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 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 51
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet mythPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
OP: I do not follow any "rules" when it comes to dating.

If I want to speak to him, hear his voice, or invite him to an event, I pick up the phone. However, I'm also not a clingy woman where I'll drive him nuts with calls or blow up his cell phone.

I initiate calls, I return calls, and I play NO games. Too dayum old for crap like this.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 52
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 1:06:23 PM
Oh I'm not suggesting that anyone follow any sort of "rule" here other than calling a person if you want to have a pertinent conversation with them.

For me, if I had a good first meet, I'm definitely gonna want a follow up date. So I make a call to set that up. The sooner the better--still can't see how waiting X number of days will benefit me (or her) in order to get to that follow up date.

I'm not suggesting here that guys should call sooner than 3 days in some sort of attempt to leverage the scenario in their favor. I am suggesting that they promptly call a woman who interests them. I do think waiting on the man's part does plant the seed in the lady's mind that he's got all sorts of other options to work out and she's not high on the list. More often than not, I don't think this approach works in the guy's favor UNLESS the lady he calls for some reason prefers a lackadaisical indifferent approach on her. Two things about this sort of woman I'd like to comment on: (1) I generally am not interested in this type of woman, so I wouldn't try to "earn points" with her (2) I'd probably have a hard time reading a woman to be this way--she'd come off as indifferent to me (or perhaps someone who likes to partake in mind games) on the first meet and subsequently I'd be less likely to want to set up a follow up date.

Most women will agree that they would like to know sooner rather than later if there was any interest in the guy to see her again. I really don't see how a lady is feeling "pressure" when she learns that a guy is interested in seeing her again. I suppose I wouldn't want to date a woman who feels such "pressure" in such a situation--sounds like the type that makes mountains out of molehills--very non-plussing.

Granted people have busy lives sometimes; you may want to call in the evening and get swamped by work or personal matters late in the day and don't feel relaxed enough to make a call that night. Fine--then make the call the next day. I hope that my life doesn't get that complicated so that I'm too damn busy to make a five-minute phone call in the span of 24 hours.
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 53
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 1:08:40 PM
Everyone is different, everyone has a different comfort level and different expectations.

Personally, I don't like the immediate call back. I have a life that doesn't revolve around "landing me a man" so while it's sweet to hear back from a guy within a couple of days...calling me while I'm trying to drive home annoys me. Some of my friends adore that....but of course they are the kind of chicks that like to be on the cell with their man 24/7 calling and texting and facebooking them to death.

I don't mind a quick text to tell me "hey I really enjoyed last night we need to get together again soon." I might be the one to send that text...but I don't need a phone call within 24 hours to validate my worth or to reassure me that some guy is interested. He can call or he can not call. If we are interested in going on a date again...one of us can call text or email the other and set up a second date. I actually feel more uncomfortable if a guy tries to set up date #2 before date #1 is over....what happens on date #4? Do we start picking out china patterns? :|

And calling and texting is a two way street. I can pick up the phone same as he can. There are no hard and fast rules...if you are the kind of person that NEEDS to have a quick phone call to know that he or she is interested then you should tell that person before the date is over so you can set the expectation. THEN if that person doesnt' call or text you have a much more reliable indicator of their interest because you're already told them what you would like to have happen.
 Nina37
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 54
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 1:37:30 PM
If a man waits three days to call me after a great date...guaranteed by the second day, I have another date lined up. Sorry.
 LG2727
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 55
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 2:25:27 PM
I think its stupid to wait so long, it makes me think he just doesnt care that much, not the best way to get a second date. When a guy calls you back right away, its really a compliment, not taken at all as desperate, just where do you guys get this crap from??
 Shoedaddy
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 56
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 4:09:26 PM
Bikeman, it's not about a woman 'preferring' or 'liking' a man to convey his interest in her sooner rather than later, it's about value and leverage. It's almost irrelevant what a woman likes or wants (or what anyone likes or wants). Dating in itself is largely a social standard; as to say that most people often date mainly because dating is what 'you're supposed to do!'. There is no absolute here, and it's not about satisfying needs, or the prerogatives of individuals. Women often date because it's what they're 'supposed to' do. --Women (and men as well) follow the rules; so why do so many men seem so stuck on the idea of personally satisfying a woman's demands or meeting her personal expectations? Dating is most often not a personal endeavor; it's a social standard... so as the standard dictates, individuals will follow.
 *sass*
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 57
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:52:53 PM
KillingForCupcakes:
I don't need a phone call within 24 hours to validate my worth or to reassure me that some guy is interested.
I feel exactly the same.

At times, with the immediate phone call and those who inundate you with ridiculous amounts of contact, it feels like they are begging you to reassure their ego and gain some kind of guarantee of likeability which has precisely nothing to do with ME. Getting to know someone takes time.. and what's the rush? I've never understood that.

The man I seek won't capsize if he hasn't talked to me in a couple of days.
 StrangestBrew
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 58
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 10:44:48 PM
Shoedaddy, you are one smart dude... keep it comin...

I gotta say, I see what appears to be an unchallenged social norm here laying judgment right underneath this whole discussion, skewing the whole thing. It's become very 'cool' and 'hip' to say "I don't like games, or people who play them," but the undisputable fact is that people play games all damn day long, especially when dating. But so what? It should be FUN. It's all about what your intentions are. If you're cognizant of intentions and attitudes, especially your own, it isn't hard to be playful and have a good time building tension and teasing a kind of grinning rapport out of the situation without callously leading each other on in a dead end chase.

It's all about relevant honesty and a positive attitude. If you know the other person would want to know something, find a way to let them know. You don't have to have that Long Boring Talk About What We Wantâ„¢ in order to establish boundries and reveal attraction. I don't know about alla yous, but I LOVE playing with nuance. It's like a shell game where instead of trying to trick the other person and rip them off, you're trying to give em a giggle and show them who you are in an almost surreptitious way... while you grin at them sideways with a wink...

You don't know each other in the beginning, and you ain't gonna get those butterflies in your stomach by sticking to some nebulous idea of "not playing games." I mean, yeah, it's kind of a quagmire to try and think other people's thoughts, but that doesn't mean you can't try to anticipate the consequences of your actions and use it create tension, attraction, a fun time.

The "games" so many of us are bothered by really amount to: being lied to, manipulated, used... generally being led down a garden path. But games are also a way of feeling your way through what's going on, and more direct honesty kicks in once you establish that rapport, that positive high regard, attraction, chemistry, connection, call it what you will.

Even married couples like to be surprised, right? Is it any less a game to hope for what you want, and to be delighted if it manifests? The key is in not losing your head when you don't get it. Patience and understanding are key.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 59
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/22/2010 11:51:20 PM
The new standard is 96 hours

Article 39 of the Bro Code:
"If you have always heard that a Bro should wait 3 days before calling, you can bet that women have too. By waiting that extra day you make a chick feel special. You also avoid Bro-Flation (the unresonable increase in female expectations about how Bros should act)

When in doubt consult the manual....
ISBN 9-781439-110003.
Barney Stinson,.... totally.... wait for it.... awesome
 Ms Chief
Joined: 2/13/2010
Msg: 60
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:24:00 AM
If you want to call~ call. Do you want to be spending time with someone that isn't interested in your honesty and upfrontness?

Dating and courting is a dance, not a game.
 Heavens Cloth
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 61
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:38:15 AM
The bros code could be a new thread.
So you like a girl. You hope she likes you. Heaven forbid if she actually depend on you! You wouldn't want her to have the inflated expectation of speaking to you more than once a week. How could a girl not feel special?

The Bro Code. The Rules. What about the code to never tire of doing what is right? If we focused on loving others rather than loving our image I imagine these rule books would seem rather ridiculous.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 62
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 6:51:14 AM
Why bother calling. I send her a telegram.

Hehehe.

In hindsight every single one of the dates that evolved into something substantial, we texted and reciprocated either that same night or the next day. And there was a follow up call the next day. The only rule that I can say it applies is that it was reciprocal. If she didn't respond back, or waited a couple of days for that, the momentum was gone, and end of story.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 63
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:28:31 AM

In hindsight every single one of the dates that evolved into something substantial, we texted and reciprocated either that same night or the next day. And there was a follow up call the next day. The only rule that I can say it applies is that it was reciprocal


I agree with this. If both are truly interested, and not afraid to show it, it can blossom into something pretty sweet. Holding back, not so much.
 HardwoodFloorBoard
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 64
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 9:33:49 AM
There seem to be two different rules being discussed here:

The "Bro Rule" which holds that a man should refrain from contacting a woman for at least three days after a first meet/date, so as to avoid appearing desperate; and

The "Sister Rule" which holds that if a man doesn't call/text/e-mail a woman within a day or so after a first meet/date, he's not all that interested and the woman should "move on".

Women don't seem to like the "Bro Rule" because they feel it's manipulative, and men dislike the "Sister Rule" for the same reason.
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 65
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 10:30:34 AM
There are a few of us that dislike ANY rules regardless of gender...wait or don't wait...do what works for YOU and the person you are dating...seriously...why is it so hard for someone to just say...hey would it be ok for me to call you again this evening/tomorrow/next week/NEVER? I mean come on...just tell someone then and there...I enjoyed this time we spent together or just thank them for coming out to meet them but I dont' think we're a match and then you know that they won't call...why all the games and rules and thinking and wondering? Just be honest and up front, lay your expectations out on the table and go from there...

Too much hoopla.
 Heavens Cloth
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 66
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 10:33:03 AM
When I want to talk to someone I pickup the phone.

Whats manipulative is having a "rule" about when to do it. Thats for men or women.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 67
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 11:06:30 AM
Just adding my voice to those saying it's stupid. And that setting up a second date by the end of the first is best if you're into someone.

I think if a woman's interested enough to be paying attention to how long it's been, she's likely to notice he's following the three-day rule - and lose about half that original interest as a result. By four days, if she was into him and therefore paying attention, she'll figure he's just not interested.

And if she's not paying attention to how long it's been, she's probably not all that interested. In which case it doesn't matter when he calls or doesn't call anyway.

So there's no point to this at all.

 *sass*
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 68
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 11:06:35 AM
Heaven's Cloth:
Heaven forbid if she actually depend on you!
I'm just kinda curious what you meant by this.. ?

Do you think it's healthy for a woman to depend on a man after one date?

 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 69
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 11:10:38 AM

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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth


no need just log in to POF and see if they are on.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 70
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 11:37:04 AM

The "Bro Rule" which holds that a man should refrain from contacting a woman for at least three days after a first meet/date, so as to avoid appearing desperate; and

The "Sister Rule" which holds that if a man doesn't call/text/e-mail a woman within a day or so after a first meet/date, he's not all that interested and the woman should "move on".

Women don't seem to like the "Bro Rule" because they feel it's manipulative, and men dislike the "Sister Rule" for the same reason.

Then wouldn't this be a prime example of throwing out so called rules.By reading this I know I am glad to have done it years ago.

As for the depending on a man after one date IMO is not something most people would do or even expect.
 123carrie
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 71
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Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 11:38:57 AM
After a first meet, I just don't worry about whether someone calls or not...If it went well for them they will call; if not, nothing lost especially if the initial meet was enjoyable. If they call two weeks after the first meet and I thought they were nice and we had had a good time, I would see them again. I don't expect that every meet will result equates to immediate dating. It might be that the person is busy at work, that they are dating others simultaneously or another reason. If I enjoyed our meeting and if he calls to ask me out, and if I have not already made plans, I might go out with him again, especially if he was a "great" date.
 Heavens Cloth
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 72
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:44:53 PM
*Sass*
I was responding to the post about bro rules. The one sentence should not be seperated. It is ridiculous for a man to desire a relationship from a potential partner and at the same time expect her to tolerate a one call per week schedule. Depend is only in reference to the contact frequency.

I do not suggest she depend on him emotionally after a first date. I do expect that interested people speak to each other.

If it's still a question email me.
 *sass*
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 73
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:56:28 PM

It is ridiculous for a man to desire a relationship from a potential partner and at the same time expect her to tolerate a one call per week schedule.
Not sure where a once a week schedule regarding contact was even intimated? Or where he must 'desire a relationship' after one date? I guess this just highlights the fact that everyone is different.

I have no expectations after one date. I assume he is dating others, keeping his options open. Which is of course his prerogative.

I think I might be the type of woman who makes the three day dating 'rule' work, but I can see based on this thread that we are a rarity. And as I have said before, atrificiality is a turn off no matter when a man calls. All we can do is be ourself, right?
 Heavens Cloth
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 74
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 4:41:01 PM
The bro rule in that post is every 4 days=Once a week.

I agree that you have to be true to yourself. The only expectation I have of an interested guy is contact. I also assume a guy has other options open if he does not.

Not that any of that matters any longer. I no longer date.
 sweetlikesugarcane
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 75
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/23/2010 4:52:37 PM
I agree with the woman who said that if 3 days have passed the number would be deleted. I sometimes see guys send texts after they have been deleted and I message them back with "who is this?" They don't like that but out of sight, out of mind....

48 hours max- and even that pisses me off.

Guys- if you like the girl, ask her out before the end of the first date. That way you know right away what her interest level is. No guessing and no games.
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