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 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 26
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like himPage 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Well I can see how you are baffled, but I also see this guys side. I know I always was a little s#@$ to my mother suitors and my little sister is too, so from my experience of being a little "prick" I can see his frustration of not being wanted around. I'm not calling your daughter a little s$#@ but to avoid any problems he probably had to leave. anyway good luck.
 blue450
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 27
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 1:29:28 PM
My parents divorced and my brother & I went to live with Dad & "the Other Woman". We never cut her any slack and broke them up after almost two years. Saw my Father date other women w/kids get the same treatment from them. Would never put myself through that regardless !! Nothing romantic about the situation. Unless you're a man in this situation you as a woman don't see from our perspective. Life's to short to beat a dead horse or "work through it".....
 Passionate Gent
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 28
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 1:42:17 PM
Ha! I bet 10 to 1 there was intolerable behavior in your kid you're allowing and/or justifying that lead this man to dissolve the relationship. People always leave out pertinent facts in these type situations, and color their story as though nothing precipitated another persons actions...sigh

Come on fellow posters, you all need to be like Dr. Laura and get to the root of the problem.

m_church below makes a great point. Some people just don't see how such an environment is impractical. People don't partake in a relationship for stressful drama.
#1 reason men quit (Excluding an affair) is intolerable D R A M A

Guys are task oriented, if there's a problem/task they feel is unsolvable, and produces perpetual BS, they'll eventually get frustrated and look elsewhere.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 29
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 1:47:13 PM

now after an arguement he has told me that he can no longer see me because my 10yr old daughter does not like him. he got on fine with my other kids..


Ok... Having been in a relationship where my G/F's kids deliberately destroyed our relationship simply because they were 'jealous' of the time their mom spent with me....


Kids cannot dictate adult relationships.... chances are, if he got along with the other kids, that it's an issue with your daughter.... Now, I'd want to find out WHY she doesn't like him.... Now, it is possible he was doing something inappropriate and it should be considered... but at the same time, it could be the kid just has her own agenda and displikes him for no reason.....

As for him leaving, I don't blame him...
There is only so much that a guy will take before he's had enough... This stuff builds up... How long is he supposed to put up with it? Forever?

I would NEVER stay in a relationship with a woman who has a young daughter who does not like me.... All it would take would be for the daughter to say "Mom, he touched me!' and no one will believe the man and kids know this.... Nope, either the kid likes me or I'm gone....
 WasabiGal2
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 30
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didn't like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 1:55:28 PM

Her son was a 13 year old, does what he wants, when he wants and it was OK with mom. Later 3 months after I left, he was arrested, so I knew our parenting styles were different and would lead to problems.


wow..dudged a bullet (perhaps literally) there Mr. Evil

I guess I am lucky because I have always got along with children and my bf's daughter has asked me when we're getting married and live together. But I expect that there will be conflicts, because that's normal.

I understand what other posters are saying about not wanting to continue fighting an uphill battle, but I didn't get the impression from the OP she was even aware that her ex felt that the daughter didn't like him.

If there have been problems for the entire 10 months, then I can see why he would say enough is enough. But did he even talk to the OP about it?

My sister recently merged two families. Her stepdaughter went through a range of emotions...she was at first quite delighted, as she liked my sister and her kids, but then as the move-in date approached (my sister and beau bought a house together) she then became quite hostile as she was accustomed to having her dad to herself, began having anxiety about the relationship changing with the addition of my sister and her 2 children. Does this mean that the adults put their lives on hold? I think that if your relationship is strong enough you don't end the relationship. You can even seek our family counselling if things are bad. Now, this girl who used to have crying jags is quite content with the new family, and misses the other kids (when they are with their dad). But the adults have to work as a team and be committed to each other.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 31
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didn't like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 1:57:22 PM
And people wonder why I'd rather stab myself with a dull fork than date a single mother...

Relationships are hard enough with only 2 people involved.. either of whom can screw it up. The more people you start adding, the more complicted it is and the more problems can arise.

No. Thanks.

-8sf8
 9035768
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 32
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:05:05 PM
If you communicate as well with him as you do with your daughter, I'd bet there are many reasons why you broke up.


i am scared i may start to resent her for this.

This bothers me.
She is ten and it is already her fault. My friend was blamed for her parents' divorce because she taught her 4/5 year old sister how to tape phone conversation using the answering machine. The sister taped a conversation between the father and the mistress.
JUST like that story, this is in no way your daughter's fault. If your daughter is running the house you need to start dealing with this problem. There is plenty of free parenting assistance and a small percentage of it is good.


i think maybe she felt

TEN months and you have no idea? Red flag that you likely care less about your daughter than than I care about the fish in the pond outside.

If a man's minor child doesn't like me to the point of causing a problem and I love the man, I'm not going to continue to date him. Of course I'd do my best to get along with the kid, but if she doesn't like that I exist in her life I'm not going to make a ten year old "suck it up" because "daddy needs a life, too."


he seems to have let her come between us

He wasn't alone. You are a parent. She is ten years old.


he teases her a bit and she reacts to it but nothing serious...

Such compassion for your child. I remember a few months of being ten, at least. One of the things I remember is I didn't talk back to my parents' friends when they were in the house. They were just friends, they were going to leave, I was going to stay and my parents defended me if something out of line happened.
I don't remember what age I grasped sarcasm well, but I do remember squinting and looking to my parents a LOT when someone told a joke I thought was a statement. I was 11 and told by a doctor that I would have to shave my head, I would've been MUCH more upset if my mom hadn't rolled her eyes with this, "insurance doesn't cover the two drink minimum" look. My mom rolling her eyes told me the doctor just has horrid bedside manner.

What are you doing to help your daughter?

What I remember about being a child at any age is I didn't tell my parents everything I felt with out being prompted. What you think is nothing serious may not be to her.
Do you EVER step in? Or just the "let the two dogs fight it out, they'll either figure out who's alpha or die." Good job.


I bet 10 to 1 there was intolerable behavior in your kid you're allowing

From her post, I'd put money on that, too.
Mainly due to
i told him he was lucky that the others all liked him
Shows she isn't raising her kids. It is all about luck. The other kids turned out nice, this one is just bad.
It is possible that the guy is treating the kid poorly, but unlikely since the other kids are fine. UNLESS the other kids aren't fine and the ten year old is the only one with a spine to stand up to him.

Either way, I have sympathy for the guy and the ten year old.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 33
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:06:32 PM
OP...I think you need to relook at the relationship interaction between you, him, and your ten year old. I think for you to resent your own child is a huge red flag. That being said I have to be honest here.

Then I recommend talking to each one of your children on how they really feel and ask your daughter point blank on why? Could be a really valid reason or maybe not.

I was dating a guy a few years ago, that had an adorable little boy and little girl, the boy and I clicked and had a great time. The little girl well... that was a nother story. I tried everything.

I even sat her down and explained I thought she had a great mom and I would never try to take her place. {in fact mother is a great mother}. I tried to be her friend, I tried joking with her as I did the boy because she felt left out.

Behind her daddy's back, she was rude, cruel etc. I tried for almost a year to form some kind of a bond with this child. I finally gave up. I did end up leaving the relationship. Not only for the child sakes but my own since I knew that deep down I would come to resent this child. The break up resulted from something totally else but after time I realized that was part of it.

Now before it ever gets to the point of really investing deeply I want to see if the child will do any accepting. Since to be honest it hurt like hell and sometimes still does.
 RonnieB77
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 34
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 2:57:50 PM
I think he is right. You are a package deal. Your 10 year old didn't ask to be born to a broken home. She deserves a happy childhood, and if there is a personality conflict with her mommy's stud, the stud is the one who needs to go.

Good for this guy, he did the right thing.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 35
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:25:33 PM
If you allowed her to treat him disrespectfully or behave rudely, you deserve it!
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 36
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:31:55 PM
OP, I notice your profile says 'separated', not 'divorced'. How long has it been since you and your ex split up? Perhaps that's part of it, if it hasn't been *that* long, of course your daughter is going to have walls up against any new man entering your life, and worrying they'll "replace" her dad (in her mind).

I think you really need to sit and reconnect with your daughter, though, and communicate with her to find out what's going on. You say you "think" it might be this, or that...time to sit down with her and find out for sure, no "thinks" about it, yanno?

Divorce is hard on children, and since you're not technically even divorced yet, most likely the breakup is still very fresh for her, and a long period of readjustment will be necessary for both you and her.

Dating someone with children can be difficult at the best of times, especially if the children aren't partial to the new partner...but if it's a more recent split, it's going to increase that difficulty tenfold, IMO. And, I'd be surprised if your partner didn't give you some kind of indication that he had concerns about his relationship with your daughter, that he was getting frustrated at not being able to break through to her.

Best of luck.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 37
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:33:41 PM
He's a douche unless your 10-year-old was allowed to treat him poorly.

Why do you care, he would rather walk than work things out.
 guyd42
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 38
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:34:16 PM
OP, I’ve been there many times. Are you telling the entire story? Or are you allowing your 10y/o to be disrespectful? I also walked because of kids. The mom kept reminding me that these were” HER” kids and I had nothing to say even when they kept disrespecting me to the point where I had enough.
 LJ76
Joined: 5/8/2007
Msg: 39
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:38:31 PM
ok city horsewoman,
i don;t see how you can come up with that.
he is not messing up her family dynamics, which is commendable if the the relationship with the daughter is not repairable.
and why would he want to divide the family dynamics?
besides the mother should always side with the offspring, if she is not then how good of a mother is she really?
what ever her situation the came about for being single and having more than one kid and him joining in the family is a challenge for him to begin with.
 LJ76
Joined: 5/8/2007
Msg: 40
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:39:53 PM
pretty good reasoning.
 LJ76
Joined: 5/8/2007
Msg: 41
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:43:02 PM
agreed, as soon as that "he touched me" happens it's one sided loss for him either way relationship-wise and from a legal stand point. no one seem to understand that kids are smart enough to say things like that but not understand the ramifications it brings.
 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 42
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 3:56:53 PM
I recently found out that a guy I was dating left because he didn't feel my kids would ever accept him in a 'fatherly' role. Told me it's easier dating women with children if the dad is totally out of the picture.
I was completely unaware that he wanted to step in and play daddy.
After a month of knowing my children...I think he had totally unrealistic expectations....his loss though, my kids and I are fantastic
 edencapwell
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 43
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:47:05 PM
are you sure this is the REAL reason he broke up with you?? sounds like there is something he isn't telling you and that was just a convenient excuse at the time. how hard is it to get along with a 10 year old anyway?? i mean it's not like she's a bratty 16 year old sheesh.
 edencapwell
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 44
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:48:36 PM
hmm...just looked at your profile and noticed that you are *separated*. maybe he got tired of dating a married woman and decided to find someone who is single. this could be the REAL reason for the breakup.
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 45
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:48:41 PM
OP


no its merely an excuse...unfortunately he's ready to be out of this relationship for whatever reason and sadly threw ur daughter under the bus...

quite weak if you ask me.
 repair-guy
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 46
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 7:20:49 PM
Worse case scenario, he's a child molester making moves on the kid.

Why not just straight out ask the kids... assume he didn't threaten to kill everyone involved if the truth came out... bouncers can be tough intimidating people. :)

Any man that takes on a woman with a mess of kids is already highly suspect.

From the kids perspective, they get less attention from mom, What's not to like?

Stop feeling and start thinking.

Anyone who tells you it's the kids is full of it; it's never the kids, it's the side of the parent that shows clearly through the spoiled or rotten kid.
The acorns don't fall far from the tree!

Forget about him. His loss.
He'll miss out on the blessing and wonder that is raising another's offspring as though they were your own! What could be better?
(aside from making your own)
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 47
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 8:19:36 PM

Forget about him. His loss.



Why do people always say things like this. If it were me in this situation and the child of the person I was dating was being a real little sht to me and generally making life hell,I would not consider leaving the relations my loss. It would actually be my gain to no longer deal with all that drama and tension. Kids can be cruel,manipulative little dictators.They are not the angels that parents make them out to be. They can and do destroy relationships when they don't want to share mom or dad with someone new.



raising another's offspring as though they were your own! What could be better?



How about not raising someone Else's offspring.That would be much better.


Nice little well behaved kids I like. Spoiled rotten, entitled,foul mouthed, hateful princesses and princes I can do without.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 48
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 8:32:15 PM
OP~ Smart guy for not wanting to get in the middle of a mother and her child.
I kind of use my youngest daughter ( married ) as a dating filter. If potential future boyfriends can handle her picking, humor, and attitude along with mine, he's a keeper.
She doesn't like many which guess what? Hit the road Jack! Im too old to make family waves with my children; they are what is MOST important.
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 49
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 8:40:40 PM

Forget about him. His loss.


what a ridiculous statement...

there is a lot of drama that most folks don't want, can't handle and/or don't need...
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 50
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/4/2010 8:54:06 PM
@ lj76


ok city horsewoman,
i don;t see how you can come up with that.


Come up with what exactly?

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