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 AU 4 U
Joined: 10/22/2009
Msg: 151
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like himPage 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
A 10 y/o that has it in her mind that you are the enemy and are in the way of her and her mom can and will make your life hell.
Been there, done that, wont do it again.
 gorgeousface26
Joined: 6/19/2009
Msg: 152
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:39:33 PM
I wouldn't worry too much about it. Kids are always tuned into the people their parents date and if they don't like your partner it usually means there is something not right about the person. It's always a good idea to listen to your kids in these situations, they are kinda like your intuition
 busterrm
Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 153
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:43:11 PM
Dear,
I think there is a logical reason for this situation! I don't think if you love this guy you should let him go. I don't know I just get a funny feeling from all of this, I would not let a child take away my happiness. I have experienced the same situation some ten or more years ago. I beat my head against the wall over and over, I should have just waited it out, the kids will grow and leave home eventually. There is nothing more sacred than the love between a woman and a man. Go talk to him and find out if the relationship is worth salvaging, and both of you need to confront the child and nip it in the butt.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 154
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:59:07 PM

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Kids are always tuned into the people their parents date and if they don't like your partner it usually means there is something not right about the person. It's always a good idea to listen to your kids in these situations, they are kinda like your intuition


No, children from broken homes could NEVER possibly be manipulative.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 155
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:59:45 PM

Kids are always tuned into the people their parents date and if they don't like your partner it usually means there is something not right about the person. It's always a good idea to listen to your kids in these situations, they are kinda like your intuition
OR.... The kid has just taken a dislike to the guy for now reason whatsoever....
I've experienced kids who have no obvious reaosn to dislike me.... turned out it was jealous I was spending time with the mother....
Kids are not psychic know-it-alls or 'intuitive'. That's a load of nonsense....
 gonewalkabout2
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 156
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/11/2010 10:45:15 PM
At 47, you feel this is a bad thing? Your child is a lifetime care and love and this man who use your daughter as an excuse to leave upsets you? Come on woman, get your priorities right. Accept, the guy left and maybe for the best and go find another.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 157
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 2/11/2010 10:49:15 PM
No advice,
yet another reason I dont date women with kids though. Interesting thread.
 lurvame
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 158
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didn't like him
Posted: 11/19/2010 3:49:00 AM
I had the same problem, also ex bouncer but when he walked I let him keep walking. My daughters are part of my life and always will be. Maybe he had insecurity issues. If he can't cope with a children situation he never will. How did he cope with his own kids? Did he keep contact with them? Did he talk about his past. If two people are genuinely interested, he would have discussed it and tried to make it work. If he used her as an excuse then it is a cowardly action to leave a child with the guilt because it shows he is not emotionally mature himself. Best you move on and forget him, although it's hard. Better be temporarily hurt than have more months of pain trying to get someone back who is clearly not there for you. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Good Luck :-)
 lurvame
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 159
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didn't like him
Posted: 11/19/2010 3:52:12 AM
I'd like to add that mine are over 18, so things don't change. Families are families regardless of their ages. We have to learn to get on with people in life. If it is someone is really important to us, we will work it out somehow.
 esp123
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 160
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/19/2010 4:58:46 AM
I bet you had a go at your 10 year old eh. Nasty mother!
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 161
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didn't like him
Posted: 11/19/2010 12:51:23 PM

If he used her as an excuse then it is a cowardly action to leave a child with the guilt because it shows he is not emotionally mature himself.

No, it just shows that he took a way out that he thought was best...
Just because someone does something in a way that you might not, does not mean they lack emotional maturity. Sometimes, walking away IS the mature thing to do...
And if he walked away, then the mother would have been the one to assign guilt to the child...

And sometimes, it IS the kid who is at fault... My G/F's kids have admitted they made a mistake when they worked to break us up... They've grown older and matured a bit and now realise the universe doesn't revolve around them....
 SouthBayNative
Joined: 10/15/2010
Msg: 162
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didn't like him
Posted: 11/19/2010 1:39:55 PM
Put your daughter first and make sure there's no real reason for her dislike of him.
 Pixy Dust
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 163
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didn't like him
Posted: 11/19/2010 5:48:25 PM
I think when a child is small and I think 10 is small, that you have to really learn to read between the lines with them. I don't think they have the intellect to analyze the situation unless it was inappropriate behavior on his part. They need to be disciplined and loved. It is a parents first responsibility when they have them.

I have a friend who's ex has put the relationship ahead of the kid. Even when there is inappropriate behavior going on in front of the kid. Sad thing is not much my friend can do about it. What I see as time goes by is the kid who cannot resolve this on their own... with a parent who won't listen... because they seem to follow the belief that many on this thread has.... the parent looks into their own happiness FIRST, dismissing the kid totally.

These are the formative years with your kids.... if you don't raise them to be loved and disciplined and to have self worth then they are going to grow up to have all sorts of issues as a adult.

I guess I don't care that the man left in this situation and I don't care if he felt he bullied by a ten year old. It is much harder to love someone else's child when they act up. If the feelings aren't there for the Mother in this situation then he should move on...

It wasn't the right match... and sometimes it won't be until the kids are grown... shrugs... so be it...
 Bear_needs_keeper
Joined: 11/17/2010
Msg: 164
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/21/2010 4:12:13 AM

ASK YOUR DAUGHTER WHY she doesn't like him, and LISTEN CAREFULLY, WATCH HER BODY LANGUAGE.

I find it amazingly irresponsible that you don't know why she doesn't like him, and are making up reasons for her, rather than actually having had conversations with her throughout the whole time you were seeing this guy.

Children see through people much faster than their parent who's dating. Find out for sure why she dislikes him NOW!!!!


77 Angela is bang on!, saves me the time of replying lol.

J
 KissMyKarma
Joined: 9/9/2010
Msg: 165
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/21/2010 8:36:18 AM
Pfffftttt!

Yes, I'd feel devastated too. The loser!
How disappointing to have a grown man say this.
How disappointing to realize he's not a grown man!
 walesy63
Joined: 11/11/2010
Msg: 166
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/22/2010 8:24:41 AM
Well i can sympathise with you as i met my partner 8 yrs ago & we both clicked right away, she has 3 kids from a previous relationship which i was cool with at the time.
We have been married now for 6 yrs but 4 months ago i left OUR family home, as we both bought it together but for the past 4 years her daughter (now 16) was constantly cheeky to me, calling me all sorts of names behind her mothers back. Now you have to realise, i took on someone elses kids & helped keep a roof over their heads but as i said, i was constantly given cheek, so i decided enough was enough. I do still love my wife & we do see each other now & again, as i now have my own place but i've told her i will never step foot into the house we bought together, as i no longer feel it's my house but it really annoys me as i personally put a lot of my time into the house, ie fitting the kitchen myself, putting in a new shower, decorating from top to bottom & decking in the garden, etc. My wife has said she won't be in the house for ever but i can't wait 3-4 years or whatever it may be, until her daughter decides to move out.
 annasthasia
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 167
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/22/2010 1:31:29 PM
Say what? Walesy63... Seriously...

Your wife has CHOSEN her sassy kid over you?... Really... Are they in it just for the money?

This reminds me of a situation a friend of mine told me.

This young woman was totally rude and full of anger towards her step dad. They too were married. The couple went to a boarding school run by nuns. They made arrangements with the principle ? not sure of the right term.

Anyway, they then took the daughter to that boarding school. Showed the little brat her room where she will live if she does not act in a respectful manner.

She did not seem to take this seriously. Then the couple, paid the full rent one year in adavance in front of her eyes. The arrangement was that she was going to board there immediately after she starts going ballistic or whatever manipulative show she would put up to be an irritant towards the couple. Basically straighten out or you move.

Since she saw the parents pay up front for the room and board, she realized they were no longer bluffing. The whole situation was now in her hands. She behaves or she leaves to that boarding house with a strict code of conduct.

In that situation, miraculously, that young woman suddenly realized that the step father was not such an evil man... She also realized that her mother was also a wife and that her husband came first. Basically, the pecking order was set.

Sorry to tell you, but you sound like the woman you married sees your wallet rather than your needs.

I just cannot believe that you moved out of your own house. Seriously... What will happen when this daughter of hers has other issues. Will she come first too? Let's say she needs money for rent at some point... Or she get pregnant... Or she moves in with a man and he dumps her and she decided to move back in her mid thirties with let's say 4 kids of her own... Will your wife choose you or her daughter then?

From what you have disclosed, I find this totally so out there.

I wish you well. Hope you can be happy in that situation...

Bye for now...


PS: Oye, I checked your profile and it states you are now looking for a long term relashionship but as disclosed, you are still married... Then again, the unrully daughter is a convenient exit excuse out of your relashionship... I am not judging, I realize life can be weird and complicated...
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 168
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/22/2010 2:15:09 PM
Had I been in a relationship with a single father, I would prefer to get along with his kid(s). If we didn't get along, I wouldn't be too sure how the relationship between me, my s/o and his kid(s) would work out.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 169
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/22/2010 2:31:16 PM
Not enough actual "communication",,,period. Between the BF and the OP. Betwee the OP and the daughter.

There are at LEAST three sides to a story. Her side. His side. The actual truth.

The OP got '"nothing" from the daughter other than "I just don't like him" = B.S. There is a reason or two. If they are valid,,,,who knows????? Most children are keenly aware of their surroundings,,,,including picking up on certain things about a newly arrived person. BUT,,,,they are also very aware of how tight they have a single parent wrapped around their finger.Things to consider,,,even better, things to understand, if the OP was TRUELY communicating with her daugher. You weren't OP,,cause if you were you would know exactley what your daughter's problem was with your BF.

The BF gave ya a feeble excu,,,,umm,reason for his departure. If he was actually as good as you think he was, and your relationship was just as good, there would have been a little bit more of an effort on his part,,,including "warning" discussions with you,about the problem with the daughter.

And now,,,,,you must figure out if you actually "want" to know the "truth". Cause it's still out there,no matter how many of us speak. Nothing we say here can help ya, other than throwing around our own personal experinces. There are sooooooo many potential scenarios here. It matters if it really matters to you, the OP. Don't dismiss,,,,unless you know for a fact. Children do fib. Children also do pick up on many things that a recently love blinded parent can not see. Again,,,you'll never know unless you find out.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 170
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/22/2010 2:39:36 PM
When I told my mom I didn't like the guy she was dating 17 years ago (she's still with him and I still don't really like him much), she said "too bad, you're a kid and don't make any decisions."
Our personalities clash, still do, but it's not my mom's top concern. He and I managed to get along because we both love and care about her. As an emotionally charged teenager, that was very hard to do!
 Brandie60
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 171
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/22/2010 3:22:31 PM

The BF gave ya a feeble excu,,,,umm,reason for his departure. If he was actually as good as you think he was, and your relationship was just as good, there would have been a little bit more of an effort on his part,,,including "warning" discussions with you,about the problem with the daughter


I agree...sounds like the relationship was not that strong, and he used the child as an excuse to make his exit!

Brandie
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 172
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/22/2010 3:31:48 PM
Funny how the responses around here change, depending on if its a male, or female posting this.



We had a thread here not too long ago, about a man saying that his girl wanted to leave, because she couldnt stand his kid...(who obviously was a pain in the ass, but still)


Anyway, posters were basically telling him, that it was ON HIM.




So now we have this thread, where a woman is talking about a man leaving her, because her daughter didnt like him....


And, its still on the guy eh?




Funny stuff around here.
 esp123
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 173
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:23:04 PM
JRodriguez81 I blame both parents in both threads. It is obviously their children are not priority to them why they write these posts.

OP, if you blame your daughter for the failure of your relationship then you are stupid!
 walesy63
Joined: 11/11/2010
Msg: 174
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/22/2010 11:53:37 PM
The reason i'm looking for a long term relationship is because i know my wife will not do anything about her daughter, so it's my way of moving on.
I don't need to disclose anything else, as i feel i've said enough but my wife's daughter doesn't just give cheek to me, she is cheeky to a lot of other people but not only that, she is a cyber bully, she obviously has some issues.
It is NOT a convenient excuse, as i actually MARRIED my partner, it wasn't just a case of moving in & seeing how much i can get out of the relationship but thanks for your views.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 175
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didn't like him
Posted: 11/23/2010 5:07:19 AM
ASK YOUR DAUGHTER WHY she doesn't like him, and LISTEN CAREFULLY, WATCH HER BODY LANGUAGE.

I find it amazingly irresponsible that you don't know why she doesn't like him, and are making up reasons for her, rather than actually having had conversations with her throughout the whole time you were seeing this guy.

Children see through people much faster than their parent who's dating. Find out for sure why she dislikes him NOW!!!!


Totally agree. My Dad met a woman when I was 9 or 10. I thought she was beautiful. She was an alcoholic and ended up abusing me. This is when I learned two things: beauty don't mean nice and men are easily swayed by beautiful women.

It should be easy to tell if she is being a spoiled brat or if something is amiss. Then again, I hid it from my Dad and only ended up telling my grandparents 3 years later when they came for a visit. Turns out this woman was actually jealous of me. I was never jealous of her, as I said I thought she was beautiful and was excited about having her in our family.

The other thing I have found is that adults will often put a new adult into a child's life too soon.

It may be too late for the ex, but if this is a pattern for your daughter, you need to stop it now as it will interfere with any man you eventually want to have a relationship with and I don't think a man should have to put up with this if he is a good man.
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