| For money or love???
Posted: 5/19/2007 8:58:39 AM |
... I posed a question would you go with a guy for love or money???? If he was poor and would show you love would you marry him?? Or would you go for the guy who could give you everything in life you ask????
Well if the roles were reversed and I was asked - I would have to choose 'Love'.
I think it was best said within the lyrics of 'Can't Buy Me Love' by The Beatles.
"Say you don't need no diamond rings and I'll be satisfied.
Tell me that you want the kind of thing that money just can't buy.
I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love."
Well at least that in my opinion on the matter... | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 5/20/2007 10:27:10 PM | You know, I think that it's interesting that everyone seems to belive that *every* one of these 10 women surveyed was telling the truth :)
Hasn't anyone ever noticed that when people of the same gender (who're not very close friends) make some kind of small talk, they often try to show off?
It is in human nature to be competitive, so, a lot of the time, we try to impress other people with how succesful and "high up the food chain" we are (whether it's real or imaginary). And, by the traditional society standards (whether you agree with them or not), marrying someone wealthy would be considered a great achievement for a woman. So, no wonder women so often brag about how they're going to marry a wealthy socilaite. It is an equivalent of saying "I am so much more desirable than the other women that I can get that ideal rich husband that our capitalist society so much values". It's all about ego, and "survival of the fittest".
And with guys - I bet when they're talking to their buddies they probably describe a 'babe' with perfect physical assets as their future wife. Same reasons, competition again and the desire to showcase yourself as the "hottest" and the "coolest". Human nature *sigh*
On the bright side, though, most of the small talk above usually remains just that - a small talk. The majority of people end up marrying someone they love or like, eventually putting their own values and priotities ahead of these of the society. So I wouldn't be too worried! :) | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 5/21/2007 12:35:15 AM | It is honest.
Let's consider the following: Biological speaking, women are basically 'nesters' and would want a mate that can protect her and the family. At first it was a mate that had muscles and was strong enough to do that job. That feeling of protection created the 'love'.
(Forget society rules for a second and the independence of women..we are talking basic biological FACTS, and just because we live differently, doesn't mean that science and evolution can be ignored)
Nowadays, brawn is replaced by other means of power and ability to protect.: Money.
And most women nowadays finally found out that those hot guys they went for in the past were basically jerks and are no good for the long run, so they see it differently now. The prospect of a comfortable life creates an image of happiness. That image will fuel the feeling of love. | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 5/21/2007 10:48:01 AM | I have to say I agree with many of the points you make. I am a fairly conservative person who doesn't like surprises (oh, I can deal with them, I just don't like :). Like you, I long for stability and worked super-hard to achieve a certain standard of it in my current life.
However, I'm not so sure if we're on the same wavelength when we define the meaning of "money" and "wealthy".
Let me explain: to me, there are levels and levels to these terms. For example, I myself have a paid-off post-graduate education, my salary is somewhere in $50K at the moment (and I expect it to go up at least twice as much as I move along in my career), and I own a house. And yes, I would like to meet someone who is on the same social level as I am. But would I consider someone in the same financial situation as me rich? Most certainly not. I would consider that person *EQUAL*, and I most certainly wouldn't be marrying him for his money - but based on whether I like him as a person or not. To me, *RICH* would probably be defined as someone who had over a million cash clean, and *WEALTHY* would be someone with an estate of at least over 10 million.
On the other hand, I imagine that a girl with a high-school education working as a waitress (and I'm not pointing any fingers here, simply trying to create an analogy :), would probably see a guy who's my equal as rich. So, in her (hypothetical) case, she may or may not want to marry him for his money.
Now, finally to the point: would I want to marry that hypothetical millionaire? The answer is most likely "no". There is one thing you have to understand: 95% of people *NEVER*, *EVER* forgive you for marrying them purely for the sake of money. Deep inside of every one of us, be it Paris Hilton or a homeless junkie, there is a deep, uncontrollable desire to be loved for who we are. Oh yeah, I know it sounds a bit corny, but you can't change what's true :)
And the people can usually tell if you really love them or not. So, if that millionaire feels that he's not loved he *WILL* be hurt (even if he doesn't show it), and then, as a consequence, he *WILL* try hurt the one who hurt him. After all, it is in human nature to lash out on those who hurt us, you know. And you can take a guess at how long this marriage is going to last *sigh*.
So I would much rather marry someone who is my equal and work on creating that stable "nest" TOGETHER. The only time I would consider marrying someone out of my financial range would be if I *TRULY* loved that person. But in that case, I would always keep in mind that truly wealthy people are not usually very trusting (many people have tried to take advantage of them before), so I would mentally prepare myself to being "tested" for my feelings in the first couple of years of marriage, until he can learn (hopefully) to trust in my sincerity (and it has to be sincere - because people who love you are hypersesnitive to you and can usually tell).
Frankly, I'd rather not go through the trouble. Not unless I (emotionally) had no choice.
And yes, despite all this *deeeeep* philosophical stuff I just spewed above *LOL*, I still love to show off during small talk with other gals and say I'd marry for money. Nothing like projecting a cool, "no-kidding", "go-getter" businesswoman image to impress my peers. | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 11/20/2007 6:01:47 PM | | It's very sad to hear those womens responses, especially the you can fall in love later part. I lost my first love to a man with money. He was rich and old but he got her a furnished condo and a car. At first she wanted to keep me in the picture as a "sancho" (ask a hispanic friend) but I loved her and would not share, So I let her go. It's been over 15yrs and I still think of her and it still makes me a little sad. Now I'm in the same situation,(sort of). Women see that I am a desk clerk in a hotel and that I'm 37 and I guess they pass me by because of the money I earn. I say that because I have been told that I am handsome more than once. But the concensus is that women are choosing money over love. | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 11/23/2007 6:10:31 PM | | This poster lives in a bad part of town or just doesnt know many well educated woman, it's so totally absurd. | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 11/24/2007 12:40:14 AM | Money can put a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food in your belly.
Frankly I can do that on my own.
Love stirs your soul, opens your eyes and when it is returned ten fold it can make you fly.
Love every time. | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 11/24/2007 2:44:12 AM | | This is as much a cultural thing as any. All day every day that's all people are fed...money this/money that, If i only had more i'd be happy. Guess what? Happiness comes from within. But nowhere in society is this being taught. Is it a wonder we have a bunch of mental midgets running around? People running for Zoloft prescriptions instead of learning to deal with the issues. The same can be said about Ritalin and kids. People don't want to have to work anymore. And how about the latest craze of diet pills? People today just want to take a pill to make the problem go away, and the big drug companies are more than willing to oblige them. | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 11/24/2007 8:59:09 PM | So in this hypothetical marriage do we have a prenup that gives me everything should he disappear or die.. and what exactly IS the value of the insurance on this rich generous fellow who requires no love... and do you have to do the deed with him or is he like 85 and impotent... come on.. let's make this REAL!  | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/5/2007 9:08:19 PM | There are women and men BOTH, like that. Hearing your story tells you one of the reasons why trust between two people is even harder to build as we get older. I vote for love but I do want a guy that can pay his own bills and isn't looking to leech off of me (I've had those, not fun!). I'm looking for love... I just couldn't stand being with someone much if I didn't have feelings for them and generally, with marriage, living together and having sexual relations is a part of the deal... without love this is purely a business transaction then, no? I also have my self-respect and can take care of myself financially so I opt to be alone until the right guy for me comes my way.... I know this is true of myself as I've had more than one opportunity with wealthy guys but I just didn't feel anything for them... yeah, my mother would kick me and maybe I'll regret it when I hit 70 (ha!) but that's how it is. So... not all women (or men) are looking for money and I don't think it's an unrealistic world... just a difficult one but such is life in all worlds... to live contrary to my values and feelings would cause too much pain for me so I will have to hope for love. You're not alone!
PS I think a lot of people who say this are just terribly hurt from past relationships and never healed themselves in a healthy manner. It isn't easy loving and there is the great risk of being hurt again.... many people just can't get over it...or are still working on it... "baggage" they call it... so the "money motive" can just be a way to protect themselves... one they may or may not actually move on if the opportunity presented itself. People are complex, and that's one of the things I like best about us.... makes life interesting, doesn't it?! | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/6/2007 2:21:36 PM | What's the sense of living in a beautiful home ...miserable?
Incompatibility isn't worth the price.
Mistress Dolly | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/6/2007 4:48:34 PM | This subject has hit pretty close to home with me. I suppose I have been on both sides of the issue, being the man with and without money. I was fairly well off when I was younger, and then comfortable enough not that long ago. During those times I met quite a few women who seemed more willing to get to know me once they knew I was within a certain financial range. I also knew some women who did not seem to care one way or the other. Sadly, there were more of the first and the later, though I do not believe this to be a true ratio. I expect that women who are looking for a man with money are going to seem in a greater abundance simply because they are attracted to the men for that reason. By this I mean that men (and women) with money are more likely to meet more of the gold digger type simply because they are targeted by these persons.
Since that time I have been involved in an accident which stripped me of all financial and material wealth. I am sorry to say that the people I knew then (men and women) have left for higher ground, so to speak. My last relationship ended mostly because the woman I was with always wanted to be a stay at home mother, which was not possible with me. I have started dating again and find that it is pretty difficult for me to meet new women because of my financial situation, as I am very upfront about the fact that i am not currently working while continuing to recover from said accident and the subsequent difficulties. I try to keep in mind that it is a concern that a man does not work and may be a bum of sorts, but the truth is I often feel as if I am not given the slightest chance simply because of my financial status. I do make ends meet and need nothing from anyone, though that is pretty much the extent of my present state, barely making ends meet.
I have given this a good deal of thought as of late, for obvious reasons. I think about a time when i tried a dating site before, with pretty great results, and compare it to now. Let's just say that at present I am not doing very well at all. I am fairly certain that had I waited until I was back at work and in a better place financially, I would be doing at least somewhat better than I am now. I did try a little experiment a while ago and took the information about my not working off my profile for a week or so. I was not too surprised to have gotten a few contacts during that time, though I was saddened by it. Truth be told, I wish I had not tried that experiment.
Did I have a point? Oh, I suppose what I have learned is that money comes in to play for most people, though not always in such a cut and dry fashion as the original question. In this I consider myself rather fortunate to have been able to be on both sides of it and learn from those experiences. In that same sense, i am quite fortunate to have suffered and survived the loss caused by the accident since it has taught me the true value of life and how to appreciate the simple and small things in a way that i was never able to before. Now the trick is to find a woman who will respect that about me and appreciate the lessons I have learned in how they have made me a stronger and wiser man. The better trick is to find her before i am back at work and in financial security, if only as a way to feel a security that can only be found under said circumstances. | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/6/2007 8:00:48 PM | OP: I read your post & I'm shocked,but not in the sense that you think. Men have known always that women will go for the money. I'm shocked that you didn't know that?
Hey all I have to offer is conversation & the odd foot rub, that doesn't compare to exotic vacations, a BMW in the drive way or a pool in the back yard...
The down side to all the above is,the guy loses all that in the devorice..So much romancing the money I guess.....
Foot rub anyone  | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/6/2007 8:31:18 PM | I've gone for love each and every freakin' time. If this bf/relationship doesn't work out, that's it - I'll have had enough. Next time (if there is one) I'll be going for the $$. I'm tired of this crap. At least with the $$, you'll know precisely where you stand in the relationship - no need to worry or wonder if someone is playing you - your heart won't be involved anyway - what'll it matter? It WON'T. That's the life for me. Ahhhh. No more broken heart, no more crying, no more worry. Easy street.
Or maybe I'll just move to a cave somewhere with my dog and become a hermit....... | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/6/2007 11:24:07 PM | | ALL WOMAN WANT SECURITY............whats the first few questions you ask a guy.what car do you drive ,how many kids,what job are you in......... say no more.i keep hearing all this woman want to be treated as equals.so why in the twenty first century,do you still like being wined and dined at our expense then.so you can buy more shoes,look more glamerous and basically have one over on the average bloke.no im not bitter its fact.ask near enough any guy on here. | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/7/2007 12:32:44 AM | | These women may be connected with a system of prostitutes? Superficiality is the new reality. Now its looks that count, anybody can have money, all the plastic surgery wont make an ugly into a beauty. | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/9/2007 7:26:52 AM | | It's soooo true that money cannot buy happiness...Might make life a little less stressful at times, but I would NEVER choose money over love. True love is a rarity and a gift! | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/9/2007 1:13:52 PM | | Well that ain't no lie sweetie, I have found this to be true 9 times out of 10..... | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:01:31 PM | well lets face it sister we got to eat...lol..just kidding
i had an ex that made a 1.000 dollars a week..and all the money in the world can't buy happiness...trust me..oh it might sound great..but iwould wether have love anyday..for that money isn't going to hold me when i am sad..its going to nurse me if i am sick..nor support me when i need it...system...lol...that is what is wrong with todays world..it is all about material things..not the heart!!!
red | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:23:16 PM | Sadly, for some women, $1000 a week won't even get you a peek under the big top.
UHHHHH, thanks for playing! | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/12/2007 10:32:10 PM | | Ahhhh.....They think they can buy the love later.....well, they can buy it now down the street, but thy dont want them to become there wife....Money helps solve many problms in a life time...Your friends will run out as fast as the money does....Keep your idea of a long life with a man you Love together & you wont go wrong...Many people survived the depression with the love of there mates to continue to thrive.....Maybe your friends are to lazy to work & only seek the sugar daddy as an excuse....regardless of why they pick the path they do, life is more then the dollar, yourll learn that on the other end....stay safe & Good Luck | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/13/2007 7:15:31 AM | | could have married for love twice, But they were arrogant ***holes. So I married for love both time. One lasted 4 years, the other 17 years. We were never rich. But we were happy. Having to stuggle in life, always makes you stronger. | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:06:33 AM | | I believe most women would say money, but you asked a very black and white question and life isn't that straight forward. Ideally everyone would like to meet and fall in love with someone and not care about money (or cultural different or religious difference, racial difference or whatever other complications there may be) but in reality a man and women meet and eventually get married and have children, and the children have to paid for. I know I would certainly prefer to be at home with my children and not have to return to work three months after the baby is born, or spend all my days getting by... the desire for a financial stability is based on more than getting money, it's connected to security and the best advantage for a potential family. Most couples argue about money, so why not try to eliminate the problem in the first place. If we were in prehistoric days it would be perfectly natural that the women would choose the best hunter (provider)... | |
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| For money or love???
Posted: 12/13/2007 11:34:38 AM | | Correction to my last statement. could have married for money twice. But they were arrogant ***holes. I married for love twice | |
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