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 Willys Wild Wheaties
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 26
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Lack physical attention from girlfriendPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Yes, get rid of her since it will only get worse....I had a girlfriend like that in high school/start of college...something happened similar to you....just didnt seem interested.... and talked to her years latter to find she had been married and had an annulment because she wouldnt have sex...Find somebody that will make you feel good about yourself...
 gonewalkabout2
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 27
Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/8/2010 6:42:05 PM

she said she will work on it but I don't see any changes


Ouch!

It is obvious that she is not on the same page as you for "whatever" reason. Your job is to find out what that "whatever" is otherwise the reality about your relationship is as you see and feel it.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 28
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Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/8/2010 11:42:37 PM
Some women are very affectionate, and some aren't. I don't think you can change her. She is who she is. Either accept her, or move on and find a woman who is affectionate like you are.
 PrinceCharmingsCousin
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 29
Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/9/2010 1:46:44 AM
^^^^
agree on some women are one way and others are another way.

But to steal something from the Venus/Mars book...Generally speaking women need you to romance them and make them feel like when they walk in...everyone else vanishes, and she's the only one you see, hear, touch...SPECIAL. They don't get this they usually don't give affection and sex. Which is funny because men see it the other way...why do all that stuff if i'm not getting kisses and sex.

So if she gave affection and sex before...and suddenly somethings up...she's not communicating and telling you...and basically as is often the case...YOU the guy have to almost play a mix of pictionary and guess who, to divine whats wrong.

So sit down with her and try to figure this out, and if she TRULY is not into affection the way you are, well I would say you are better off parting ways. For me personally I know its something I NEED, when i'm in a relationship...I WANT my gf to grab my ass if im bent over tying my shoes in my hot jeans, I want her to slip her hand in mine while were walking downtown in the sun, and kisses...are a MUST HAVE...don't get me wrong I initiate most times...but nothing cuter then your gf getting nice and close and squeezing your hand and lacing her fingers in yours cuz you were to concentrated on getting whatever from the store and you forgot...definitely part of compatibility...just like sex...if she wants you to pound her in the A all the time and you don't dig that...or if she wants it once a month...and you want it more often....you wouldn't stick around right?

kind of funny, that generally accepted fact that women are the better communicators, yet A LOT of the time they can't even come out and tell bf/hubby whats up/what they want.
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 30
Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/9/2010 7:59:40 AM

I know she loves me but I don't feel like she "wants" me.

OP - I read your post yesterday and thought 'I know exactly how you feel.' The more I thought about it, the more I realized I'd been bottling this feeling up for some time - and I'd been 'pulling back' (subconciously?) in hopes that he would 'come around'(?). Well, I went home last night determined - and I made it unerroringly clear exactly what and how I felt for him. I looked him in the eye, laid my hand on his chest, kissed his face - and you know what? Today, I have no doubt that - yes, he 'wants' me! So, based on my experience - I suggest you SHOW her what you want. And if she doesn't get it, tell her what you need, and if THAT doesn't work - THEN kick her to the curb!
 Eldrida
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 31
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Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/9/2010 8:01:09 AM
Since this girl shows you apparently no affection, how do you "know" she loves you?

Not a rhetorical question. I honestly am curious.

Either she has major intimacy issues or she's lost that lovin' feeling. Either way your relationship is headed on a freight train to Doomedsville. Sorry.
 yankeebelle
Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 32
Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/9/2010 8:11:51 AM
Affection,,attention,,,,intimacy,,,,,togetherness,,,,
love-making ,,,,fun,,,laughing,,,goes hand in hand in a commited relationship.
Its part of the bargain, like a business contract.
When one partner breaches the contract it then renders it null and void.
The begging for affection isnt nor was it what you got into this relationship for.
When a man/woman is in love it shows in EVERYTHING they do.
It aint showing ,,. ,,,It aint love
Find your way out,,,,,,,,being alone isnt a picnic,,,,,but its a heck of a lot better, then being in a dying, cold relationship where you have to beg for what should be a given
 Cissie ccc
Joined: 12/3/2008
Msg: 33
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Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/9/2010 12:53:53 PM
Maybe you should both read this book:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/

And I 'm also curious how you brought it up last time. Did you say "you don't show me affection anymore", or was it more like "it would mean a lot to me if you would sometimes take the initative to physical affection"? In other words: requests are easier to meet if they're explicit and framed in a positive way.
 EmotionallyDetached
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 34
Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/9/2010 1:01:06 PM
So you never changed your profile. Keeping your options open? Seems like it because you are complaining of your gal not puckering up and the added disgrace of looking while still with her. Now I see why your gf is not giving up the goods, you can't be trusted.


Try some breath mints.
 pandusvenator
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 35
Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/9/2010 2:24:58 PM
So she is not contributing to your life? Not communicating? Not really there?

Maybe you shouldn't be there?
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 36
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Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/14/2010 3:04:22 PM
Most people would have serious doubts about remaining in a
relationship as you are describing it. I don't think that having a woman
who loves you as a father figure, or a brother, is exactly
sexually gratifying, or good for your self image either.

Time to move on. I couldn't be in love and be happy with a
relationship like this.
 green.apple
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 37
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Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/14/2010 3:40:21 PM
Omg guys, you are complicated creatures.

When she is giving little physical attention, she is not interested. When she is giving a lot of it, she is clingy.



Or may the truth is that some people don't like much physical attention, just like some people don't like to eat much, while others do.
 lacey0258
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 38
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Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/14/2010 4:20:07 PM
I have to agree with Cissie, the book is good and if you are not a reader it comes on disc. Basically, you need to speak her language and vise versa. What is important to you may not be important to her...the 5 are:

1. Words of affirmation: “I love you”, “your beautiful”, words that build up. Verbal compliments, thank you for taking out the trash. Words of encouragement, I know you can do it, I’m with you, how can I help, kindness, supporting words. Request action don’t demand. Words are important, both public and private.
*Don’t mess up today with actions that happened yesterday. Acknowledge the mistake, adjust and forgive.

2. Quality Time: undivided attention. Focused attention, turn off the cell phone, the t.v., kids, etc. Sympathetic dialog, ask questions, how can I support you or help you. Don’t interrupt be a good listener. Do something they want to do without complaining, like going to the opera, car races, picnic.

3. Receiving Gifts: these do not have to be expensive, it may be something you made. A flower out of the garden, a card, sea shell. He/she thought of you, they reference back to the item, they are visual reminders. Also the gift of presence, at the time the baby arrives, parent passes, etc. they want your physical presence.

4. Acts of Service: Wash the car, make the bed, take out the trash, etc. Don’t become a doormat, make a list of 4 items that they want you to do, that means a lot to them. Leave a note “I’m showing my love for you by…(list the service)” you did for them. The nag is the tag, if they nag about something over and over, then this is something that is important to them. If you don’t have time to do it then on occasion, hire it done (mow the yard, wash the car, etc.)

5. Physical touch: What feels good to you may not feel good to your spouse/ partner. If they say stop…then don’t do that again. Touch includes pats on the knee, holding hands, back rubs, kissing, etc. Hugs are very important during times of crisis.

What is her language? What is yours? If you want something for nothing, then the relationship is done. If you don't know the language, ask what can I do for you to make you feel loved? Keep mental notes, what they ask for over and over will be the primary language, and many people are bi-lingual. Good Luck
 *Mustard*
Joined: 11/4/2009
Msg: 39
Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/14/2010 5:11:28 PM
Dude... Actions speak louder than words... Chemistry begins the relationship... Intimacy says I'm still into you... Some woman just aren't into the physical thing... Not being stereotypical but if she is not keeping the intimacy going and you've talked to her. I guess that's your answer... Not being cold but if she isn't giving you the basic kisses and isn't sharing... Perhaps she has some skeletons in the past... But you are at a cross roads dude... You other get all the way in or pull the plug... there is no mid way here.... You deal with the intimacy issues or you bail... It's not heartless it's as you've had that talk before with her and she's told you nothing is wrong... Not saying she has to open up ASAP and you got to build to get there.... I've been there before... same situation... 2 times before... Maybe you need to just be a friend for now and let her know if it is an issue that you'll be there as an ear...

Don't worry about the Cali girl they tend to let there egos run wild and there are plenty of dudes that feed their heads with it as well... We've all met many of these and it isn't worth the effort to get there and it's empty... at least the ones I've met... who knows... maybe she's different... lol...

Cheers,
 ColorsOutsideTheLines
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 40
Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/14/2010 7:16:08 PM
It's not just women who do this. Some people just want YOU to be the one to show/initiate the affection. After that, they will respond. I do not get it and for sure when a relationship is new, they seem more eager than months, years down the road. But, they get comfortable and even if you kindly, lovingly explain how you feel, what you need/want , would love..............it's moot.

Hey some people won't give you anything "just because" you asked. Some people can't give, because they do not know how. They need you to do it, and when you need that back, they really do not get that and you can explain, and talk til you are blue in the face.

Most likely you are a giver and they are a taker, and takers take. Very simple really. They are not wired to give and they can read all of the books but not get out of it what you do.

You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.
 daasan
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 41
Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/14/2010 7:20:26 PM
dump her before she dorps you...

golden rule.

make sure, they always love you more than you love them... that way you will always be on top.
 gone with
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 42
Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/14/2010 7:27:02 PM
Its because the rest of the guys in town have tired her out while you where out working your butt off all day to make her happy with material things. She is getting it elsewhere. Guaranteed.
 impohell
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 43
Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/14/2010 7:44:03 PM
I'm still waiting to be dorped by the right woman. Hell, even by the wrong woman. I still have time.
 ColorsOutsideTheLines
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 44
Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/15/2010 6:52:54 AM
^^^^^^^^ that was funny....hope the poster gets it. True though, to be dorped you gotta be had first!
 sarahhhhbethhhh
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 45
Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/15/2010 7:29:47 AM
Ok.. Maybe I am silly, but if I loved a man, I would kiss him even with dragon breath. I would also tell him to go brush his teeth.


That being said, if her behavior has never been that way, then that is one thing.

If this is a change in the relationship, it doesn't seem to indicate good things.

The 5 love languages, is an excellent book and has good info if you feel like it is just lack of communicating it.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 46
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Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/15/2010 12:57:56 PM
If it's any consolation, you're not alone...a lot of us are in the same boat! You're among good company here!!!
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 47
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Lack physical attention from girlfriend
Posted: 2/15/2010 1:43:07 PM
First, change the status of your profile. Otherwise you are being disingenuous to your "girlfriend". Maybe she's not affectionate with a "boyfriend" with an active internet dating profile.

Now ask yourself if you are doing the right things with her to get in the proper romantic mindset. This ain't rocket science. Read what Lacey posted in Msg38. I still don't see how taking out the trash is going make a woman all hot wet and bothered, but...

Ok, after that's done, make an executive decision. Ask yourself if you want to be in a committed relationship with a cold fish who is incapable of positively expressing herself to her partner. If the answer is No, end the relationship.
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