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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 26
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anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Get lost in your hobbies, your friends, your family, your work, and pamper yourself - do things you can do because you're single and you don't have to consider someone else right now (vacation, an activity you always wanted to try or learn about, volunteering, etc). Getting over someone isn't always about being into a new person. Eventually sometime somewhere someone will come along that flips your switch - but trying to make that happen will only frustrate you more.

Dating should be done because you met someone who makes you want to date and enjoy dating, not the other way around. Learning to enjoy life and be single without wanting anyone is a great way to put yourself in a place where you're open to something new, only because you cross paths with it, not because you made it a mission.

We all move on in our own time and pace, and sometimes not as fast as we'd like to - but it's all part of the process, and each step forward while painful is what makes us who we are.
 thutch901
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 27
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 5/14/2010 9:56:43 AM
I dated a woman that had such an issue with their past boy friend and such. They were engaged to get married before I came along. I try not to discuss past relationships at all with someone I am seeing. The reason why is I do not want to poison the next one with the details.

Eventually she left me and went back to this guy. I guess she could not move on with her life. A lot of life is simply moving on, enjoy the time ya have. Make the best of it. Find the positive in your current situation and live it.

No really, the next guy you date wants to hear continously that you met the love of your life and you lost him. Every single night for the next 8 months. Or how your dog died when your were a child, or how your mother killed your favorite gold fish, and what not.

Being dumped is alot like being fired from a job, sometimes it does not workout. So you go to the next job. With relationships that is difficult to do. There are times, I even wish I could get this particular woman back but, it is what it is.

-Tordo
 kristian04
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 28
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 5/15/2010 4:57:27 AM
Thanks to everyone who replied. A lot if the suggestions were very good, and many of them I am already doing. Focusing my energy and my hobbies, taking a trip, taking classes, and staying active. They are all helping although I know that this will still be a long road to get my back to where I need to me. I am not stranger to being single and rarely meet people I feel that kind of connection with, which I believe is part of the reason I am having such a hard time letting this go.
The dog idea was great, and I have a wonderful one I adopted several years ago who I consider my best friend and companion through all this. I don't know what I would do without him.
Some of the comments helped to shift my focus to the future, instead of the past and what might have been and what I lost. I know I have a lot of great things in my life and need to focus and those and what is to come. Mabye a few years down the road I will have gotten enough of my heart back to be open to the idea of giving it away again.

Thanks again to everyone and good luck to those going through their own struggles.
 NatalieS
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 29
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 5/15/2010 6:03:39 PM
How about focusing on what you want? Who are you? What do you like? I broke up with a guy I was with for 2.5years because he had another gf and didnt tell me... Not cool!! It tool me along time to realize I was spending waaay too much time thinking about the past. How can you move into your future if you dont let go of the past? Stop looking! The right man will come around, be patient and stay busy!
 SWSpice
Joined: 8/23/2007
Msg: 30
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 5/15/2010 8:04:54 PM
Yes and you are not alone.

I've done all the techniques: volunteering, joining a group, my kids keep me busy, hobbies, etc. It helped a little, but each one of us is different in how we are able to get over someone we loved.

Its been 2 years for me and I still think about him almost every day. Some people are able to brush off love in 3-4 weeks, some of us take years. Don't feel bad about not being able to to find love immediately. You are your own person, not like anyone else, don't try to force yourself to be anything else.
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 5/15/2010 10:18:16 PM
11 months, getting regular sleep for 2 months.
Bad things- body clock is messed up. slowly coming back to normal. No more relationship material. Trust gone forever.

Good Things- Freedom , I can think about myself and my goals. Time for self improvement and working for personal achievements.

I think I am halfway to perfectly normal, like i was before.

Lesson: Never make your partner , your first priority. You should always be your first priority.

Wish you find someone awesome, i know you will.
 kristian04
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 32
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 5/23/2010 2:30:32 PM
Has anyone here been in a situation like this where the chemistry was so unequal? I thought we had amazing chemistry from the start. Found out along the way that chemistry was only on my end and I mistread the whole situation.
 kristian04
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 33
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 10/2/2010 5:41:44 AM
Ok its been 5 months of no contact and I still can not get this guy off my mind. Just like I figured, he is in a relationship with the person he started dating last winter which from what I hear is going strong.
I miss him so much and can no stop wondering what it is I don't have that made him walk away from me so easily. Even in my dreams he is there and I wake up feeling like I was in his actual presence which makes it even harder to get my mind off of him.
Although I want to be with someone again, I don't have it in me emotionally to feel anything for anyone else, as much as I want to. I have plenty to keep busy with and and very active but the minute I have a free moment my mind goes back to him and it still hurts so much. I have even tried counseling at one point but didn't feel like it did anything for me or was worth the $$ I was spending on it.
I guess from some of the previous post here, it sounds like people have been in this situation and it has taken a year or several years to get over. I just want to know there is an end in site.
 tj_0142
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 34
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 10/2/2010 5:55:16 AM
OP, 5 months later and the recycling thoughts still running rampant.
I suggest some counseling to get you thru it.
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 35
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anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 10/2/2010 6:51:06 AM
You think you meet the love of your life. Right?

The love of your life wasn't that into you. Right?

The love of your life left to find the love of his life. Right?

Your upset because the love of your life Left. Right?



What you have left right out of your thinking

Is that the love of your life is ahead of you not behind you

When you find the love of your life or he finds you

Would you prefer him to be into you, or not?


To quote Dr Phil " Its not the length of time its what you do with the time that counts"

You don't need distraction
You need a change in perspective
Hope the above helps
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 36
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 10/2/2010 7:27:38 AM
Yes, It took me over 2 years to get over my last b'friend. True love doesn't disappear in a vacumn... you have to adjust to not being with that person. His smiling face still haunts me on the odd occasion... but I shake off the thought immediately... and think of other things...

I did feel really good a week or so ago, when I realised his birthday had come and gone and I didn't even remember it until a week or so later.... Wow!!! That was a good feeling... Yeah! Finally, I am on the road to recovery and moving on.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 37
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 10/2/2010 7:31:41 AM

I know someone is out there for you


That statement is SO CLIQUE...........and personally I cannot stand it when someone tells me that.......UGHHHH

Other than that .... that post had some really good advice.....
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 38
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 10/2/2010 7:41:33 AM
OP- well- I think most of us have had something similar. that is for all of us who have actually allowed ourselves to be vulnerable in at least one relationship!

the hardest thing is truly being honest with ourselves, especially after the relationship has ended...

i had extreme chemistry with a girl long time ago. we were both sooo in love and soo infatuated with each other and the chemistry was just off the freaking charts....we were star crossed lovers- destined to be with each other.

yet there was one thing that kept us from being together forever. i broke up with her because I absolutely could NOT have such feelings for someoen and have to take a backseat to anything...she continued to profess her undying passion and love for me. she wanted both things.

I then rebounded into a woman that I married. I pushed my feelings for that girl aside. fast forward- getting divorced (8 plus years later) and I realized that i still had intense feelings for that girl...I contacted her and she had never gotten over me and had not gotten married...

Wanted to be with me forever still and the idea sounded perfect to me too at that point. She evidently had still never had gotten over me after all those years either...

Yet, the thing that kept us from being together was still there- I tried to overlook it...because the chemistry and connection were still after all those years as magical as ever...

Thru a very good friend I met on here who understood me and the way I process things within relationships- she helped me realize and open my eyes to the truth...the truth that I knew years back....

and that's what finally got me to the point of complete understanding with the veil down.

and that's what you have to do...be brutally honest to yourself- getting your heart out of the equation for a minute....which is extremely difficult to do...VERY difficult...

otherwise you'll never truly allow yourself to move forward from that person...not really.

truth be told it is sooo liberating to get the monkey off of your back...
 WobblyAngelWings4Now
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 39
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anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 10/4/2010 1:38:28 PM
OP, I'm so sorry this is taking you so long to get over. Yes, "I" have been there/done that/got the TShirt. Time really is does heal all wounds, but for some it takes longer than others. Many years ago I fell head over heels for a man I knew I could never truly have, but that didn't stop the wanting. We had a 'fling' I guess you would call it but alas I was not the woman of 'his dreams'. He would come to my place just to use my computer, many times I would go to bed and he'd just crash on the couch. But I was sooo happy just to have him there. He knew how I felt but we got past that and were just friends. Then, as fate would have it, he came over one night and told me he met 'someone' and would not be coming over anymore. At first I was devastated. But he was so happy that I couldn't feel badly about it because I truly loved him and wanted him find what he was looking for. And I guess I was lucky because we were able to remain friends. I moved on, but it took me many, MANY years to actually get over my 'attraction' for him. I remember being very surprised the last time I saw him, that I honestly felt only friendship. It's not easy moving on, but it can be done. One saying that I truly love is:

Don't cry because it's over, SMILE because it happened.

Good luck.
 Yew4ics
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 40
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 10/4/2010 3:11:09 PM

truth be told it is sooo liberating to get the monkey off of your back...


So true. 2 yrs is my record. The first year was the surgery without anesthesia, and the second year was the slow bleeding to death inside, while smiling on the outside. I read the book " It's Called A Break Up Because It's Broken" and it helped some.
I can't agree that the best way to get over someone is to get uder someone else. That is because the someone else often gets compared to the one you miss, and someone else is just the victim of not measuring up to the one you are really missing. Not fair to that person at all. That's why I make sure before I date someone that they are not dwelling on their lost love, that they are not over yet. It's not hard to pick up on this either. How someone talks about their ex and how often pretty much gives it away.
 NuDig
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 41
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 10/4/2010 5:15:10 PM
What's wrong with being single life? you'll get over her, how long that process goes on for is up to you. Perhaps you think you should grieve for eternity when if you actually sat down and thought about the relationship it might not have been the perfect picture you have in your mind?

Whatever happens, time will heal you, in the meantime don't be frightened by single life, there's a lot to be said for being your own boss.
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 42
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anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 10/5/2010 2:34:41 PM
Look the guy up and go on a date. Once you realize he is really a putz you'll forget about him.
 snipehunter77
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 43
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 10/5/2010 5:10:36 PM
Almost 30 years later I'm still heartsick over that break-up. Also a roommate from 15 years ago that I never had other than a friendly relationship with I still think about all the time. Some people just make an impact on you....doesn't mean they were ever right for you.
 harmonyharvest
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 44
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 10/5/2010 8:29:28 PM
This is normal to feel these feelings. We all get over someone we like at different times. I'd suggest staying active and keep going out. Eventually you will meet someone you click with...
 wgb2563
Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 45
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 12/6/2010 7:07:26 PM
Things happened for the right reason. Don't be so hard to yourself, I know how easy for me to say this to you because I'm not the one in pain. Believed me I know exactly how you feel. When my husband and I broke up it was very hard and painful. I was the one who filed for divorce but it was very hard for me to handle the whole situation mentally and physically. I have done so many self studying on how to recover from lost pain. It took me a while until one day I decided to start dating. At first my mind and heart was not set for it-then I stopped for a good length of time to get my healing done. One day I started again..it was alright but at least it had given me something to think about and entertained my mind thru it...unfortunately he and I did not worked out . I see a potential problem if indeed we persevered longer. Sadly, I liked him a lot but I'm glad in a way that we indeed. Please keep telling yourself "TIME WILL HEAL" and eventually you will get there and when that time comes you will have a big smile on your face every time you think of him. Nurture yourself, do something cosmetically that would boost up your self esteem. Do not let this guy dragged you down emotionally and physically he's not worthy. Show it to him that you’re far better off without him. Good luck!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 46
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anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 12/6/2010 7:16:42 PM
~OP~ I is such a helpless feeling when we feel such as you describe. It's been 5+ years for me. I rarely feel that horrible stomach-sick-missing-him any more, but it does happen once in a while. I think, as awful as it sounds, time is the only answer. How long of a period of time? That I can't answer. Post-divorce (10 years ago), I didn't feel much of anything but relief it was over. The only real relationship I've been in since then? A whole different situation. The best thing to do is to get back into living. If that means hobbies/interests, adding new hobbies/interests, or even something as simple as being with family/friends. You'll heal, I promise ~ you just have to do so at your own pace. JMO
 safn1949
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 47
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anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 12/6/2010 7:22:23 PM
I don't know if you ever get over it completely,you learn to move on but there are times when I just can't help but think of 2 very special women.One died 25 years ago and the other I haven't seen in 14 years.I ruined the second relationship and learned a lot.

It's a matter of realizing you can't unscramble eggs,whats done is done and you must either move on no matter what or you will sit and wither away.Damn it's hard but it is absolutely necessary to get moving.

There is no easy answer.
 ellena.
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 48
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anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 12/6/2010 7:24:21 PM
Been there done that. In fact, I'm there now (it's not the first time either). I have a hard time letting go. When I fall, I fall hard . It sux being me. My condolences
 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 49
anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 12/6/2010 8:40:28 PM
Getting over someone is never really easy.. I think it can be one of the hardest things to do, but eventually we all do. Just hang in there.. time and everything will make it subside and you'll eventually realize that it wasnt right.

.. I would think the guy im having a hard time getting over being strong with someone else.. would be enough ammunition for me to push forward and move on. Maybe he found the love of his life.. time for you to go find yours.
 DeliveryRN
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 50
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anyone ever taken so long to get over someone?
Posted: 12/6/2010 11:14:20 PM
OP, take note of all the people who have suffered your pain and lived to tell the tale. This is the most honest thread I have read on POF. I am surprised that even some of the hard core "get over it" fish have let their own heart bleed a little here. Just goes to prove how common it is and that what your experiencing is not a figment of your imagination.
I like the puppy suggestion. Get one that will grow big and strong, so you can take it out on your runs. The ex BF will always hold a little flame in your heart but someone is going to come along and light a torch.
One day, you too, will be telling the tale. I have my own BTW.
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