUT NO SEX!"
What is that 1% of women?
The rest were in a bad marriage where they didn't want to have sex with their husbands which doesn't mean they didn't want to have sex with a man that they were interested in having a relationship with.
"until they invented that darn Viagra! "
Mans brain still knows that it is the viagra and that without it, he wouldn't be having sex. Men who have ED also have ED emotional issues which many choose to not deal with. | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 5:37:39 PM | Personally I think if a person is no longer interested in sex they shouldn't be on a dating site. If they just want a companion they should just get a pet. They obey better and don't eat as much. Of course one would want to know if there is really a pot o gold at the end of that rainbow but if you cover that point at the who are you meeting you can get on to other things. As an old romantic I like to pursue and let her chose the time to give in. After all the fun is in the chase. Like an all day foreplay.
Although I read lots of threads, I seldom post . This above post made me reply .
Some people have no idea how it feels to be lonely and specially if you are an elderly and live alone . People need email friends, friends......etc . The site is open to many kinds of relationships . I see nothing wrong or unethical in a man or a women wanting just friends as long as they tell the rest of the members . Knowing the different social challenges faced by so many people, I have no restrictions at all on my profile .
What is wrong just discussing issues with some people and passing time ?. | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/7/2010 6:45:52 PM | The cool thing is that you can put on your profile what you are looking for and if you put friends only, not looking for a romantic partner, then people know upfront that you are not looking for intimacy.
I do think interest in sex is a given in dating relationship and it is definetly something to be discussed if you are not interested in it and the other person did not get that from your profile. I know that I would not date a man who was not virile and had a very healthy interest in sex. | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/8/2010 3:20:07 AM |
Although I read lots of threads, I seldom post . This above post made me reply .
Some people have no idea how it feels to be lonely and specially if you are an elderly and live alone . People need email friends, friends......etc . The site is open to many kinds of relationships . I see nothing wrong or unethical in a man or a women wanting just friends as long as they tell the rest of the members . Knowing the different social challenges faced by so many people, I have no restrictions at all on my profile .
What is wrong just discussing issues with some people and passing time ?.
Here are my thoughts on the matter. I really do not think a woman that was disinterested in a sexual relationship would be dating men? The reason for that is it would create drama in her life..It would be far easier for her to go out with her female friends and avoid it.
What happens sometimes is that a woman meets a nice man and hopes to develop a sexual interest in him. Sometimes this can happen even if no fireworks were there at the beginning. Then he says something that puts her off by asking the question too soon or she finds out it is simply not happening and she is not developing a sexual interest in him. He then complains she is not interested in a sexual relationship. He does not realize she is not interested in one with him. I simply do not know why he does not?
I have also dated and as soon as I knew it was not going any further than friendship I simply told the man.. Only one man did I date more than twice because I really liked him as a person and hoped it would grow. It did not and when it did not I told him "just friends". We are still friends to this day.. He would not be hollering across the boards saying I am not interested in a sexual relationship!!! He simply knows better than that, but then again he is highly intelligent..and sees me as a very sexual being.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/8/2010 3:25:13 AM |
The cool thing is that you can put on your profile what you are looking for and if you put friends only, not looking for a romantic partner, then people know upfront that you are not looking for intimacy.
Friends can mean friends with benefits, it can mean friends first before an intimacy occurs or it can simply mean no sex. Putting friends down you really have no idea which of the three is being referred to?
Most people took mine as friends with benefits when I listed friends.. lol
What I did mean was friends first and hopefully that friendship will catch fire.. So best to define if you are looking for a partner and what kind of partner you are looking for. I really do not think you have to say your a sexual being for heaven sakes. That should be a given if you are looking for a partner.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Approaching the subject of sex with older women
Posted: 2/8/2010 6:48:13 AM | Just curious how many people discussed this before getting into a relationship when younger? I know I sure did not. It was discussed when in a relationship.
Point of fact: when we were younger, it was assumed that mutual sexuality was a *given.* Alas, we have learned, from the school of hard knocks, that it is *not* a given. If you have been lucky and never encountered the process of falling in love and/or simply becoming involved with someone who is *not* then perhaps you wouldn't get it. Alas, most of us who *are* very sexual have had the experience of encountering peeps whose advertising says one thing and the actuality is completely other. And that goes for both sexes.
In fact, I have noticed that more women *advertise* that they are hawt and good to go who simply not only are not, but who are actually adverse to sex. Thus that male caution about approaching in a serious way *any* woman, simply *assuming* that we all are sexual beings. Two of my most sex adverse female "friends" are women like this: They dress in low cut blouses, tight short skirts/cut offs. They are extremely touchy/feely even with near strangers (see my thread on bait and switch), up to and including in the case of one, virtual lap dances. AND have no intention, evah, of going to bed with anyone. And I have a number of male friends who actually married women who had been acting sexual right through the wedding ceremony (in one case) or honeymoon (in several more), only to be put on permanent NO afterwords. . . . Are they *very* cautious now? You betcha. Having been there myself, I am, too. If it's never happened to you, consider yourself blessed -- and very unusual.
edit: That should be a given if you are looking for a partner. Ah. Cats. I envy you your innocence, but really and truly it is *not* a given. For either sex. Period. That's all, no more. And may you never meet the ones who are "funning you" ~~ | |
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