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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?      Home login  
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 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 76
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Sounds like my dad and his second wife. Dad is from uber-wealthy 'old money'. She was from the 'wrong side of the tracks' and well known as a gold-digger. She was 9 months pregnant when they married. That he married her at all meant that he was at least one man who'd dipped his wick in that well but town gossip claimed there were others. The marriage had disaster written all over it.

That was more than 40 yrs ago and they're still married. Sure, she's had incentive to stay married but from all appearances he's happy with her and she appears to care for him. How many couples can claim that after 40+ yrs?

OP, you say that people speak freely - then your friend will hear/has heard the rumors himself. You don't need to tell him. He's a big boy entitled to make his own mistakes and learn from them. Or, it might turn out well. It is not your place to steer him into, or clear of, your idea of a valid relationship.
 Marco8711
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 77
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She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 9:08:41 AM

So finally I didn't need to broach the subject, he did it. Last Friday they went together to the Feria de Sevilla and met some people who knows him (and her) and they were surprised, too. Some of them weren't so shy about talking, so he received a quite detailed report. I confirmed I heard the rumors and gave the few facts I had. He matched this with some other things -she never paid for anything, pouting if not eating out, talking about needing money for tuition, that kind of things- and decided she's not the girl for him. The dangers and joys of living in a small city.


So he kicked her to the curb then? if so good for him. I don't think having alot of money is a problem. It's people KNOWING you have alot of money that causes problems.
 dawn1114
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 78
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She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 9:15:19 AM

Then he should have said "miscarriage." Saying "spontaneous abortion" is misleading, which I believe was his intent. I've never heard anyone (until now) say "spontaneous abortion" to describe a miscarriage.

"Spontaneous abortion" has always been used as another term for a miscarriage. It's very common usage. I'm surprised you've never heard it before.

On topic: I'd only tell him the anectdote about what you personally heard the woman's mother say. The rest of the rumours (even the debt) might be true or might be embellished.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 79
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 9:51:42 AM
OP hope you feel better after running your mouth.............
You still don't have all the facts and don't know the whole story so you should have kept your mouth shut.................and so should your friends......
 rock_hunter
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 80
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 10:01:43 AM
You still don't have all the facts and don't know the whole story so you should have kept your mouth shut.................and so should your friends......

They weren't my friends. They were his friends. I don't even know them, which says a lot about this girl's reputation.

However, I fail to see why should I have kept my mouth shut. But I suppose it's sad to read about a fish that wasn't caught.
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 81
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She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 11:13:53 AM
I don't know . . maybe the "spontaneous abortion" (ie: miscarriage) was her explanation as to why she wasn't pregnant when she tried to get money . . . ie: "You want money for child support, or pre-natal support, fine, let's go to a doctor and confirm the pregnancy."

"Uh, I don't know why it's negative, maybe I had an early miscarriage and didn't realize it!"



Anyway, it seems that most who're defending this girl, etc., haven't read the OP's posts as closely as they should've....
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 82
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 11:44:22 AM

Anyway, it seems that most who're defending this girl, etc., haven't read the OP's posts as closely as they should've....

Or maybe you and OP haven't read our posts as closely as you should have.

First, we're not defending this girl, we're saying it is none of OP's business to spread rumor about this girl. Rumor-mongers are the same as liars - spreading 'facts' they have no idea whether are true or not. Maybe they are, maybe they're not. But OP seems immune to the damage he could do if he spreads rumors that are not true. Have you ever heard the term hearsay before? Do you even see an issue of fairness here?

Second, it's none of OP's business to 'protect' his friend as if his friend is incapable of seeing the girl for who/what she is. NO ONE on the outside of a relationship is capable of seeing the people in the relationship as they see each other. I think my step-mother is a total biatch. My dad loves her. He must see something in her that no one else does. Same may be the case here. The girl may be a heartless gold-digger and the friend should be able to see that on his own without his 'friends' putting their own uninformed/projections onto her and him.

The wealthy, famous, and/or powerful have a burden that many do not understand - having to determine (and believe) whether people like them for themselves or just using them. The red flag will ALWAYS go up when they're from drastically different socioeconomic spheres. But that does not mean it is ALWAYS a user/used relationship. Stranger things have happened and the people actually in the relationship deserve to make their own assessments without busy-bodies putting in their own perceptions.

That OP's friend has since kicked the girl to the curb is irrelevant to either of these arguments against volunteering unsubstantiated opinion.
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 83
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She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 11:46:50 AM
Er, you might want to check the mirror before making such accusations against myself and the OP . . . unless you consider the woman's MOTHER to also be a rumor-monger...

From the VERY FIRST post in this thread:


and I've personally heard HER mother bragging "my daughter already hit the jackpot" and "Our (hers and her daughter's) money problems are over".
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 84
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 11:49:28 AM
In today's world it is very important to protect yourself, and your children if you have any. In order to protect youself you have to have knowledge of possibilities. Knowledge allows you to make decisions. Informing someone of something you know of is assisting them by making them knowledgeable, so they can make their own decisions. Keeping them in the dark, means making them vulnerable. Why would you do this to a friend? You'd teach your own children to look both ways before crossing the street even though you've never been hit by a car, wouldn't you? Maybe you've never been hit by a car because your parents taught you this.
 salamander000
Joined: 10/26/2004
Msg: 85
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She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 11:52:41 AM

My friend is not too experienced with women, he's what is called an "easy prey". I normally wouldn't butt in his dating life, but in this case, I'm seeing him going directly to doom.

Would you tell him? And if told, how would you react?


I would not react..and here's why, it's paper, if it having paper to give her makes him and her happy, what have you to say?

case scenario...she likes money, he has money, he gives it to her, she saves or spends it, so?
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 86
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 12:02:13 PM
I would not react..and here's why, it's paper, if it having paper to give her makes him and her happy, what have you to say?

case scenario...she likes money, he has money, he gives it to her, she saves or spends it, so?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Plenty of men make that kind of purchase. That paper represents your labors though. A fool and his money are soon parted. Why hook up with someone who is spending your money, when you can hook up with someone who has their own.
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 87
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 12:03:01 PM


Er, you might want to check the mirror before making such accusations against myself and the OP . . . unless you consider the woman's MOTHER to also be a rumor-monger...
From the VERY FIRST post in this thread:


and I've personally heard HER mother bragging "my daughter already hit the jackpot" and "Our (hers and her daughter's) money problems are over".

Yes, I read that. Again, it was the girl's MOTHER, not the girl herself.
So the OP would have been passing on not just 2nd hand rumor but 3rd hand rumor!

Even if that is true and even if the girl herself thought that, it would still be a fact that their money problems would be over and says nothing about the girl's motives for liking the friend. She may be motivated by only greed, she may not.

You're not just not elvis junior, you're not too analytical either.
 =jinx=
Joined: 1/25/2010
Msg: 88
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 12:19:32 PM
The whole story, down to the "overhearing" the mother say "my daughter already hit the jackpot ... our money problems are over" + some rumors + some observations is straight out of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.

Darcy (our OP) overhears the appalling silly and tacky mother say virtually the exact same thing at a social gathering. He tells his rich, somewhat naive, smitten friend Bingley what he overheard. The thing is, Jane, the daughter in question, and her sister Elizabeth (the main character) have no idea their mother said such an atrocious thing. Yes, their family is not well off. But Jane is just as smitten with Bingley as he is with her. Darcy splits them up, misery ensues. His pride and prejudice lead to his assumptions which lead to his sticking his influential nose in his friend's business which leads to his friend's complete unhappiness.

These forums are hilarious.
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 89
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 12:27:26 PM
You could also use the movie Titanic as an example too. Rose's mother was more concerned about not becoming a seamstress, than whether Rose was getting abused or was in love. We know that Rose left her fiance, but what she did with her mother was left to us. For me, she told her mother to screw off and never saw her again.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 90
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She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 12:32:34 PM

she never paid for anything, pouting if not eating out, talking about needing money for tuition, that kind of things


She's gotta learn to be way more subtle than that if she's ever going to be a *really good* gold-digger.
 prettypictures
Joined: 1/29/2010
Msg: 91
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She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 1:03:13 PM
TerrieLynnC on 4/25/2010 542 PM

OP hope you feel better after running your mouth.............
You still don't have all the facts and don't know the whole story so you should have kept your mouth shut.................and so should your friends......

__________________________________________________________

I am with you Terrie

It was nasty selfish friends who spread gossip and split them up, may I just say he and her were happy till the 'so called friends' stepped in - without proof and dammed her to hell

Lets hope you were all right OP, what if you were wrong and it was all just gossip?? what then??
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 92
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 1:14:10 PM
It's just a story. If it makes any difference, maybe you can find comfort that her mother will find her another rich man; and he will be alone, lonely, forever. There, a reward and punishment. Hope you feel better.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 93
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 1:16:44 PM
Well, as it turns out, the guy was happy to dump her on the strength of gossip, so I think it's wound up as a win-win here.

If it is mostly true, he's better off; if it isn't, she is.
 rock_hunter
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 94
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 3:08:32 PM
Lets hope you were all right OP, what if you were wrong and it was all just gossip?? what then??

Yes, I might have been wrong. But as I said, for different groups of people who don't know each other to agree on somebody's specific details, the chance of everything being just gossip is very small. My gut feeling is that he dodged a bullet.

Cynthia, I disagree with you. It's my business to protect those people I care for. I won't prevent them from doing what they want, but at least will try them to have all the information available, yes, even rumors, before making choices.

Jinx, believe it or not, people have lives outside the books. You should try it sometimes.

Helen, it wasn't just gossip but a combination of rumors, facts and red flags.

 =jinx=
Joined: 1/25/2010
Msg: 95
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 3:37:17 PM

Jinx, believe it or not, people have lives outside the books. You should try it sometimes.


Bwaahaha. Unsolicited, unnecessary advice. Too funny.
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 96
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 4:30:17 PM

for different groups of people who don't know each other to agree on somebody's specific details, the chance of everything being just gossip is very small. My gut feeling is that he dodged a bullet

So your 'proof' that you were right about the girl is that many other equally uninformed people had the same opinion. I stress opinion. You know what they say about opinions - they're like a$$holes, everyone has one and they generally smell the same.

It's my business to protect those people I care for. I won't prevent them from doing what they want, but at least will try them to have all the information available, yes, even rumors, before making choices.

You have a strange idea of protection. Rich people start from a position that everyone is after them for their money - even other rich people (ever hear the cliche about old money folks pushing their kids together to keep the money in the family or increase their wealth? That's the world I was born into). You and the other people didn't say anything your friend didn't already suspect. If you actually believe that hadn't crossed his mind before the busy-bodies interjected then you have a very low opinion of your friend.

What your friend needs are actual facts, not whispers feeding that devil on his shoulder. Unless you have facts that the girl was only after his money then you have not protected him, you have added to his burden that women only like him for his money.

That the girl directly, and her family indirectly, would benefit from marrying a rich man is not proof that she's a gold-digger; the benefit is a factual result and says nothing about her motives.

Again, I'm not defending the girl. I'm registering no opinion about her motives. I don't know what her motives were and neither do you or anyone else except the girl and your friend.

We will have to agree to disagree on this one.
 NowSucksLess
Joined: 2/4/2010
Msg: 97
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 4:40:17 PM

Rich people start from a position that everyone is after them for their money


Do you have a cite for that "fact?" Or is that just your opinion? You know what "they" say about opinions:


You know what they say about opinions - they're like a$$holes, everyone has one and they generally smell the same.


Then again, maybe that is just a rumor.
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 98
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 4:43:04 PM
I speak from my personal experience.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 99
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 5:04:44 PM
OP I am all for protecting my friends and giving them a heads up when needed. to be honest I dont' see any "facts" I see a lot of rumors and conjectures from a group of people. Doesn't mean it is true and factual. When and if I ever feel like butting in to one of my friends lives I have factual evidence that isn't mine but the truth. I lay it out and let them decide and bac k them no matter what the decision they m ake.
Have you ever played the game of "telephone" where someone whispers a written down phrase in one persons ear and they whisper to the so on and on so til it gets back to you. I have and well usually what started as the phrase wasn't even close to what finished the room.

You also state that these people were his friends not yours. Then if all this was true why didn't one of them step up to the plate since they had first hand knowledge and could have relayed that factually instead they chose to gossip about it. That to me is highly an indicator of a red flag.

I know for me, our friendship would be strained til I knew for sure either way and God forbid you repeated nothing more than gossip and there is no factual basis. This girl turns out to be okay I am not saying perfect but good for your friend then the friendshuip would really be strained.

As for the sponetaneous abortion, miscarriage, or planned abortion not my business and surely not yours either and bluntly honest not your friends either.

Good luck
 rock_hunter
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 100
She's a gold-digger...would you tell him?
Posted: 4/25/2010 5:18:41 PM

You know what they say about opinions - they're like a$$holes, everyone has one and they generally smell the same.

And if they smell really bad, is because they have a lot of shit bottled up.


I speak from my personal experience.

Me, too.


You also state that these people were his friends not yours. Then if all this was true why didn't one of them step up to the plate since they had first hand knowledge and could have relayed that factually instead they chose to gossip about it.

Haven't you read? It was one of his friends who blew the whistle. I just said I had also heard the rumors and provided him with a few facts. He combined these with his own observations and reached a conclusion.
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