Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Jebby16
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 201
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?Page 9 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Someone on this post said,

----People that don't have kiddos haven't learned what it is to sacrifice to give your all to someone else, to do without so they can have what they want & need. They also haven't learned the art of compromising.----

Are you fcuking kidding me? How ignorant a statement is that? How does a childless man not know of sacrifice? According to you, man with no kids = uncompromising. Are you serious? Is this true of women that prefer not to bear children, also?

NEWS FLASH:
Kids aren't necessary for one to understand the "art of compromise" or what sacrifice means. You guessed it. I have no kids. But I have nieces and nephews. I've witnessed the sacrifices and limitless love my brother and sis have given these kids. Children for me may not be in the cards and that's ok.

Hopefully, you will teach your kids that just because someones is entitled to their opinion, it doesn't mean others will agree with it.

---Ay Vei...I need a
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 202
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:05:06 AM
If its Red Flag. then I'm happy to be Red!

~sc~
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 203
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 10:13:41 AM
Wave that banner dude women like me are watching!!!!!

What I have learned from my children:
Most recently~ how to use my new Blackberry I would have never bought without daughter pressure.
Every time Im around~ how to hide my cash and credit cards.
In the past~ let them stay in jail, and pay for their own stupidity.
For the future~ spend all I have on me while Im still alive.

Dont get me wrong, I love my kids and they are my best friends. I just understand with the tribulations I have endured, parenthood comes with much more than most are willing to tolerate and thats OK.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 204
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 3:09:34 PM
I don't think having kids means you're sacraficing anything...and those that feel this way end up harbouring so much resentment towards their kids. Our kids didn't ask to be born, it was a selfish choice that we made to have children in order to make US feel better.

And like every other choice we make in life we should take responsibility for the outcome of that choice, will there be times that we need to sacrafice the brand new handbag to pay the school fees? Offcourse there will be! ...However one smile from your little one erases any joy that a handbag will ever bring. So although it may seem that we're sacraficing the materialistic things in life, we're being compensated by something far more rewarding.
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 205
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 3:23:47 PM

Verity, you have to stop frying fish. It's bad for you... too much cholesterol.

Sushi is my favorite, dude.

You need to start baking them or bbqing them.

I like it raw. I love the texture. I love it pink.

I don't think having kids means you're sacraficing anything...

Of course it is.
There's no denying that having dependents is a sacrifice. Having pets is one as well.

I helped raise young kids, for quite a while, and I did have to sacrifice lots.
I no longer have them, and have benefitted from the freedom, tremendously.

Being married is a sacrifice as well. I was (virtually) married for a long time as well.
Since having my freedom and complete autonomy, I've benefitted tremendously as well.

Being without both, has MAJOR plusses.

And not having BOTH, a former marriage, and children, has been a major plus in dating.

Less is more.

Classic.
 Mtown37
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 206
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 3:27:57 PM
I have been married twice and have one son. The only thing that raises a red flag for me is when a woman already has kids and does not want anymore since I want to expand a family of my own. Also, the women who are to selfish to ever bring a kid into this world. I actually had someone tell me that she did not want children because it they would mess up her body.
 34realwoman
Joined: 3/4/2010
Msg: 207
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 3:44:52 PM
Not necessary. One of my cousins didn't get married until he was 42. Nothing was wrong with him. He simply preferred to remain single when he was younger.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 208
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 3:52:41 PM
I see absolutely nothing wrong with it at all after listening to so many men's sob stories about ex wives or having them disappear every other weekend to play daddy.
Sandra Bullock was often asked why she hadn't married till in her 40s and she said just hadn't found anyone bigger than her yet.
OP - You haven't found a good fit yet - you may, or you may not. Be happy with either and don't listen to the garbage that people spew that something is wrong with you.
 hellofla
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 209
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 6:08:31 PM
And if you have no bills you have the world by the balls.
start a band ........go on a world tour
thats been my goal since 85..........the guitarists quit or get married

if they see red flags you don't need them ........apparantly stallone didn't either
 brnydgrl
Joined: 11/5/2009
Msg: 210
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 7:17:56 PM
Unfortunately, I have to agree with jerseygirl2008 and everybody else who sees this as a potential red flag. I am divorcing a man I married at 34 (he was 40) and, although he had a couple long-term (7 year) relationships, the issues that kept him single up to age 40 ultimately destroyed our marriage despite my best efforts. He wasn't commitment-phobic, he was controlling and anal to a fault. I stuck it out for 13.5 years. Two kids later, I finally woke up and smelled the coffee -- he was never going to change -- and that meant that we (our children and I) would never be happy.

I've also dated a couple POF men who never married because I don't believe in categorizing people; however, both of those relationships failed to launch due to other red flags.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 211
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 8:25:32 PM
Unfortunately, I have to agree with jerseygirl2008 and everybody else who sees this as a potential red flag. I am divorcing a man I married at 34 (he was 40) and, although he had a couple long-term (7 year) relationships, the issues that kept him single up to age 40 ultimately destroyed our marriage despite my best efforts. He wasn't commitment-phobic, he was controlling and anal to a fault. I stuck it out for 13.5 years. Two kids later, I finally woke up and smelled the coffee -- he was never going to change -- and that meant that we (our children and I) would never be happy.


Now your ex husband is divorced or soon will be, so by your method of selection he no longer has the red flag.
 allys2
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 212
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 8:39:26 PM
I think that the question that is raised in everyone's mind is "why hasn't this person been able to commit' As soon s someone tells me that they have never been married and have no kids that brings up a red flag because how could they ever understand what family life is like when there are kids involved. They only have to answer to themselves. They do not have the responsibilities that a married man has had and would understand. That is just my view and I am very skeptical about dating someone who has never been married and who has walked the walk.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 213
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 8:51:07 PM
Ok lets crunch the numbers To raise one child today it cost a average of $200,000.00 Having two children is the norm. So far you have saved $400,000.00 Now lets add the cost of at least one divorce at a national average of $20,000.00 just for the lawyer.
The next part you will have to figure take all your assets and divide them in half.
For the sake of putting a number on this lets say you total net worth at the time of divorce is $200,000.00

two children $400,000.oo
one divorce $20,000.00
1/2 assets $100,000.00
Total amount saved so far $520,000.00!!!!!

So sir by staying single you have done quite well. No red flags here at all!!!!
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 214
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:10:39 PM
WOW just wow. Some of the comments in this thread never allow for asking the person in question outright or going deeper into the answer.


Also, the women who are to selfish to ever bring a kid into this world. I actually had someone tell me that she did not want children because it they would mess up her body.


How do you know she meant just her figure, or her health in general. There are many women(from teens onwards) that the process of childbirth can have dire consequneces on their body. Not their figure shape, but other major medical issues. Why is it selfish for them to not want to bear children if it could mean the children will not have a 100% mommy to take care of them instead of "mommy vegatable" or "mommy invalid". Yes this may sound extreme, but if the odds are high enough, it is a possibility. Without asking further, you have no idea if it is body shape damage or physical health damage you are talking about.


As soon s someone tells me that they have never been married and have no kids that brings up a red flag because how could they ever understand what family life is like when there are kids involved.


Do you know how many single, never had kids(biologically their own) people I knnow that have been step-parent to someone else's kids in an LTR? This is a basket argument, it holds no water, but many think it's a catchall answer. I have know dozens(yes, dozens) that have been involved LTR with a single parent and their kids in a live-in situation. So they may not have squeezed out a few kids, but they have certainly played parent in the real world. Again the jury is hanging before all the facts are gathered.

ArabianAngel-thank you for your words, they are wise, and sadly I think as such will be under-appreciated by many.
 Happy Bachelor
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 215
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:36:17 PM
I found very interesting how many people use the word "commitment".

Sound like a sign of maturity because "You did it".

And even If You failed, You must be a more "mature" person than a person who didn't do it.

I don't buy it.

For me being "mature" is the person who have the ability to use their own good judgment in every aspect of his/her life.

It's like being "Cool under Pressure".

Being single it's my choice, and the reason that I'm here is because I want to read a
good reason Why I should be wrong.

And I'm still trying to find that reason...
 OMG!WTF!
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 216
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:50:45 PM

As soon s someone tells me that they have never been married and have no kids that brings up a red flag because how could they ever understand what family life is like when there are kids involved.


I think that most of what we understand about family life is taught to us by the time we're five. Unless you've been raised alternately by dogs, various wait staff and Blackjack dealers like me, you should have a pretty good idea of how relationships work by the time you've graduated to contemplating one of your own. Divorced, crazy, abusive, unloved, manic, or otherwise cooky upbringings would worry me more than the lack of a signature and condom. But neither seem more important than actually getting to know someone and making a judgement based on real character traits rather than a fill in the blank POF profile category. No offense POF. Pleae don't ban me POF. Oh gawd I'm done for now.

By the way, at some point in time we're all single, kid free and lacking long term relationships. So really, no one should marry anyone and we should just let the whole species die.
 Juste moi Danielle
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 217
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/15/2010 8:45:47 AM

It's almost as if some people are jealous of those who have never made a big mistake in their lives.


Not wanting to have my children or the twenty years I spent with a good man whom I still consider a friend dismissed as "a big mistake" has nothing to do with jealousy - ignorance and bigotry is not exclusive to us "big mistakers" as clearly evidenced on this thread alone.

Again, you can't expect what you are not willing to give...you (general you) say you don't want to be judged or lumped into a generalization yet you do the exact same thing in reverse.

 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 218
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/15/2010 8:56:49 AM

Also, the women who are to selfish to ever bring a kid into this world. I actually had someone tell me that she did not want children because it they would mess up her body.


I actually think that's a pretty legit reason not to want children. Some of us have heard and read the horror stories of childbirth.

Giving birth can also cause major complications in some women.

Fortunately for me, I am open to having children if the right man comes along and want children of his own.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 219
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/15/2010 10:07:27 AM

As soon s someone tells me that they have never been married and have no kids that brings up a red flag because how could they ever understand what family life is like when there are kids involved. They only have to answer to themselves. They do not have the responsibilities that a married man has had and would understand. They do not have the responsibilities that a married man has had and would understand. That is just my view and I am very skeptical about dating someone who has never been married and who has walked the walk.


If there are young children involved, I can understand that you would keep your children's best interest in mind. However, I would suggest that not all parents are good parents. So to assume that a parent would be better suited than a non parent to step into a parenthood role is a quite a stretch.

Further, to assume that someone who has never been married is incapable of adapting to the responsibilities of a spouse is also a stretch. It could be argued that someone who hasn't experienced a bad marriage would be more willing and motivated to enter into a marriage.

Until you get to know someone, I don't see how anyone can jump to any of these conclusions. And to be honest, most of the reasons given are looking way beyond the dating stage when you're talking about just meeting someone for a first date.

I guess I just don't understand the mentality of ruling people out of a first date based on a stereotype.
 dm08
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 220
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/15/2010 10:17:26 AM
woman on the whole have maternal instincts more than men.They on the whole like the idea of concievement.Men on the other hand can take it or leave it from experiences.I myself have been in relationships where children have conflicted,which puts you off of firstly having any with that partner and secondly realising youll always be second best.More often than not the kids will always come first which they should do.
 smiley_1946
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 221
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/15/2010 10:51:18 AM
I have dated men that were never married and never had kids...and I don't feel that they know much about life! They don't know how to share or know whats it's like to be with a woman on the day to day...they also don't know anything about children...
They are set in their ways because the only life they know is their own little world of living alone with themselves...and it is very hard for them to fit you in their world!!!
So to me, it is a major "RED" flag...I expiercened the men who fit in this category!!!
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 222
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/15/2010 10:55:36 AM
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 223
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/15/2010 11:28:44 AM
Too many divorces, not enough divorces, too many kids, not enough kids, too young, too old, too tall, too short, too big, too small, too outgoing, too introverted, too quiet, too loud, too lazy, too driven, too frugal, too materialistic, too selfish, too selfless, etc,etc,etc....We all have preferences in what we are looking for in a mate and all these preferences could be called red flags. The point most open minded people are trying to make is don't prejudge others. We all have different wants, needs and preferences and it is everyone's choice how much they want to limit thier options based on thier preferences . Personnally I see never married no kids as a bonus rather than a liability.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 224
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/15/2010 11:43:55 AM
I guess I shouldn't be surprised by some of the responses. After all, there are people on this site that use astrology to determine the viability of a match...
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 225
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/15/2010 12:17:18 PM
There are also many people on this site looking for a happy medium or possibly a smiling clairvoyant - sorry old joke
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?