| | Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?Page 5 of 18 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18) |
Unless the vows stated a disclaimer including unfaithfulness or something about an open marriage, then I see traditional vows as being pretty black and white.
Speaking of open marriage, Monique (the comedian), came out in a new interview and announced to the world that her and her husband has an open marriage. She supposedly never cheated, but allows her husband to.
Can certain people get even more pathetic? It just shows that some people don't value the true meaning of marriage, have absolutely no morals and sense. What is the point of even being married? A true disgrace, to say the least. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:41:54 AM | | it is horrible but it would definatley be a red flag for me. i would just see to many problems there with having my own children. but would suit some people with no ties | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:47:12 AM |
Can certain people get even more pathetic? It just shows that some people don't value the true meaning of marriage,
What exactly is the "true meaning of marriage?" They came to an agreement that works for them (which means he's not "cheating"). To me, that's how a marriage should be. I certainly think it's better than the way many people do it: say your vows and then sneak around behind the other person's back. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:20:35 AM | But after reading this I have changed my mind. The anger, bitter, vile, blame everyone else comments has convinced me you all are messed up & I am going to put your group on my Do Not Call list!
It would seem the judges don't take too well to being judged. LOL
I was just recounting my own experiences. I own them and hopefully learned a few things.
Painting all unmarried with the same negative black brush of generalization is just another form of discrimination. It's convenient to berate what you don't like or understand. Using past marriages as a measurement of commitedness is a weak argument at best.
My examples above might lead someone to believe that I think marriage is a bad thing. Fortunately I have a number of friends that are happily married and I see the merit in it. But it has to be done with the right person, not just another warm body. Its about the persons involved, not the marriage- Isn't it?
Married , divorced , never married- all people have issues to various degrees and no state of partneredness confers any superiority or inferiority upon an individual. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:34:59 AM | Alooo wrote:
What exactly is the "true meaning of marriage?"
The true meaning of marriage TO ME, means that I am dedicating my life to that ONE person only. I don't believe in the slightest bit that marriage was meant to be degraded, which is in my eyes, what an open marriage is and cheating.
They came to an agreement that works for them (which means he's not "cheating").
This is by far one of the dumbest and most ridiculous comments I've come across in a while. So committing adultery in a marriage isn't cheating? Regardless if they came to an "agreement" that works for them, sleeping with someone else other than your spouse is still committing infidelity, regardless.
To me, that's how a marriage should be. I certainly think it's better than the way many people do it: say your vows and then sneak around behind the other person's back.
Yet another utterly ridiculous and dumb comment. Neither way is okay, to be frank and the fact that you even agree with open marriage shows your severe immorality and high case of ignorance.
This is one of many reasons why I think this country is so effed up now. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:36:16 AM | | OP you need to find someone who doesn't judge based on demographics, but decides based on who you are as a person. There is no reason you can't find what you want - it's out there somewhere. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 11:08:33 AM |
I have yet to make any sense of this type of thinking that if you have been married in the past and now divorced then this shows you can commit!! Wtf! What is up with that? So if I had gotten married and then divorced my husband that would show I can commit? Really. So the fact that I have no failed marriages and a slew of kids in my wake raises red flags!? How very interesting. I better get on the ball get married and divorced two or three times and have three kids and then I will be datable. Pfft man people can be incredibly foolish.
Having a failed marriage or marriages in your past does not show you can commit.It only shows that you give up and bailed on your marriage.
+1  Best answer for the thread.
And people really need to get off the "no marriage = selfish" gambit...it's beyond pathetic. No marriage = self preservation. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 11:17:19 AM |
Yet another utterly ridiculous and dumb comment. Neither way is okay, to be frank and the fact that you even agree with open marriage shows your severe immorality and high case of ignorance.
gosh, rush. i'm surprised to read your vehemence and use of verbal bludgeons here, given your typically reasoned tone and attention to nuance.
So committing adultery in a marriage isn't cheating?
not if sexual fidelity isn't written into the vows. for some people, the loyalty is in the heart and the head, and not the genitals. it's like swinging. it can work. it's not for everyone, but no one is suggesting it should be.
the morality is in the agreements, not just the actions. if you see a plant in my yard and you want it, so you come over and dig it up without telling me, that's immoral. but if you tell me you want it first, and i say sure, come get it, it's not immoral. the agreement determines the morality of the actions.
who knows if monique and her husband's arrangement will work? i certainly wish them the best. if they have an arrangement that's solid and mutually agreed upon and is able to be honored, more power to them, because that would put them ahead of most people. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 11:30:06 AM |
This is by far one of the dumbest and most ridiculous comments I've come across in a while. So committing adultery in a marriage isn't cheating?
"Cheating" is when you break the rules. So in this case, the guy is committing adultery but he's not cheating.
Yet another utterly ridiculous and dumb comment. Neither way is okay, to be frank and the fact that you even agree with open marriage shows your severe immorality and high case of ignorance.
What I agree with is letting people live their lives in a way that makes them happy. It doesn't mean I'd practice it myself. To me, "ignorant" and "immoral" would be condemning people who aren't hurting anybody just because they don't want to play by your rules or society's rules. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 2:52:13 PM |
gosh, rush. i'm surprised to read your vehemence and use of verbal bludgeons here, given your typically reasoned tone and attention to nuance.
Well, I do keep a pretty clean and "smooth" tone on these forums, but some posts deserve a good verbal 'tone' every now, and then.
I think the reason why Monique has an open marriage is because more than likely, she knew her husband would 'cheat' anyway. Just my observation. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 3:37:54 PM | | I've come across this in a profile, where a woman (she was in her 30's I think) claimed that she would never date a man who has no kids or has never been married. She referred to it as a red flag and went on to say any man who hasn't been married or has no kids by the age of 35 must be bi or have trouble getting it up?! I've also seen the opposite where a woman stated in her profile that she was looking for a serious relationship and would never date a man who was married before, had kids, and that he had to be older than 45? Imagine how much more difficult she is making her search? Just more examples of the women waiting to be swept off their feet, by their elusive prince charming. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 4:00:34 PM | Message 110 - Gee I love your narrow mindedness re marriage and your perception of how it "should be".
After much agonising and three children to think of I finally left my marriage due to my husband NOT suppporting me during the "good times and the bad".
People don't generally just walk out of a marriage, most do make some kind of effort to talk to their partner and try to solve the problems. However it isn't always so easy if the other person isn't interested.
For the record - Divorce doesn't always happen because of infidelity. There are a thousand other reasons.
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 4:34:43 PM | | Add me to the list of never married and no kids at 47. I'm quite comfortable in my situation, but if I find the right one, then that's great as well. Picky? Not as much as people assume, but many of the women here tend to be, especially considering the few replies I get for my profile... | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 4:35:39 PM |
People don't generally just walk out of a marriage, most do make some kind of effort to talk to their partner and try to solve the problems. However it isn't always so easy if the other person isn't interested.
The post regarding the black and white views on marriage aside...this snippet is so simple yet so profound.
In all my life I have yet to hear of even one case or example when the marriage dissolved immediately because one partner left the toilet seat up ONCE...left the cap off the toothpaste ONCE...forgot to take out the trash ONCE...put the toilet paper roll in the "wrong" way ONCE...forgot ONE anniversary (or similar)...and so on.
If anything, of the cases I've been privy to here, online elsewhere, in the media, or in real life...all have been laid at the expense of a repeated failure, or a constant behavior that is no longer an obstacle but a roadblock entirely. If a couple faces an issue or a challenge, it will be up to them to balance the tipping ship. Sadly, this requires participation from BOTH parties and this is where it fails the quickest, and the easiest. Easiest thing to accomplish, but always the first thing to fail...cooperation.
Especially when one party never EVER sees their own behavior as "part of the problem". It is ALWAYS the other party's "fault".
FAIL.  | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 5:25:29 PM |
Some people who feel they were given the gift of being able to make tremendous sacrifice simply due to the fact they had children demonstrate they are still "all about me." They just don't recognize it.
imo,Amen,can i say that? just checking, and the self profess chemical blond's will self implode with their near sighted-mess.
And the same folks who rear these crumb stealer s ha! just go the Chuckie Cheese or Toy are Us to see who's in control of what! lol jmo | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:03:18 PM |
It's a red flag for marrige minded people. So divorced people should be a red flag for people who want to avoid others who get hopelessly involved in relationships doomed to fail?? 
I have yet to make any sense of this type of thinking that if you have been married in the past and now divorced then this shows you can commit!! Exactly.
I look at like this: if someone makes an erroneous profiling judgment of me, they save me my effort of investing time getting to know someone who is prone to having emotional incorrect knee-jerk notions. This is NOT someone I want to get to know.
I've got faith that there are PLENTY of attractive single parents and divorced folks without kids out there NOT hamstrung by the false belief of these dating profiling crutches and who don't oversimplify complex social issues in order to have some false sense of thinking they understand something well that don't understand at all.
Really, divorced people believe that unmarried single folks who haven't had children can't possibly understand child-related issues, sympathize with single parents, or assume that they are commitment-phobes? That sort of default de-humanized mindset sounds straight out of Nazi Germany. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:03:21 PM | | Apparently it is. so is there a group buy on these Red Flags or are they issued ? And in all fairness, those of you that have been married and have kids, please report to the same location to recieve your Black Flag. We can wave semaphor at each other and avoid the whole dating hassle. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:20:41 PM | | It would depend on the reasons why he was never married. One of my cousins didn't get married until he was 42. There was nothing wrong with him. He just simply preferred to remain single when he was younger. | |
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=jinx=
| | Joined: 1/25/2010
Msg: 120 | |
| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:23:07 PM | Never married? No red flag for me.
Several people have brought up possible concerns about the emotional health (for lack of a better catch-all term) of someone who has never having married.
People who have been married may also be unable to commit, be selfish, be me-oriented, etc.
To me, this is about that individual, and not about whether they have ever been married.
No kids? No red flag for me.
Has kids? I proceed with caution. | |
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452
| | Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 122 | |
| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:34:01 PM |
After much agonising and three children to think of I finally left my marriage due to my husband NOT suppporting me during the "good times and the bad".
People don't generally just walk out of a marriage, most do make some kind of effort to talk to their partner and try to solve the problems. However it isn't always so easy if the other person isn't interested.
For the record - Divorce doesn't always happen because of infidelity. There are a thousand other reasons.
Divorce is never, and I use that word very sparingly around here, the fault of just one person. There are three sides to every story, his, hers and there there is the unvarnished, unbiased truth. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:34:47 PM | Hi. I would like to meet a man (36-45) who's never been married AND WOULD LIKE TO GET MARRIED, has no children, AND WOULD LIKE TO HAVE HIS OWN CHILDREN. Because I'm getting just the opposite most of the men I come across have been married before (or are separted) and have children (2-3). I think I could handle him having just one (1), but two-three! OMG!
If you're out there please send me a message! Thanks. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:35:10 PM | | Attention all shoppers. We have a blue light special at the front of aisle 2. For one hour only, red flags will be half price. Hurry and get your red flags to wave to anyone that doesn't fit your mold. There's a limit of only 10 per customer. Happy shopping. | |
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| Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/8/2010 8:43:39 PM | | Find me a woman who won't waste years of my life saying they want to be together forever then either leave over some identity crisis or cheat out of the blue and marriage probably wouldn't really be an issue. Personally I'm not sure why people see marriage as some sort of sign that someone is committed to a relationship. It has NOTHING to do with how loyal you are or how good you are as a partner. It always astounds me how women can think a piece of paper suddenly makes someone faithful or worthy of a relationship. Kind of naive and irrational way to think. To me it's a religious custom and since I have no belief in religion it really means nothing to me. I definitely don't think I could ever have a church wedding because it would be completely hypocritical of me. It would strictly be a justice of the peace thing. I'm the type of person who has no problem dedicating everything I have and loving one person until the day I die. I don't need papers to make me do it. It's just the way I am. Too bad I haven't met a woman with the same dedication. | |
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