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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > A "player". . . how can you detect one?      Home login  
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 gmills616
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 26
A player. . . how can you detect one? Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
coming from a man thats been one before... you can't detect it if it was detectable it wouldn't be a player
 Paradoxx
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 27
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A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 11:49:17 AM

you can't detect it if it was detectable it wouldn't be a player


LOL...okay then...how do you do the stealth cloaking maneuver?
My firewall wants to know :)
 notyouraverageanything
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 28
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 12:03:03 PM
i for one find that the ones who start the sex chat from the start are not players. nor are the ones who try to get you into bed quickly. (those guys are just plain idiots) players are smarter. they know that a woman will not stick around very long if it is obvious that that is all he wants. the ones to watch out for are the ones that do actually wait, charm your pants off (eventually) and then tell you that in all of this you are "just friends". for some reason they enjoy making women feel like fools. these guys want woman to fall for them: an ego boost. in the end players are quite insecure. more often than not, these guys don't have much going for them. that is why they have to play with women. again, some sort of power trip. then again, maybe i'm wrong.
 Paradoxx
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 29
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A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 12:19:18 PM
But the thing is... if a guy likes you, turns your head, gets your pants off, THEN decides your not the woman he wants to stay with forever, is he a player, or just exersizing his constitutional right to persuit of happiness? What if after dating for a while, a guy realizes a woman is too clingy, possessive, or just plain neurotic? Same with men...I've broken off relationships with people I felt were emotionally unhealthy...am I a player, or just smart to avoid long term problems?

I would HATE the idea of someone I dated dating me out of a misguided sense of obligation...

So, if a man I like decides not to date me anymore, is he a player? Nope...its just something that didn't work out between 2 people. I am actually a bit relieved when/if it happens before my heart is invested.
 notyouraverageanything
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 30
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 12:42:05 PM
a player will make it look like it's a relationship. your gut tells you differently.
 kingfisher1
Joined: 5/20/2005
Msg: 31
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 1:02:46 PM
@notyouraverageanything-You are sooo correct! A player plays the game. If you tell a woman straight out that you want sex, and she says NO, the game is over. That's just a guy hoping he'll get lucky. A real player plays up to a woman. Treats her nice and stuff until he gets his way. If a woman could spot a true player, he wouldn't be able to break her heart..when he says the two of you are better off being friends.
 Frrosty
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 32
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 1:23:10 PM

I INSIST HE GETS TO KNOW ME FIRST, THERE ARE NO SHORT CUTS. IF HE'S THE ONE, HE'LL BE PATIENT AND VICE VERSA.


I fully agree.

Make the guy, or girl, get to know you first. And make sure that they allow YOU to get to know THEM.

If they are not willing to share themselves with you..or..do not really care what you're all about...

that reeks of "player smell".
 kingfisher1
Joined: 5/20/2005
Msg: 33
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 2:00:16 PM
@frrosty-No way man, this doesn't work! A good player is talking to 2, 3 or more women at a time. Especially with a site like this. You could have a woman in five different towns, be getting sex from two of them, and getting to know three more. Hey, if two women are putting out, I ain't got nothing to lose if I gotta wait a while to get my way with 3, 4 and five. It's the ones that make you wait that eventually get hurt the most..not that I'd ever do something like this.
Ladies, this is valuable info I'm about to disclose..I'm gonna give it to yas for free because I'm such a nice guy.lol..The best fool proof way to detect a player..before you get any real feelings, is to ask him if he'd rather be your lover instead of your boyfriend. If he REALLY cares about you, he'll dispise this question. If he just wants sex, he'll say yes..What says you?
 Paradoxx
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 34
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A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 2:18:39 PM
^^ Okay, but that head game stuff can backfire. What if he REALLY wanted to be my boyfriend, I asked him to be my boytoy...and he decides I am just a player and dumps me? :)
 kingfisher1
Joined: 5/20/2005
Msg: 35
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 2:37:54 PM
If he says no to being a lover, you can tell him it was your test. Be sure, he'll forgive you..however, a truly smart player may think you're testing him, use some reverse psychology, and end up playing you anyway. That's doubtful though, he'll more than likely just say yes. Then, if you want, you can dump him.
 kingfisher1
Joined: 5/20/2005
Msg: 36
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 3:27:33 PM
@paradoxx-You don't ASK HIM to be your boy toy. You ask him in a playful manner if he'd RATHER be your boytoy or boyfriend. Ain't you got no smooooth! Can't let him see you've got a double bladed tongue.
 JessKO
Joined: 1/18/2005
Msg: 37
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A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 3:35:38 PM
Best way to figure out if a guy is a player... create a fake account of a hot chick and see what sort of stuff he tells "her".


To me a player is someone who lies/misleads to get what he wants and often has more than one woman on the go.
 ctchmeifucan
Joined: 9/15/2004
Msg: 38
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 3:46:35 PM
There is the one that I dated recently. Refused to give me a home phone number. Never made himself available, but aplogized profusely when I confronted him....saying "your are mine" and "love you".....but a week or more in between phone calls.....
Then there was the kiss (tongue included) to my girlfriend who is married and 59 years old. She was so floored she told her hubby who said "she will figure it out and dump his ass". Needless to say....dumped lol
 Paradoxx
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 39
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A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 3:49:49 PM
"Aint you got no smooth?"

HAHAHA...Hmmm, I haven't thought of being smooth for a while. I have minimal issues with dating players, people I date tend to like me, and I like them too...wonder if that's cause I'm not smooth?
 notyouraverageanything
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 40
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 4:49:46 PM
i say trust your gut feeling. that's my player(dar)
 IBELEAF
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 41
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 4:53:34 PM
notyouraverageanything...

Very articulate! Thats exactly what a player is and needs...an ego climax! First and foremost a player is a coward. A boy that never grows up and can never look past his selfish needs for self-gratification. A player believes that everything in this world was put here just for him, to be used up and tossed away like garbage. Players use women, many women, to try to fill a void in their hearts where a soul is supposed to go. To a player lying comes as natural as breathing. If truth is open to interpretation you’ll always be able to justify your deception. Players like decorating themselves in the trappings of success mostly to hide from the world the scoundrels that lie beneath. If you can’t be open to love you’ll never recognize it when it comes knocking. To believe in soul mates is to believe in dreams. To not believe in dreams is not to live. You're a player if you’ve lost your faith in magic.

So how can you tell a player from just a regular horny Joe with a mad crush on you? Speaking from experience and being played by one of the best...

They wont outright tell you they love you, but they'll insinuate they're falling for you, maybe say You've almost stolen my heart, and they say this within weeks of dating. He'll want sex early in dating, and thinks that "courting" (as they called t in the old days) is a couple of dates and hop in the sack! Here’s the deal ladies, if he's truley hot after you he'll want you to be able to contact him no matter where he is, morning, noon, and night. If he thinks you’re hot, but he’s juggling a few different women, or not serious about a realtionship then he won’t want you to have his home number because he doesn’t want one woman calling when he's hanging out with another one… overheard voice mail messages can put a big damper on a players game. Or if you are at his home, his ringer gets shut off! When you're out with him his cell gets shut off! Tyically he prefers your place over his so he doesnt get caught... ha I was at my players once and another woman knocked at door and brought him a timmies... I knew then in my gut something wasnt right but stupidly I quelled the fears because he jsut seemed so incredible.... if it walks like a duck, looks like a duck and quacks like a duck IT'S A DAMN DUCK!!! Trust your gut on these suspicoius things! The old addage if it seems to good to be true then it probably is..... IS TRUE!!!!

You never see him more than once a week, twice at the most, no matter how long you’ve been going out. Players like to keep their options open, they don’t like to be seen with the same woman too often. He’s not interested in getting to know your family, or friends (unless they’re hot women) and he’s not interested in becoming a part of your world. The only time he wants to spend with you is with you alone. Players may act jealous on occasion, especially if something happens right under their nose, but they’re very “out of sight, out of mind.” If the man you’re dating has no interest in meeting your parents after months of going out, and can’t be bothered to show up to your sister’s surprise party because he’s got plans with his friends, he’s either a player, a jerk, or both. Players love the nightlife and the nightlife loves them. If you’re dating a guy who has no interest in lunch, the park, the zoo, the museum, or any other type of things people do during the day for dates pay attention!

I know, I know.... Ive talked about male players here from a woman's perspective, but this goes ditto for the man-eaters out there too!!!
 ctchmeifucan
Joined: 9/15/2004
Msg: 42
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 5:08:31 PM
IBELEAF........
Amen!
 AngelyetBadGirl
Joined: 3/18/2005
Msg: 43
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/19/2005 5:40:37 PM
TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT HATE THE PLAYERS IN THIS WORLD.......DONT HATE THE PLAYER HATE THE GAME...
 RitzNB
Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 44
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/20/2005 10:26:11 AM
For the record I HATE players. I've seen the game they play. They are obvious to spot. Alot of people on the threads gave many of the warning signs to look for. They are smooth talkers, very charming .... As some have mentioned they won't ask you for sex right away because that would be a dead giveaway or too obvious. For the most part the game would be over then. They will try and win you over first. Often times they hide behind the nice guy persona so women won't suspect them. It's a form of manipulation on their part. These are usually the men who emphasize that they aren't like other men. They are different. You can trust them. They would never do anything to hurt you. Ladies just listen and observe how these men act. Do they openly flirt with other women in your presence. Does their cell phone go off constantly. Are they getting late night phone calls (bootie calls). Usually these men aren't into commitment so they haven't had that many long term relationships. They are too busy playing the game and chasing women. Do you catch them in lies because they aren't smart enough to cover their tracks. Eventually they hang themselves because they can't keep up with their lies. When asked questions they are evasive and their body language is quite revealing. Are most of their friends female. The list is endless. Just follow your gut ladies. Your instincts about these men are usually right.

P.S. Women stay away from these men. Run as fast as you can. They will only break your heart or give you an STD
 Domeroth
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 45
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/20/2005 10:28:50 AM
Players tend to have an interestingly long list of numbers in thier cell phone (like 90% names of the opposite sex, and the rest are friends/family).

It's really hard to detect one though. I recommend giving them enough rope to hang themselves.
 Frrosty
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 46
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/20/2005 12:37:49 PM
I'm gonna give it to yas for free because I'm such a nice guy.lol..The best fool proof way to detect a player..before you get any real feelings, is to ask him if he'd rather be your lover instead of your boyfriend. If he REALLY cares about you, he'll dispise this question. If he just wants sex, he'll say yes..What says you?


Of course; that's only "words"


Okay, but that head game stuff can backfire. What if he REALLY wanted to be my boyfriend, I asked him to be my boytoy


Honesty.....is beautiful.

I would not dub you "player"....I would dub you..

"manx"

P.S. IBELEAF....... is smart. ;)
 Spoiled Princess
Joined: 11/17/2004
Msg: 47
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/20/2005 12:43:55 PM
with me it's all about intution, I tend to be petty observant so I quietly watch, listen and
guard and if I'm right it will eventually show it's self and true colors...
Then there are other times when it's just soooooooo obvious that a person is a playa
so ya just have to be attentive and be careful...
 Paradoxx
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 48
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A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/20/2005 2:46:15 PM
I just picked up an electronic stud detector at Lowes and I have re-chargable batteries, my player troubles are now over...I can spot a stud through the wall!

The salesman was laughing when I left, but wouldn't tell me the joke!

I'm off to find a board stretcher!
 RitzNB
Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 49
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/20/2005 7:09:05 PM
@ IBELEAF
You nailed it my friend. All women need to read your post. You're exactly right. Thanks for saving me alot of typing. lol
 bluebabe82
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 50
A player. . . how can you detect one?
Posted: 7/20/2005 7:49:37 PM
@IBELEAF

again....well said, you hit that one right on!
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