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 rubatelly
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 26
jealousy what does it meanPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
jealousy,,,,,,,is pretty much EVIL or that spelt backwards........how bout telling the truth.........that would probably work.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 27
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 5:30:21 AM
Any "man" or woman that would find jealousy, even a small dose as remotely flattering has a serious ego complex and all the depth of a teaspoon.


and any person incapable to understand one of the simplest human behavior is either a liar trying to pull off a show or have the IQ equal to a doorknob.


it never fails to amaze me to just what lengths they will go to present to most absurd and c0ckamamie premises they can possibly come up with to accomplish it.


yeah, much easier to simply send a couple of aggressive and pathetic private messages as you do , right?


Jealousy, though a natural emotion, is useless. I do not find it flattering at all. If my woman starts pulling the jealous crap she will get a stern lecture and instructions to knock it off...to cease and desist...she will get one and only one warning. She pulls it again, she's done.


A typical reaction of deep narcissic personality with passive aggressive, control and possessive problems too. (she will get a stern lecture and instructions to knock it off). Funny how some people drop their mask without even realizing it when properly oriented and display to all to see whom they really are.


So busted now.

Pfft!

Emotions are part of the human condition.
Anything in small dosage is normal and healthy if used correctly (straight and reverse), anything done in excess is not....this is the simple key to human behavior.

The whooping difference is: are you in control of them or are those emotions controlling you?
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 28
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 5:32:04 AM

In the right circumstances anyone would cheat


Speak for yourself I never cheated in my entire life.. Who needs that kind of drama????

thecatsmeoww
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 29
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 6:02:40 AM

Jealousy, though a natural emotion, is useless.


Actually, I don't think this is the case at all. Jealousy exists to point out where there are issues that need to be addressed. Sometimes this is an issue in the relationship (you're picking up on something that your partner isn't telling you), sometimes it's an insecurity of your own that needs addressing (you feel like all the other women/men your partner is around must be better/more attractive/whatever than you are). Either way, it can point to an are that needs work, and if you pay attention and address the underlying issue, it can be beneficial both for you and for a relationship as a whole.

I don't tend to get hugely jealous as a rule, so any partner who prized that sort of thing wouldn't be a good match for me. Nor would I have much tolerance for jealousy if a partner wanted to control the emotion by asking me to change my behavior when it wasn't really the issue, instead of addressing what the real issue was. If someone's willing to honestly work on their stuff, then I would definitely be willing to meet them halfway and do what I could to reassure them if they're insecure, make sure they feel valued, or whatever.
 stephaniezowie
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 30
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History
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 6:03:19 AM
As long as it's not insane jealousy. But confidence is more attractive. I try not to waste time wondering... I just try to give a guy what I know he likes and honesty and really that seems to work. That's just not important. I don't care if there is a room full of gorgeous younger women. I just try to give my guy reason to be into me and hope he doesn't cheat or lie. But I won't dwell on stuff like that. Nobody should. It should only be a fleeting thought really.
 rubatelly
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 31
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 6:08:18 AM
you people are simply forgetting about communication........your allowed to be jealous!....its how constructively or destructively you do it!!!!! ****!
 Chasing~Cars
Joined: 1/4/2010
Msg: 32
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 6:41:06 AM

I am not a jealous person - people, including a romantic partner, either want (to be with) me, or they don't. Nothing I do or say can make someone love me or stay with me...I honestly and truly don't understand the concept of trying to possess, coerce, force, shame, guilt someone into loving/staying with you. And to me, that's what jealousy is.



Jealousy (to me) is a symptom that there's something amiss somewhere in the dynamic of the couple...you're either with the wrong person, or you're wrong for each other, or you're not (or no longer) on the same page...or something.

Because to me, jealousy is the opposite of love...it's borne out of fear and stems from a need to possess, to control, to own another, all of which have nothing to do with love


I agree with Juste moi Danielle,

I also see jealousy as an internal necessary self check monitor, why am “I” feeling this way when I do? What is my insecurity, fear and inadequacy about? When it’s pointed at your self in the mirror, it can reveal a lot about who I am and what I think, when it’s directed at another person it’s destructive to both parties.

If someone wants to be with me, they will be with me as an adult who can talk about what their insecurities are when they arise, if they can’t or we can’t talk about it, we don’t belong together and then we have a decision to make. But playing cute little tease jealousy games will never work, they will only add the already growing divide.

And no Lady wa wa, not in the right circumstances would anyone cheat, but yes, in the right circumstances, anyone “can” cheat. It’s a choice, not an uncontrollable act, even in your scenario it’s still a choice one makes.
 TheSevenSeas
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 33
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 6:41:58 AM
Strangely, I find jealousy a positive emotion. I find the more I care about someone the more potential I have to be jealous...and to be honest, when I feel jealous it makes me smile.

My theory is that jealousy goes hand-in-hand with self confidence. If you are someone with a great deal of confidence, jealousy doesnt affect you much. The lower the confidence level, the bigger the affect of jealousy.

For example, I love nothing more than being in a Club and watching my girl out on the floor dancing and flirting. Every so often I get a wicked smile when she looks to make sure I am watching. I feel jealous certainly...but also full of pride that I have such a hot girl who is going home with me that night. And being an Alpha male, it is always good when every guy (and girl) in the room knows the hotest girl in the club belongs to me (at least in my mind..ha!).
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 34
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 6:46:35 AM
Strangely, I find jealousy a positive emotion. I find the more I care about someone the more potential I have to be jealous...and to be honest, when I feel jealous it makes me smile.

My theory is that jealousy goes hand-in-hand with self confidence. If you are someone with a great deal of confidence, jealousy doesnt affect you much. The lower the confidence level, the bigger the affect of jealousy


Ding ding ding!

Absolutly right!

been "in control", secure, and not let emotions to control you, to use something in a positive way. That's a normal and healthy way.

 wicked_desires
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 35
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 6:47:48 AM
An incoherent cacophony of true irrational and venomous rational converted to spiteful emotions focused via the human mind in the stone bonkers state for an unknown period of time.

Its sole purpose its to inflict damage on a another persons being ,or soul, if one likes....even telepathically.

Cause Anything from having 50 cuncubines, dressing nice too oogling the wong person
Defence a trillion watt shield, tinfoil hat and magical powers
Afflicts all of the human race from one degree to another for reasons unknown

Its normal, but it can also be not nice at all
 Juste moi Danielle
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 36
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 6:50:42 AM
Jealousy, though a natural emotion, is useless.


I disagree. Even though it might seem like a contradiction to what I said in my earlier post, it's not. Jealousy, or you or your partner "feeling jealous" is a symptom that something is wrong in your relationship (IMO).

What that something is could be many things, and the jealousy might not be warranted at all, but telling your partner or being told to "smarten up" or simply having your feelings dismissed or dismissing your partner's feelings as "useless" is not the answer, again in my opinion.

You sometimes have to dig deeper to see why you/your partner is feeling jealous and see if there is something that perhaps you/they are doing (or not doing) that made you/them feel this way. I am not so arrogant to think that I/my behavior is perfect or above reproach and that I somehow cannot do better by those I love and who love me.

Maybe I haven't been paying enough attention to my partner...maybe I haven't been as kind or as patient or haven't made the effort to be and look my best or maybe my partner who normally is a cool level headed guy who is normally okay with my imperfections (as I am with his) is going through a rough period or feeling a little insecure and needs a little more reassurance, a little more love (and lovin';) than usual, all of which is normal.

It only becomes not normal, or "useless" in my opinion when you fail to see "jealousy" for what it is, a symptom - think of jealousy as a fever - a fever is not a disease, it's only a symptom, and in many cases, it's cause is benign, but a fever can kill you if the underlying cause is malignant and/or the fever is left untreated.

Just (more of) my opinion(s)...




 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 37
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 7:08:52 AM
I disagree with you "juste Danielle" to discard completely the jealousy emotion and not to take in consideration that it is also another manifestation of another very biological and very natural behavior: protection of the mate, territoriality in rough. it is "built" in for various (and positive and constructive) reasons!; is also one of the stones that make the entire evolution and reproductive circle possible!

Yes you have to dig deeper (big advocate of that), but you also have to learn to know when and where to dig: jealousy is NOT always a sign of a problem, as it is can also be the signs of quite the opposite and very positive!
 enjoyin-life
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 38
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 7:27:07 AM
for lady wa wa and diagoro, http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/11/plant-family-values/
Plants Have a Social Life, Too.
education, a wonderful thing.
 RonnieB77
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 39
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 7:38:24 AM
What I like is a deep trust and sense of oneness. Little games and disrespects make that impossible.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 40
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 8:00:54 AM
That's not to say that as life goes on we will not find ourselves in situation where we would cheat. I would not abandon a husband who was no longer capable of a sexual relationship, but that would not mean I would go for the rest of my life never having sex.


Give me a break. Do you have any idea of how ridiculous this comes off as? I agree...FAIL indeed.

For the record, you really do need to speak for yourself. Just because you wouldn't abandon your husband if he was no longer able to fulfil your sexual needs, and you betray him in one of the worst ways possible by cheating on him doesn't mean the rest of us will follow the same stupidity. As I've already pointed out, there are never any excuses to cheat.

Right circumstances my ass. If it "hurts" an individual so much because sex in their marriage no longer exist, I believe they have one choice and one choice only...GET A DIVORCE. As much as asking someone you love for a divorce, over no longer being able to satisfy sexually, I'd say it's better to go the route of divorce than commit infidelity.

Oh wait. That doesn't apply to you because you wouldn't be able to leave Mr. Impotent.

On to the OT. I agree with the rest that a little humorous jealousy is okay every now, and then. After all, I've done it myself and on several occasions. Overall, jealousy is not a good thing because it could quickly turn into something worse depending on it's purpose.
 Juste moi Danielle
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 41
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 8:04:44 AM
I'm not disagreeing with what you say commonsens...in a way, we're (basically) saying the same things, only you added the evolutionary/biological factor into it, which I'm not entirely comfortable with. But I'm okay with that - I'm not only here to share my infinite wisdom () but to learn also...it's all good:).

Maybe it's how the word "jealousy" has been hijacked to mean everything but that's got my knickers into a knot. I hear the word jealousy and I immediately think of people wanting or exerting control over another...I see drama, fits and rage, threats and tears, but I guess those are my issues - at the very least, my interpretation of the word jealousy is an issue and/or needs to be re-evaluated:)

 Diagoro
Joined: 2/11/2010
Msg: 42
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 8:15:34 AM
E - L, I'm not going to click on your link about jealous grass. Sorry, but I think it'll hit too close to home... I'm still all torn up from a bad relationship that I had 20 years ago with a jealous piece of grass. But hey, thanks for the offer ''

-D.
 whzcheatinwho
Joined: 4/8/2006
Msg: 43
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 8:22:21 AM
Jealousy is not flattering, it's demeaning because it indicates that the other person believes you are not trustworthy. Playing games is stupid and anyone who feels the need to do it is not worthy of the other person's time.

Sex is not "all important" in a relationship and I am quite positive that I could survive without it and without cheating, if it became necessary. If the relationship is otherwise healthy, happy and fulfilling sex is only a small part of it.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 44
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jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 8:23:19 AM

Do most men find it flattering if you act a little jealous,with out being accusing or is this an annoyance
I'm going to answer this question just for me; I'm not projecting my answer on all men in general.

I find jealous in general to be non-plussing. At first I might feel flattered. My personality is NOT to seek attention, and I'm not a big flirt, so my girlfriend in general shouldn't feel jealous about my behavior or me. If I sense jealousy on her part, we would have a discussion about this, to allay her worries. If she continued to play "jealousy cards" with me, I'd probably discontinue the relationship--I wish not to be involved with drama queens seeking to inject melodrama into their lives in order to feel some sort of emotional rush. I don't need nor want that in my life.

what is the man makes similar comments what does it mean
I wouldn't generally feel "jealous" about my partner's behavior; if I really did, we would have a rational discussion about my concerns in order to come to a mutually agreeable resolution. I'm sort of a sarcastic person though; I might poke some harmless fun at my partner by expressing "false" jealousy--think of a flirt here; she does something that impresses me like wearing something I like; I tell her "c'mon now you are dressing like a man magnet"--said with humor, not vitrol, not seriously.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 45
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 8:26:29 AM
But OF course JMD: there is so many angles to every human facets that it will take pages and pages for a single poster to cover it all.

To to be back on what you're saying: the way I see it, Juste moi Danielle is exactly how I see this ENTIRE forum:

People have forgot that there is Depth and levels to EVERYTHING and that everything can be used in plain forms or in reverse. I will go to the length here to say that most people in here have lost their agility to adapt.

That things in SMALL amounts is NORMAL and even HEALTHY; it is the HIGHER levels that should be worried about as they are indicator of something is wrong, either in the person, in the couple or in the other person actions.

That a negative can be used for a positive, a driving force or a growth factor, or also as an indicator of something positive, as I mentioned in previous post.
 tattooedjadey
Joined: 1/29/2010
Msg: 46
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jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 9:08:02 AM
the real meaning to the word 'jelousy' i.e.; in fear of loosing someone to someone else.
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 47
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 9:11:01 AM
Jealously is fear. IMO, it should be viewed as a transitional emotion, like anger; something that does not CONSUME, but takes you from point A (I am jealous of what happened) to point B (communication and resolution). Play-acting jealousy to intentionally make a partner feel threatened or to boost their ego are tactics of the immature. Jealousy is a very serious matter, and the fact that one CAN be justifiably jealous and threatened, makes the “jealous game” all that more foolish, IMO.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 48
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jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 9:37:13 AM
Jealousy is insecured low down behavior,and I have no patience on people who is jealous for so many reason, they are clingy,sex is always in their mind,if their partner is talking to someone they think s/he cheating ect...







Vannili
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 49
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jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 9:58:34 AM

Strangely,I find jealousy a positive emotion. I find the more I care about someone the more potential I have to be jealous.. and to be honest,when I feel jealous it makes me smile.


Jealous people have no life at all, and they breeds contempt,I've observed the ugliness of the AURA OF the person who is jealous. And they thinks they are the best ,or what they have is the best than anyone else, when they were let down and hurt,others will laugh at them with no sympathy..
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 50
jealousy what does it mean
Posted: 2/27/2010 12:08:48 PM
tattoeed: nope..that's the old definition...the one found on google too....or in Rouchefoucauld (classic)

as per ground, and permit me to directly quote the book:

"Jealousy is defined as a protective reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship, arising from a situation in which the partner's involvement with an activity and/or another person is contrary to the jealous person's definition of their relationship."

>General partner and relational uncertainty as consequences of another person's jealousy expression. WJC p195 to 218, author J. L Bevan 2004. Conform the American Psychological Association

I do not say that there is NO other cause or grounds to jealousy, there is TONS, but to jump automatically on the fear factor or the insecurity issue is completely absurd and pure amateurism.

The same things with inward and outward relative perspective of the motivation of the individual to act-react confronted to a stimulus !!

it is not that simple.
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