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 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 76
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

And what new, great and irresistible advantages would this entail exactly? Give us or me details please-----let's compare bit for bit please??

The guy in the relationship is getting support, companionship and friendship in addition to lots of sex. The only thing the FB gets is sporadic sex. If a guy felt like he had to "put up with" the other stuff in order to get the sex, then he wouldn't be the sort of guy I'd want to be in a relationship with.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 77
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:19:16 AM

The guy in the relationship is getting support, companionship and friendship in addition to lots of sex

I can get support, friendship, companionship and so forth from friends... A FWB with benefits is by definition a friend, so would also provide a measure of those things too...


The only thing the FB gets is sporadic sex.

Actually, not really. For a lot of men, the reason they want a FB (or FWB) is to get lots of sex. It allows the man to have at least one woman (probably more) for steady sex and still allows him the freedom and the free time to actively pursue other women.


If a guy felt like he had to "put up with" the other stuff in order to get the sex, then he wouldn't be the sort of guy I'd want to be in a relationship with.

I will agree with this point... I don't think men should consider it 'waiting' or 'putting up with'.....
However, since the main reasons why many men want a FB or FWB in the first place is either to get lots' of easy sex from different women, or in order to "not put up with the other stuff", you have basically eliminated most men who have been or want to be a FWB or FB from your dating pool....
 georgie34
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 78
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/14/2010 4:51:36 PM
Weirdly in my understanding a FWB is often pretty much like a relationship.the only difference is-Commitment.
And even then people can be in relationships and cheat on their partners.
 dancewthme
Joined: 3/10/2010
Msg: 79
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/14/2010 5:13:36 PM
I think this is well stated Jewlsey. Dating is exactly the process by which you find the partner who suits you based on where you are, in the moment. You have to know yourself to know what you want.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 80
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/14/2010 6:07:46 PM
I don't think that there is a difference of between a sex buddies and a girlfriends,
I would rather be in a Higher Rank Fiancee...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 81
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/14/2010 7:20:59 PM
Is it possible to have a LTR with sex buddie/FWB? Is there an exclusive relationship with a FWB?
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 82
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/14/2010 7:29:49 PM
I believe that it is. I think that the FWB relationship often goes bad for one of the participants, but that is likely because they are being dishonest with themselves, not to mention the other party. Even so, imo, there is nothing wrong with realizing that at a particular point in your life, you are not willing to engage in a "real" relationship, not willing to sacrifice the time, not willing to involve your kids in a relationship at this point in time, or a myriad of other reasons. If you can find someone else in the same position, perfect FWB, and this can last for a few years, at least. Guess it depends on one's definition of long term.
 candid_1
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 83
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:12:08 PM
What a load of horse shit. FWBs are no different than LTR, dating, committments, and any other term you want to throw out there. Many also interchange FWB with phuck buddies and bed buddies. We all give it different meanings, have different expectations and they last different durations. I've had committed relationships with different titles yet in essence they are based on the same thing... usually sex, if I get my way - and I do or they're called gone. But there is a huge difference between a one off or booty call and FWB. FWBs have a basic liking for the foundation. There is more to it than sex.

If the difference between FWB and girlfriend is whether you spend money on them, wouldn't that also define a hooker? If the difference between FWB and girlfriend is committment, why do people break up? Ooops, so much for committment. If the difference between FWB and LTR is time - why do some relationships last and at what point in time do you measure the relationship?... 20 years? 1 year? Helloooo - HINDSIGHT. What is the difference between any relationship? Respect? I've loved and respected some of my FWBs. Committment? I only do one guy at a time... if I've moved on, I've moved on. Hell, even with marriage you've got no guarantees of sexual fidelity. And since when is sex a male only benefit? I like sex too.

If I've got X amount of time to myself (and you all know your schedules) who's to say what type of relationship I can afford? FWBs have been around since Adam & Eve - why? Because they work. And like any other relationship, when they don't work, it's usually due to a break down of communications, change of needs, or expectations - the same as every other type of relationship - And how many bloody posts have we seen about doesn't want to commit, doesn't want to get married, or has left? It's no different than any other type of relationship. They're all subject to successes and failures.
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 84
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/15/2010 2:41:42 AM

The guy in the relationship is getting support, companionship and friendship in addition to lots of sex. The only thing the FB gets is sporadic sex. If a guy felt like he had to "put up with" the other stuff in order to get the sex, then he wouldn't be the sort of guy I'd want to be in a relationship with.


Fair enough----possibly an attractive thing to some guys BUT in another thread its speculated and questioned how do we keep the sex drive for each other alive over time. All the above presupposes a guy is looking for more than "sporadic" sex with a FB and perhaps he's not. Its a bit over reaching saying this relationship stuff is all that appealing to some people. If it were the FB's would never have become the phenomenon they are today. (FWIW back in pre-historic times of the 40's, 50's etc they were known as relationships of convenience!)

Who's to say such a guy looking only for the FB doesn't have a similar arrangement with more than one woman thereby enjoying it far more often then "sporadically"?? Women so hell bent on being in nothing BUT a "relationship" seem to forget its not the be all end all for everyone----the huge number of single people says some might not be driven like lemmings to acheive such a thing.

There's also another thread running here courtesy of one Ms Kaliecat how longer term co-habitating couples lose that desire for one another in the physical sense, how hot sex fades over time. We all know this happens quite often and a guy or gal looking to NOT suffer that might instead opt for the FB---I'll trade "sporadic" great sex for perfunctory "do me quick and get it over with...." any day of the week. Sound familar?

The things SOME women hold up as important just doesn't translate to those ranking the same for SOME men. Hopefully those with similar views and interests find one another!
 MySpoonIsTooBig!
Joined: 2/20/2010
Msg: 85
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/15/2010 5:18:06 AM

Weirdly in my understanding a FWB is often pretty much like a relationship.the only difference is-Commitment.
And even then people can be in relationships and cheat on their partners.

Not so weird at all, IMO, although I might be approaching "commitment" from a different angle. Hard to tell what you mean, but I'll explain the way I see things.

I think being FWBs IS a relationship, just not a serious one built on love. Mutual affection & caring, sure, but not that all-consuming passion that comes from being with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. To me, being FWBs is like being in a relationship, only it's been dialed-back a notch or two & you're not making future plans with that person (moving in together, marriage, kids, etc). But it's not necessarily monogamy that you're avoiding.

IMO, the FWB relationship isn't so much about avoiding commitment in the "monogamy" sense where you want to see multiple people at once (although that may be the case). An FWB relationship is more about simply enjoying someone's company without ever having to wonder, "Where is this relationship going?" All the good stuff, only without feeling like your lives are inextricably tied together. No torturing yourself with questions like, "When is he/she ever gonna finally propose?" or "What if I get a job in another city?" - not even "What if they meet someone else?" This last part is important...

Not concerning yourself with the "happily ever after" part of the equation means that it's often easy to simply take a step back & just keep things at a platonic level if your (suddenly former) FWB pursues a career or an education elsewhere, or if he/she really clicks with someone else & wants to take that other relationship to the next level. If everything between you & your FWB is working well, you're friends first & foremost, & you're happy when they're happy. Therefore, the end of a good FWB relationship is far less traumatic than the end of a serious relationship, since there's usually no hard feelings. Most of my FWB relationships ended when the woman met someone who gave them the relationship & future that they were always looking for, & the fact that I was only Mr Right Now until they eventually met Mr Right is perfectly fine with me.
 georgie34
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 86
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/15/2010 3:37:07 PM

Not so weird at all, IMO, although I might be approaching "commitment" from a different angle. Hard to tell what you mean, but I'll explain the way I see things.

I think being FWBs IS a relationship, just not a serious one built on love. Mutual affection & caring, sure, but not that all-consuming passion that comes from being with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. To me, being FWBs is like being in a relationship, only it's been dialed-back a notch or two & you're not making future plans with that person (moving in together, marriage, kids, etc). But it's not necessarily monogamy that you're avoiding.

IMO, the FWB relationship isn't so much about avoiding commitment in the "monogamy" sense where you want to see multiple people at once (although that may be the case). An FWB relationship is more about simply enjoying someone's company without ever having to wonder, "Where is this relationship going?" All the good stuff, only without feeling like your lives are inextricably tied together. No torturing yourself with questions like, "When is he/she ever gonna finally propose?" or "What if I get a job in another city?" - not even "What if they meet someone else?" This last part is important...

Not concerning yourself with the "happily ever after" part of the equation means that it's often easy to simply take a step back & just keep things at a platonic level if your (suddenly former) FWB pursues a career or an education elsewhere, or if he/she really clicks with someone else & wants to take that other relationship to the next level. If everything between you & your FWB is working well, you're friends first & foremost, & you're happy when they're happy. Therefore, the end of a good FWB relationship is far less traumatic than the end of a serious relationship, since there's usually no hard feelings. Most of my FWB relationships ended when the woman met someone who gave them the relationship & future that they were always looking for, & the fact that I was only Mr Right Now until they eventually met Mr Right is perfectly fine with me.


Yes I agree with what you're saying.
As i said before though the problem is when you are in a FWB situation and you are thinking-

"Where is this relationship going?" All the good stuff, only without feeling like your lives are inextricably tied together. No torturing yourself with questions like, "When is he/she ever gonna finally propose?" or "What if I get a job in another city?" - not even "What if they meet someone else?"


When you have feelings for that person...thats where FWB can be ..not so beneficial.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 87
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/15/2010 4:12:10 PM

FWBs are no different than LTR, dating, committments, and any other term you want to throw out there.

yep. so much of this debate is just the hot air of nomenclature. how many people would happily accept interactional terms they thought of as 'relationship,' but reject them in horror is they somehow fell under the 'FWB' label.

i'm reminded of the thread title in which she asks if 'players' ever do 'relationships.'
 MySpoonIsTooBig!
Joined: 2/20/2010
Msg: 88
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/15/2010 8:16:17 PM

When you have feelings for that person...thats where FWB can be ..not so beneficial.

Yeah, if only one of you starts falling for the other & the feelings aren't reciprocated, it can get messy in a real hurry.
 wcis4u
Joined: 9/7/2009
Msg: 89
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/16/2010 5:31:37 PM
what happened to respecting women is the same thing that happened to respecting men. Respect is not given.It is earned and I for one have a hard time respecting people who lie,are selfish and who don't keep their word.Women expect honesty and respect,but they lie about themselves,only care about their own feelings and tell a guy they want to spend time with him and then never do it. Would you respect people who act that way ?
 34realwoman
Joined: 3/4/2010
Msg: 90
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/16/2010 8:08:08 PM

It could be possible that these men you "speak" of, OP, are strictly seeking FWB relationships and aren't interested in pursuing women romantically. Oh well. It's their thing and their life.


I agree. Also the OP has looking for "friends" on her profile. The men who read her profile and contact her may think she is also not interested in a serious relationship at the moment.
 GQSunset
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 91
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/16/2010 8:34:10 PM
OP it's very simple,

The better you look the more a man will want to have a relationship with you. ( because if you look that good he'll want to have sex more than once with you )

The heavier you are and the less you have to offer the more likely it is that FWB is all you will find in men.

Don't worry about not finding the guy who wants a relationship, WORRY about having something to offer a good man OTHER THAN sex and you have a row of good men lining up at your door to go out with you.
 Gershwin-2
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 92
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/20/2010 9:21:13 PM
"... no strings attatched, no pressure and no questions asked.
.... no judgement from me but they should at least be upfront about it.

"IMO some won't tell you they only want that because they might be afraid if they did tell you that you wouldn't be interested, they will have no chance so the sneaky slimeballs that some are will lead you on and make you think they care and you mean a lot to them. The ones of us that are trusting and naive fall for the bs hook line and sinker and then they bail.. "

}{ A fine line : being trusting enough to actually care about another, and not use a year in administering litmus tests ..vs .. getting took, always }{

"Once you see enough of it you'll learn to spot it much quicker and kick them to the curb."

I'm fairly judgemental. I guess lying is the worst in my list. Then ppl ready to ditch on a moment's notice, meaning IMO they have no hopes for the long-view. Or for depths of feeling. I've had good luck so far in spotting people who misrepresent themselves.

Maybe some men, certainly no more than 1/4 of those on POF, are lost causes and are career philanderer/wolves. They spend time, real time, maybe for decades, filling up the space of POF etc. They learn the ropes, learn skills at seeming sincere.

But I think they can be spotted.

The % insincere women, I mean ones actually able 2B harmful, I think less
javascript:smilie('')
 Gershwin-2
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 93
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/20/2010 9:30:42 PM
"I don't think that there is a difference of between a sex buddies and a girlfriends,
I would rather be in a Higher Rank Fiancee... "

Agree, agree. :)

Some of us still feel idealistically; and from same-sex friendships know the long-term diad (duo) is possible. And we think logically : about having a steady supply, no off-seasons, as an exciting idea.

Thanks Vannili , javascript:smilie('')
 SJBoxing408
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 94
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 12:24:22 AM
i would love to have a gf. why i cant get one is beyond my imagination
 Me, myself, I
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 95
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 3:39:46 AM
I think this is all hysterical....as if most of the men on here have ample choices of women to 'get off on' and in any event if women didn't put out so frequently they wouldn't have the choices they do now to do what it is some of the women appear to hate - women created this sexual revolution and now don't like the impact it's had....me included.....I don't have hang ups about sex but there doesn't seem to be any mystery to it anymore....its not about commitment for me but more about finding a man I'D like to spend time with where sex actually means something a bit more than a guttural exchange of body fluids followed by a 'see ya next week for the same' type comment.....I don't want to see a mans erect****two minutes after meeting him, it puts me off reading the wedding magazines
 georgie34
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 96
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 4:17:43 AM
^^^^
Interesting, I think you have some valid points there.And I can see myself in what you are saying.
 mogrl42
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 97
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 6:44:26 AM

I find that Long Term on here (POF)-often means-long term sex buddy as in more than once.

I guess it all depends on what your expectations are of a long term relationship.
Maybe some people only look for companionship,however, to make a long term relationship work the sex has to be there.Just my opinon
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 98
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 9:34:31 AM
FourmProfile:

Except for a guy's wallet and a sperm donation why does a woman need a man? To annoy the crap out of her for inappropriate ignorant behavior?
 Sirenbliss
Joined: 3/13/2010
Msg: 99
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 11:38:11 AM
It is what it is unfortunately... some men (and women) just want sex without complication; but its much easier for the man to dabble loosely with sex than most women as we all know... its genetic and the men are basically acting out their baser genetic " have sex with as many women as possible" coding.

However self-awareness is what has brought most of mankind to rising above the animal instinct in order to create a higher level of societal interaction-- try to find a man who demonstrates awareness --- perhaps someone with a higher intellect or a strong spiritual or moral upbringing... and keep doing what you do-- weeding out the thorns!
Hang tough!
 cdnfinanceman
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 100
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 12:18:25 PM
Its like a fat kid in a candy store, why have one when you can sample everything, some guys have that mentality , if thats not your bag baby, just let them know in your profile and let them know right away, the guys who want a little leg will see that and be gone faster than fat kid at a jenny craig information session
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