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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?      Home login  
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 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 126
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?Page 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
If you turn it around, people have no problem being physically attracted to someone they don't love. I think that's why so many marriages don't last or couples can't stay together leaving a luv child or two in their wake.
To me, handsome is as handsome does and his words and deeds (genuine) are what reel me in. Don't get me wrong. I like a man to have good grooming and a nice sense of style, but that has nothing to do with his body or features.
 widowsdesire
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 127
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/1/2010 7:52:32 AM
when I read so many profiles of looking for this Prince Charming, Fairy Tales, Happily ever after, I wonder if these peoples expectations are way over what a 47-57 year old man can provide.


au contraire! You don't have to be an Adonis to meet the criteria for Prince Charming.
My beau is thick in the middle, with a double chin, yet through my eyes he could not be more handsome. I smile when the cell phone rings and I know its him, and I get giddy knowing he is on his way to come see me.

As you mature the things in a person that are attracted to evolve. Fairy Tales and Happily Ever After are possible. They are states of mind. You can learn to appreciate every little thing that a person offers.

I agree that there has to be a minimal degree of attraction to get your started, or at least open your eyes to "getting to know someone." It is the veritable "foot in the door". Personality and charm, and the ease at which you relate to another person
cause you to look at them differently. What might have first appeared to be average looks seem to improve, and down the road, nothing to shout about all of a sudden is
now viewed as quite handsome.

Their nose may be too big, their skin may have scars from the acne of their youth,
their haircut may be boyish and not stylish, yet you now focus on things like the sparkle in their eyes when they look at you, or that smile that lights up the room, or that cute little mole on their upper lip. You appreciate the angle of their jaw rather than the sag of the skin of their neck. The flaws seem to recede and become invisible while the nice features are more pronounced.

I have taken a series of photos of my boyfriend with a cell phone over the last year..
I usually have done it while sitting in a restaurant waiting for our food. When I look at those pictures in each one he becomes better looking. The smiles are bigger, the eyes
are more clear and shining. His countenance has changed as we have gotten closer.
Hopefully everyone has known someone whose face lights up when you enter the room. I am sure when he looks into my face he sees the same thing.

As you develop attachment your perceptions change and no one will convince you that the object of your affection is nothing less than handsome or beautiful.

It you ask a couple that has been together for fifty years they often say their partner is more handsome or more beautiful than the day they met. I am sure in their hearts they believe that. The subtle things you see in someone's face is interpreted in their shared life experience.

So please DragNFly, do not lose heart. A well adjusted person of our generation is not chasing the visual of our teens. We have learned to appreciate the beauty and rugged good looks that only time can bring.
 Ray89135
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 128
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/1/2010 8:12:39 AM
Well of course you can...Didn't that happen in the movie Avatar?...However, it does not happen immediately, and it does take time to developed that "in love" feeling. However, when we have that immediate attraction (which I think we all prefer) we get fooled into believing in immediate compatibility as well.....Food for thought, don't you think....
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 129
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/1/2010 8:34:53 AM
This is why we have threads like the one about why do hot women go for geeks(which makes the assumption rather arrogantly that geeks are somehow hideous or something)....beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have often found myself happily dating someone that I would NEVER have found myself personally attracted to but upon reflection their personality won me over from the minute I met them which is what made them attractive or caused me to subconsciously not even take into account their less than desirable physical attributes.

My last boyfriend was 52 years old, I am 33, he does have the double chin, small belly, some sag to his skin, salt and pepper hair...more than one person has asked me WHAT DO YOU SEE IN A MAN 19 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU!?!?!?!? There are a lot of women who are his age who are chasing after him, so it's not like he's hideously ugly nor does he look like he's older than his years but he was blessed with the gift of gab, a silver tongue...he swept me off my feet with his personality so that his age and age related physical attributes didn't even enter the picture. I am so glad that I'm not so shallow that I would have immediately shunned his advances simply because the outer packaging didn't meet my superficial expectations.

Everyone has a right to be as shallow or "deep" as they choose to be...I just think it's a sad testament to the human condition that we have "evolved" so much and yet "advanced" so little in our manner of thinking when it comes to matters of the HEART. It's no wonder so many relationships fail....we're more concerned with how our partner "turns us on" visually than how WE can contribute to making a relationship work with someone who is otherwise compatible with us.
 goodlittlecatholicgirl2
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 130
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/1/2010 8:55:41 AM
Yeah I think it is. Love is about actions and feelings. If they make you happy and are good in bed then it should not matter what they look like.
 widowsdesire
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 131
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/1/2010 11:10:56 AM

and are good in bed


and this is a matter of opinion as to what makes a man "good in bed". If the emotional connection is there, the mechanics don't have to be 'gold medal' standard.

In the presence of a strong emotional connection, great sex has little to do with
his sexual skill, and a lot to do with our degree of bonding.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 132
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/1/2010 2:03:50 PM
Awww...Shire I love it when you talk dirty....proving that we like what we like...and looks/personality likes are an individual thingie!!!
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 133
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 1:36:08 PM
[quote}what they LOOK like is required to fall in love. If you cannot SEE their physical appearance are you saying you cannot fall in love?

A few poster have distinguished between love and being in love but in my opinion they are one in the same thing.if you are not in love as you guys call it then love is not what you are feeling. what you are feeling is just a comfortability with the person because you enjoy doing things with them, it is not love.

So again I say you cannot love someone you are not physically attracted too.
 yew4ic
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 134
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 2:02:10 PM
I can love someone I am not attracted to, but the sex part would have to involve alcohol consumption, and since I don't drink....no, there cannot be sex.
 Extra Añejo
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 135
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 2:37:29 PM
Yes and no.

Initially when you meet someone, there may be no "physically attraction", but after you get to know them and their personality you can fall in love with them, for the beauty inside them. Appreciating more than just the physical seems to be very rare today. Being here on POF doesnt allow people to get to know one another, and most of us are judged by whatever picture we have posted. I don't mean to bash women here either, but most seem to be obsessed with finding their Mr perfect, who surprisingly seems to resemble only Brad Pitt.

My experience: I met a co-worker who shared many interests with me, we started by just playing basketball and biking together on the weekends. We maintained that friendship over the spring/summer, and then one night after five months of platonic friendship...magic. We ended up dating for almost 4 years after that. A few of my so called friends would say "dude, why are you with her? you could do much better." I wanted to kill them when they said that. I had fallen in love with her, although in the beginning I was not attracted to her all.
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 136
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 2:50:45 PM
I've never been that desperate...
 Templar8888
Joined: 11/27/2009
Msg: 137
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 4:10:19 PM
Love isn't real. Not really. It's a biochemical response that helped our species survive. Ever hear of love at first sight? It could be those pleasurable endorphins a result of pheromones or the signals sent to the brain when visually appealing stimuli is there. Attraction=Love....it is almost the same thing.
 Extra Añejo
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 138
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 4:32:12 PM

Love isn't real. Not really. It's a biochemical response that helped our species survive.


So is the love that parents feel for their children also not real? Love between all family members? Love for a pet? Are you saying ALL forms of love are not real? Sounds very jaded and kind of sad, especially if you really believe it.

Love and attraction almost the same thing? Maybe for the young and or Hollywood celebrities. I mention that only because I remember when Drew Barrymore got married. I remember reading the article, she married bartender Jeremy Thomas and her quote was it "an instant attraction" and she "knew it was meant to be." That marriage lasted a little over five weeks. This is the same sort of instant attraction that many people on here are searching for, the kind that burns out as quickly as it starts. It's a big difference from real love which grows, gets stronger and lasts - and incidentally seems to be very rare today.
 Poodlefancy
Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 139
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 6:51:30 PM
I am 59 yrs old. I have truly loved, and been in love only 3 times in my life. For it had nothing to do with their appearance, as when I first met the first 2 men, we were friends first. Then the attraction and love (being in love) followed. I felt they were the most handsome men in the world, at least to me. The sex was very gratifying and wonderful. I married the first man, and had an 8 year relationship with the second man.

About a year ago I met a man in our local Assoc. pool. He looked nothing like the first 2, but the sparks and chemistry flew, right from the beginning. I felt 16 again. He was my match, and his intelligence, smile and Witt made him the best looking I had ever seen. (In reality he wasn't very good looking) I have never believed in love at first sight, but the chemistry was unreal. We dating for a few months and he broke my heart, leaving me for someone that he had dated before that was married. I don't think I will ever have these feelings again, but I can never have a sexual relationship without a very strong physical attraction/and or love again. I do not think I could "fake it", have never been able too.

I think, it is a package deal and that sex is very private and the chemistry has to be there. Good Luck to you. I hope you get your answers.
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 140
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 7:33:32 PM

Is it possible for people to be in love with someone with no physical
attraction to them? And have sex with them and be satisfied?



If it is possible can you tell me how?


Well...first of all you need to down a bottle of tequila. Then you need to get TWO paper bags (just in case the first bag falls off) and place it over the head of the person you are NOT physically attracted to.....
Voila!!
 susxo
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 141
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 7:45:01 PM
Love is love, anything is possible. What a silly question.
 34realwoman
Joined: 3/4/2010
Msg: 142
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 8:42:35 PM
No. A man needs to be at least somewhat attractive in order for me to date him.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 143
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/10/2010 10:49:48 PM
I think it works better for Stevie Wonder than it does for me.
 Royal Simplicity
Joined: 3/4/2010
Msg: 144
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/11/2010 12:27:45 AM
oh my yes!

it is very simple to love someone your not attracted to.
i once had the same quandry.
i had a friend, that i found to be the opposite of what i like in a man in every simple way, from physical traits,right down to habbits and personality type.

but the thing is... sometimes, it can catch you by surprise.

i never became physically attracted to him, and probably never will.

tell you how? i dont know if theres a way to force yourself, it just kind of happens.

you see, when your with someone for a while you can become accustomed to them, and feelings just develop. before i knew it we were living together, and it was a rather interesting point in my life. i enjoyed it.

and yes the sex was above and beyond saticefactory.
 ace874
Joined: 12/13/2009
Msg: 145
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/11/2010 9:17:33 AM
yes you can. it happens all the time at the bar at the end of the night have you seen all the people who just have to find someone to sleep with at the end of the night. it's just sex we all want it and need it, so why not just do it. i have found some times it's the best sex ever with no feelings to get in the middle. try it you might like it.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 146
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/11/2010 2:20:09 PM
Killing for cupcakes,yes it's common knowledge that a good B.S er can get the girl...since you and him are no longer together i guess something went wrong...one of those other women get to him ? I guess all of his pretty words did not result in anything that lasted...so i guess you could say that looks last doesn't work any better than looks first as far as methods go.I beleive there are two kinds of women,the only difference is that one looks good while she's treating you like dirt and the other one doesn't...so i go for the best looking ones i can get because i know what is coming and want to at least have something nice to look at while it's happening.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 147
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/12/2010 12:09:47 AM
Yeah, that bar thing slipped my mind Ace,....for some reason I always wound up with ugly twins......and there was always an identical car parked beside of mine.
 DiannaBall
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 148
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/12/2010 12:16:31 AM
From a distance. If I am not attracted to them physically it goes NO WHERE.
 PantherGirl 17
Joined: 1/25/2010
Msg: 149
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/14/2010 8:48:17 PM
I personally would say NO to this question...I need both..chemisty and physcial attraction to be in love with someone....but each to their own. I think if you don't have both one is likely to stray away one day when they find it in someone else.
 TeresaMT
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 150
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:01:49 PM
I've been there, I don't care what anyone said previously, I've lived through it for years.

I loved or cared for my ex-husband for years, but I was NEVER sexually attracted to him. We had a great sex life, but I have a great imagination. We eventually went our separate ways, I could no longer go on like that.

Loving someone you aren't physically attracted to is like loving a member of your family, when it comes to an actual relationship, sexual attraction has to be there for a proper relationship.
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