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 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 51
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Showing initial interest and its effect on relationshipsPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You'd be surprised at the number of women you think you are pursuing but reverse psychology is at play and they're, in fact, pursuing you in a covert way. Therefore, the theory is pretty much bunk.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 52
Showing initial interest and its effect on relationships
Posted: 3/24/2010 10:45:35 AM

I remember reading an article a while back that said relationships where the woman was the first to initiate contact had a higher chance of developing into a long-term relationship, rather than when the man pursued the woman.

Most of my relationships, including my present relationship would support that article.
 likesmbig
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 53
Showing initial interest and its effect on relationships
Posted: 3/24/2010 10:45:38 AM
Kinda like he chased her until she caught him.
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 54
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Showing initial interest and its effect on relationships
Posted: 3/24/2010 11:29:21 AM
Women, if they are attractive, have lots of men showing a lot of interest in
them and it's easy to just dismiss most of them. Most of the time if you have
lots of attention from men it doesn't really excite you. They may become
just friends, or occasional guys to date.

It seems that men cast a very wide net hunting for women, in general.

Women on the other hand will only really be able to love or form a
relationship with one man in a hundred. Usually the one man the woman
singles out will take her up on the offer of love.
Men don't seem to get as many offers or as much interest from the opposite
sex and when a woman shows she is totally into a guy he seems very
appreciative.

A close male friend recently got a new girlfriend and when I asked him what
he liked about her he said "She likes me". That seems to sum it up for
a lot of men.
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 55
Showing initial interest and its effect on relationships
Posted: 3/24/2010 1:32:04 PM

when a woman shows she is totally into a guy he seems very appreciative.

Actually, if they're appreciative at first that wears off quickly. Mostly, I find they're guarded or suspicious if a woman is "totally into" them.

A close male friend recently got a new girlfriend and when I asked him what
he liked about her he said "She likes me".

Sounds about right for the first 3 months. Then the masks start to slip.
 HardwoodFloorBoard
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 56
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Showing initial interest and its effect on relationships
Posted: 3/24/2010 2:07:10 PM
Are women really more selective? Does the fact that most women allow men to approach them rather than doing the approaching only make them seem more selective?

To be sure, a woman will reject the great majority of the men who approach her, but then most men do not approach all the women they encounter either.

I think that if men and women took the same approach to meeting each other, the average man would be as selective as the average woman.

So far as men being more visual, I think that's about the same for men and women as well.
If a woman is approached "cold" by an unfamiliar man out and about somewhere, her decision whether to interact with him at all will be made on the basis of his appearance and/or outward behavior, just as the man made his decision to approach based on her appearance and outward behavior.

In a more conversational social situation, a man has more social cues about a woman's personality, etc. that just would not be available"out on the street", and will approach more on that basis.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 57
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Showing initial interest and its effect on relationships
Posted: 3/24/2010 2:51:58 PM

Kinda like he chased her until she caught him.

Precisely!
That's EXACTLY how it's SUPPOSED to work. Not saying that other methods are bad, wrong or doomed to fail...but the classic way is just as quoted.( It may be necessary to encourage /invite/instigate the chase to begin, ladies) And at the end of the day, there isn't (anyway there SHOULDN'T be) big imbalance of one member of the couple having done most of the "heavy lifting". Both of them busted their asses,in their own ways, to create the relationship...therefore it's not only a "relationship" it's a "partnership", a joint venture,if you will.
Cindy O
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 58
Showing initial interest and its effect on relationships
Posted: 3/24/2010 2:55:45 PM

And at the end of the day, there isn't (anyway there SHOULDN'T be) big imbalance of one member of the couple having done most of the "heavy lifting". Both of them busted their asses,in their own ways, to create the relationship...therefore it's not only a "relationship" it's a "partnership", a joint venture,if you will.

Well said, as usual.
 uniquesoul1011
Joined: 3/18/2010
Msg: 59
Showing initial interest and its effect on relationships
Posted: 3/24/2010 3:05:27 PM
Dear Cindy
Can you give me more details about how to "encourage/invite" the chase?
I am very interested in a painfully shy but nice guy IRL but don't know what to do lol
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 60
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Showing initial interest and its effect on relationships
Posted: 3/24/2010 3:21:59 PM
FJ
Oh heck I don't know, SMILE at him would be a good start. Strike up a conversation, joke around with him(provided he seems to have a sense of humor)
What's the setting of knowing him in IRL? Is it something you can create conversational material about? A common interest, a mutual acquaintance? Some would advocate going up and asking HIM out, but if he's real shy and/or tends to be more traditional,that could knock the whole thing right out of the water.
Cindy O
 uniquesoul1011
Joined: 3/18/2010
Msg: 61
Showing initial interest and its effect on relationships
Posted: 3/24/2010 3:29:06 PM
He is my coworker but he will move to another branch in LA next month. (2o minutes away from my work) So I've got to do something before he leaves lol
But the problem is I am very shy around him too I sit next to him while having a someone's B-day party at work yesterday and we didn't say a word to each other lol
But I will try to talk to him more. Thank you for your advice Cindy :) Wish me luck.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 62
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Showing initial interest and its effect on relationships
Posted: 3/24/2010 3:38:44 PM
Well, you could ask him whether he's looking forward to-or dreading-the move, and why. Offer him contact info,if that seems appropriate-so that he's got somebody from his old office to touch base with.
Best of luck to ya,kid. Remember, no guts-no glory!
Cindy O
 Shoedaddy
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 63
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Showing initial interest and its effect on relationships
Posted: 6/17/2010 5:55:00 AM
The reality is that this is a 'super social' skill. Most people for instance have a difficult enough time getting a date out of someone in school, at the gym, in a club, etc..- situations where there is plenty of opportunity to begin conversations and gauge interest levels and all that good stuff. Meeting someone (e.g., being social enough to the point where you are not only communicating with people, but communicating interpersonally to the extent that you are able to acknowledge and communicate to each other mutual interest) is just about a pipe dream for the person of average social skills. You TWO people have to either be incredibly lucky at the exact same time, or one person has to really know what they are doing.

In reality, persuasion is a skill that can be used effectively 100% of the time. Most people however are naive enough to wait for 'someone who likes me for me...' and 'the right one who will find me when I least expect it'. For contrast, however, a man who knows the ins and outs of persuasion can select a particular random woman in a supermarket and guarantee that she will develop interest in him
 sarnold
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 64
The male species does most of the pursuing...
Posted: 7/15/2010 6:25:17 PM
to DATE...women do most of the pursuing for a RELATIONSHIP...
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