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 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 175
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didn't like himPage 8 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
ASK YOUR DAUGHTER WHY she doesn't like him, and LISTEN CAREFULLY, WATCH HER BODY LANGUAGE.

I find it amazingly irresponsible that you don't know why she doesn't like him, and are making up reasons for her, rather than actually having had conversations with her throughout the whole time you were seeing this guy.

Children see through people much faster than their parent who's dating. Find out for sure why she dislikes him NOW!!!!


Totally agree. My Dad met a woman when I was 9 or 10. I thought she was beautiful. She was an alcoholic and ended up abusing me. This is when I learned two things: beauty don't mean nice and men are easily swayed by beautiful women.

It should be easy to tell if she is being a spoiled brat or if something is amiss. Then again, I hid it from my Dad and only ended up telling my grandparents 3 years later when they came for a visit. Turns out this woman was actually jealous of me. I was never jealous of her, as I said I thought she was beautiful and was excited about having her in our family.

The other thing I have found is that adults will often put a new adult into a child's life too soon.

It may be too late for the ex, but if this is a pattern for your daughter, you need to stop it now as it will interfere with any man you eventually want to have a relationship with and I don't think a man should have to put up with this if he is a good man.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 176
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/23/2010 6:17:29 AM

We had a thread here not too long ago, about a man saying that his girl wanted to leave, because she couldnt stand his kid...(who obviously was a pain in the ass, but still)
No "but still" about it.
That child was very young, 5 if I remember, and was not getting from his dad what he needed..
his dad 'gave in' to him and wouldn't set boundries...
he was acting-out in all situations.. with all people... teachers in kindergarden couldn't handle him...
and did not need to be foisted off on a live-in girlfriend, who couldn't handle him either, while dad was off driving trucks for a living.
So yep, it WAS "on him".



So now we have this thread, where a woman is talking about a man leaving her, because her daughter didnt like him....

And, its still on the guy eh?
In this situation I think quite a few see that there should have been better communication between BOTH him and her... and the daughter... IF both of them wanted to continue the relationship.



Funny stuff around here.
If anyone has a burr up their butt about "most/all most men" or "most/all women" in the forums.. they can certainly find something 'around here' to support it.

I'm with those who said they both should have had better communication going.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 177
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/23/2010 7:32:29 AM
^^^ That's like a person who writes another person off b/c their dog didn't like them
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 178
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/23/2010 9:10:48 AM

No advice, yet another reason I dont date women with kids though. Interesting thread.

Yup. Except it's men with kids I refuse to date. Especially when they have female children. :::::shudder:::::
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 179
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/23/2010 9:13:18 AM

Kids are always tuned into the people their parents date and if they don't like your partner it usually means there is something not right about the person. It's always a good idea to listen to your kids in these situations, they are kinda like your intuition .

LOL. Should I let my kid make my financial decisions as well, and decide which jobs I should apply to?
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 180
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/23/2010 9:31:35 AM
Joining late.

OP, you never had enough information about the problem to seek advice, because every answer here is based upon speculations.

There are some red flags raised about men and children not getting along, but facts are that if he were as those seem to fear, he would more likely have gotten along with her very well.

That fear and speculation aside, what I read is that this is your first foray into serious relationships after the first, and for your children, as well. So this was a transitional relationship, at best. I also see that you lived at a distance, in ten months there is no clarity on his past relationship struggles which remain a current conflict for him, and there was some kind of, albeit vague, personality conflict between him and one of your children. Then y'all had an argument about something.

I'm going to speculate that, even though the reasoning he gave is ambiguous, it had a kernal of truth with the truth being the whole corn field. What little I read, I see monumental obstacles for a new relationship to muddle over, under, and through. If he was wise enough to walk before it got ugly or traumatizing, then bless him, call it a learning lesson, and do what you can to move on.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 181
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/23/2010 9:54:41 AM
Kids are always tuned into the people their parents date and if they don't like your partner it usually means there is something not right about the person. It's always a good idea to listen to your kids in these situations, they are kinda like your intuition


While I wouldn't advocate making decisions based on what your kids think, I certainly
would listen to my kids on WHY they didn't like someone I was dating. I also think the age of the kids has something to do with it. I know my kids are older, but I've been
single for 10 years and I can tell you when they had issues with someone I was
dating, they were always valid ones.

Seems to me, depending on your relationship with your kids I guess, they would
always respect the person you were dating even if they didn't necessarily like them.
You don't have to love my kids (and they don't have to love you) but you do have to
get along.

I wouldn't automatically throw out the intuition of a child in every situation.
As evidenced by some of the threads on these forums, I think it's safe to say
not every adult has a clue about what they are doing with their relationships.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 182
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/23/2010 10:39:57 AM

I wouldn't automatically throw out the intuition of a child in every situation.
As evidenced by some of the threads on these forums, I think it's safe to say
not every adult has a clue about what they are doing with their relationships.

While I agree with this statement, I have to think of a kid kind of like I think of a catholic priest; a virgin with no clue how a relationship is supposed to function, therefore should not be trusted to help make decisions such as who to date, among others.

But children are also unbiased/not jaded in some ways in their view of the world and that, at least, should not be discounted.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 183
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/23/2010 10:50:48 AM

Kids are always tuned into the people their parents date and if they don't like your partner it usually means there is something not right about the person. It's always a good idea to listen to your kids in these situations, they are kinda like your intuition .

In hindsight, I'd have to agree with this. My son rarely rendered an opinion about someone I was dating ~~ until it was over. It's too bad I didn't see the benefit of his opinion early on, he could have saved me some time over the years. (His thoughts were generally more than accurate ~ guess he saw things I didn't, or things I choose to overlook until I didn't.)

But children are also unbiased/not jaded in some ways in their view of the world and that, at least, should not be discounted.

I don't think children are unbiased when it comes to their parents. They are very likely VERY bias. I do agree, however, they should not be discounted.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 184
my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/23/2010 11:02:20 AM
^^^ I meant toward others. Until I became self aware, I thought my parents were perfect and that NO ONE could change them. Holy shyt, was I wrong!

Then my dad nearly drank himself to death.

And my mom told me to shut my pie hole and just deal with the fact that her and "Mike" are going to be together and my opinion didn't count (they're still together 17 years later, I still don't like him, he still doesn't like me, we just deal with it for her sake, there was no abuse toward any of us and he's a good guy I just don't like him due to clashing personalities). My mom became a totally different person almost overnight, everything from the way she spoke to the way she ate/cooked for his picky arse; he's a "ketchup on steak" kind of moron - er I mean, guy.

So yeah, my parents didn't listen to me, therefore I just found it strange when people talk about how their kid's opinion of an SO plays a role in how they choose to continue with that person. Perhaps my mom's authoritarian approach is vastly outdated. But I know should I ever father a child, he/she won't dictate to me who I'm friends/SOs with, cuz that's all I know (how to be an a-hole haha).

The funny thing is, I was always independent and rebellious toward my folks and still am. I don't think I've followed a single piece of advice from my mom besides the one about college not being a waste of money like I thought at first... Again, for better or worse.
 dinoodanoo
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 185
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didn't like him
Posted: 11/23/2010 11:22:56 AM
I think he found someone eles an is just useing your daughter as a excuse to rid the relationship between the both of you. Or he cant take the fact that a 10 year old put him in his spot an he cant do jack shit about it cause he is not the father, an i agree with dayndaze 100% he sounds like a real punk to me u neeed to ask your daughter if his pathatic ass ever made a pass at her maybe thats why there for ever fighting. An a true man that loves u would not let anyone get in the way of your relationship but then agian never let some out sider get between u an your daughter rememeber thats all he is a outsider. get HIV tested u never know
 nicecowboy7
Joined: 11/25/2009
Msg: 186
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my boyfriend has left me cos my 10yr daughter didnt like him
Posted: 11/24/2010 12:42:03 PM
Kids can be a major factor in a relationship. To act as if it isn't is just a lie. To say oh its just an excuse is a cop out. If a man or woman foresee major problems in a potential relationship due to a child. They can very easily decide that its in both parties interest to separate. Its permanent part of the relationship that as long as your with that person you will have to deal with that child as well.

If that child don't like you and talks to you badly and treats you badly it will naturally have an effect. How can someone say it wouldn't?
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