| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/2/2006 12:48:22 PM | | That's the moral I grew up with. That's a strict personal standard that I'm standing by with. | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/2/2006 2:20:04 PM | | I never can't wait to have sex before marriage. I think it is a bad idea to have. | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/2/2006 3:18:43 PM | I'd like to know why you think it's sucha good thing...
Would you buy a car without test driving it?
Would you buy a house without having it inspected?
Would you send your kids to a school without first checking the place out?
Why on EARTH in today's day and age would you WANT to hold off from finding out something as important as sexual compatability? | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/2/2006 3:57:07 PM | I'm just wondering, where exactly is it in the Bible that is interpreted as meaning that you shouldn't have sex before marriage? And, even if there IS such a passage, don't you think that as times change, principles change? I mean, it also says in the Bible that rebellious children should be stoned to death. Why is it that we pick to follow some tenets, but not others? And who gets to choose which ones to follow, which ones to drop, and why?
Honestly wondering at the Christian mindset on this. It's something I've never understood. | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/2/2006 7:45:04 PM | I agree with "all about laughs"... I wouldn't buy a car without test driving, and buying a car isn't a lifetime committment. Hell, I wouldn't buy a pair of pants without trying them on!
Sexual incompatibility can really ruin a relationship. What if his desires are vastly different from yours? What if what turns him on, totally turns you off, or vise versa?
Think about it! | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/2/2006 8:32:45 PM | Maybe I'm just a little more inventive than some, but I don't necessarily have to have sex to figure out what "he's" all about that way. There are creative ways to determine if someone is skilled/appropriate size/comfortable with their own sexuality, etc. I met a classic bad boy. We waited until we were married. And the sex was exactly as I assumed it would be. Definitely NO issues in that department and I am picky picky picky about the sex in my life. I've waited long periods of time more often than not, and I've not been disappointed yet. Intimacy is much more than just penetration ~ if a man can make me feel sexual all day long without actually having sex ~ that is a man who won't have issues once the real deal commences. JMO  | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/3/2006 8:31:25 AM | My theory = not a good idea. Why? You gotta test drive the goods to ensure it's all working....
I mean - imagine waiting. Then on the wedding night discovering the guy/girl just doesn't cut it in the sac? I would be like devastated  | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/3/2006 8:52:03 AM | | If a woman of mine didnt have sex with me within the first 2 months then she is out the door! I would never wait till marriage for sex. Waiting is stupid, what if you are totally noncompatible for each other in the sex department? You then will probably get tired of lousy sex and find someone else on the side. | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/3/2006 1:18:19 PM | I think the analogy of 'taking a car for test drive" is very accurate.
I grew up catholic, and it was ingrained in my to wait until marriage before giving away my V-card. However, not being a huge fan of bible doctrine, I waited until I was with someone I loved before doing it. Do I regret it? Never. Religion would have us believe that in addition to saving yourself for marriage, you should also only have intercourse to procreate... seems like a bit of an unfulfilled life to me...but that's my opinion. I respect those who choose to wait, I just know that i'm VERY glad I didn't.
It was the case that men I had dated that were just the right mix of sweet and manly, perfect to bring home to mom, were absolutely HORRIBLE in bed, and I coudln't bring myself to keep dating them, because NO amount of work would make us sexually compatible.
I think sex is VERY important in a relationship and it is one of the many compatibility issues I like to know ahead of time.
Someone on here mentioned the posibility that you might marry someone and find out you have completely different views on what is acceptable regarding sex, and I TOTALLY AGREE. I remember a Dr.Phil episode where a guy liked to watch porn, once or twice a week, nothing out of the ordinary. And yet his wife was horrified and thought she was married to a pervert. These two people were NOT compatible in my opinion, and has this issue been on the table before rings were exchanged, they wouldn't need to go on national television to sort it out.
Keep on  | |
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gr82m8
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Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 135 | |
| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/4/2006 8:43:30 AM |
I'm just wondering, where exactly is it in the Bible that is interpreted as meaning that you shouldn't have sex before marriage? And, even if there IS such a passage, don't you think that as times change, principles change? I mean, it also says in the Bible that rebellious children should be stoned to death. Why is it that we pick to follow some tenets, but not others? And who gets to choose which ones to follow, which ones to drop, and why? Honestly wondering at the Christian mindset on this. It's something I've never understood. Anyone believe that adultery is OK?? In the Old Books if a single man and woman had sex then they would marry. But that was more of a "one night fling" where the two should have shown more control. The rule was for our protection more than anything else. See next post Where this can get interesting is that it doesn't really say you couldn't marry more than one, just don't have sex to someone you aren't married to.  And yet his wife was horrified and thought she was married to a pervert. These two people were NOT compatible in my opinion, and has this issue been on the table before rings were exchanged, they wouldn't need to go on national television to sort it out.
Two mature people would have sorted this out BEFORE marriage and BEFORE SEX. This couple just weren't honest with each other to begin with. And why would a couple want to air this on National TV. More immaturity.
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gr82m8
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Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 136 | |
| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/4/2006 10:07:04 AM | I myself prefer a woman that can't post a sign stating "One Billion Served", that she hasn't opened her legs for every Tom,**** and Jane that gets her wet. If I can be replaced by a vibrator then there is no depth (perhaps a wrong choice of words ) to the relationship.
Whats that line I keep seeing in the profiles: " I want someone to love me for who I am!"
In order to do that requires getting to know that woman by every means possible EXCEPT sexually. I can really sense the hurt and rejection in that line; the feeling they have been used and then tossed aside when someone better comes along. THIS is why waiting has nothing to do with "religion". There is something even more fulfilling in knowing that someone likes you, and/or loves you for who you are rather than for any level of performance.
There are a lot of men and women that just use another for their own sexual gratification but in most mature people the sexual act connects two people emotionally. There are many that will have sex before marriage but they want that emotional connection first. I know from my past experience that when I was dating and I took that step my objectivity went out the window, and I end up in a relationship that isn't healthy (see post about the couple on Dr Phil) This time I plan to wait.
There are plenty of ways I can seduce a woman and show her that "I am fully functional, programmed in multiple techniques" See verygreeneyez' post above.
And if she isn't willing to wait for me, I'm sure it won't be long before she finds someone else. | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/4/2006 9:53:25 PM | I waited four years to be with my wife, 3 dating, 1 engaged. It was what she wanted and I respected that, for I never was a man-whore, lol. It seemed worth it at the time, but now that she gave it up to some beatnik while I was in the Corps, I feel enraged that I respected her wishes and forsaken my sexual desires for 4 years so she could give it up to him so damn fast. I still believe in letting my partner set the pace of that aspect of a relationship, as I have always done in the past, but it will be a cold day in H**L before I remain celebate for years when Im in a longterm relationship. Semper Fi!, carry on.  | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/6/2006 7:22:31 PM | Maybe I'm just a little more inventive than some, but I don't necessarily have to have sex to figure out what "he's" all about that way. There are creative ways to determine if someone is skilled/appropriate size/comfortable with their own sexuality, etc. I met a classic bad boy. We waited until we were married. And the sex was exactly as I assumed it would be. Definitely NO issues in that department and I am picky picky picky about the sex in my life.
This is the fairy tale version. Now, here's the nightmare version... Great sex at first, then slowly, and a little bit at a time, he starts to share with you his freakish desires, something that is unnatural and completely a turn off to you! For the sake of the vows that you took, you TRY to get into it. Not happening!!! Then, he has to have NORMAL sex with you, and that feels good to you... except that now, you don't feel like you are meeting his needs. Gradually, you start to avoid sex alltogether, because it just makes you feel bad.
No amount of marriage counceling, or sex therapy or whatever, will EVER make you like it or him want it less. What to do??? | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 12/7/2006 9:11:44 AM | I am the one who wait to have sex after i marriage coz i thought it's would make me pround of myself that i am not easy,  | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 1/12/2007 1:39:42 AM | | Very interesting thread in this forum, and it goes to the heart of what people consider moral and/or immoral. I was raised in an evangelical christian home and believed in 'no sex before marriage'. I met and married a 'christian man' who had the same set of beliefs. What a SHOCK to realize after marriage that he was not affectionate, not sexual and very inhibited regarding his sexuality! 28 years later we were divorced and I still regret the choice of waiting until after marriage to share sexual intimacy. For me it is about intimacy and to know one another on a different level....and it should be done BEFORE you make a legal and moral commitment to that person for life. | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 1/12/2007 1:55:41 AM | | I dont think I could wait that long... My option of getting married is open depending on if I eet the perfect one... I don't think rushing to get married helps either... I think it's everyone's own personal choice to believe in the sex after marriage thing | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 1/12/2007 4:21:31 AM | | NO SEX til marriage is also God's idea. Hence THY SHALT NOT COMMITADULTERY. | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 1/12/2007 4:26:21 AM | Oh, good grief!! What about trying things on before you 'buy' them??
Oh; I don't mean that in a frivolous way. I just mean, that if you are really, really serious about someone; shouldn't you at least take a look or a bit of a test drive or something?? | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 1/12/2007 5:21:21 AM | Hmmm I don't know Bella - Because the marriage god talks of is a union between two... body and heart - not a white dress, ring and some promises in a church...they didnt do that then...
Marriage is a commitment to a person - whether you express that verbally or physically it equates to the same thing - the ceremony now is about process and law - Love and commitment is just that and exists the moment you give it to someone. Whatever cermony you do or dont have to celebrate that commitment is not the "marriage" the union - make that physical or verbal commitment to someone and you are married in the eyes of God... just not legally in the eyes of man...
Sexual intimacy is a way of showing your commitment to somebody as much as the cermonies we have now - so a marriage or union can be said to have taken place once you express your commitment to a person either in modern day ceremony, or physically commiting to being with them only... you break that commitment - you are an adulteror in Gods eyes I'm sure - white dress or no white dress....
But hey....what do I know....
I'm a Catholic - and unmarried - (legally) and God's OK with me ......I hope
Do what your heart and soul and body tell you is best for you...God will guide you. | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 1/12/2007 6:32:31 AM | | How about those of us, who have no expectations of marriage? Are we expected to forgo sexual joys and pleasures? | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:15:28 PM | Does any one else agree with no sex before marriage or am I the only one who think that this is a good idea????????????????????????????
Without a doubt no premarital sex is one of the biggest mistakes that a couple can make! Sex is an integral part of a marriage. And not being sexually compatible can in the end result in disaster, meaning, either divorce or infidelity. I have seen it COUNTLESS times! I am helping out two friends now (by letting them vent) that have been married for years and both are miserable in that department.
They respected their wive's decision not to have sex before marriage and their wives now either refuse to have sex (because they dont care for it) or they agree to occasional sex with "conditions". (ie: no touching breasts, no going down, no taking longer than 5 minutes to ejaculate, etc etc etc).
Their wives refuse to seek counseling for it because they dont feel their is anything wrong.
Ironically, one is a pastor that USED TO advocate abstaining from premarital sex.
His wife has not had sex with him in close to two years. She doesnt feel its important.
He, on the other hand, is falling apart at the seems. It's affecting his health, his marriage, his career, his mental health etc.
His wife also refuses to seek counseling. Bottom line he had three choices--insanity, infidelity or divorce.
I even had two girlfriends that married a men who did not want to have premarital sex. Both of them thought this was kind of unusual because its usually the woman that requests no premarital sex. Anyway, once married, it dawned on them why their hubbies didnt want premarital sex.
One had "erectile dysfunction" which docs couldnt fix.
The other had such a small penis (3") that my friend complained that she could never reach orgasm. Moreover her hubby wasn't willing to do other things to ensure she was satisfied as well.
All 3 cases ended in infidelity, bitter battles, and ultimately divorce. The pastor is hanging in there, but if he doesnt do something he may end up as an alcoholic.
Since drowning in alcohol is the only thing that helps him in his "forced celibacy".
Don't kid yourself. Sexual intimacy is important in a marriage and while its not everything --too many people, especially women, tend to minimize its importance.
I will NEVER marry a man without knowing first if we are sexually compatible. | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:35:25 PM | ..When the act is expressed in the manner it was intended for, then there is no such thing as bad sex between a married couple expressing their love for each other in the most intimate way...
W_R_O_N_G! Try telling that to the thousands of married couples who are miserable because their sexual needs aren't being met.
If there was no such thing as bad sex between married couples then we would most likely not see infidelity as rampid as it is today. While sex is not the only reason for infidelity, it is a major one, especially for men.
Out of my 15 year marriage i can say without a doubt that the last 8 years were the worst. It essentially became all about his needs and he forgot all about mine. When i spoke to him about this he just felt it shouldnt be as important for women. | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:44:29 PM | I have no problem with people who don't believe in premarital sex. I have several friends who feel that way and that's fine with me.
That said, I don't think I could get into a serious relationship with someone who was totally against premarital sex. I figure if I am going to marry someone, I want to make sure we are compatible in all the important ways - and sexual compatibility is very important, especially when you take the vow to forsake all others.
(for the record, this is not to say that I'm at the other extreme and will jump into bed with a guy 5 minutes after meeting him, so don't get any ideas. ;) ) | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 4/30/2007 8:46:53 PM | Especially for men???????.......I beg your pardon!!!!!!
Women are just as sexual as men and infidelity runs both ways for many of the same reasons and many others also.
No sex before marriage???........Maybe if we were in our teens or just turning 20, but please be real........not going to happen, not needed, and not even a point to consider. I will be with the person, and they me, and this has nothing to do with virginity, or sex before marriage.......but more to do about the person and our connection......
Just my opinion........   | |
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| No sex before marriage
Posted: 5/5/2007 7:57:50 PM | | Someone mentioned not wanting their wedding night being painful because of waiting to have sex. Thats silly my first time was certainly anything but painful and I do agree that if its possible it is best to wait. For so many reasons. I knew a young couple who got married last year. They waited even when he had to go to Iraq/ they are so in Love now its adorable to see them together; refreshing. Worth the wait if you can and besides; sex makes everything complicated if you decide to take that plunge. | |
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