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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Attempt to dispel the "three day calling after 1st meet" myth      Home login  
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 stayfit4life
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 26
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet mythPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Ah the games that so-called adults like to play. Maybe if we stop reading all those dating books and just do what we feel is right than dating might be fun again.

You also have the issues of too many choices online and the constant looking for better to contend with...

People can't be honest with each other....
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 27
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/19/2010 3:42:55 PM
I always contact either that same day after meeting, or the next day to say I enjoyed myself and to thank them for meeting me. If I dont get a response within a couple of days, I move on...unless he has already told me during our meet that he will be otherwise engaged in something heavy or time consuming...I just assume he wasnt into it, and carry on. Lottsa fishies in the sea!
 *sass*
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 28
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/19/2010 5:46:00 PM
There have been times that a phone call the next day or even right after was cute, but typically I like to be kept waiting a day or two. It gives me a chance to let my feelings from the date 'settle'. There have actually been times that I have felt disappointed if a guy called too soon, it made me feel like I needed to brace myself for an onslaught of texts/emails/phone calls to come..

When a man moves too fast it's the absolute kiss of death for me, anything I may have felt turns stone cold. So if I had to choose between waiting for a phone call or being inundated with contact? I would GLADLY choose the former. And I'm not sure why, but in my experience it is normally one of those two extremes.

I think games are a part of the whole dating process and some of them can be kinda fun. I like to be kept guessing a little, I don't want the guy to hand all the power over to me. It's boring. But then I'm looking for an equal and tend to like more space than most. I guess it's all a matter of knowing who you are and being yourself. Artificiality is a massive turn off regardless of when you call ;)
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 29
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/19/2010 6:24:34 PM
If I really like the guy, I'd give him a call after the first meeting. I think the 3 day rule is just too stupid. I don't see the reason why you need to wait for 3 days, you either like the person or not. Simple as that.
 StrangestBrew
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 30
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/19/2010 8:03:36 PM
It's really simple, and it's complicated. lol...

Games? Nah... uncertainty results in some guessing, and it can look like a game... but we're all just feeling our way, right?

Wear your heart on your sleeve and go with the flow. Pay attention. Be honest. Smile. Have fun :)

If you have to calculate your way into a second date, something's gonna go wrong sooner or later anyway because whatever it is you're being is anything BUT yourself.

If you're nervous and you aren't sure how she'll take a phone call the next day... you could try putting that fact out there (with some humor added) and see what she does.

Go with your instincts. Your instincts might be terrible, but anything else is a game and will come off that way sooner or later. If you're bad at this stuff, you'll learn by doing, not by making up rules...

Personally, I just do what I feel like. I've had good times and dull times, I've been burned and I've been lit up and had a wonderful time! I've had a few boring dates, a few dead-end dates, and some really good ones too, but I've never for a second wondered if I made some kind of mistake based on some absurd, fictitious Dating Rule Book™.
 Heavens Cloth
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 31
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/19/2010 9:15:26 PM
This post is a great discussion point. Many who have failed in relationships, dating, and marriage have determined rules that they would have the rest of us destroyed by. Good people are hard to find and suitable partners even more so. Among that limited group of people, I find those who have allowed their Saturday morning fishing lore to intermingle with their dating lives.

In practice, the perceived size of the catch dangling in murky water is always much larger than the actual fish. This attitude shows as a dating person who overestimates their influence and allows contact to wane by three days or more as evidence of how deep they’ve got their hooks into the other person.

Another fisherman allows contact to languish because he has far too many reels to watch at any one time.

Yet another finds the effort of fighting the fish and current to exhausting and would much rather the fish swim to them.

I no longer give my phone number out to men just because they ask for it. If we’re friends in a social organization? Sure, here’s the number. We attend the same ministry and are working on a project? Green light. If you approach me during happy hour and need my number?” Absolutely not. My time is too valuable for modern malarkey.
 Passionate Gent
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 32
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/19/2010 9:27:01 PM
Anyone following such ridiculous rules has no idea what romance is all about.
If you're interested you should initiate a night-cap call the night of the date before she goes to bed. And another call the next night.
 DeliveryRN
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 33
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/19/2010 9:50:08 PM
As humans we like it, when people like us. So if you like someone and have enjoyed their company, for the love of mankind, let them know. Waiting 3 days is nothing more than wasting 3 days of what could have been some fun conversations or interactions.
 cmdrfunk
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 34
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/19/2010 11:05:24 PM


Wow if I have a first date and he waits three days to call me afterwards then I have more then likly already deleted his number. I would be offended if he waited three days to call me. Nothing about waiting three days would impress me what so ever.


Until of course a guy you really really like does it and then it's just peachy.




God you people are so full of crap with your little mantras about how "i'm not like that and any guy who would..." BULLLLLLL CRAaaaaAaaaaAAaap.

You know damn well you've dated guys who have done all sorts of weird things you were just fine with because you liked the guy and he gave your emotions little tinglies... and i don't see how THREE measly little days is so offensive. Damn you're touchy.

You all sit back extra super judgy like you're better than every guy you date and it's job to impress you and kiss your butt. I purposely say guy instead of man here.

As soon as a man enters the picture all your crap falls to the floor and you go right back to acting like little girls and the whole "i'm so offended!!!!" thing stops mattering.

Oh, and the guy who is planning you're 5th date before the 1st gets thrown into the "what a creepy guy" bin and is summarily ignored and he goes home and learns that grand gestures only work in movies.
 voshie
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 35
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/20/2010 7:19:29 AM
for a lot of us, when someone says they have genuine interests it looks the opposite when they hold back, play by stupid rules, etc..if you have genuine interests, dont let these so called rules dictate your actions!! a soon as you do that the other person sees is it as being manipulative elitist behavior! it reaks of one way communication/power plays...

if you're truly interested, dont wait, you only really get one chance to make a true connection. you cant expect the other person to be "all in" when its clear you're holding out and really making them wait on you. its rude and hypocritical on your part as you know you wouldnt like being treated in the same manner..show some freaking respect for cripes sake!
 Archer82
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 36
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/20/2010 8:15:00 AM
I love games and think they are fun within a casual relationship - the chasing and the constant back-and-forth. But if I was seriously interested in a man I went out with, and didn't hear from him for days after we went out...then of course I would assume he was not interested in me. If you're really not thinking about me for days after we hang out...then I must not have had much of an effect on you...so, I'll move on.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 37
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/20/2010 8:45:54 AM

Has a woman ever truly been impressed by a man she found "1st meet interesting" when he didn't call her within three days of their first meeting?

Does a guy really think he looks "better" in the eyes of a woman he is interested in after their first meet if he waits some predetermined amount of time after the first meeting?


Games, games, games.... won't you (other) guys ever learn?

If you are playing at dating like you play poker you will lose some really great women, the ones who do not play games. You will win some really bad women who: 1.) Play a better game than you, or 2.) Are victimized by your games.

IF I am interested in a woman during the first "interview" meeting I will most likely ask for a real date right then and there. Otherwise I will call within 24 hours. I'm interested, I already told her so at the first meeting.

IF the woman sees me as too "desperate" (your word), I don't care. There are a lot of women on this board but the really great ones are always in short supply everywhere and to delay is to lose out.

She should feel flattered that I am openly interested but if she is a game player she may see this as a power shift to her and attempt to manipulate me that way. That would be a serious error in her judgment and very quickly I would drop her without ceremony.
 loves2travel365
Joined: 1/25/2010
Msg: 38
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/20/2010 7:11:05 PM
I havent ever believed in following all those stupid myths if i like you i will call or text. My x i called her the day after we met at a club (we had a awesome time) we talked for about 45min i found out she was going home to taiwan that monday for a month. Had i not called we likely would have never talked much less dated the almost 3yrs we did. So goes to show you dont listen to stupid "rules".
 footloose16
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 39
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/21/2010 5:52:35 AM
I was going to ask the question why doesn't a guy whom seemed interested, doesn't call the next day to say, "hi!" It is disheartening and confusing to me when I believed we hit it off, and then no call. The second time around, I don't have time for games. Be direct so I know. Don't waste my time.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 40
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/21/2010 6:49:57 AM
Holy confusion,,,,,on a Sunday morning to boot!!!!!

I actually called someone the next morning after a date telling her I thought this 3 day "rule" was silly,found the evening spent together enjoyable,etc,etc. She then went into a long winded explanation about not being on this site for sex???????? Little did I know there was another "rule" about 3 DATES before sex was suppose to enter the equation. I think she thought she heard "date" instead of "day" when I was speaking.

I really,really, despise "rules" and "games" at this time in my life. Ya gotta remember,,,some of us don't "follow" so well.
 green023
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 41
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/21/2010 4:26:10 PM
It doesn't matter to me if a man calls me the next day or 3 days after a date. I'm not going to lose interest in a man simply because he didn't call me the next day. There are many different possible reasons why a man may not call you the next day. That has nothing to do with playing games. Perhaps he was sick. Perhaps he was preoccupied with other things. Work, family matters, other previous commitments etc.
 xemilystrangex
Joined: 10/11/2009
Msg: 42
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/21/2010 5:30:40 PM
CALL ME! For the love of god. If you like me, don't wait. If I'm actually leaving my house or place of employment and...going out someplace...I'm obviously into you. If you don't call or text within a day or so...i'll probably be crushed and assume that you've seen like a bajillion women since you've seen me...and by the 3rd day...if you contact me...i assume none of these women have put out and i assume I'M your last option because i'm desparate and pathetic...

*sigh* so sad but true



Ems
 l1014
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 43
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/21/2010 5:55:59 PM
For Real, one day? What if I have a life ? I'm not talking about waiting a week or two...
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 44
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/21/2010 6:39:13 PM
I am SO glad that I qualify as adult ADD. I couldn't keep track of silly imaginary rules no matter what.
The OP's second, follow up post is what I take issue with: I think it's a huge risk to try to think from the OTHER person's point of view. I've seen tons of forum posts, and even more real life problems result from people trying to second-guess the other, ESPECIALLY during the beginning times of relationships.
I'm far from a "dating king." I expect SOME women will do as a few mentioned here, and cross me off as a "loser" if I call too early, or too late. I don't care. Anyone who decides according to some stop watch whether I'm worthy or not, isn't the sort who I'd find to be a reliable mate anyway. Just as well that they run away early, to my thinking, saves me time and money.
I'm in this for the sake of REAL LIFE. Not some silly numbers game.
 Shoedaddy
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 45
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:12:00 AM
Bikeman, I think the point here is to (with all due respect) not care what the woman thinks about it, and to let her know as such. - When men complain about women falling for the "bad boys" and "jerks", and with women simultaneously complaining about all the stress they have in their lives from bad boys/jerks--> well, this is a 'badboy/jerk' move in effect. This is one of the key differences that ironically seem to make a woman respect a man more. Just the same as when women rationally argue that they don't like guys who are ***holes, or who treat them with irreverence; yet then end up becoming attracted, and ultimately involved with the same men they had previously renounced.

'Not giving a damn' is the major theme for this lifestyle. Do you envision "badboys" sitting at home thinking "..Oh shit, well it's been almost a day already; if I don't call her back in the next few hours she's gonna forget about me!" - Who cares? That's one individual woman you're talking about out of the entire world of women. If a man is truly as much as an ***hole women claim him to be then he's already talking to another woman as the 24 hr anniversary of him getting the first's number passes. No man of true dating value is this concerned about whether or not the woman will be upset; and the main reason is that he is *confident* that all things considered (e.g., him being "THE MAN" and all), she'll put up with it.

Jerks, Bad Boys and ***holes take chances with women, and this is one of the major characteristics that seem to convey a sense of confidence and value. It's the men who sit around afraid of how each choice could affect what the woman may think of him whom she actually considers expendable.
 Shoedaddy
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 46
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:14:14 AM
At the same time, one of these type guys wouldn't necessarily stick to a 3-day rule; hell he may call her later that same day. - The idea being that he calls her when he feels up to calling her. He doesn't call her out of anxiety that she'll forget about him, or even to align with some sort of social norm.
 duane28
Joined: 1/29/2009
Msg: 47
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:30:34 AM
“The idea being that he calls her when he feels up to calling her.”

Shoedaddy hit the nail on the head. He’s 100% correct. It’s really silly to blindly follow some arbitrary, out-of-date dating rules. It's better to just call when you want.

Don’t reel in those fish so fast! Have you ever see how long it takes a professional angler to reel in a marlin for example? You have to play them for a while until they get tired out. Remember even if you’re interested at this point you are still fishing! That big game fish you want could still get off the hook or break the line!

Don’t be so quick to call them back! If the initial meeting went well and you’re interested then yes give them perhaps a few days before calling them back. Or you could surprise them and call the next day.

Personally, I think calling them back too soon shows desperation. Desperation is the proverbial “kiss of death” to a woman and they absolutely hate it. Would you get hired for a job interview if you came off as "too desperate?"

Take your time with dating and give people their personal space and freedom. Don’t come off so anxious. You want her to think you are busy and have a life, even if you don’t!
 MichelleRenee1234
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 48
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:31:23 AM
^^^ I don't think that it is an @sshole move. The point is to do what you want to do... To be genuine. Rules and games are stupid and defeat their intended purpose, most of the time.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 49
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:38:30 AM
Hmmm....I have been known to email when I get home, if I've had a good time and I'm interested in seeing the person again.....did I break a rule?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 50
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 10:22:51 AM
I like the old days, when it was okei to let the person know you liked
them and wanted to see them again. When you didn't seem like a needy
jerk if you called the next day or heaven forbid actually made plans to
meet again at the end of the date.
Everyone is so afraid of coming off as desperate or needy or not having
a life so they give it a few days...what the heck is up with that?
If you like someone...let them know.
I guess it's more fun to keep them guessing...keep them hanging at the
end of the line while you reel someone else in.
It never used to be this complicated.

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