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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?      Home login  
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 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 251
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?Page 11 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
I hope that me never being married and no kids does set off some red flag for some people. It will be a good indication of who I should stay away from. Yes, HUGE RED FLAG. Knowing how to use birth control and avoiding a divorce. Put me on an island with the other misfit toys please.


It's nice when they self-filter, isn't it?
 Atomic_Twat_Muffin
Joined: 6/8/2012
Msg: 252
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 1:37:29 PM

It's nice when they self-filter, isn't it?

Absolutely. Makes you wonder though. If not having kids or been married is a red flag, what is being married multiple times and having lots of kids by all different people? There's some guy that has over 30 kids in the news in the last month or so. Not a red flag at all. But having no kids/no marriage is horrible. We non-kid/marriage types really need to have some kind secret charm or sign language so we can spot each other out in the wild. I think it should be "pull my finger?" cause that's probably why we're single to begin with.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 253
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 1:44:05 PM

There's some guy that has over 30 kids in the news in the last month or so


It's not a red flag, it's a tactic; it's called "comfortable retirement at a latter date"..........


 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 254
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 4:01:16 PM
I guess there are a lot of stupid people out there for not being married.That includes me,i am trying to figure out how becouse we have never been married makes us stupid, angry and none commital.It raises a big red flag when i hear people talk like the way they do.
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 255
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 4:31:28 PM
Im working with a guy who is 55 and absolutley gorgeous..he's never been married and I dont think has kids.. RED FLAG! ..remember I said he's gorgeous with Robert Redford movie star looks, great shape, great personality etc., etc., so yes Big Red Flag (no he's not gay either)
 BigSwede34207
Joined: 5/18/2012
Msg: 256
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 4:39:07 PM
I say .. the BIG RED ONE would be anyone that would name themselves a CLOWN FISH and thinks that her farts in her panties are WHISPERS !

"""" The Clownfish: You found me, now what's your other 2 wishes """"" ....and it is .... what ARE your other 2 wishes ! ..lol ...;-))
 laughingatliberals
Joined: 10/11/2011
Msg: 257
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 4:41:44 PM

Im working with a guy who is 55 and absolutley gorgeous..he's never been married and I dont think has kids.. RED FLAG! ..remember I said he's gorgeous with Robert Redford movie star looks, great shape, great personality etc., etc., so yes Big Red Flag (no he's not gay either)


I don't see this as a red flag........However he could very easily be considered a genius! It took me awhile but after having raised my children and two divorces...........marriage has as much appeal as going to prison.
 annalivia100
Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 258
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 4:48:31 PM
Perhaps I'm alone in this. Never been married- sensible! No kids- wise! But the indication of lack of commited relationships in general is big RED FLAG territory.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 259
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 5:03:40 PM
I will probably get shot down for this, but in my experience the reason that I tend to shy away from guys who have never had kids, is the lack of understanding of the place my kids have in my life. When the kids were younger, I dated a few guys who never had kids, but were child rearing experts and spent a lot of time telling me how to raise my kids. Funny thing was that the guys with kids weren't nearly as full of "good" advice.

Now that the kids are grown, the only man that I dated without kids, resented if I didn't always put him first, such as the time I cancelled a date because my daughter had hurt her ankle and I went to take care of her. His response was she is a grown up, can't she take care of herself. So for me not so much a red flag as a need to make clear that the kids are still near if not on the top of the priorty list.
 VTECturbo
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 260
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 5:19:38 PM
*Perhaps I'm alone in this. Never been married- sensible! No kids- wise! But the indication of lack of commited relationships in general is big RED FLAG territory. *

And that's retarded. What if the lack of a committed relationship is only due to the fact that I don't want to deal with someone else's kids, and refuse to take a relationship to that level, if they have kids? The poster above makes one of my points. Her kid comes first. Her kid is not my kid, so I couldn't care less. I'm gonna be second place, I'll put her second place as well...to my dog, car, buddies, or whatever. THEN, we'd be even. But, obviously we wouldn't get anywhere.

Hmmm. So I could tell a FWB, 'lets make it serious' and technically I've had a relationship. I could also get a FWB pregnant, then technically I've had a kid. Those will make me dateable, right?

Also, I'm not offended, I just fail to see the logic that baggage is better.
 annalivia100
Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 261
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 5:24:13 PM
How narrowminded and presumptious of you. What does lack of commited relationship have to do with people who have kids? There are plenty of women who don't. If you have reached a ripe age and yet to experience a commited relationship then that is a little suspect!

The obessision with being 'second place' smacks of insecurities also!

As I've said- kids aren't a factor for me. If you say you have never been in a long-term relationship though, I'm going to wonder why.
 VTECturbo
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 262
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 5:35:46 PM
Kids were mentioned, because they are my reason for never having been in an LTR. Overwhelming amount of women have them, and I don't date them.

Me being second place isn't a problem. its part of the basis of a FWB relationship; things happen when you make time, everything else takes precedence, on either side.

Trying to have a real relationship with women who is going to expect for me to put her first, while she does not, is a clear double standard.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 263
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 5:42:38 PM
~~~~~~~~~
Kids were mentioned, because they are my reason for never having been in an LTR. Overwhelming amount of women have them, and I don't date them.
~~~~~~~~

So,.. you don't date single mothers.. ok.. so how are they then the reason for YOU not having a LTR? If you don't date them.. and you date.. then we can only surmise that the reason you don't have a LTR has something to do with yourself. Unless of course you just don't date period, which one can surmise many things from that statement as well. but as you posted.. you do date..soooo.. it comes back to YOU.

To to answer OP: No.. not being married and being child-free is not a red flag.. having never had a long term, committed relationship is.
 annalivia100
Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 264
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 5:43:03 PM
Are you telling me you can't establish, and never have been able to, a long-term relationship with a woman? The kids factor is a moot point really- there are plenty of women out there single, free and datable who do not have kids.

If women with kids aren't an option, fair dos. I respect that, it's a lot of baggage/ issues/ general shite. However, my post was purely in reference to men who have never been in a serious relationship.
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 265
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:02:49 PM
What does being in a serious relationship mean? Does it mean you can,t commit NOT.I know people who have been in commited relationships before and they have been married two and three times...real mature.I am not afraid to commit to a relationship at all.If i get labeled a bad person for not ever being married or forhildre not having kids so be it.Being married to me means forever,thick or thin,good and bad.Just becouse a person has been married doesn,tmake them a better person and anyone can have kids
 annalivia100
Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 266
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:09:37 PM
I don't personally see several marriages as a red flag- who are we to judge on face value the reasons for a relationship breakdown. It's not necessarily a reflection on the individuals capabilities to uphold a relationship.

Serious relationship to me means living together at least. It's not really about marriage as such.
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 267
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:17:59 PM
Thats right who are we to judge a person who has been in a few relationships but people don,t seem to mind judging people who have never lived together or been married or have kids so maam please don,t judge me for not having a child or lived with anyone or married.Who are you or any one else here to say waht kind of person i am or anyone else that has,t been married
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 268
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:20:44 PM
I never really lived with someone either.. but was with a man for 4 years and another for 3.. the first guy did sorta live with me.. at my mothers for a short while.. but he's also the reason for most of things on my "red flag" list. lol..

Playful pete don't worry.. maybe you're my prince? you're not a felon are ya?? lol
 annalivia100
Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 269
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:22:01 PM
I think it would be silly to say we don't all make our own judgements, as is our perogative. I personally don't see relationship breakdown as anything to be overly concerned by, probably because it happens all the time and something the majority of people experience. Quite an important life experience too I feel! If you've not had a serious relationship whatsoever, I will wonder why.
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 270
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:31:07 PM
@confuzzeled4ever...yes i am a felon,i stole candy from my neice.She didn,t need the candy...LOL.Just like people put up red flags for people who have never been married and no kids.There are people who will say that being married multipal times is a sign of not being commited
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 271
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:31:37 PM

Hmmm. So I could tell a FWB, 'lets make it serious' and technically I've had a relationship. I could also get a FWB pregnant, then technically I've had a kid. Those will make me dateable, right?


Overall, it's my position that each and every person has the entitlement to make their own decisions about what constitutes a "red flag".

However, there are people in this world-IMO- that "becoming dateable" would require passing from this plane and being re-incarnated as a waterlily... or something.
Cindy O
 Bazinga_42
Joined: 1/10/2012
Msg: 272
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 7:43:00 PM

I'm 45 and have never married and never had kids.
Things just never worked out for me in this matter.
So why is it, when this info is revealed a red flag goes up?
I use to think this would play to my advantage, but after turning 40 I could see the table had been turned.
Any thoughts?


I don't understand how this would be a red flag either. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion though. I personally feel like if you are over 40, never married, and without children, that would show that you are a true romantic that will not settle. It shows that you have been waiting for the perfect person to experience these things with. I am only 28 and a lot of girls my age have already been divorced with kids. I think too many people rush into having a family. I am not saying I won't date a women that has been in a failed marriage or has kids from a previous relationship. If we connect and see a future together, I will completely disregard their history. I do look at women that have never been married without kids first though, because I feel as though they may have a similar look at marriage and kids as I do, in that we would both feel that we want to be very, very, very sure we will be together for the long haul.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 273
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 8:03:43 PM

The poster above makes one of my points. Her kid comes first. Her kid is not my kid, so I couldn't care less. I'm gonna be second place, I'll put her second place as well...to my dog, car, buddies, or whatever. THEN, we'd be even. But, obviously we wouldn't get anywhere.


And this makes my point, never ever said that the man was going to be second, said the man needed to understand that he couldn't always be in first place and in my experience men in my age range without kids, don't undertand that. It is not a competition where only one person can win but I guess to some it seems that way.

My job is also going to come first sometimes, it is all a matter of priorties. I am not saying that it is a red flag or that I am judging other because of lifestyle choices, just saying that I would be a little more cautious of a man with no kids.
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 274
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/15/2012 2:55:18 AM
i never understood if an older adult never been married/had kids is a commitment issue. it may be in some cases, but lets say if the person is not right mentally and they are 44, isn't it a good thing the person doesn't have kids? older adults with no kids i always see that as a good thing because (depending who i'd be talking to) it shows if they dont want kids ever they dont let society tell them what 2 do. i have met older adults online who never had kids or married i asked why is that? they told me career minded, always traveling, doesn't like kids, some said i like kids and dont want responsibility because of their careers or other commitment activities, etc.

ppl need to get off their high horse not everybody wants kids! there are some who dont want marriage for many reasons some like long term/common law and others like to be single for life. if i was single again and met someone who was never married or had kids, i would first ask why is that. if they more goal oriented not listening to the dogma out there that people spout about how everybody should want kids, id be way more incline to date that person. if the person has commitment issues and cant hold onto a relationship, then i would write that person off and not want to date that person.

anyway, i wouldnt worry too much about never being married or kids. explain to ur dates your real reasons and be honest about it. if these women have an issue, oh well, move on keep fishing. if u like ur life the way it is, i wouldnt change it for anybody! ppl are not always made to be marriage material or made to be parent. im nowhere near your age im under 30 over 21, zero kids and dont like kids. i got to the point where i stopped caring what ppl thought of my lifestyle if i needed to improve i would do it for me not 4 them.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 275
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/15/2012 3:35:01 AM
I like the way you think Blueceleste,
That's exactly what I'm working on in my life, is improving it for me. Don't know why society thinks just because we're over 25 years old or so ( just guessing here ) Society says go out get married, and have kids. Yes I would like to marry someday and maybe even have kids. But right now is not that time, I am concentrating on a possible career change and improving my lifestyle. And I would rather be happily single and dating or in a relationship. Than miserable and UNHAPPY in a marriage that was not meant to be.
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